Engagement before Medical School???

[chris1010]

Hi, I am looking for some advise. I have been with my girlfriend now for about 3.5 years. She is fantastic and everything with us is perfect other than the distance. I am currently in Baltimore doing research and she started a one-year contract as a PT in St. Thomas, VI. We both graduated in 2003 and I will be starting med school next fall. I am really starting to think about proposing but don't know if it the "smart" thing to do before school starts. She is planning on returning to the mainland next spring but I'm affraid that without taking the next step things might not go so smoothly with me starting school and her being so far away. I really love this girl and have every intention of marrying her, I am currently just worried about timing being an issue. Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!
Thanks.

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[evajaclynn]

Do you have any reasons not to propose to her right now?

 

[chris1010]

No---I really don't, I am currently saving money for a ring and feel like I should be financially able to do so around spring time. I just wonder if the asking is the right thing to do before I go to school?

 

[tigress]

Hi, I am looking for some advise. I have been with my girlfriend now for about 3.5 years. She is fantastic and everything with us is perfect other than the distance. I am currently in Baltimore doing research and she started a one-year contract as a PT in St. Thomas, VI. We both graduated in 2003 and I will be starting med school next fall. I am really starting to think about proposing but don't know if it the "smart" thing to do before school starts. She is planning on returning to the mainland next spring but I'm affraid that without taking the next step things might not go so smoothly with me starting school and her being so far away. I really love this girl and have every intention of marrying her, I am currently just worried about timing being an issue. Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!
Thanks.

Hy husband proposed to me in the beginning of his first year of med school and we got married during winter break of that year (short engagement for religious reasons). Anyway, it worked out fine. He actually did better in school after we got married. I really wouldn't worry about it. If you want to do it, don't let anything stop you!

 

[jamie]

I'm currently a fourth year med student. My husband (of 3 months) proposed at the beginning of my third year of med school. However, before I started school, we both knew (and talked about frequently) that we would eventually get married -- it was just a matter of when he would be done with his current project at work and would be able to move to where I am in school. I actually did NOT want to get engaged early in med school, mainly because I was not ready to plan a wedding at that point. Essentially, my experience is that if you are both clear and honest and have the same understanding of where your relationship is going, postponing the engagement for practical reasons won't necessarily be an issue -- except that you'll have to deal with nosy relatives and friends who will constantly ask when you'll be tying the knot.

 

[podarski]

go for it my brother was married with one kid when he started med school. His first year of med school he also was a cub scout leader and swam on ohio states swim team because he had one year of elegibility left. Since then he has also had another kid, and is currently interviewing for residencies in anastheseoligy(I know my spelling is horrible.) which I understand is a pretty competitive residency.
I think being married will help you more than hurt during med school. He told me when you get married and have kids the "provider" instinct really kicks in and you realize they all are depending on you for there support, And it really makes you buckle down and work harder.

 

[ckat]

i'd say wait.

med school is a lot to handle. there are lots of changes and adjustments that you will have to go through. there really should be no reason to rush to get engaged. survive your first year, then reevaluate where things are. if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

i'm just saying this as someone who got engaged before med skool, only to break up 7 months later. med school is rough and it's a life changing path you are embarking upon.

 

[jennie 21]

I don't think that med school itself is that much of an issue. I got engaged my second semester of my senior year of college, and got married the summer after MS1. My husband is also a med student. It worked out fine. I'm not saying med school isn't stressful or that planning a wedding isn't stressful, but if the relationship is strong you'll survive and not be too much the worse for it. I don't believe in putting off major life decisions/events because of medical school. You only have one life; LIVE IT. However, one thing that may be an issue to think about is the distance. Have you and your GF always been long-distance or is that a more recent thing? If you have always been long-distance and have never been together in the same place for a substantial length of time, I'd advise you to wait on the engagement. Long-distance relationships can change a lot once the couple is able to be together in the same place, and those changes aren't always for the better. I'd say wait and see how you get along in the same city before you take a major step like engagement, if you've never lived in the same city together before. If you have lived in the same place for most of your relationship and the distance thing is more recent, then I wouldn't worry about it. Above all, follow your heart, but also listen to your head.

 

[brains]

I agree with all of the above. It just depends on how stable the relationship is. One thing you might want to think about ( and this might not be as big an issue to you as it would be for me) but if you two wait to get married until you both graduate from med school, then she might not have the desire to take your last name. I spoke with a doctor about this already and he said that it is really hard for anyone to get their name switched over once it's on the diploma and at the hospital/clinic. It is possible, however, but from what i understand, it wouldn't be ideal.

