Feeling alone in med school and more than half way done, depressing/want to give up

[keek121]

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[medstu19]

Have you tried joining a gym or some sort of athletic group (yoga classes, intermurals, etc)? It might help you feel better both physically and socially since people tend to bond over group activities like that.

Sorry to hear about your situation though. We're all in this together.

 

[OnePunchBiopsy]

I know this thread isn't about me, but everyone has loneliness problems sometimes OP. It's a part of med school.

I'm a 4th year who spent 3 years of med school investing time into a relationship that ended and have 2-3 Acquaintances in my class because of it.

It is never too late to make new friends, you just have to invest time into it.

Lastly, part of adulthood involves finding happiness within yourself, BY yourself, without relying on others to give it to you.

Best of luck OP!

 

[Mr. Beefy Lion]

I'm only a lowly MS1 but this is exactly what I'm afraid of. I've met people but everyone seems to be buddy buddy with at least one other person already. It's easy to tell who those people are because they are always studying together, eating lunch together etc. and just done these activities alone.

Don't really have anything substantial to add but I hope it works out. If you have any advice as to how I can avoid this situation I would love to hear it.

 

[Affiche]

I'm also an M1 who has had these feelings. I was actually feeling really crummy about it for a few days and then I randomly ran into a classmate of mine on the way to class who told me she feels like she spent too much time studying alone early on and missed on making friends, so she's trying to talk to people more. My point is that it might look like everyone else is happy and popular while you feel socially isolated, but most of us have these feelings these feelings at some point too. There are other people in your class who are still looking to make close friends. Stay positive and keep trying!

 

[failedatlife]

I'll be your friend. Honestly, now is not the time for friends. Suck it up for a year. You should be focusing solely on getting HONORS in ALL rotations. Study for the SHELF ALL THE TIME. UWORLD IS YOUR FRIEND. Be a gunner. If you have free time, use it to publish. Friends come and go, but poor Step scores (I know this from personal experience) stay as do poor Shelf scores and limited CVs. Trust me, the kids in your class aren't being your friends because they are gunning, everyone across the country in 3rd year is. These med students have NO LIFE. Their life is studying for Step 1, then studying for Step 2CK. Study, study, study. You should be able to draw out the Uworld charts in your sleep.

 

[keek121]

Thank you everyone for the responses. I realize this is probably a feeling that EVERY med student, intern, and resident has at some point throughout their training. For the M1 asking how to avoid this, well, I don't have much advice for you, but invest in a hobby so you have something to fall back on when you feel lonely or down about med school. It definitely helps to keep perspective too and realize that med school goes by fast and often times, these feelings are fleeting. However, if you're really feeling depressed, definitely get help from a therapist (which is what I did last year - when I had time to see one - and it did help a lot). I try to keep perspective, but I also crave feeling emotionally connected with people and that's something I'm lacking at the moment.

Thanks again everyone, I know I'm not alone.

 

[keek121]

I'll be your friend. Honestly, now is not the time for friends. Suck it up for a year. You should be focusing solely on getting HONORS in ALL rotations. Study for the SHELF ALL THE TIME. UWORLD IS YOUR FRIEND. Be a gunner. If you have free time, use it to publish. Friends come and go, but poor Step scores (I know this from personal experience) stay as do poor Shelf scores and limited CVs. Trust me, the kids in your class aren't being your friends because they are gunning, everyone across the country in 3rd year is. These med students have NO LIFE. Their life is studying for Step 1, then studying for Step 2CK. Study, study, study. You should be able to draw out the Uworld charts in your sleep.

I get what you're saying, but this isn't entirely healthy. yeah yeah yeah, med school and internship isn't healthy. But personally, I believe life is short and it's meant to be enjoyed. I might be suffering through med school, but I'd like a few good buddies along the way to suffer through it with. get my drift?

 

[keek121]

double reply oops

 

[Hangry]

I get what you're saying, but this isn't entirely healthy. yeah yeah yeah, med school and internship isn't healthy. But personally, I believe life is short and it's meant to be enjoyed. I might be suffering through med school, but I'd like a few good buddies along the way to suffer through it with. get my drift?

Don't listen to him, he hasn't given a single word of good advice since he joined SDN to whine about his step 1 score.

As far as your own dilemma, third year is the worst year of med school for many things, and making friends is one of them. It's tough that you had a falling out right before this year started, but even if you hadn't, everyone has trouble making time for social activities third year. Just accept that your social life will take a downturn for a few months, and do your best to take advantage of time in between blocks, orientations, post exam time, etc to hang out with your classmates. As was mentioned above, meeting people in a nonmedical environment (yoga/fitness classes, intramurals, club groups or other extracurriculars) can be a great option as well, as you get some socialization in at these activities and the people you meet there are likely a little less busy than your med school friends making scheduling easier.

 

[GoodWillShunting]

I'll be your buddy. Do you like stuff?

