Engagement ring as med student?

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AthleteDoc7 said:
Hey all. I'm a third year US MD student in a serious relationship for the last few years. Marriage talks between the lady and I have ramped up recently, and while I feel more than ready to make that commitment, I'm not financially ready to buy an expensive engagement ring simply because I can't afford it on my loan money. I can tell she wants something nice because she sees all her friends getting amazing rings and she's hinted, so I feel bad either continuing to make her wait until I can afford more or getting her something she won't truly love. I know people will say "if she loves you she'll take whatever you can get her, it's the thought", and while I wholeheartedly agree with that, I just feel badly doing that to her and I'm not sure how pumped she'd be about that really. Im also pretty financially responsible so it feels kind of wrong making an expensive purchase like this knowing I have no income right now and have a ton of debt lol

Anyone out there buy a ring or get engaged lately that would like to share how they went about it? Any good finance options or something? I have a couple thousand saved outside of loan money, but it just isn't enough. Any tips? Thanks y'all
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This is adorable! I agree with everyone saying that you can invest in something modest now and upgrade later. If your "lady" is a keeper she won't care about the size/carats/etc while you're in financial straits as a med student. Good luck!
 
OrthoTraumaMD said:
While I don’t entirely disagree with you or @Psai, I think there can be mitigating circumstances. Certainly, OP should talk to his intended fiancée about finances and what they realistically can afford, and possible alternatives. However, in some cultures (mine included), especially if the woman comes from a wealthy family, a small ring that doesn’t “fit” her status is seen as extremely insulting to the woman and the family, like the man doesn’t care about the woman enough. Whether that’s a good or bad thing is not up to me or anyone to judge...I am familiar with this situation, having faced it myself...so just a thought. If cultural/ethnic issues are not at play, then by all means, OP should do what is most financially sound.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
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I’ll judge, it’s a bad thing
 
While I agree that diamonds are very overpriced and kind of a fake market (considering how the supply of them is controlled), if someone is going to get the enjoyment out of it for what they paid then I say go for it. There are a lot of things I don't understand that people spend exuberant amounts of money on that I wouldn't do/want if you tried to pay me to. I never understood why people would love to single out this specific circumstance/item.

To those saying people who will pay for a diamond are dumb/chumps/idiots/etc. Sure, probably not the best investment but this is the way I look at it: would I rather have dinner/beer with a guy who overpaid for a diamond or some guy in a fedora ranting about how he proposed to his fiance at Dragon-Con with a sapphire because diamonds are so stupid.
 
Do your parents or grandparents have a ring? My mom has already told me I can have her older $60k ring when I get married, which should keep the future wife happy.
 
ananasmed said:
Have you looked into moissanite? It's a hard, colorless stone that should probably be considered a "diamond alternative" rather than a "fake," but she would have to be okay with the fact that it is decidedly not a diamond. Have heard people say they are even more brilliant than diamonds though, and you can get a larger stone for much less money than an equivalently sized diamond.
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Yes! I have a moissanite ring, and even when I'm making attending $$ will never buy a diamond again. They're extremely durable (unlike CZ) and are super brilliant. My stone wasn't exactly cheap (still was around $2k for the ring including a white gold setting), but far far more reasonable than a diamond and I don't have to worry about any blood diamond implications. I'd recommend it to anyone and plan on buying more. 🙂
 
AthleteDoc7 said:
Hey all. I'm a third year US MD student in a serious relationship for the last few years. Marriage talks between the lady and I have ramped up recently, and while I feel more than ready to make that commitment, I'm not financially ready to buy an expensive engagement ring simply because I can't afford it on my loan money. I can tell she wants something nice because she sees all her friends getting amazing rings and she's hinted, so I feel bad either continuing to make her wait until I can afford more or getting her something she won't truly love. I know people will say "if she loves you she'll take whatever you can get her, it's the thought", and while I wholeheartedly agree with that, I just feel badly doing that to her and I'm not sure how pumped she'd be about that really. Im also pretty financially responsible so it feels kind of wrong making an expensive purchase like this knowing I have no income right now and have a ton of debt lol

