EM and raising kids

[MrBling]

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I don't have any kids yet.. but was was thinking of the near future..

I have a several friends with infants/toddlers and I've discovered that kids thrive on the routine. It helps keep them disciplined and they know exactly what to expect.. so my question is.. how do those in the field of EM (or other specialties with odd hours) raise kids? Working at odd hours makes it hard to make sure the kids eat/sleep/do homework regular times..

I'd be interested to hear the experiences of single parents, those where both parents in fields with odd hours and little support (ie: nearby grandparents who can help out).. what do you do??

 

[Aloha Kid]

Nah, I don't think it's a problem. Routines are important, but if you have a supportive spouse it helps big time.

You may not be there to put your kid to bed, but you will be there when they wake up. While the rest of the world is working, you will have the entire mid-week day to do something with your kid. you may lose opportunities to meet them at some crossroads, but will gain opportunities to meet them at crossroads most parents cannot.

 

[Febrifuge]

I'm in the same boat, and will be watching this thread for wisdom from Those who Have Gone Before. But my take, from being an uncle to a small army of kiddoes, is that while they need day-to-day structure in life, they can also deal really well with more intermittent structure too.

So if you work, say, 16 12-hour shifts a month, alternating between 0700-1900 and 1900-0700, it's possible to get a three-year old to understand "today is a day when Daddy is daytime-sleeping" or "tomorrow is when Daddy Days start again, and on Monday we're going to the park." Some days are days when everybody eats dinner together, some days aren't, but if you wait a while those days always come back.

 

[docB]

I've got a 3 yo and a 2 mo and we are finding the EM vs. routine thing to be a problem. My work schedule is pretty random as it is with many groups. So most days I'm gone for some part of the daily routine. That means my wife has to be the one who deals with both kids on a daily basis. I help out when I'm home but me being around is almost a break in the routine and gets the kids excited and hyper which is almost worse sometimes. The worst part is that my wife frequently has to do the evening routine (dinner, bath x 2, pjs, story, feedings) by herself which is tough. She's also had to do the majority of late night feedings because I'm either at work or getting up early for work.

So it is tough to get into a solid routine while doing EM.

Most EPs manage though. Don't let me scare anyone. everyone finds their way through it.

 

[deleted65604]

I think it is a lot harder to have two careers AND be a parent. We have such unpredictable jobs, that I think you really have to have a third party to be there to help you out if your spouse is working as well, or you don't have a spouse. Trying to find someone to baby-sit your child on random days from say 6 PM-4PM is nearly impossible. Then throw into the mix children getting sick and not even being able to go to daycare throws another wrench in the gears. If everything goes as expected with your job and nobody gets sick (yourself, your children, your babysitter) then everything is managable, but invariably, poop happens and you end up calling up partners begging them to cover for you.

 

[roja]

I think schedule is important but each family has to figure out what is best for thier family. My daughter was 3 when I started residency. She has always had a set schedule. I adapt mine to hers. Sometimes I am jetlagged from lack of sleep but I survive.

You have to have support. Family, spouse, sitter...

 

[AmoryBlaine]

Not having any children I think you will have to take this with a grain of salt. My sense is that once you eliminate the super-demanding residencies (GSurg, Plastics, NSurg) and the relatively cush ones (Ophtho, Derm, Rad Onc) every other field is going to be about equally challenging.

As an EM resident you are going to work fewer hours while in the department than your colleauges, whether or not that will translate to an easier time with child-rearing is impossible to say.

I mean call sucks, but it's only q4 or at the very worst these days q3. That means that most days you are going to be home in the evening to put your kids to bed.

During my EM months thus far I have felt much more cut-off from society/friends/family than even during hard off-service months. You can get to the ICU at 5am, round on ten patients, do work and sign out. Even if you have a 12-14 hour day you still have some semblance of an evening to make calls, catch dinner etc.

 

[turtle md]

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Although it has been tough at times, other times it has not been too bad. Kids are flexible, probably more so than we give them credit for. While the 1 year old is still on a routine, my 3 year old has adjusted quite well to my eratic schedule. The up side is when I am off while other parents are working, the park/zoo/etc is all ours. It was tougher during residency, but is not too bad now. Take last week for example. Monday I worked overnight - so put my kids to bed, went to work, and got home to have breakfast with them. Then I took a nap in the am, woke up, went to the park, then once they were back in bed, took another nap to prepare for my Tuesday night shift. Then off all day Wed-Frid, so we went up the coast and had some fun on the beach. Then back for the days on Sat/Sun - leaving before they were up, but back to tuck them in for the night.

I know when they start school, it will be a little tougher since on my weekdays off, they won't be around, but I am confident we will manage.

I know of a couple docs who opt for full time nights for this. They have a set schedule of Monday-Thursday night. So they work while the kids sleep, and sleep while the kids are at school, but have every morning, evening, and weekend together.

Point is, anything can work if you just put the effort in.

Hope this helps...

 

[Seaglass]

I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. My wife stays at home with them and has not worked since I started residency although she is looking to get back into it now. Having a stay-at-home spouse really helps because they can provide the routine. It is hard on nights when you can't be around and that is probably her biggest gripe about the whole thing but overall it has worked well and we love the days where I am home during the day to play or when we can go out to the zoo or something else while the world works.

 

[DrQuinn]

I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. My wife stays at home with them and has not worked since I started residency although she is looking to get back into it now. Having a stay-at-home spouse really helps because they can provide the routine. It is hard on nights when you can't be around and that is probably her biggest gripe about the whole thing but overall it has worked well and we love the days where I am home during the day to play or when we can go out to the zoo or something else while the world works.

I am slightly behind, but ahead, of Seaglass. I have an 18 month old and a brand new 2 week old, but have been an attending for two years now. My wife is a stay at home mom which is GREAT for me and the kids. I am so blessed that's she's ok with the situation, though right now its hard as she is getting sporadic sleep at best.

But with the money we make, honestly, it doens't make much sense for her to go back to work (she is a physical therapist), until the kids go to school. Daycare these days is just pretty pricey.

That being said the physician-physician coupels I know tend to get nannies, as it DOES behoove them to get both parents working again to make that extra cash.

But in regards to the schedule, as an attending, with kids, it can easily be done, and honestly I probably spend a lot more time with my kids than any other specialty physician.

Q

 

[docB]

But with the money we make, honestly, it doens't make much sense for her to go back to work (she is a physical therapist), until the kids go to school. Daycare these days is just pretty pricey.

That being said the physician-physician coupels I know tend to get nannies, as it DOES behoove them to get both parents working again to make that extra cash.

I'll be interesting to see what happens after the election when the taxes go to 54%+. Those 2 physicin families may have to choose one to stay at home. I know I'm going to have to pull my daughter out of preschool. Also looking at cutting hours back. Hard to say what to do and when to start.