But seriously- I do empathize, and am a good buddy.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[Giovanotto]

You're trying to make friends with other medical students? Really? Broaden your horizons. I can't stand most of my classmates, and I'm only 1.5 months in. I did, however, have friends before school started, which I still keep in touch with. Do you not?

 

[muhali3]

I actually found it much easier to make friends during 3rd year and made a handful of new legit friends. It's a good time compared to the first 2 years to make new friends, as it breaks up the normal impenetrable cliques that were formed in the first 2 years, as everyone is in different rotations/different locations, and you have to rotate with people you probably didn't talk to much during M1/M2 year. Just ask some other students you're rotating with to study with you for the shelf or something.

 

[zero0]

You're trying to make friends with other medical students? Really? Broaden your horizons. I can't stand most of my classmates, and I'm only 1.5 months in. I did, however, have friends before school started, which I still keep in touch with. Do you not?

I'm inclined to agree. Frankly I don't care enough to see most of my classmates outside of class. I've turned down several invitations already. Most of them are either toxic or have the personality of a wet dish cloth. I just keep in touch with my old buddies and occasionally roll into town to see them or vice versa. Maybe try and get in touch with old friends OP.

 

[Redpancreas]

I don't know what to do, I feel so lost. I'm an M3 and have started to realize this year that I have 2-3 friends in my class, and that's it. I had a dramatic falling out with a close friend in my class last year (some of it my fault of course, but essentially she was a difficult person and I've already discussed the situation a lot with a therapist), and since then, I've felt more isolated and closed off than ever before. I definitely reach out to the 2-3 friends I have and will do activities with them, but often this involves extensive planning since everyone is so busy, and I feel like I annoy these people sometimes because I am so persistent with planning something.

I feel like I'm grasping at straws with people in my class. It's just not easy at this point to make friends since most people have their groups (and believe me these people are not trying to make new friends because they have their clique), or I'd have to put A LOT of effort into trying to be their friend. There are nice enough people but I'd have to really try hard to plan things with them (which involves time and usually money, and time away from studying), without even knowing if I really have anything in common with them. Also, people have started to sort themselves into specialties this year which just further puts up barriers between me and other people.

Furthermore, the suggestion to do meet-up type stuff is great, but when? I have very little time to do those things as an MS3.

I feel stuck. I'm torn between just giving up on trying to make friends since I'm more than halfway done and not giving up and meeting a best friend before med school is over. Help?

This is pretty common. Couple things, none of this should affect your self esteem, because your inability to make lots of friends in such a busy environment just means you didn't put yourself out there.

First invest in a physical activity to keep you fit and happy. I've been to therapy and I feel like physical activity is just as good if not better.

Second you seem like an over thinker which is also common. Having a good social life doesnt involve carefully crafting a schedule to balance academic and social life and family. It's about prioritizing your academics and just showing up for fun when you feel like it. For example it's a Saturday and there's a house party at 8. You get up at 10. Don't cut your studying short at 6, shower, wear nice clothes, and show up at 7:30...it'll just make the hosters guilty that you're just sitting there and will make them less interested in talking to you later. Study and get all your work done by 9 and maybe call your close friends or family and chat with them in between. Then, maybe workout and eat and be done by 10. Then by about 11 after showering show up. Maybe even have one of the friends you do have come with you so you'll be comfortable and have fun which is what makes you likeable. No one will care at that point once the party's started and it'll make things more interesting. Showing up on time, being a team player, and being unselfish is not rewarded socially. What is is showing your face and exchanging good vibes with people you see. Doing that will put you out there and from there you'll find people you'll click with who you can pursue closer friendships with.

You're still very young and have your whole adult life ahead of you. Yeah things are busy but if you keep your social life on your schedule instead of other's you'll find you have more time.

 

[Goro]

OP, go see your school's counseling center, STAT.

I don't know what to do, I feel so lost. I'm an M3 and have started to realize this year that I have 2-3 friends in my class, and that's it. I had a dramatic falling out with a close friend in my class last year (some of it my fault of course, but essentially she was a difficult person and I've already discussed the situation a lot with a therapist), and since then, I've felt more isolated and closed off than ever before. I definitely reach out to the 2-3 friends I have and will do activities with them, but often this involves extensive planning since everyone is so busy, and I feel like I annoy these people sometimes because I am so persistent with planning something.

I feel like I'm grasping at straws with people in my class. It's just not easy at this point to make friends since most people have their groups (and believe me these people are not trying to make new friends because they have their clique), or I'd have to put A LOT of effort into trying to be their friend. There are nice enough people but I'd have to really try hard to plan things with them (which involves time and usually money, and time away from studying), without even knowing if I really have anything in common with them. Also, people have started to sort themselves into specialties this year which just further puts up barriers between me and other people.

Furthermore, the suggestion to do meet-up type stuff is great, but when? I have very little time to do those things as an MS3.

I feel stuck. I'm torn between just giving up on trying to make friends since I'm more than halfway done and not giving up and meeting a best friend before med school is over. Help?