Anyone out there buy a ring or get engaged lately that would like to share how they went about it? Any good finance options or something? I have a couple thousand saved outside of loan money, but it just isn't enough. Any tips? Thanks y'all
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I'm going to echo the moissanite suggestion. It is significantly cheaper than a diamond ring, extremely durable, and unless one of her friends is a gemologist or a jewelry expert, it is unlikely that anyone will even know that it's not a diamond. There are several jewelry stores on Etsy that sell extremely big, sparkly, and flashy rings for less than $1000. You can easily find something that all of her friends will admire, for not much money. If she is insistent, you can certainly upgrade for a "real" diamond ring when you are an attending.

I don't particularly like diamonds, for a number of reasons (they're a scam, they're not as rare as everyone says, most diamond companies are guilty of horrible human rights abuses, diamonds fund terrorism, etc.) but I also understand the pressure for her to have a nice ring to show off to her friends and family.

Seriously, spend a few hours looking at moissanite engagement rings on Etsy. If your girlfriend can tell immediately that they're not diamonds, I'd be impressed.

Ex: 2ct Moissanite Engagement Ring 14K White Gold Charles Colvard Cushion Moissanite Ring Half Eternity halo Diamond Promise ring Bridal ring moissanite engagement ring&ref=sr_gallery-1-2
 
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Gilakend said:
While I agree that diamonds are very overpriced and kind of a fake market (considering how the supply of them is controlled), if someone is going to get the enjoyment out of it for what they paid then I say go for it. There are a lot of things I don't understand that people spend exuberant amounts of money on that I wouldn't do/want if you tried to pay me to. I never understood why people would love to single out this specific circumstance/item.

To those saying people who will pay for a diamond are dumb/chumps/idiots/etc. Sure, probably not the best investment but this is the way I look at it: would I rather have dinner/beer with a guy who overpaid for a diamond or some guy in a fedora ranting about how he proposed to his fiance at Dragon-Con with a sapphire because diamonds are so stupid.
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Yeah you don't sound like someone that's getting a 10k ring
 
Try looking at wholesale diamond places like the jewelry district in LA. They have some really good custom pieces at half the price of those other places like Zales, etc. I bought my wife a ring from one of these guys for 5K and when I got it appraised it was almost twice that amount.
 
OP - Etsy is good for everyday jewelry but if you are getting a moissanite or an estate place, try to do it in person. But first look at bluenile.com and brilliantearth.com and see the prices for settings without a main/center stone. Get a feel for the styles (halo, solitaire, pave, milgrain, cathedral). These prices range from $300 to $1500. Adding the center stone is the main determinate of prices so find/decide on a style first.

After you talk to her or her family or determine what she wants, go look in person at a real store. Sometimes local family owned jewelers have better prices and better service than large national chains.
 
thanks for the advice everyone. unfortunately no other stone other than a diamond will do, so I've gotta work with that. I kind of have the setting and everything figured out, so will start with some of the tips people have mentioned in here. thanks to all!
 
A friend of mine got a cheaper ring initially from her SO (both med students), but soon upgraded to one of his family member's beautiful and much larger diamond ring. Perhaps ask around to see if anyone else in the family would be honored to give up their ring?
 
after speaking to my SO, it appears she is kind of coming around to the idea of picking out the "forever" setting with a replacement stone (like moisannite for now), then upgrading the diamond later when we can do it comfortably. she wasn't excited at first though, so I do feel a little apprehensive lol, but she seems totally okay with it now. I may go this route if I can't find a diamond I know she'd love for my price point
 
I’ll second a vintage ring, you can find georgeous one of a kind rings at estate sales, antique stores, etc for under 1k.

Etsy has great starter rings for even <300. You’ll look back at it with fondness when you were young and in love with no money.

Make sure you’re getting material that is quality and is meant for lifetime wear more so than how expensive it is.

