Any other non-trads scared of failing, being alone, or not able to have a family? Is it OK to have doubts and immense fear of failure?

[Twixmoment]

Hi there, not sure if I'm speaking crazy talk here or if I'm just reeling from a recent break up lol, but this has been a lingering fear that I've been having for a while that sometimes hinders my motivation. Spending time having a family, a life partner, and kids are at the top of my "fulfillment/meaning in life" priorities, with pursuing medicine frankly an extremely close second. I truly believe (and evidence shows) that true life fulfillment comes from the relationships you foster and build. Alongside being a great doctor and be able to help and save people similar to the people who have died around me, one of my life goals is to also be an amazing father and husband.

A scary experience was when I shadowed an incredibly successful dermatologist who just started crying because they were still single as an attending, and told me she would give away her MD to just simply have a husband and children.

The move to switch careers and pursue medicine has already proved to be quite an isolating experience. From thinking of moving to random parts of the country in order to pursue post-bacc, having to say "no" when old friends ask to meet up in order to save money and study, to soon not being able to afford going to weddings, it's been a little bit rattling to realize that this will be my life, but even more extreme, for another decade.

Best case scenario I start med school at 28-30 and don't become an attending until 36-38. In this case, I will absolutely have needed to meet my partner, get married, and have kids at least during medical school or during residency. After 35 the risk of much lowered fertility and development disorders increases substantially. This basically requires that I either meet my partner at medical school, residency, or whichever city I live in for medical school. What happens if I don't connect with anyone during medical school or residency? That requires that I look elsewhere. What happens if the only medical school or residency I get accepted is in the middle of nowhere? How do I meet anyone then? I'm tempted to only apply to medical schools near major cities. I know beggars can't be choosers but damn I want some chance to have a family..

Does this sound crazy to anyone else? Let's say I meet someone awesome in medical school, but couples match doesn't work out, or I match somewhere entirely different? How are you supposed to raise a family like that? And this doesn't even consider the risk that the partner I fall for is mentally unhealthy or doesn't want a family.

Then there's the fear that I simply just won't make it. I quit my stable, high income job to get rejected from medical school. I fail out of post-bacc or get all B's and C's. I just can't hack the MCAT. I kill the post-bacc, kill the MCAT, kill essays, but still get rejected from everywhere anyways. Or I get accepted to medical school but get rejected from residency. Or I go to residency and somehow get kicked out. At that point, I have nothing to show for myself except a ton of debt, no prospects for family, and an enormous gap in employment.

A lot of people would view my current job as a "dream job". I'm 25, get paid $140k and work 20-30 hours a week. It allowed me to work all over the world as a digital nomad. Even while traveling the world and having outstanding work life balance, I can't shake this deep, deep lingering feeling that pursuing a corporate career is so incredibly meaningless and frivolous. Traveling gets old. I hate that I live a life entirely based off consumption and simply making corporations more money. I do OK at my job but couldn't imagine rising up the ranks and playing the politics for a long-term career. It would be a career of mediocrity and lack of satisfaction but it would allow me a lot of free time to travel, build relationships, and start a family early.

After substantial shadowing and volunteering, I truly believe that medicine is such a better fit for who I am and what I care about. I feel energized after seeing and talking with a patient while drained doing practically anything else. There were life changing events where I was so close to death where I feel like it would be a shame if I didn't dedicate it to saving others like those who died.

I understand that I'm being neurotic and perhaps a bit negative here, but I just want to assess the risk of everything going wrong. Would you still pursue medicine? Does one pursue a life of service, sacrifice, and purpose or pick the easy, selfish, comfortable life and prioritize their friendships and family above all else?

Is the fact that I am having these doubts mean I shouldn't be a doctor?

Someone please knock some sense into me.

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[Zeldaspikes]

Haha dude you gotta relax a little. Nobody has a crystal ball to anything in life, including your own. What I can tell you from my experience is that medicine is time consuming and you have to be diligent with separating time for medicine and other aspects of life but it can be done. It’s about prioritization. Hustle culture 24/7 is recipe for burnout.

