After hearing a cheezy quote during class today, I had to share.
"Those of high class only use two forks" - E. coli
Got a better one?
"Those of high class only use two forks" - E. coli
Got a better one?
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Embarrassing Thread
Started by BlistexWorks
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Fe Fe Fe Fe Fe Fe Fe Fe"it's a ferrous wheel!" Probably the lamest joke ever made by a chemistry professor at the University of Virginia.
Well that didn't work out so well once I posted it...it was supposed to be a bunch or Fe atoms in a circle...even more embarassing now that I goofed it up 🙂
Q: What is Ba(Na)2?
A: A banana 🙂
Q: If water is H20, than what is ice?
A: (H20)^3
Q: If you drop a bear into water, will it dissolve better in Alaska or Virginia?
A: In Alaska, because it's polar.
Q: What is dieter's element?
A: Nobelium
Yes, I once researched chemistry jokes for a chem. club board 😀
A: A banana 🙂
Q: If water is H20, than what is ice?
A: (H20)^3
Q: If you drop a bear into water, will it dissolve better in Alaska or Virginia?
A: In Alaska, because it's polar.
Q: What is dieter's element?
A: Nobelium
Yes, I once researched chemistry jokes for a chem. club board 😀
i love the chemistry jokes...
Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!
Q: How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole?
A: Avocados number
Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!
Q: How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole?
A: Avocados number
omg! That is so cute!
My orgo professor had this little drawing of a general ether, with the oxygens a the top and the R group on the bottom, and then put whiskers and ears on it and called it the "ether bunny".
🙂
🙂
I am *definitely* a member of the facebook group "If I were an enzyme i would be DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes"... And I love, love nerdy pickup lines! 🙂
Tehe, that made me giggle! 🙂
My organic professor, when we were learning ortho, para, and meta positions, drew a picture of a benzene with "MD" at each of the positions. Then he said figure it out and get back to me on it. We all figured out the "orthodox" and "paradox" ones, but never quite got the "meta-" one...
oops
See I was bothered by this one because sodium and barium are both cations and wouldn't form a salt...
we had the propyl people ether. oh man, it's still so funny.
and not that this is a joke, but the abbreviation for methylene THF reductase is MTHFR... who thought that was an ok acronym is beyond me...
and not that this is a joke, but the abbreviation for methylene THF reductase is MTHFR... who thought that was an ok acronym is beyond me...
What do dipoles say in passing?
- "Have you got a moment?"
An iron molecule walks into a bar. It looks really upset. It says, "Bartender! I need a drink!"
The bartender pours him a drink, and as he hands it to the iron he asks, "Now what's the matter here? Why do you look so sad?"
To this the iron molecule replies, "Well, I've just lost an electron."
The bartender says, "Oh, that's horrible! Are you sure?"
"Yes!" The iron replies. "I'm positive!"
- "Have you got a moment?"
An iron molecule walks into a bar. It looks really upset. It says, "Bartender! I need a drink!"
The bartender pours him a drink, and as he hands it to the iron he asks, "Now what's the matter here? Why do you look so sad?"
To this the iron molecule replies, "Well, I've just lost an electron."
The bartender says, "Oh, that's horrible! Are you sure?"
"Yes!" The iron replies. "I'm positive!"
Twelvetigers, I just posted the iron walks into a bar (except I used Hydrogen) joke before reading your post. I couldn't believe as soon as I posted it, yours was right on top of mine! I thought I was the only one who was cheesy enough to know that one!! 
😱
😱
"I Wish I Were Your Derivative So I Could Lie Tangent To Your Curves"
LOL. Yeah, me too! I just let it go, because you know, it's not a real banana formula.😀--I know for sure it has at least potassium. 😀
I found my chem. jokes paper, so here they are:
A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink. Finishing, the neutron asks "How much?"
The bartender says, "For you, no charge."
A small piece of sodium which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame. I melt whenever I see you . . .", the sodium pined. "It's just a phase you're going through", replied the Bunsen burner.
A chemistry graduate student had the fortune to share their space with a cat they happened to name Ion. The student loved to introduce their feline friend as their cation!
Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.
Q: What do you call a tooth in a liter of water?
A: One molar Solution
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
Teacher: What is the formula for water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O
Teacher: That's not what I taught you.
Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O
What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe
Rules of the lab
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
Experiments must be reproduceable, they should fail the same way each time.
First draw your curves, then plot your data.
Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.
Always keep a record of your data. It indicates that you have been working.
To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.
If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Do not believe in miracles--rely on them. 🙂D So true for P-chem)
Team work is essential, it allows you to blame someone else.
All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons.
No experiment is a complete failure. At least it can serve as a negative example.
Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it. 😀
A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink. Finishing, the neutron asks "How much?"
The bartender says, "For you, no charge."
A small piece of sodium which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame. I melt whenever I see you . . .", the sodium pined. "It's just a phase you're going through", replied the Bunsen burner.
A chemistry graduate student had the fortune to share their space with a cat they happened to name Ion. The student loved to introduce their feline friend as their cation!
Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.
Q: What do you call a tooth in a liter of water?
A: One molar Solution
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
Teacher: What is the formula for water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O
Teacher: That's not what I taught you.
Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O
What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe
Rules of the lab
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
Experiments must be reproduceable, they should fail the same way each time.
First draw your curves, then plot your data.
Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.
Always keep a record of your data. It indicates that you have been working.
To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.
If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Do not believe in miracles--rely on them. 🙂D So true for P-chem)
Team work is essential, it allows you to blame someone else.
All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons.
No experiment is a complete failure. At least it can serve as a negative example.
Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it. 😀
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These are all from highschool:
"Infinity and beyond! Remember Buzz from Toy Story? Whenever I hear 'Infinity and beyond!' I think 'Infinity is a continous value!"
"A salt is not a crime."
"Biology is something green and wiggly. Chemistry is something that smells bad. Physics never works."
"All of the elements have ADD, but when they reach noble gas configuration, they take their Ritalin."
"A tangent line behaves itself and only touches a line at one point."
(Fire alarm rings in Math class)
Mrs. Livingstone: "Everybody grab your TI-83s!"
(While outside)
Some kid: "Everybody form a linear function!"
(We all get in a line)
Mrs. Phillips: "Hyper-bo-la is such a cool word. I'm surprised none of you have used hyperbola in a sentence. "
Student: "Use it."
Mrs. Phillips: "Use what?"
Student: "Use it in a sentence."
Mrs. Phillips: "... Slow down hyper...bo-la."
"Infinity and beyond! Remember Buzz from Toy Story? Whenever I hear 'Infinity and beyond!' I think 'Infinity is a continous value!"
"A salt is not a crime."
"Biology is something green and wiggly. Chemistry is something that smells bad. Physics never works."
"All of the elements have ADD, but when they reach noble gas configuration, they take their Ritalin."
"A tangent line behaves itself and only touches a line at one point."
(Fire alarm rings in Math class)
Mrs. Livingstone: "Everybody grab your TI-83s!"
(While outside)
Some kid: "Everybody form a linear function!"
(We all get in a line)
Mrs. Phillips: "Hyper-bo-la is such a cool word. I'm surprised none of you have used hyperbola in a sentence. "
Student: "Use it."
Mrs. Phillips: "Use what?"
Student: "Use it in a sentence."
Mrs. Phillips: "... Slow down hyper...bo-la."
