Doubts

[TigerlilyDC]

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Do you ever get doubts creep in and if so, how do you deal with them?

I want to go down this path and am planning to apply to schools next summer, but I just keep getting all of these doubts popping up. The main themes center around money and the reality of leaving my job and not having an income for 4 years and then having a paltry income for another 4 years and not being able to contribute to my 401K or save or anything. Then there's the ginormous loans themselves and that even after residency, I may be spending the next 15 years paying them off.

Another worry, though smaller, is just the idea of "wasting" the next 8 years not being able to enjoy life. Maybe it's just because I see people around me going on vacations and doing things they enjoy and I've had to give a lot of that up, especially a particular hobby that I loved but no longer have the time for. I shouldn't use the word 'wasting' because that's not what really what I mean since I do enjoy the topics I'm studying and med school is a necessary mean to and end. Plus, I imagine people in their early 20's feel the same way about being in school/residency all through their 20's and not being able to do all the things that their other friends do.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. Does/did anyone get these? How did you talk yourself out of it?

 

[theseeker4]

Do you ever get doubts creep in and if so, how do you deal with them?

I want to go down this path and am planning to apply to schools next summer, but I just keep getting all of these doubts popping up. The main themes center around money and the reality of leaving my job and not having an income for 4 years and then having a paltry income for another 4 years and not being able to contribute to my 401K or save or anything. Then there's the ginormous loans themselves and that even after residency, I may be spending the next 15 years paying them off.

Another worry, though smaller, is just the idea of "wasting" the next 8 years not being able to enjoy life. Maybe it's just because I see people around me going on vacations and doing things they enjoy and I've had to give a lot of that up, especially a particular hobby that I loved but no longer have the time for. I shouldn't use the word 'wasting' because that's not what really what I mean since I do enjoy the topics I'm studying and med school is a necessary mean to and end. Plus, I imagine people in their early 20's feel the same way about being in school/residency all through their 20's and not being able to do all the things that their other friends do.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. Does/did anyone get these? How did you talk yourself out of it?

As far as the money goes, you shouldn't focus on the debt. Even if you picked the lowest-paid specialty, you will be able to pay off your loans and save enough to retire while living a comfortable, though not rich, lifestyle (this is dependent on your age of course, but is true for all but the oldest applicants).

For enjoying life, yes it is a sacrifice, but everything related to bettering your future is. Remind yourself that when you are finished with your journey to becoming an attending physician, you will be miles above those who chose to live it up in their 20's without improving their lives.

Sometimes I look with longing at those who can spend extra money just for their enjoyment without any real obligations. When I really examine my life however, I am happy to trade freedom to do what I want now for the ability to be a doctor. Just ask yourself again, what would you rather do? Is being a doctor worth it, or is the vacation/new car/hobby now worth sacrificing your dream?

Just be careful to make at least some time for enjoyment and relaxation, or you could very well end up burnt out and not have anything to show for all of your sacrifices. Good luck.

 

[Chip N Sawbones]

I think anyone who did not have doubts and worries about becoming a doctor, especially as a nontrad, would be delusional. There are plenty of things that could go wrong along the way, and it is important to consider the costs and risks against the potential rewards. As you said, the money will be an especially big cost. I only started my premed journey a month ago, and already I miss getting paychecks, even at the ten lousy bucks an hour I was earning. No vacations will be another cost. There's also the risk that halfway through medical school, a trailer will fall on my head, leaving me with severe brain damage and half of a medical education that I can no longer use or pay for. Not very likely, but something similar happened to one of my friends.

The real question isn't whether these costs and risks exist, but whether the end reward is sufficient to justify them. Two hundred thousand dollars, four years of studying and another three to six years of working twenty hour days for fast food wages would be a very high cost if the end result was that you got a new pickup truck. Would it still be a high cost if the end result is that you get to heal sick kids or deliver babies or cure cancer or replace various body parts or be the village doc or do needlepoint on eyeballs or whatever it is that attracts you to medicine? For me the reward is high enough to justify the cost, but you will have to decide for yourself.

 

[drdan83]

I know what you are talking about. When I was in my early 20's I just would get frustrated and depressed and give up.

Now I'm 28 and I'm more informed about my decision to study medicine. I just set a goal to gain acceptance by 2013 and I force myself to work towards that goal. I guess I am slowly tuning out all the other distractions in my life so that that goal becomes clearer and clearer. It's tough but if you want it really bad, you just have to do what you have to do to get it.

 

[Iwillhealyou]

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[Nasrudin]

Doubts. They never go away. And it's not a matter of forcing them back into some crack or shadow of mind. It's looking at them. In the face. Of that dead-eyed Ukranian mobster. And understanding he's not leaving without his pounds of flesh.

Whoever says they do this and still are a superdad who maintains their flamenco chops and uncanny knowledge of current affairs is b@ll****ting you seven ways till sunday. And it take you a while to come up from under the mountain of debt.

So doubt with good reason. And plan to fight accordingly.

 

[blue0rchid]

I'll be missing my 75K salary for the next 4 years, and end up w/ mounting debt (hopefully my savings will prevent that from happening). I'm scared that my family will be miserable because of the hours I'll have to put in for med school. I'm scared that it may destroy my marriage or that I'll miss out on my kids' activities. I'm scare that I'm not smart enough or have the drive to finish med school... But I'm doing it anyway. One step at a time.

 

[ChodeNode]

I don't know that there's ever a time in your life where you'd go to med school and not be jealous of what somebody else gets to do. I'm passing up really good job offers in my current career because my employer is extremely flexible for my school schedule. But it's not about better money, benefits, and vacations right now. I'm in my 30's and have plenty of time to worry about that stuff.

