Favorite Pediatric Chief Complaint

[WhatUpDoc!]

Ok, so I was inspired to create this thread after hearing the most ridiculous CC yesterday while in the cardiology clinic:

Me: So what seems to be the problem with this little guy?
Mom: Well, he gets really hot and then all of a sudden, he overheats and shuts down.
Me: Ok, so I'm sorry to hear about your car, but what's going on with your son?
Mom: That's the best way I can explain it!
Attending: (After a completely normal exam, CXR, EKG, and Echo) Well, since everything is fine with him from a cardiac standpoint, would you like me to get him in to see my mechanic?

This job will never get old!

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[J-Rad]

I've told this one before, but it's buried somewhere, so:

~0200, urban peds ED. Busy night, but finally slowed down, well past fast-track closing. Woman comes in with her 14do baby (had to have been waiting >6 hours).
CC: "My baby not goin' doo doo."
Me: "Really, not ever?"
Mom: "well, no, she goes [about every dAY ON QUESTIONING], but she grunts a lot"

Ahh, seven hours in the ED to learn that gravity works well for you and I, not so much with the babbies.

 

[generic]

that was mine today in continuity clinic!

"Constipation..."

on questioning...every how often does she go?

Oh, 2 times..........per day.

 

[BigNavyPedsGuy]

"Rule out artistic disorder"

 

[CrazyPeds527]

My all time favorite from continuity clinic:

" ? "

It usually means "teenage girl embarrassed to say chief complaint", and meaning I will be doing a pelvic exam
or
"we have no idea why the &^*$ this patient is here"

 

[edmadison]

I have two: one was during my pulmonary rotation for "rule out SIDS". I believe the attending called the mom and upon hearing the baby in the background he remarked, "it's not SIDS, I guess".

The second one was my own. Kid woke up with sore throat and was seeing me 60 minutes later and it had resolved, but mom brought him in just to be safe.

Ed

 

[AceRockolla]

"Ate 2 whole pizzas"

This was the chief complaint as written down by the ED nurse doing triage. Going into the room I had no idea what the visit was for. It turns out the patient was a young man with Prader Willi whom the family was having difficulty controlling and just wanted some help that night. I can't remember exactly how he ate 2 whole pizzas but the CC really stuck in my head.

 

[TexasRose]

In the ED:

"Ate 2 bags of hot cheetos, now had abdominal pain."

I honestly saw at least 3 kids with this complaint in the last 2 months!

 

[Stitch]

Crying.

Inevitably, the kid is happy as a clam when I see him.

 

[umass rower]

Last appointment in continuity clinic for the day, inevitably shows up just before he would be cancelled. Chief complaint doesn't look too out of line: RLQ pain.

But, it's RLQ pain that has been going on for the last year. When the kid runs around. Goes away when he stops. Nothing else to it. "It's a side stitch, get out of my clinic and let me go out for a drink!"

 

[Sweet Tea]

"Rule out artistic disorder"

This is always best when seen in the ER as a chief complaint.

 

[WhatUpDoc!]

Earlier today in the clinic:

Chief Complaint: Child is not sleeping at all

Walk into the room and the toddler is knocked out in his mother's arms, subsequently slept through the entire exam without budging.

 

[bks524]

On child psych: We were doing intake interview on 9 year old boy for hallucinations.

Me (to grandmother): Is there anything else we should know?
Grandmother: Umm, He has a very small penis.
Me: Excuse me
Grandmother: His penis is very small
Me: excuse me for a moment (as I have to leave the room)


My other favorite is not mine, but a friend in the ER
In filling out demographic form for a classic country family with large belt buckles and cowboy hats, they got to the box for race and they wrote in "4 wheelers"
Not a chief complaint, but very funny to me

Remembered another one from ER
Mom: my baby has a fever
Me: How high was the fever?
Mom: It was about 450 degrees.
Me: Really, how did you get such a high temperature?
Mom: "What I had done was, I turned on the stove and put my hand in front of the stove. When the stove felt as hot as my baby it was 450 degrees."

 

[FBurnaby]

These are gold

 

[Doctor4Life1769]

Earlier today in the clinic:

Chief Complaint: Child is not sleeping at all

Walk into the room and the toddler is knocked out in his mother's arms, subsequently slept through the entire exam without budging.

That's why toddler was finally knocked out.... Haha

 

[bjackrian]

During respiratory season, "fly symptoms."
On Good Friday some years ago, was in an ER where the public track board was by first name and last initial. Patient was named Jesus and the chief complaint was injury to hands.

 

[BigRedBeta]

"Freaking Out"
The 9 y/o patient had seen a spider hanging on silk in their front door, refused to go back inside. The best part was that the parents didn't know what to do, so they took the kid to their local ED. The local ED gave him benadryl so that he would fall asleep...he didn't, so they discharged him and told the parents to drive the nearly hour drive to come to the ED at the Children's Hospital. By the time they showed up it was 130 in the morning and the kid fell asleep in the waiting room.

 

[girlofgrace7]

1) Inserted used tampon inserter found at store into vagina.
2) Key tones
3) Two-fer seen at like 3 am after waiting in our crazy ER for about 5 hours.... sick last week and they need school excuses
4) Easter egg in vagina.... and similar 'I sat on it' complaints.
5) One seen way too often: "allergic reaction" for a mosquito bite that's been there for like 5 days but is an emergency at 2 am.
6) Throwing up everything.... "So, when did she start throwing up?" "Oh, about an hour ago." "How many times has she thrown up?" "Once but it was everything she ate yesterday." "... has she had anything to eat or drink since throwing up?" "Oh yeah, she drank a bottle of water on the way here."
7) MVR: "What's an MVR?" "Must be 'motor vehicle 'reck'"
8) Stomach pain yesterday. "Sweetie, she's asking if it hurt real bad. Tell her it hurt real bad." "Well, it hurt a little..." "But doesn't hurt even a little now?" "Nope!"

 

[chicagochildpsych]

A 16 year old seen in psych ER:

"I was butt naked at Wendy's and the cops were being haters"


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[ampix]

"Rule out artistic disorder"