Feeling despair

[FrancescaReynold]

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Burner account of course. I’m in my senior year now and I applied to few fellowships last year. Although I wasn’t desperate for any fellowship, it was more like if I land one great, if not then that’s ok as I will just apply to jobs. Well I didn’t get any of the fellowships and the only one I had a shot at, informed me today that they aren’t taking anymore fellows due to some internal affairs. I was really bummed out because I visited the fellowship and really liked the area too. But I feel like it triggered something in me. I’ve had numerous bouts of crying spells today (which I never had from my previous rejections) and have just been bitter all day today with others. I feel hopeless, like I’ve no purpose anymore, no end goal for me to look forward to. My coresident already has a job lined up and I have nothing. I feel stuck and I am afraid of getting stuck in a place again which I hate and I will never be happy. I’ve never felt so lonely before and I guess a part of me was really looking forward to that escape. I know I can apply for jobs and I will but I feel like a complete loser who couldn’t even land a single fellowship. I already feel incompetent at my program as few of my coresidents always undermine me and the fact that I couldn’t even land a single fellowship, is extremely embarrassing. I hate what I have become in this place and I wish I could be the person I used to be, before I moved here, before residency. I think this hurts more than a rejection because I feel like I had it and then it just slipped from my hands.

 

[Boba Foot]

Best thing that could’ve happened to you is not spending another year in an extended residency aka fellowship where you’d be in the same spot you’re in now, looking for jobs, a year from now with more interest added to your loans.

So many fellows out there with the same mediocre entry level associate jobs as everyone else. Fellowship isn’t a magic key to a good job.

Rejection sucks, but take some time to pick your self esteem up. Start looking for jobs. If you can’t find a job you like, take the best offer and then start planning your escape a few years down the line.

 

[wakaflocka88]

Spend your time instead networking and hustling 10x harder than the other 500+ grads. You only get what your put into it. Your choice.

 

[Feli]

Burner account of course. I’m in my senior year now and I applied to few fellowships last year. Although I wasn’t desperate for any fellowship, it was more like if I land one great, if not then that’s ok as I will just apply to jobs. Well I didn’t get any of the fellowships and the only one I had a shot at, informed me today that they aren’t taking anymore fellows due to some internal affairs. I was really bummed out because I visited the fellowship and really liked the area too. But I feel like it triggered something in me. I’ve had numerous bouts of crying spells today (which I never had from my previous rejections) and have just been bitter all day today with others. I feel hopeless, like I’ve no purpose anymore, no end goal for me to look forward to. My coresident already has a job lined up and I have nothing. I feel stuck and I am afraid of getting stuck in a place again which I hate and I will never be happy. I’ve never felt so lonely before and I guess a part of me was really looking forward to that escape. I know I can apply for jobs and I will but I feel like a complete loser who couldn’t even land a single fellowship. I already feel incompetent at my program as few of my coresidents always undermine me and the fact that I couldn’t even land a single fellowship, is extremely embarrassing. I hate what I have become in this place and I wish I could be the person I used to be, before I moved here, before residency. I think this hurts more than a rejection because I feel like I had it and then it just slipped from my hands.

Sorry to hear that.

To start, you probably need medication (in the short term, just to keep your sleep and BP fairly normal) if you are having that strong of reactions. Read what you typed... fairly strong stuff. You were very attached to the fellowship idea. It's like a divorce or a loss in that your plan got shaken up and you had no safety net... so no shame in doing a consult with PCP or psych. What you can't afford now is a major sleep/mood issue with long term effects or that clouds your last year of residency learning, causes an event that could linger, or hampers your job search/interviews/decisions.

After health is handled, then job search. I would do none of that for at least a month given present mind state (just like no serious dating awhile after major breakup). There is time to find a decent job, no worries... all but a few state licenses can be done in 6mo or less.

Good luck... will probably be a good thing for you in long term (fair pay year 2025-26 with much real billing and pt exp and learning... versus another year of residency "low stakes" stuff with very low pay). When I was finishing residency, fellowships outside the super elite ones got almost zero interest... sad how times have changed. You've gotta take the training wheels off sometime. We all do.

 

[Sendin_Toes_2market]

I got a job over two fellow trained doctors because I offered to do the ingrown toenails and do the trauma…. No joke.

 

[FrancescaReynold]

Sorry to hear that.

To start, you probably need medication (in the short term, just to keep your sleep and BP fairly normal) if you are having that strong of reactions. Read what you typed... fairly strong stuff. You were very attached to the fellowship idea. It's like a divorce or a loss in that your plan got shaken up and you had no safety net... so no shame in doing a consult with PCP or psych. What you can't afford now is a major sleep/mood issue with long term effects or that clouds your last year of residency learning, causes an event that could linger, or hampers your job search/interviews/decisions.

After health is handled, then job search. I would do none of that for at least a month given present mind state (just like no serious dating awhile after major breakup). There is time to find a decent job, no worries... all but a few state licenses can be done in 6mo or less.

