Fathers in Medical School

[EngrDad]

Hello Non-Traditional Students,

I’ve been searching the web and SDN forum for information about fathers currently attending medical school. Unfortunately, I haven’t found much devoted specifically to this topic. I think it is important that fathers attending or considering medical school have a central resource for guidance and feedback. Hence I started this thread so we can share our advice and experiences for those fathers planning to pursue a career in medicine.

A brief background about me: I’m an engineer in my early 30s preparing to apply to medical school this summer. My wife and I recently had our daughter, which is an amazing experience but obviously will make pursuing medical school more challenging. I’m interested in hearing from fathers in medical school about their experience and how they have managed to succeed both as a father and medical student.

Some specific questions I have are:

· How do you balance time between family and your coursework/rotations?
· What is your study schedule?
· What strategies have you used to balance the financial needs of raising a family and attending medical school?
· Is your spouse working or staying at home while you attend medical school?
· Do you consider your medical school family friendly? Do your professors/classmates understand and/or acknowledge your obligations as a student-parent?

Thanks for all of your feedback. I'm looking forward to a great discussion.

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[Bru]

I suppose that is me! I have two kids and just finished 2nd year. Slightly older but close enough. I have no done any rotations so I can't speak to that.

Balancing is always a tricky business but I largely treat med school as a demanding job that requires I be there from 9a-7p (or thereabouts). Much like any job, there are weeks were more or less hours are required (crunch time). My study schedule is more or less that. If things get hairy I study after kids are in bed from ~9-11p but that is usually not my most productive time.

In terms of finances, we have savings and take our loans. We also are on a variety of federal assistance programs (i.e. medicaid). I am at a state school so it is slightly cheaper. My wife does not have a job but is quite busy with the two kids.

My school is family friendly I suppose. I try not a play the "I have a family" card but when I have had to do so they have been accommodating. We have a parent's group and each class has between 2-4 students with kids. There is a school day care that is subsidized if you are a poor student.

Honestly, there will be sacrifices perhaps earlier on that you think. I've already missed some family events it would have been nice to go to but that's the deal.

 

[mavric1298]

I can speak from working with many of the medical students here at UW that participate in our premed honor society as mentors; there is a family counselor on staff that helps couples deal with all the demands that are placed on families - my mentor (who is actually younger than me which is kinda funny to me) has two girls, and couldn't speak highly enough over how supportive the school has been. The put together events for the spouses, making sure everyone has the tools they need to make their situation work and have them succeed. I don't know if this is common or unique (I would assume most schools have similar programs/help). The question gets asked a lot in our med student panels about balance, and all of them have said they haven't had much of a problem balancing, other then it takes some active work on your part. UWSOM is very family friendly, and has a relatively older class, with many families (married and/or married with kids) I wouldn't worry about it much from that stand point. Finance is another story that I haven't heard much about, I think it's a very personal/unique to each family situation - just depends on where you are at.

 

[sazerac]

I am a 4th year medical student. I find it most efficient to combine family and rotation obligations. For instance, I delivered my own baby during 3rd year when I was on L&D.

My study schedule is if I get off early I study in the library until 6pm. I never get anything (school-related) done at home.

For finances, I just made a lot of money beforehand, plus merit scholarships from the school help for silly big-ticket purchases like NFL season tickets and weddings.

My wife works really hard with incredibly long hours... as a stay at home mom. I don't know how she does it, bless her heart. She juggles three children at once (two of them under a year old), and still keeps the house from burning down. I couldn't do her job.

I consider my school family-oblivious. I don't ask anything extra from the school because I am a dad. Sure I have used the kids as an excuse to get out of something I did feel like doing, but I go through the same official excused-absence channels my classmates use when they are hung over and need to get out of similar obligations.

In the end, having kids gives me something to shoot the breeze about with my residents and attendings during the lulls on a rotation. Other than that the topic doesn't really come up, nor do I think it affects my medical school experience. The biggest difference is my Facebook photos are cuter than my classmates' photos of dinner or a sunset.

 

[mavric1298]

The biggest difference is my Facebook photos are cuter than my classmates' photos of dinner or a sunset.

Mine revolves around our 2 Bernese mountain dogs, my wife, and our veggie garden mostly. Man are my fingers crossed that i'll get picked up somewhere this cycle!