Don’t be coerced into buying something that doesn’t fit your current life situation. Better off buying a plain suit than renting a gold tuxedo.
 
Moissanite is beautiful. I kind of hate the idea of diamond engagement rings and have looked into several different gems before deciding I like Moissanite the most because it's a white gem which means it'll "go" with pretty much anything and it's very hard (9.25 on the mohs scale, diamond is a 10) which means it'll last a long time with low risk for damage. I would figure out why a diamond is so important to your S.O. Maybe having to articulate her reasons will help her to see that it's really not important (or conversely maybe there's a special reason for her wanting a diamond that's more significant than just that everyone else has one).
These these jewelers have some lovely rings if you're looking for inspiration!
Moissanite | Moissanite Engagement Rings | Where to Buy Moissanite (they also have an instagram page that posts videos with information, fun facts and sometimes side by side comparisons of moissanite and diamonds and most of the time I either can't tell the difference or I prefer the look of the moissanite)
Home
 
Have you considered speaking to her about the situation?
If you're at a stage where you feel committed to getting married, you should already be discussing it (what your life will look like, will you have kids, etc.) and you should also feel intimate enough to discuss finances i.e. 'hey babe, I'm ready to commit and I want to buy you a ring but I'm a med student. anything I get you now would be on the budget of a student in debt so are you o.k. with waiting? or wearing a family one for now (as others have stated).'

your financial status shouldn't be a surprise to her and if you're as committed as you say you are - having this type of discussion shouldn't be uncomfortable.
 
Sapphire is an awesome alternative, rarer, close on the moh's and can be spun as anti da beers and anti blood diamond.
 
CONGRATS!!!!!

Meanwhile, I can't even get a date. All I've ever wanted in life was that blonde haired, blue eyed sorority girl. All she has ever wanted has been Chad the 6'2 dude with a 260 and top tier Ortho residency.
 
She wants a big rock? Get her a ring pop! :laugh:

Ok, no more jokes, I understand she's the woman of your life, and she deserves the world for dealing with you in med school, but from what I see here, she's on the lowest key conceded. I mean, if my bf is in med school stacking up a ton of loans, whyyy would I hint him for a $10,000 diamond ring? Does her friends rock (pun intended) a 10k ring? What jobs their fiancés have? If it was me, I would go to Walmart and find a cute fake ring for $25. I'll even paint a clear coat of nail polish myself to prevent it from tarnishing if it means we'll save money. As long as it's not the plastic green dinosaur ring for 25 cents, I don't care. When you're done with everything, 3rd/4th biggest purchase should be that ring, but buy it as the wedding ring.

My mom deserves an island, and she wants an island, but she understands I'm too broke to afford an island. So, she's content with a property on an island, makes sense?
 
failedatlife said:
CONGRATS!!!!!

Meanwhile, I can't even get a date. All I've ever wanted in life was that blonde haired, blue eyed sorority girl. All she has ever wanted has been Chad the 6'2 dude with a 260 and top tier Ortho residency.
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God what I would give to see your rank list
 
I bought an engagement ring as an MS4 with student loan money. I spent around $2k on it I think? Honestly I don’t really remember (that should tell you something in and of itself).

I agree with a lot of the advise given here. I ultimately bought the ring from Blue Nile and was pretty pleased with what I got. I agree with the advice that color and clarity >> the other characteristics as a general rule. An absolutely beautiful stone will look more brilliant than a larger but more flawed stone. Of course, if you decide to become an amateur jeweler or recruit the services of a jeweler than you can get settings that will hide the flaws of a larger stone, but that starts to become too much effort for me.

Using a “non-traditional” stone is another good idea, but this will obviously depend heavily on what your soon-to-be fiancé wants. If she wants a diamond, that’s fine, but be realistic about what you can afford. Fortunately, my wife really didn’t really care and so would’ve been happy with anything that I got her.