Having these doubts doesn’t mean your aren’t meant to be a doctor, however rambling on an anonymous forum at night your anxiety is showing. (Much better to do it in a bar near a med school/teaching hospital than you find someone to be in existential crisis together lol). Just relax and find some meaningful purpose or activities non medical related to keep you afloat during the grind and lower that anxiety.

 

[AD04]

I'm pretty sure she's a chick. OP, your concerns are valid. Going into medicine means a lot of sacrifice, especially when it comes to relationships.

If you do become a doctor (I'm assuming you're female), your marriage pool is much less compared to someone less financially successful. Most women will not marry down. Is your successful dermatologist friend willing to marry someone below her class like a Starbucks barista? Or did she want to give up dermatology to marry a successful professional like a Wall Street executive?

But if you're a guy, you have nothing to worry about and being a doctor would make you a better catch. This is from experience as a guy who is a top 1%-er among physicians.

 

[HighwayVagabond]

I'm pretty sure she's a chick. OP, your concerns are valid. Going into medicine means a lot of sacrifice, especially when it comes to relationships.

If you do become a doctor (I'm assuming you're female), your marriage pool is much less compared to someone less financially successful. Most women will not marry down. Is your successful dermatologist friend willing to marry someone below her class like a Starbucks barista? Or did she want to give up dermatology to marry a successful professional like a Wall Street executive?

But if you're a guy, you have nothing to worry about and being a doctor would make you a better catch. This is from experience as a guy who is a top 1%-er among physicians.

Interesting. What makes you assume OP is a ‘chick’ out of curiosity?

Given OP said one of their life goals is to be an amazing husband and father, I don’t think OP identifies as a ‘chick’. Or a woman.

 

[CoolBreezes]

Then there's the fear that I simply just won't make it. I quit my stable, high income job to get rejected from medical school. I fail out of post-bacc or get all B's and C's. I just can't hack the MCAT. I kill the post-bacc, kill the MCAT, kill essays, but still get rejected from everywhere anyways. Or I get accepted to medical school but get rejected from residency. Or I go to residency and somehow get kicked out. At that point, I have nothing to show for myself except a ton of debt, no prospects for family, and an enormous gap in employment.

Having fear and doubts are normal; they should prompt deep reflection instead of paralysis. If you are deeply driven to become a physician, you'll find ways to overcome those hurdles (pre-med coursework, MCAT, med school applications, medical school, residency, etc.). If after some honest reflection you don't think that this particular destination is worth the journey - which is completely fine - then go find something that suits you better.

Spending time having a family, a life partner, and kids are at the top of my "fulfillment/meaning in life" priorities, with pursuing medicine frankly an extremely close second. I truly believe (and evidence shows) that true life fulfillment comes from the relationships you foster and build. Alongside being a great doctor and be able to help and save people similar to the people who have died around me, one of my life goals is to also be an amazing father and husband.

A scary experience was when I shadowed an incredibly successful dermatologist who just started crying because they were still single as an attending, and told me she would give away her MD to just simply have a husband and children.

You can have a family and be a physician. Many people do, and I'm sure that you've met some. As with any other career with great responsibility, you'll need to make some sacrifices along the way but remaining single throughout training isn't one.

 

[Ellesandra319]

Hi there, not sure if I'm speaking crazy talk here or if I'm just reeling from a recent break up lol, but this has been a lingering fear that I've been having for a while that sometimes hinders my motivation. Spending time having a family, a life partner, and kids are at the top of my "fulfillment/meaning in life" priorities, with pursuing medicine frankly an extremely close second. I truly believe (and evidence shows) that true life fulfillment comes from the relationships you foster and build. Alongside being a great doctor and be able to help and save people similar to the people who have died around me, one of my life goals is to also be an amazing father and husband.

A scary experience was when I shadowed an incredibly successful dermatologist who just started crying because they were still single as an attending, and told me she would give away her MD to just simply have a husband and children.

The move to switch careers and pursue medicine has already proved to be quite an isolating experience. From thinking of moving to random parts of the country in order to pursue post-bacc, having to say "no" when old friends ask to meet up in order to save money and study, to soon not being able to afford going to weddings, it's been a little bit rattling to realize that this will be my life, but even more extreme, for another decade.