I think there shouldn't be any worries about having a family going in, they all know how to make it work

 

[DrDreams]

Wow this is definitely a fantastic thread and something that I've been nervous about. I have 4 kids (3,2,1, newborn) and we wanted to get kids out of the way before residency. My wife takes care of the kids but I too am worried about the time balance, and learning how to study more efficiently which will allow me to spend time with the kids.

I know we are going early to apply for aid, but my wife will not work. We will solely be living off of loans and whatever aid we receive.

 

[sazerac]

Wow this is definitely a fantastic thread and something that I've been nervous about. I have 4 kids (3,2,1, newborn) and we wanted to get kids out of the way before residency. My wife takes care of the kids but I too am worried about the time balance, and learning how to study more efficiently which will allow me to spend time with the kids.

I know we are going early to apply for aid, but my wife will not work. We will solely be living off of loans and whatever aid we receive.

Second and third year are traditionally the busiest. Honestly, it has only been super busy maybe 1/3 to 1/2 of those years. The rest of the time the workload is light enough that you can be home normal hours and be a normal father. Your mileage may vary, of course, but I didn't think third year was a time sink 100% of the time like some people will say.

 

[sandstone]

Hi there. I have two kids (1 & 3) and am finishing up my third year. I'm prety busy these days so don't have too much time to comment. Here's some links to comments I've made previously on other threads about this topic. Third year has been going really well, with the lifestyle and time with kids totally dependent on the rotation. FM was 9-5 4 days/week, psyche I was done by noon most days, while one of my IM rotations was 16 hour days with only 3 days off the whole month. Good luck!

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/well-my-wife-is-pregnant.986445/#post-13718418
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/thr...l-school-with-a-family.1055020/#post-14906036
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/family-friendly-medical-schools.1036473/#post-14521938

 

[juris2doctor]

I suppose that is me! I have two kids and just finished 2nd year. Slightly older but close enough. I have no done any rotations so I can't speak to that.

Balancing is always a tricky business but I largely treat med school as a demanding job that requires I be there from 9a-7p (or thereabouts). Much like any job, there are weeks were more or less hours are required (crunch time). My study schedule is more or less that. If things get hairy I study after kids are in bed from ~9-11p but that is usually not my most productive time.

In terms of finances, we have savings and take our loans. We also are on a variety of federal assistance programs (i.e. medicaid). I am at a state school so it is slightly cheaper. My wife does not have a job but is quite busy with the two kids.

My school is family friendly I suppose. I try not a play the "I have a family" card but when I have had to do so they have been accommodating. We have a parent's group and each class has between 2-4 students with kids. There is a school day care that is subsidized if you are a poor student.

Honestly, there will be sacrifices perhaps earlier on that you think. I've already missed some family events it would have been nice to go to but that's the deal.

It is very interesting to see this as as approach to financing your schooling, I am a bit earlier in the process than everyone here, I believe, in that I am a non-traditional student with absolutely no math/science background and therefore need to get pre-requisites (my research on this site indicates a formal post-baccalaureate program to be the best option).

I have found a newer post-baccalaureate program offered by a Cal-State University which is offered in the evenings, which is how I hope to retain my job and get my pre-requisites done. My job is uniquely flexible in that my pay is really based on my holding a number of certificates--I do have some duties, but they are really an add-on for the company. I am hoping to either work remote full-time or part-time and commute to work and the program (depending where I live I will be on the road or on the train 2 hours a day; train would allow me to study).

I am a bit concerned as to whether or not I will be able to do both, and do sufficiently well in the program, so it is good to see others have taken more creative approaches with wives who are stay-at-home mothers, and children (in my case I have one 6 month old son).

I was a bit concerned about if I could reasonably have another child with my wife before medical school, and what type of availability I would have for my son/future children, but it sounds like exactly what I would be anticipating if I stuck with my current career trajectory to an in-house counsel attorney (my boss works 9AM-9PM) or perhaps better during the school years.

Finance was the other long-term concern, my plan to try and get HSPS (military), but due to my history of asthma this is far from assured (from my research I probably have a chance if I am in shape and can do some type of demonstration of my ability to perform certain physical tasks), but wanted to plan out my alternatives for the reason above. We have some savings, and I can build them up in the 3 or so years as I prep for school, so I think with that, loans, and state-assistance we would be fine with her at home.

 

[remzremz]

I was a bit concerned about if I could reasonably have another child with my wife before medical school, and what type of availability I would have for my son/future children, but it sounds like exactly what I would be anticipating if I stuck with my current career trajectory to an in-house counsel attorney (my boss works 9AM-9PM) or perhaps better during the school years.