Just a thought

 

[alison_in_oh]

Since this has been brought back to the top I may as well chime in my response -- as with so much on this board, my main reaction is TALK to the woman. For example, I had a fine, wonderful, committed relationship with my husband before we were married. I had no need of a long "engagement" to seal the deal. If he proposed, I wanted it to be because he wanted to MARRY me. Like, set a date in the reasonably near future and tie the knot, be Mr. and Mrs., etc. If the time wasn't right for that, I had no problem keeping things at the level they were at.

Who knows, maybe your girlfriend feels the same and won't be overly pleased to get an open-ended offer of engagement (since surely planning for the event couldn't begin until you were in the same place once again?) Or maybe she will feel more secure being apart from you and having such different life experiences if she has a ring to remember you and your commitment by.

Everybody's different. You're a smart fella, I'm sure there's a discreet way you can bring the subject up without spilling the beans.

(My sweetie proposed a few weeks before first year, did a huge share of the planning -- he's the organized one in the partnership -- and we were married in the summer after first year -- really the only time you'll have a long enough break to have a decent honeymoon.)

 

[ckat]

all i'm saying is that just be careful. look before you leap yada yada.

of course everyone has a different situation. i don't wish what happened to me on anyone, cause it's been many months now, and i'm still dealing witht he after shocks.

just be careful, be open, be honest, and everything should be ok.

 

[Smilemaker100]

Hi, I am looking for some advise. I have been with my girlfriend now for about 3.5 years. She is fantastic and everything with us is perfect other than the distance. I am currently in Baltimore doing research and she started a one-year contract as a PT in St. Thomas, VI. We both graduated in 2003 and I will be starting med school next fall. I am really starting to think about proposing but don't know if it the "smart" thing to do before school starts. She is planning on returning to the mainland next spring but I'm affraid that without taking the next step things might not go so smoothly with me starting school and her being so far away. I really love this girl and have every intention of marrying her, I am currently just worried about timing being an issue. Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!
Thanks.

I don't understand why some girls make such a big fuss about weddings. I think it has to do with the fact that most women want a fancy and elaborate affair in which they are the "feature presentation" (ie. THE princess ). I think the best thing you can do for the time being is have a civil marriage . Once things are stable, especially financially and geographically, you can both plan for a fancy wedding in a church/ temple at a future date.

If you both feel secure about the relationship, you won't feel stressed about getting married quickly. But a girl can't wait forever either (especially if she is of a certain age)... You may risk losing her. But one year living apart isn't a big deal. You just have to try to see each other as often as possible because you don't want to end up being strangers.

As far as I am concerned, if I get proposed to I don't need a fancy diamond ring. The guy can tie my finger with a string or any sterling silver ring as a promise of engagement and I wouldn't feel offended. I wouldn't be the type that goes around flaunting my diamond engagement ring. I could even get married wearing a simple summer dress in a park. It isn't the actual ceremony that is the big deal but the relationship. My parents didn't have a fancy ceremony and they have been happily married for over 30 years.

 

[Taty]

I don't understand why some girls make such a big fuss about weddings. I think it has to do with the fact that most women want a fancy and elaborate affair in which they are the "feature presentation" (ie. THE princess ). I think the best thing you can do for the time being is have a civil marriage . Once things are stable, especially financially and geographically, you can both plan for a fancy wedding in a church/ temple at a future date.

If you both feel secure about the relationship, you won't feel stressed about getting married quickly. But a girl can't wait forever either (especially if she is of a certain age)... You may risk losing her. But one year living apart isn't a big deal. You just have to try to see each other as often as possible because you don't want to end up being strangers.

As far as I am concerned, if I get proposed to I don't need a fancy diamond ring. The guy can tie my finger with a string or any sterling silver ring as a promise of engagement and I wouldn't feel offended. I wouldn't be the type that goes around flaunting my diamond engagement ring. I could even get married wearing a simple summer dress in a park. It isn't the actual ceremony that is the big deal but the relationship. My parents didn't have a fancy ceremony and they have been happily married for over 30 years.

totally agree!!! I will get married this year before sarting medical school.
My fiancee graduated from law school and he said that he understands that medical school requires a lot of time. I also don't have expensive ring and I will survive without fancy ceremony either...