Best case scenario I start med school at 28-30 and don't become an attending until 36-38. In this case, I will absolutely have needed to meet my partner, get married, and have kids at least during medical school or during residency. After 35 the risk of much lowered fertility and development disorders increases substantially. This basically requires that I either meet my partner at medical school, residency, or whichever city I live in for medical school. What happens if I don't connect with anyone during medical school or residency? That requires that I look elsewhere. What happens if the only medical school or residency I get accepted is in the middle of nowhere? How do I meet anyone then? I'm tempted to only apply to medical schools near major cities. I know beggars can't be choosers but damn I want some chance to have a family..

Does this sound crazy to anyone else? Let's say I meet someone awesome in medical school, but couples match doesn't work out, or I match somewhere entirely different? How are you supposed to raise a family like that? And this doesn't even consider the risk that the partner I fall for is mentally unhealthy or doesn't want a family.

Then there's the fear that I simply just won't make it. I quit my stable, high income job to get rejected from medical school. I fail out of post-bacc or get all B's and C's. I just can't hack the MCAT. I kill the post-bacc, kill the MCAT, kill essays, but still get rejected from everywhere anyways. Or I get accepted to medical school but get rejected from residency. Or I go to residency and somehow get kicked out. At that point, I have nothing to show for myself except a ton of debt, no prospects for family, and an enormous gap in employment.

A lot of people would view my current job as a "dream job". I'm 25, get paid $140k and work 20-30 hours a week. It allowed me to work all over the world as a digital nomad. Even while traveling the world and having outstanding work life balance, I can't shake this deep, deep lingering feeling that pursuing a corporate career is so incredibly meaningless and frivolous. Traveling gets old. I hate that I live a life entirely based off consumption and simply making corporations more money. I do OK at my job but couldn't imagine rising up the ranks and playing the politics for a long-term career. It would be a career of mediocrity and lack of satisfaction but it would allow me a lot of free time to travel, build relationships, and start a family early.

After substantial shadowing and volunteering, I truly believe that medicine is such a better fit for who I am and what I care about. I feel energized after seeing and talking with a patient while drained doing practically anything else. There were life changing events where I was so close to death where I feel like it would be a shame if I didn't dedicate it to saving others like those who died.

I understand that I'm being neurotic and perhaps a bit negative here, but I just want to assess the risk of everything going wrong. Would you still pursue medicine? Does one pursue a life of service, sacrifice, and purpose or pick the easy, selfish, comfortable life and prioritize their friendships and family above all else?

Is the fact that I am having these doubts mean I shouldn't be a doctor?

Someone please knock some sense into me.

i'm a first year med student who left corporate america, (stable, mindless 8-5 making ~70K, 3 weeks of vacation, etc) at 25 to pursue medical school. between post-bacc, MCAT, app year, pandemic delays, i'm 30 now. single, no kids. i did it for the exact same reasons you mentioned above. i was tired of the keeping up with the jones' corporate world, felt like i had no purpose, and felt like i was always going to regret not pursuing something i had been passionate about since I was a kid.

i can't say i didn't have the same doubts coming in, and i can't say i still don't have some of those doubts to this day. this is a grueling journey, and making the transition from corporate world and even post-bacc world to med school was more difficult than i expected. i'll be honest with you the doubts don't go away.

that said, while i wonder sometimes if pursuing this path will cost me a family, another life, etc. i remember a couple of things:

1) there are SO many successful women who have careers and families. and contrary to the frankly as*-backwards post someone made earlier in the thread, i don't think most women are shallow enough that they "aren't willing to marry below there 'class'" (lolol who even talks like that anymore). i think a lot of men like to believe that to justify their own character and emotional shortcomings lol. most women i know want someone who will love and support them fully as they pursue there passions, and that's what's gonna narrow the dating pool, not your career or theirs. lol

2) the only thing that scared me more than being a physician, 40, and single with no kids, was not pursuing this career, always wondering "what-if," and potentially still even then being single and 40 with no kids. like someone said earlier, there is no crystal ball, and there's no way for your derm colleague to know if they hadn't pursued this career that they would have gotten married with kids.