Finance was the other long-term concern, my plan to try and get HSPS (military), but due to my history of asthma this is far from assured (from my research I probably have a chance if I am in shape and can do some type of demonstration of my ability to perform certain physical tasks), but wanted to plan out my alternatives for the reason above. We have some savings, and I can build them up in the 3 or so years as I prep for school, so I think with that, loans, and state-assistance we would be fine with her at home.

Are you currently practicing as an in-house attorney?

 

[dadofthree]

...A brief background about me: I’m an engineer in my early 30s preparing to apply to medical school this summer. My wife and I recently had our daughter, which is an amazing experience but obviously will make pursuing medical school more challenging. I’m interested in hearing from fathers in medical school about their experience and how they have managed to succeed both as a father and medical student.
.

Wow OP, I'm glad to have found your post as I am in a very similar situation. Early 30's engineer contemplating medical school (although I have three children and am still at least a year away from applying). Anyhow, thank you for asking the question, and good luck!

 

[WhippleWhileWeWork]

I'm also an engineer in my early 30s, went to medical school with a pregnant wife in tow, had the baby first semester, subsequently withdrew second semester. I wasn't willing to give med school what it was asking, more and more of my time. Not to mention residency years and then establishing a practice or myself in a practice, even more time and long hours away from home. I wanted to be home before 6pm with my wife and kids to raise them and love them. Besides with 6 figure income, pension, 401k matching, bonuses etc the financial picture made no sense either unless I became a neurosurgeon. But really it was the time, you can't get time back with the people that you love.

I do not recommend medical school to people married with children in good paying fields like engineering. The ROI is becoming less and less sensical, the medical landscape is changing for the worse, and the public image of doctors has never been lower.

Take this as your token naysayer. I wish I had listened to them when I was making the jump from engineering years ago. They were right about everything.

 

[Roxas]

I'm also an engineer in my early 30s, went to medical school with a pregnant wife in tow, had the baby first semester, subsequently withdrew second semester. I wasn't willing to give med school what it was asking, more and more of my time. Not to mention residency years and then establishing a practice or myself in a practice, even more time and long hours away from home. I wanted to be home before 6pm with my wife and kids to raise them and love them. Besides with 6 figure income, pension, 401k matching, bonuses etc the financial picture made no sense either unless I became a neurosurgeon. But really it was the time, you can't get time back with the people that you love.

I do not recommend medical school to people married with children in good paying fields like engineering. The ROI is becoming less and less sensical, the medical landscape is changing for the worse, and the public image of MDs has never been lower.

Take this as your token naysayer. I wish I had listened to them when I was making the jump from engineering years ago. They were right about everything.

Good to see you're still around, Whipple.


I had my first child last year ~2 weeks into M1, and it's been a pretty rough ride. Luckily my wife is a saint and does 99.9% of the work involved in having a child, but like you said, the real difficulty is spending so many hours away from home. I don't have a good job to fall back on, so a guess I have to continue forward. I do remember hearing before I started that med school will take whatever you're willing to give it. I'm not top of my class, I won't match anything competitive, but I'm okay with that. I got to spend a decent amount of time watching my little girl grow up.

There will be more trying times ahead (M3 and residency I imagine) but I hope it will be worth it in the end and I won't have to sacrifice everything I hold dear to get there.

 

[GCSDOC]

@ogrady, whats your daily routine like? I am trying to grasp a reasonable picture of what this could look like with spouse/kids/class/studying

 

[GCSDOC]

I'm also an engineer in my early 30s, went to medical school with a pregnant wife in tow, had the baby first semester, subsequently withdrew second semester. I wasn't willing to give med school what it was asking, more and more of my time. Not to mention residency years and then establishing a practice or myself in a practice, even more time and long hours away from home. I wanted to be home before 6pm with my wife and kids to raise them and love them. Besides with 6 figure income, pension, 401k matching, bonuses etc the financial picture made no sense either unless I became a neurosurgeon. But really it was the time, you can't get time back with the people that you love.

I do not recommend medical school to people married with children in good paying fields like engineering. The ROI is becoming less and less sensical, the medical landscape is changing for the worse, and the public image of MDs has never been lower.

Take this as your token naysayer. I wish I had listened to them when I was making the jump from engineering years ago. They were right about everything.

