Dual students = nanny?

[MeGrimlock]

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My wife and I are both about to start med school in the fall. I'm trying not to look too far forward, but also want to plan properly for situations I know are coming.

Gimme some input on the likelihood that we'll have to use a nanny or some type of extra childcare in the M3/M4 year. We've got one kid who is 5 now, he'll be 7/8 when that time comes. I've read other posts about getting to the hospital early for prerounds, very long workweeks, work on the weekends, etc. My wife and I are both game for all of that - we had to be grinders to get both of us into school and we'll continue to be grinders. We both have military and corporate work backgrounds with 80 hr weeks, so from a time management standpoint, we've got that down pat. Note: we have no local family help, if we need extra help that has to come via an outside source.

Is it possible to stagger rotations in fields where we both won't be in a high demand field at the same time? I'm guessing the answer is no.

Hired help is expensive and since this both of our educations are being fully funded with student loans, I'm loathe to take out extra loans. At the same time, I'm willing to do so because we gotta do whatever it takes to make it work. No sense in being penny wise and pound foolish. I recently had to cash in a retirement fund in order to sell our house so we could move to the location of the med school - so the attitude on our side is definitely "all in" for medicine.

Is anyone out there in a similar situation? I've seen other married couples with kids, but usually only one is in school. Anyone have both people in school at the same time and have a kid(s)? Tips for managing this?

 

[MDrunner]

When my friend went through third and fourth year rotations it was done by lottery as to what schedule you got. That being said, if you are both attending the same school I would hope they would be able to work with you a bit and make sure you guys are not doing surgery or OB together.

Also, since he will be 7-8 by the time you get to third year he will be in school full time. You could get a live-in nanny or Au Pair and let her live rent free and pay her about $150 a week for the part-time care (evenings and mornings) that way she could have a job elsewhere or go to school herself.

Hope it all works out!

 

[DulyNoted]

Have you thought about the possibility of one of you deferring for a year OR taking a year-off after 2nd year to do research? If you wanted to do couples match, one could take a year off after 2nd and one after 3rd. This would give you lots of time to spend with kids, assuming you work 40-50 hour weeks at your own institution.

Either of these options would get around the two of you being M3s at the same time. Fourth year is supposedly more or less relaxed, depending on where you go.

 

[njbmd]

I had two colleagues in residency who had attended medical school together and matched as a couple. They opted for a live-in nanny (turns out this is not as expensive as you would think in a college town) which worked out well for them. Their nanny even followed them to residency because she loved the living arrangements so well.

Line up your childcare resources early and make sure that they are redundant. While much of first and second year can be done at home, third year does present some problems (certainly not insurmountable). Also, look into whether your university hospital has childcare (mine did) which was supplemented for medical students.

We also had a specific advisor for students with families who was a gem at finding community resources for incoming medical students from cheap insurance at family rates to safe and economical childcare. Check to see if your school has someone like this who can help you navigate the resources out there. Churches also have great referral lists so investigate these.

 

[MeGrimlock]

Thanks for the input everyone - we'll start looking into any possible live-in nanny situations as the time comes. We thought about staggering years to avoid doing 3rd yr at the same time - but we're both non-trad and want to just push through.

 

[OncoCaP]

Thanks for the input everyone - we'll start looking into any possible live-in nanny situations as the time comes. We thought about staggering years to avoid doing 3rd yr at the same time - but we're both non-trad and want to just push through.

Sounds like you have the right idea. When we priced this, it was going to be at least ~$30K/yr for a 40 hr work week + vacations + holidays for someone long-term that you are going to want your kids around. Most medical students don't have much money to spare, and so you're probably looking at someone cheaper, less dependable, less reliable, and messier. You might be surprised as to how unsatisfactory some of these potential nannies out there are. I'm not sure I have ever met anyone who used nannies who doesn't have a "war story." Never underestimate how bad it could be. Our nannies have been quite good, but we opted for quality, paid a good bit for them, and used them for only a few months at a time. One time we were not very careful and hired a teenager from our neighborhood as sitter for a little while a few years ago. She was not a nanny, but sitters and nannies are not that different. This sitter invited her friends over and they totally did not watch the kids, and instead spent a significant amount of time looking at hard-core porn on the internet via our home computer much to distress of our young kids, tried to lie about it, but fessed up after we printed the several hundred sites in the browser history. The sitter's mom (the sitter was a teenage girl) was as shocked as we were and no one knew this person had this issue (a quiet, respectful girl ... you really could not predict this). Similarly, when your school calls and says your kid is there with no one to pick them up because the nanny got stuck at a shopping mall, forgot, or whatever, you are going to be very frustrated (a hypothetical situation you might encounter with an unreliable nanny). A better option might be to get a great nanny and find a family who is willing to share your nanny to reduce your cost. Maybe she can watch two kids, split the hours, work around your schedule so that you can get better quality. You need to think about whether you need someone who also does cleaning and shopping (don't assume that).

If you hire someone who is very good and cheap, they are probably not going to stick around more than a few months. Someone will find out about them and hire them out from under you or they will find an office job, perhaps. Ask yourself why this person would stick around long-term with you? Are they not very reliable / have few skills and thus have no other options? Do you provide them with a nice life and easy money? Good nannies are not always easy to find. Remember, this person is going to be raising your kid and will have a significant impact on his development, habits, personality, etc. Unless you get unusually lucky, be prepared to scramble when you change nannies on short notice sometime down the road because they are not off-the-shelf items and can quit, not work out, etc. I like the comment above about staggering years, doing a research year, etc. If your kid is sick (so you can't just take him to day-care) and the nanny quits because she found a better job you may have trouble taking care of him and your school obligations. Kids who go to school get sick periodically and need to stay home, and thus you really can't count on them being in school and for someone to be available to watch them on short notice unless you really plan things out. As a practical matter, you don't want to spread yourself too thin; staggering years, doing research years, or whatever you need to do is going to be a wise choice in my opinion.

Here is one decent article I found on the web on hiring a nanny.

http://ms-jd.org/practical-tips-successful-live-child-care

Hope it works out for you all!