3) picking any path costs you the other path. if you keep your current career, it costs you a potentially wonderful career in medicine. if you pick medicine, it costs you the kind of easy, simple path you're on now. either way, the "what-if" cost must be paid.

and while you have to think and process and decide what you value most, i think it's been more helpful for me to just realize that life isn't a magic 8 ball to try and decipher and pick which path algorithmically equates to more happiness, less pain, more fulfilled desires, etc. life really is what me make it. regardless of what you choose, there will be joy, pain, fulfillment, regret, etc. we make the best decisions we can with the information we have at the time, and we build our own joy and happiness wherever that life takes us.

i really wrestled with some of the exact same anxiety and doubts you talked about first semester of med school, and with the help of therapy and zoloft (lol), i'm at a place now where i'm honoring and accepting the decisions I made, and instead of focusing on what could have been, i'm building the life I want and celebrating all the joys it brings me. regardless of all the hypotheticals, this is my life, i'm living it, and while I can't change things I can't change, what I make of my life is solely up to me.

(ps. if the anxiety about the future feels cripping, i can't reccomend therapy and meds more. turns out getting stuck in existential thought loops for hours on end really isn't normal, and my only regret isn't getting help sooner!)

 

[unusualonion]

Introspection and self inventorying, at least to me, are prime character traits to being a physician. Knowing yourself and recognizing your feelings is also important. It seems you have these in spades so yes, you should be a doctor.

Best case scenario I start med school at 28-30 and don't become an attending until 36-38.

I am in the same boat... I am currently 26 (turning 27 this year) and in podiatry school and applying to programs this coming cycle. Best case, I start in the same age as you. Its crazy scary and stressful. I doubt and second-guess myself every day.

Im lucky to have a partner whose encouraged my choice to leave pod school and apply MD/DO. I think its important to rely on your existing relationships. I know you mentioned a break-up, which at this time feels like a gut punch in addition to the fear with a career change. But, speak with close friends and family to find support.

Don't be afraid of professional help. I started getting help in undergrad due to family reasons but kept it up through pod school. Its awesome to have someone with no social or family connection to speak with. Family and friends can sometimes come with baggage or advice that isn't necessarily helpful whereas a therapist or counselor can offer insight and advice thats more objective. It's great to have both, in my opinion.

Try to stay positive and remind yourself that getting into medicine a marathon. Each day feels like a mountain of MCAT prep, school work, shadowing/ECs, essays, etc. Each day is an "audition" in my eyes. Some days you nail it and feel good. Other days you mess it up and it feels like I've screwed myself out of this opportunity. Keep it in perspective and take breaks when needed!

Hope this helps!

 

[DOconfuse]

Just popping in to give my bit of experience. Single Male, graduating this year, matched to neuro. Moved across the country to attend med school. Finished undergrad at 31, got 1 DO acceptance, then started med school at 32.

Only a handful of people in my class started above the age of 30. Almost all of them married already. The students under 30 who were not married had mostly formed their cliques through social media prior to school even starting. Probably just me, but my fear of washing out and having covid play out my first year kept me pretty isolated. To ensure I passed classes, boards, 3rd year rotations, 4th year auditions- I only really networked within the class to make sure I was getting through classes. Met people outside of med school, but no one outside of medicine really understood the process. Also were not willing to uproot their life after finding out how the residency match works.

I think if someone was more socially outgoing. Could try to get a relationship to work. Also depends on how confident you are going through med school. I was middle of the pack in terms of class ranking. probably made it that far because I felt I had to prioritize med school and matching residency over anything social. I'm sure if you were more intelligent/efficient/less neurotic than me you could find more time to prioritize dating.

Had people tell me, "you'll met someone when you go back for your undergrad". Then had people tell me, "I'm sure you'll meet someone in medical school or on clinical rotations". Now having people tell me, "Surely you'll meet someone in residency".

Not trying to write a depressing post. I was working a job making probably 28k prior to coming back to school. From what I've seen so far, becoming a doctor is overrated. I got caught up in the pre-med/medical school hype. If I had an alternative job making over 100k prior to coming back to school, I'd have never started this journey. I have NPs and a PA in my immediate family. None of them fully understood the commitment of medical school and residency. If NP/PA doesn't understand the commitment, it becomes a hard sell to people outside of medicine when you tell them about the hours of studying and work. Which doesn't seem to stop even after residency. But this is all just my experience, yours could be entirely different.