My only doubts are along the lines of what another post mentioned: What if I mess up my marriage and/or kids. If things ever get that fragile though, I will definitely drop med school and not look back.

Ultimately, when you're lying on your death bed, what do you think you're going to regret? Myself, I don't think I'll be wishing I had traveled to Europe in my 20's. Just be honest with yourself in why you want this. If you're clear on your motives, you'll likely have less doubt about pursuing this.

Edited for diction.

 

[DrMidlife]

I was advised by my MD/PhD housemate to be ready to want to quit every other day or so. She was talking about residency.

I had some rough days during final exams this year, but never got to where I wanted to quit. (I just finished an SMP, which is about 2/3 of M1.)

I think if you're feeling like you want to quit, every other day or so, during your postbac, that's a really discouraging sign.

Best of luck to you.

 

[peppy]

Another worry, though smaller, is just the idea of "wasting" the next 8 years not being able to enjoy life. Maybe it's just because I see people around me going on vacations and doing things they enjoy and I've had to give a lot of that up, especially a particular hobby that I loved but no longer have the time for. I shouldn't use the word 'wasting' because that's not what really what I mean since I do enjoy the topics I'm studying and med school is a necessary mean to and end. Plus, I imagine people in their early 20's feel the same way about being in school/residency all through their 20's and not being able to do all the things that their other friends do.

As someone who did things the traditional way, yes, I remember having those kinds of feelings. Sometimes I look back and wonder where my 20s went, or wonder if I would have gotten gray hairs so early if not for internship. 🙂
Both of your concerns are valid concerns. I guess it just is up to you to decide if you want to be a doctor so badly that it is worth it.

 

[Scottish Chap]

Do you ever get doubts creep in and if so, how do you deal with them?

I want to go down this path and am planning to apply to schools next summer, but I just keep getting all of these doubts popping up. The main themes center around money and the reality of leaving my job and not having an income for 4 years and then having a paltry income for another 4 years and not being able to contribute to my 401K or save or anything. Then there's the ginormous loans themselves and that even after residency, I may be spending the next 15 years paying them off.

Another worry, though smaller, is just the idea of "wasting" the next 8 years not being able to enjoy life. Maybe it's just because I see people around me going on vacations and doing things they enjoy and I've had to give a lot of that up, especially a particular hobby that I loved but no longer have the time for. I shouldn't use the word 'wasting' because that's not what really what I mean since I do enjoy the topics I'm studying and med school is a necessary mean to and end. Plus, I imagine people in their early 20's feel the same way about being in school/residency all through their 20's and not being able to do all the things that their other friends do.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. Does/did anyone get these? How did you talk yourself out of it?

Pretty much everything you said is reality: loss of income, time, identity, and sleep. Medical school is just the tip of the iceberg. That's how badly you need to want to do this and, if you do, the reward is serving people for the rest of your life. It's a great career, but you will be sacrificing a lot and for a very long time. Good luck.

 

[sindadel]

I had a lot of doubts before I started, and I was ready to quit at the drop of a hat in the first 6 months. Fortunately, every step along the way so far has re-affirmed that this is what I want to be doing. Although I have had to give up some stuff (e.g. husband and kids are on vacation now without me) and although my family has had to give up a lot of time with me, I can see that there is a bright future waiting, with a happier me.

For myself, I can say it has absolutely been worth it, with the caveat that I can never really know how much my kids and husband have given up. It wouldn't be worth it if it had seriously damaged my marriage, or caused lasting harm to my children. But unfortunately, there is no good way to pre-evaluate that. I just make sure to stay checked in with my family and constantly re-assess.

 

[DoctorRock25]

I know what you are talking about. When I was in my early 20's I just would get frustrated and depressed and give up.

Now I'm 28 and I'm more informed about my decision to study medicine. I just set a goal to gain acceptance by 2013 and I force myself to work towards that goal. I guess I am slowly tuning out all the other distractions in my life so that that goal becomes clearer and clearer. It's tough but if you want it really bad, you just have to do what you have to do to get it.

That's true.

 

[thinbludoc]

For what it's worth, I think everything is perspective. Don't get me wrong I have my doubts every day, but, i've worked some horribly stressfull jobs. I have worked insanely long hours, been in countless life or death situations, and more times than I care to remember have had someone's life in my hands.

I am currently working full time, raising a teenager, putting my wife through her DNP program, and taking a full load of pre-reqs. Life ain't easy and doubts are sometimes overwhelming. So what do I focus on?

My wife will be a DNP when I start med school so I won't have to work, my son will have graduated high school and WILL be out of the house. All in all I can't wait to have time for the thing I miss most right now, sleep.

 

[lunate76]

i just wanted to say..thank you for posting this and for everyone sharing.
I have a lot of the doubts that people listed in here. It is nice to hear that even though it might be very hard, you can make it if you want it bad enough.
I graduated from college and decided to work in research. I had a thought that I would like to attend medical school but I was not sure if that was for me.
As the time passed and I was able to save up for vacations, do my hobbies...I realized that one thing is really missing in my life and it was going to medical school.

 

[Helen Wheels]

I think it's a bit simpler for me than most nontrads because I lack a SO or children. If life sucks for the next 7+ years I am not dragging down anyone else with me. Also, the job I was working didn't pay well so I am not missing out any great income, either.

That said, I do worry about the financial aspects of this process. I come from a modest background and the amount I need to borrow is shocking to me. And it disturbs me that interest starts ticking on most of this debt while I am in school. As an older person who has supported myself and paid bills and paid off loans, I think this part hits us nontrads a little more than the younger students.