Whipple, what was your main reason for going this med path in the first place and ultimately deciding to leave engineering?

 

[WhippleWhileWeWork]

Whipple, what was your main reason for going this med path in the first place and ultimately deciding to leave engineering?

Honestly the pretty typical naive wanting to "help people". My experience was, most people don't want your help. Scrubs was right. But also, there are innumerable ways to help and serve others outside of medicine.

Not feeling "fulfilled" in my work. Whatever, now that I have a mouth to feed, work is work. Life is what I do after and around work. But also, I see my profession in a much better light now, we're actually producing a product, I enjoy that.

 

[WhippleWhileWeWork]

Good to see you're still around, Whipple.


I had my first child last year ~2 weeks into M1, and it's been a pretty rough ride. Luckily my wife is a saint and does 99.9% of the work involved in having a child, but like you said, the real difficulty is spending so many hours away from home. I don't have a good job to fall back on, so a guess I have to continue forward. I do remember hearing before I started that med school will take whatever you're willing to give it. I'm not top of my class, I won't match anything competitive, but I'm okay with that. I got to spend a decent amount of time watching my little girl grow up.

There will be more trying times ahead (M3 and residency I imagine) but I hope it will be worth it in the end and I won't have to sacrifice everything I hold dear to get there.

I really hope it works out for you. I know we need good people in medicine and I dont' want to discourage those who can make it through from doing so. I just didn't see it ending well for me and my family. My wife and I enjoy our time together more than anything else, we've been that way since we were dating. Being apart and me being absent so much of the time was not going well at all. I was also not being the kind of student that I planned on being bc compromises were being made on both fronts. I was an average student, and average husband, and an average dad. I couldn't see any good reason for me to continue doing that so we pulled the plug and haven't looked back.

 

[GCSDOC]

Honestly the pretty typical naive wanting to "help people". My experience was, most people don't want your help. Scrubs was right. But also, there are innumerable ways to help and serve others outside of medicine.

Not feeling "fulfilled" in my work. Whatever, now that I have a mouth to feed, work is work. Life is what I do after and around work. But also, I see my profession in a much better light now, we're actually producing a product, I enjoy that.

Interesting....what type of specialties interested you? I do think there is something to be said for life outside of work....however, having a fulfilling career to me would be better than having an unfulfilling career and then using free time to fill those voids.......how old were you when you started? Any regrets?

 

[WhippleWhileWeWork]

Interesting....what type of specialties interested you? I do think there is something to be said for life outside of work....however, having a fulfilling career to me would be better than having an unfulfilling career and then using free time to fill those voids.......how old were you when you started? Any regrets?

I started out being interested in rural primary care. Then surgery, then IR. The more the curtain got peeled back on medicine, the less involved with patients I wanted to become. Hanging out in the IR suite all day working from 7-4 sounded just right after spending a week with an ER doc on winter break.

The thing about associating medicine with a fulfilling career is the data doesn't seem to support it. Go study the available data on job satisfaction of physicians in general, then study it for physicians doing the stuff that most of us would have to do if we weren't in the top of our class.

What I've found since coming back to work is, if I'm sharpening my skills and knowledge base becoming a better engineer and solving more complex problems, I leave work feeling well satisfied. For me now, it's about using my talents and pushing myself to do good work. The actual job itself is almost irrelevant.

My little stint in medical school cost me over 21k in tuition and hundreds of thousands in lost income. Yes, I regret it. I was 31 when I started.

 

[GCSDOC]

Seems like such a process to go through just to get in as a nontrad.....I guess my big question is what did u learn in a few short months of med school that caused u to jump ship....and why did those thoughts not cross your mind during the years of preparing when trying to get acccepted?

 

[WhippleWhileWeWork]

Seems like such a process to go through just to get in as a nontrad.....i guess my big question is what did u learn in a few short months that caused u to jump ship....and why did those thoughts not cross your mind during the years or preparing when trying to get acccepted?

I had a kid. Sorry I thought that was clear from the title of this thread and my first response to it. In any event, it was all fun and games until that life changing event was thrust upon me. Priorities shifted over those first few months after my first child arrived.

 

[NoTownPreMed]

Not in medical school, but I am a father of two. Though not as vigorous, I went through nursing school with our first child. It was tough, wife and I have to sit down every week and lay out our work/school schedule to see which days may conflict. We're on our second child now and I'm taking pre-requisite courses while working full-time. I believe planning ahead helped us get to where we are at right now.