 

[chssoccer7]

I'm pretty sure she's a chick. OP, your concerns are valid. Going into medicine means a lot of sacrifice, especially when it comes to relationships.

If you do become a doctor (I'm assuming you're female), your marriage pool is much less compared to someone less financially successful. Most women will not marry down. Is your successful dermatologist friend willing to marry someone below her class like a Starbucks barista? Or did she want to give up dermatology to marry a successful professional like a Wall Street executive?

But if you're a guy, you have nothing to worry about and being a doctor would make you a better catch. This is from experience as a guy who is a top 1%-er among physicians.

This is one of the strangest posts i've ever read on this board. Not that I really need to argue your ridiculous post about women marrying down based on finances I suppose, but my physician fiancee certainly had no issues dating me when we met whilst I was making enlisted military money (certainly not bringing in the big bucks).

 

[Fluidity of Movement]

The last I checked from my textbooks the big number is more of 40+ than 35+, even though both are still considered generally safe.

You have to keep in mind that "double the risk" when dealing with very small numbers can still be fractions of a percentage point, and genetic testing alleviates a lot of this cumulative risk.

But I'm sure there is an actual physician here who may want to comment, lol.




EDIT: You are a male and will not have any issues with impregnation for as long as you live. Males also have the luxury generally of being able to find partners who are younger than them, giving you even more time to find someone in that good biological window.




EDIT EDIT: You are 25 bruh, calm down xD It's totally understandable to have all of these questions and fears. Pre-meds are the most neurotic group of individuals in America, and the fact you are having questions and doubts puts you ahead of the game compared to those who just charge in and expect everything to work out in the end.





It gets easier with time, and you grow with time, and figure out how to balance more things at once. It's not as simple as "I can't do anything for ten years."

And the trials of training aren't forever, but if you only plan this career based on that holy grail of "being an attending" and don't learn to love the process, then you may end up having a bad time.

If being a doctor is what you really want to do then I would put your life emphasis on that. You can find a way to make everything fit, Even if it's not 100% the way you imagine it right now.

 

[dieABRdie]

Hi there, not sure if I'm speaking crazy talk here or if I'm just reeling from a recent break up lol, but this has been a lingering fear that I've been having for a while that sometimes hinders my motivation. Spending time having a family, a life partner, and kids are at the top of my "fulfillment/meaning in life" priorities, with pursuing medicine frankly an extremely close second. I truly believe (and evidence shows) that true life fulfillment comes from the relationships you foster and build. Alongside being a great doctor and be able to help and save people similar to the people who have died around me, one of my life goals is to also be an amazing father and husband.

A scary experience was when I shadowed an incredibly successful dermatologist who just started crying because they were still single as an attending, and told me she would give away her MD to just simply have a husband and children.

The move to switch careers and pursue medicine has already proved to be quite an isolating experience. From thinking of moving to random parts of the country in order to pursue post-bacc, having to say "no" when old friends ask to meet up in order to save money and study, to soon not being able to afford going to weddings, it's been a little bit rattling to realize that this will be my life, but even more extreme, for another decade.

Best case scenario I start med school at 28-30 and don't become an attending until 36-38. In this case, I will absolutely have needed to meet my partner, get married, and have kids at least during medical school or during residency. After 35 the risk of much lowered fertility and development disorders increases substantially. This basically requires that I either meet my partner at medical school, residency, or whichever city I live in for medical school. What happens if I don't connect with anyone during medical school or residency? That requires that I look elsewhere. What happens if the only medical school or residency I get accepted is in the middle of nowhere? How do I meet anyone then? I'm tempted to only apply to medical schools near major cities. I know beggars can't be choosers but damn I want some chance to have a family..

Does this sound crazy to anyone else? Let's say I meet someone awesome in medical school, but couples match doesn't work out, or I match somewhere entirely different? How are you supposed to raise a family like that? And this doesn't even consider the risk that the partner I fall for is mentally unhealthy or doesn't want a family.