And that’s probably the most important thing: at the end of the day, she will likely love whatever you get her. Do the most with what you can reasonably afford and that’s all that you can do. If having some bling to keep up with the Jones’s is important to her and you’re fine with that, she can have that chance in the future.

It’s funny looking back at it now because I had a lot of anxiety about getting the “right” ring, when in reality it’s pretty much a non-issue in the big scheme of things.
 
failedatlife said:
CONGRATS!!!!!

Meanwhile, I can't even get a date. All I've ever wanted in life was that blonde haired, blue eyed sorority girl. All she has ever wanted has been Chad the 6'2 dude with a 260 and top tier Ortho residency.
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Dude you can get one.. I'm not 6'2, my name is not chad, i don't have a 260, and Im not going into ortho. But I've been talking one recently, I met her during a long layover at an airport. Met two cute girls at airports recently, a blonde and a colombian/asian. One is 2 hours away and the other is 8 hours away, but theres enough interest on their part to send me nudes.. hopefully ill meet up with them soon and can contain my awkwardness to bang.
 
Oh, not it's ok dude. I don't deserve anything like that. Don't get me wrong, I would like to meet a girl like that. I just have to honest with my short comings in life.
 
$10,000 is a little steep for your first marriage!
I bought mine for $2,500 and made some super cute discourse about how the ring will always remind us of our humble beginnings. We started our marriage broke as a joke and I love it. Even when we're making two doctor salaries we agreed to never swap the ring for something more extravagant. It seems you guys probably disagree in terms of finances and materialism. My wife would have beat the crap out of me if I told her the ring cost $10,000.
You're in medicine. Its a life of debt then earnings. I always told my wife that marrying me would imply a long life of debt. When my friends who have been working for 10 years + are buying houses, I will have to rent to pay off my loans. I would just tell your girlfriend that she needs to be patient if she wants a $10,000 ring.
 
I’ll be honest, my engagement ring is smaller than those I see on other girls my age around the hospital. But hubby proposed at the end of our PGY2 year so wasn’t making the kind of money we are now (we’re PGY8 this year) and also chose to prioritise some of the other “C” parameters over size, whereas these girls are getting engaged further ahead in their/their partners’ careers so can maybe afford bigger rocks. My 2c would be buy the best you can afford without taking on more debt. If the ring size is important to her but she’s solid on the relationship, she’ll understand the option of going with an upgrade later. Or she might be like me and attach great significance to her original ring and refuse to upgrade. If that’s the case there isn’t anything stopping you from say buying another ring for her further down the line when you have more resources. (I think that’s what hubby has in mind because he asked me totally out of the blue the other day “hypothetically, if you were to come to be in possession of another ring, would you want to be involved in determining the style?”) And if she won’t marry you unless you give her a ring of a certain size or value, then I think the relationship may not give you the support you need in the future.
 
Get her a nice ring. You can find something beautiful for under 10k. You want to both be happy with the ring. Finance it through the store. It will be fine.

PS - I've been married for 17 years. If you know you love her and want to be with her even though she cares about nice/expensive things, then don't try to dictate what she 'should' be okay with. It's good to be frugal and reasonable, but you don't want to skimp on sentimental or emotionally significant gifts. Plus you want her to stay with you through residency. 😉

PPS - Insure the ring.
 
AthleteDoc7 said:
I've looked at rings with her once before. She loved one ring, I flipped it over and saw $10k and almost had a heart attack. I think her expectations might be heavily tainted because of her friends, and that worries me a bit. I don't want to disappoint her so I'm trying to navigate this because frankly she's not getting that from me, it isn't possible, not right now at least
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I'm going to guess it was a huge center stone? 1.5-2 ct?

Try a moissinite and replace it with a diamond later. It's as (if not brighter) than diamond. 😀
 
sb247 said:
Sit her down and tell her a med student’s fiancé doesn’t get a $10k ring. If that’s a problem for her she will be more trouble than she’s worth
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Ding ding ding. We have a winner. Putting financial strain on the both of you because her friends have something...yikes. At 6.8% interest compounded over 10 years, that ring is going to be very expensive indeed.

