Favorite patient medical terminology/phrases

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I got da sugars and Fibermyalgee. Need ma Gabs and Percs.
 
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No antian flaniproy drugs.


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Epidermals

my doc said when I was young that one leg is shorter than the other so I need my percs
Haha, I hear “epidermals” a fair bit.
Another classic on the NPPW recently,
Cancer Screening: “Had Pabst smear 2018”
 
Rotar cup, rotary cup, skiattic is a hurtin, epidermals, triazinidine, tianidine, wish I could remember them all
 
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Gabatine

Me: “how often do you take the norco?”
Patient: “Oh, just as needed.”
Me: “so how many is that in a day? 1? 2?”
Patient: “maybe 6.”
 
My chiro took X-rays..he told me I’m crooked and showed it to me. Told me I need to come three times a week to realign my spine
 
(Patient with mild cervical stenosis from the boonies)
Patient: The surgeon said if I don’t have surgery right away I’ll be paralyzed
Me: I bet he did ma’am. I bet he did.....
 
“Show me where it hurts.”
“My MRI shows I have a bulged disc at L3”
“Yes, but show me where it hurts”
“At L3” *points to sacrum*
God I hate it when patients do that. The funny thing is it’s primarily educated, well to do patients who say stuff like that to me. A little bit of webmd is a dangerous thing.
 
(Patient with mild cervical stenosis from the boonies)
Patient: The surgeon said if I don’t have surgery right away I’ll be paralyzed
Me: I bet he did ma’am. I bet he did.....
WC case mgr brought a pic of her mom’s X-ray showing grade 1 spondylolisthesis at L4/5, doc in Mexico told her the same thing 🤦‍♂️
 
“I have a high pain tolerance...” then the patient reports a high pain number

“she has fibromyalgia... do you think I should feed her more fiber?”
 
Looks at dermatome chart on the wall - you see this is where my pain is
 
“My hip hurts...”

Pt. Points to L5..
Or patient writes on paper that the pain is in their right leg. I ask them to point to the area of pain. They are pissed for me not reading their carefully written novel. Just another doctor who doesn’t care.
then patient shows me that the pain is in their left leg
 
Or patient writes on paper that the pain is in their right leg. I ask them to point to the area of pain. They are pissed for me not reading their carefully written novel. Just another doctor who doesn’t care.
then patient shows me that the pain is in their left leg

Had a guy last week hand me a 6 page typed up novel on his neck pain when I walked in the room and stared in disbelief when I said I didn't need it.
 
Had a guy last week hand me a 6 page typed up novel on his neck pain when I walked in the room and stared in disbelief when I said I didn't need it.

My back pain all started when I was 5 and I fell out of a tree....... SMH
 
My other favorite is “epidural didn’t work.. I just want surgery”...
Mmmmm ok bud
 
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