Then there's the fear that I simply just won't make it. I quit my stable, high income job to get rejected from medical school. I fail out of post-bacc or get all B's and C's. I just can't hack the MCAT. I kill the post-bacc, kill the MCAT, kill essays, but still get rejected from everywhere anyways. Or I get accepted to medical school but get rejected from residency. Or I go to residency and somehow get kicked out. At that point, I have nothing to show for myself except a ton of debt, no prospects for family, and an enormous gap in employment.

A lot of people would view my current job as a "dream job". I'm 25, get paid $140k and work 20-30 hours a week. It allowed me to work all over the world as a digital nomad. Even while traveling the world and having outstanding work life balance, I can't shake this deep, deep lingering feeling that pursuing a corporate career is so incredibly meaningless and frivolous. Traveling gets old. I hate that I live a life entirely based off consumption and simply making corporations more money. I do OK at my job but couldn't imagine rising up the ranks and playing the politics for a long-term career. It would be a career of mediocrity and lack of satisfaction but it would allow me a lot of free time to travel, build relationships, and start a family early.

After substantial shadowing and volunteering, I truly believe that medicine is such a better fit for who I am and what I care about. I feel energized after seeing and talking with a patient while drained doing practically anything else. There were life changing events where I was so close to death where I feel like it would be a shame if I didn't dedicate it to saving others like those who died.

I understand that I'm being neurotic and perhaps a bit negative here, but I just want to assess the risk of everything going wrong. Would you still pursue medicine? Does one pursue a life of service, sacrifice, and purpose or pick the easy, selfish, comfortable life and prioritize their friendships and family above all else?

Is the fact that I am having these doubts mean I shouldn't be a doctor?

Someone please knock some sense into me.

OP... you male or female? Your reference to age vs. fertility made me think female, but some confusion above.....

 

[katiemaude]

As someone who pursued medical school in her mid 30s and is just about to finish residency in her mid 40s, I can tell you this much... If you are already a successful person, you will likely get some semblance of success at the dreams you pursue once you throw your efforts into it. You can't will people to love you and want to marry you, but in this day and age people pursue single parenthood all the time. You can definitely be a parent and a physician, and you might end up also being a spouse. None of it is easy. I don't think I would have had the guts to pursue this ridiculously long training if I was making $150K+ a year before medical school. It's not the altruistic passion-fueled dream you might imagine it to be as a pre-med. Wait until you get out there and you see people who did the smart(er) thing and pursued a shorter course like NP or PA and are doing exactly what you do and some of them put the coveted "Dr" before their names and no one flinches. I don't regret my education or training, but I am also well aware I could have been a practicing PA for six years now and I would have half the amount of debt. I have many friends who desperately love their children but also mourn the inevitable loss of freedom; a few have heart breakingly had their families fractured and careers sidelined under the strain of caring for special needs of the children they very much wanted.

TLDR; there is no right answer. Go after what you want realizing you may have some small regrets, but you will always regret not trying.

 

[Cognimancer]

Hi there, not sure if I'm speaking crazy talk here or if I'm just reeling from a recent break up lol, but this has been a lingering fear that I've been having for a while that sometimes hinders my motivation. Spending time having a family, a life partner, and kids are at the top of my "fulfillment/meaning in life" priorities, with pursuing medicine frankly an extremely close second. I truly believe (and evidence shows) that true life fulfillment comes from the relationships you foster and build. Alongside being a great doctor and be able to help and save people similar to the people who have died around me, one of my life goals is to also be an amazing father and husband.

A scary experience was when I shadowed an incredibly successful dermatologist who just started crying because they were still single as an attending, and told me she would give away her MD to just simply have a husband and children.

The move to switch careers and pursue medicine has already proved to be quite an isolating experience. From thinking of moving to random parts of the country in order to pursue post-bacc, having to say "no" when old friends ask to meet up in order to save money and study, to soon not being able to afford going to weddings, it's been a little bit rattling to realize that this will be my life, but even more extreme, for another decade.

Best case scenario I start med school at 28-30 and don't become an attending until 36-38. In this case, I will absolutely have needed to meet my partner, get married, and have kids at least during medical school or during residency. After 35 the risk of much lowered fertility and development disorders increases substantially. This basically requires that I either meet my partner at medical school, residency, or whichever city I live in for medical school. What happens if I don't connect with anyone during medical school or residency? That requires that I look elsewhere. What happens if the only medical school or residency I get accepted is in the middle of nowhere? How do I meet anyone then? I'm tempted to only apply to medical schools near major cities. I know beggars can't be choosers but damn I want some chance to have a family..