Although stories like this make me appreciate my wife very much 🙂 So thanks for sharing!
 
Not sure if this was said before, but I'd speak with the family. Two of my friends (who weren't marrying each other, to be clear) got to use jewelry from the grandparents for the stone. Both got nice big gemstones for free, then splurged on the setting to make it look really nice. Plus it adds sentimental value and the family will love you for it.
 
precisiongraphic said:
- An antique engagement ring (from a family member or from a jeweler) with a diamond or gemstone center. Some of these rings would be good right-hand rings later. Look at the online retailer Brilliant Earth for ideas.
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I second Brilliant Earth. And I think vintage would be really nice.

Honestly though, if you think she's picky, let her choose the ring (within limits). She's the one who has to wear it for the rest of her life.
 
I know lots of doctor's wives that replaced their original stone with a much larger one...even more than once.

International Space Station: "Uh Houston... we're seeing a large bright light outside of Chicago. "
Houston: "ISS, no need to panic. Doctor Bigrocks's wife just got a 3 carat diamond sparkler to upgrade her ring."
 
precisiongraphic said:
I know lots of doctor's wives that replaced their original stone with a much larger one...even more than once.

International Space Station: "Uh Houston... we're seeing a large bright light outside of Chicago. "
Houston: "ISS, no need to panic. Doctor Bigrocks's wife just got a 3 carat diamond sparkler to upgrade her ring."
Click to expand...
 
AthleteDoc7 said:
Anyone out there buy a ring or get engaged lately that would like to share how they went about it? Any good finance options or something? I have a couple thousand saved outside of loan money, but it just isn't enough. Any tips? Thanks y'all
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Same situation you're in. Already did it, though. I was able to use a family diamond and just bought the ring and had it placed. If that's not an option, you could:

1. Rob the jewelry store and tell 'em make me a grill
2. Afford what you can afford
3. Ask her to chip in for the ring if she can't wait
4. Have a good long talk highlighting your commitment, your residency starting in a couple years (i.e. income), and how putting it on loans is not the best idea

Good luck! :nod:
 
I agree with the "buy cheaper, can upgrade later" idea. I proposed during MS1. Total cost with band was around 2500 (used money I had saved up the summer before). She definitely still compares it to other ladies' rings, but she completely understands our financial situation. I promised her a BIG upgrade once I was an attending. I'm an MS4 now, we've been married for a few years, and now she tells me she loves the sentimental value of it, and would rather just have a nice necklace/earrings once I'm an attending. She's the best 🙂
 
So happy we had a diamond in the family as an heirloom. Found a very nice setting for $300, and that was that. It helps that my wife would have seriously questioned what she thought she knew about me if I spent $10,000 on a ring.
 
OP, I just got engaged and I asked my fiancé for a ring from Etsy. I can't post the link here, but the seller is TheAladdinsCave and the ring I got has a 1.5-carat lab-made diamond. See pic. $60 for a ginormous, shiny, perfect diamond. It looks stunning, everyone will be appropriately impressed, and it is comfortable to wear. Get it!
 

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soulmachine said:
OP, I just got engaged and I asked my fiancé for a ring from Etsy. I can't post the link here, but the seller is TheAladdinsCave and the ring I got has a 1.5-carat lab-made diamond. See pic. $60 for a ginormous, shiny, perfect diamond. It looks stunning, everyone will be appropriately impressed, and it is comfortable to wear. Get it!
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Congratulations!!
 
soulmachine said:
OP, I just got engaged and I asked my fiancé for a ring from Etsy. I can't post the link here, but the seller is TheAladdinsCave and the ring I got has a 1.5-carat lab-made diamond. See pic. $60 for a ginormous, shiny, perfect diamond. It looks stunning, everyone will be appropriately impressed, and it is comfortable to wear. Get it!
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Fingernails not perfectly contoured 5/10
 
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