- Joined
- Sep 16, 2021
- Messages
- 15
- Reaction score
- 37
I have been dating my SO for 2+ years and they have stuck with me through undergrad stress, MCAT stress, and application cycle stress. My SO is a three 12-hr nightshift a week RN, and I have been working multiple jobs and volunteering, so we barely get time to see each other. In the little time we do get to see each other, I always work to make sure my SO feels loved and appreciated, but they have been getting more distant as the application cycle progresses. My SO says that they are unsure whether or not they will choose to stay with me or leave me when I go to medical school, explaining that their friends/family/job are all in the city where we live together now, and that coming with me would mean starting over multiple times (for med school, for residency, and possibly past that as well provided I can't find placement in the same location). They have also expressed concerns about having to wait until I am more established in my career (and actually have $$) to get married and have kids, even though I have offered to take a year off before finishing residency to be there if we have kids. They have also said that my stress around medical school has been affecting them, stressing them out to the point where they don't know if they can handle it for another 8 years. To be fair, studying for the MCAT was the most stressed I have ever been in my life (so far) and it was an unpleasant time for both of us, but since then we've just been the same level of busy as most working couples are and I have been managing my stress as it comes. This has all been incredibly hard to hear because I love my SO and am willing to make as many accommodations for them as possible (aside from not going to medical school since I have spent my entire life working towards this goal). I can't exactly choose where I go to medical school because I'd be lucky to get into any of the schools that have interviewed me so far, and it feels like there's even less choice in residency, so I understand why my SO is stressed by the lack of stability. I know following me to medical school is a big ask, but in my mind it really is only temporary until I am done with residency. My SO says they love me and I am everything they want in a life partner, so it really does seem like the only red flag for them is med school and residency. I need to hear from people who have maintained long-term (preferably not long-distance) relationships while transitioning to medical school / residency. How have you made things work? Is there even any making this work?