Does this sound crazy to anyone else? Let's say I meet someone awesome in medical school, but couples match doesn't work out, or I match somewhere entirely different? How are you supposed to raise a family like that? And this doesn't even consider the risk that the partner I fall for is mentally unhealthy or doesn't want a family.

Then there's the fear that I simply just won't make it. I quit my stable, high income job to get rejected from medical school. I fail out of post-bacc or get all B's and C's. I just can't hack the MCAT. I kill the post-bacc, kill the MCAT, kill essays, but still get rejected from everywhere anyways. Or I get accepted to medical school but get rejected from residency. Or I go to residency and somehow get kicked out. At that point, I have nothing to show for myself except a ton of debt, no prospects for family, and an enormous gap in employment.

A lot of people would view my current job as a "dream job". I'm 25, get paid $140k and work 20-30 hours a week. It allowed me to work all over the world as a digital nomad. Even while traveling the world and having outstanding work life balance, I can't shake this deep, deep lingering feeling that pursuing a corporate career is so incredibly meaningless and frivolous. Traveling gets old. I hate that I live a life entirely based off consumption and simply making corporations more money. I do OK at my job but couldn't imagine rising up the ranks and playing the politics for a long-term career. It would be a career of mediocrity and lack of satisfaction but it would allow me a lot of free time to travel, build relationships, and start a family early.

After substantial shadowing and volunteering, I truly believe that medicine is such a better fit for who I am and what I care about. I feel energized after seeing and talking with a patient while drained doing practically anything else. There were life changing events where I was so close to death where I feel like it would be a shame if I didn't dedicate it to saving others like those who died.

I understand that I'm being neurotic and perhaps a bit negative here, but I just want to assess the risk of everything going wrong. Would you still pursue medicine? Does one pursue a life of service, sacrifice, and purpose or pick the easy, selfish, comfortable life and prioritize their friendships and family above all else?

Is the fact that I am having these doubts mean I shouldn't be a doctor?

Someone please knock some sense into me.

As long as you really know why you want to become a physician, you can properly asses the risk. I am leaving a stable job (just over $100k with room for growth) and risking my households financial wellbeing because I selected medicine as my chosen form of service. I will suffer either way, but at least under this path I get to chose the manner, and for reasons that resonate with my values. You are in an amazing position to evaluate your goals, as you are free from immediate financial duress. Is medicine worth the risk? I grew up poor, so loss of wealth, status, or comfort doesn't scare me. Patients showed me that the thing to fear is not pursuing passion before a slip and fall, car crash, cerebrovascular event, heart attack, or neoplasm takes it all away. My fortune cookie statement is that everyone loses everything eventually, but you can chose how you give it all away. Likely, I am probably compulsively following this path due to unresolved childhood inadequacies, cognitive biases, and ill conceived fantasies; but, I am having the time of my life pursuing a purpose I believe in.

 

[Just D.O. it]

Not that I really need to argue your ridiculous post about women marrying down based on finances I suppose, but my physician fiancee certainly had no issues dating me when we met whilst I was making enlisted military money

Its actually not ridiculous. It may seem like a sexist jab at face value, and I agree it is poor taste to automatically assume a specific woman thinks like this....

but

The idea that women, on average, tend to narrow their choices in long term sexual partners to those equal to or above them in the socioeconomic hierarchy is something that is very well documented and pretty much accepted as a matter of fact by social scientists.

I'm happy for you personally, but your individual anecdote in no way "debunks" this persistent trend observed for generations across almost all cultures.

 

[Just D.O. it]

After 35 the risk of much lowered fertility and development disorders increases substantially.

Also uhhhhh, I think this actually causing people on this thread a lot confusion and may have instigated some off topic tangents.

Just to clear things up, I believe you are confusing the male fertility timeline with the female.

What you have described is the female fertility timeline.

You as a male are not actually in that much of a time crunch. You would have no issue having healthy children as a 40yr old or even 50yr old attending if that is when you end up meeting a woman to settle down with. So you don't have to think of medical school and residency as time bombs.