Good luck... will probably be a good thing for you in long term (fair pay year 2025-26 with much real billing and pt exp and learning... versus another year of residency "low stakes" stuff with very low pay). When I was finishing residency, fellowships outside the super elite ones got almost zero interest... sad how times have changed. You've gotta take the training wheels off sometime. We all do.

I think I feel this way more because I am in a residency program with couple of toxic personalities that have ruined the work dynamic. I also have always felt out of place at my program because of just how they think and some racist comments here and there throughout the years (I am a person of color who moved to a very conservative place where I am forced to keep to myself a lot). I think that fellowship was something that would have given me a goal to look forward to and make time pass by quick. I have been unhappy for the past 2 years due to the place I am in but powering through it. I just needed an end goal and be the best at what I do and figured this particular fellowship was just that.

 

[air bud]

Is this Reddit or SDN?

 

[Hybrocure]

I think I feel this way more because I am in a residency program with couple of toxic personalities that have ruined the work dynamic. I also have always felt out of place at my program because of just how they think and some racist comments here and there throughout the years (I am a person of color who moved to a very conservative place where I am forced to keep to myself a lot). I think that fellowship was something that would have given me a goal to look forward to and make time pass by quick. I have been unhappy for the past 2 years due to the place I am in but powering through it. I just needed an end goal and be the best at what I do and figured this particular fellowship was just that.

Why a fellowship and not just a job after residency? That is the ultimate end goal. The job not still being in “school”

 

[Hybrocure]

Sorry to hear that.

To start, you probably need medication (in the short term, just to keep your sleep and BP fairly normal) if you are having that strong of reactions. Read what you typed... fairly strong stuff. You were very attached to the fellowship idea. It's like a divorce or a loss in that your plan got shaken up and you had no safety net... so no shame in doing a consult with PCP or psych. What you can't afford now is a major sleep/mood issue with long term effects or that clouds your last year of residency learning, causes an event that could linger, or hampers your job search/interviews/decisions.

After health is handled, then job search. I would do none of that for at least a month given present mind state (just like no serious dating awhile after major breakup). There is time to find a decent job, no worries... all but a few state licenses can be done in 6mo or less.

Good luck... will probably be a good thing for you in long term (fair pay year 2025-26 with much real billing and pt exp and learning... versus another year of residency "low stakes" stuff with very low pay). When I was finishing residency, fellowships outside the super elite ones got almost zero interest... sad how times have changed. You've gotta take the training wheels off sometime. We all do.

Good post. I agree. Meds saved my life during pretty bad times between college, pod school, and even residency. Never be afraid to seek help you’d be surprised how many docs also do or have done it.

 

[GreenHousePub]

Losing out on the fellow**** was probably the best thing that could've happened to your career.

Find an associate job, work there for a year and then bounce and open up your own place. The real money is in owning your own private practice.

 

[Sendin_Toes_2market]

My end goal is to make money. Racist are every where.

I think I feel this way more because I am in a residency program with couple of toxic personalities that have ruined the work dynamic. I also have always felt out of place at my program because of just how they think and some racist comments here and there throughout the years (I am a person of color who moved to a very conservative place where I am forced to keep to myself a lot). I think that fellowship was something that would have given me a goal to look forward to and make time pass by quick. I have been unhappy for the past 2 years due to the place I am in but powering through it. I just needed an end goal and be the best at what I do and figured this particular fellowship was just that.

If you want to make the money you are gonna have to move to a lot more conservative and rural place.

I’m either a Kamala supporter or Trumper depending on who is trying to buy insoles.

 

[Boba Foot]

Racist are every where.

I've had to change doctor's lounge TVs off of Fox News in both the Northeast and in TX. Unfortunately doctors love money and thus many of them are conservative and drink the proverbial kool aid. It is a profession where you have to bite your tongue a lot while finding a subgroup of likeminded people regardless of your location.

 

[Hybrocure]

I've had to change doctor's lounge TVs off of Fox News in both the Northeast and in TX. Unfortunately doctors love money and thus many of them are conservative and drink the proverbial kool aid. It is a profession where you have to bite your tongue a lot while finding a subgroup of likeminded people regardless of your location.

Yeah unfortunately I’ve been all over and Fox is generally the lounge channel of choice. Either that or money news channel.

I always change it to Bravo and everyone starts watching Below Deck or Housewives and gets hooked

 

[Sendin_Toes_2market]

I've had to change doctor's lounge TVs off of Fox News in both the Northeast and in TX. Unfortunately doctors love money and thus many of them are conservative and drink the proverbial kool aid. It is a profession where you have to bite your tongue a lot while finding a subgroup of likeminded people regardless of your location.

I could care less about what propaganda people believe. I like things like podiatry and podiatry accessories. I am the Hank Hill of peddling things to help your peddle you bike. Obama or Nobama, I got the orthotics you need. I am a chameleon of the Political spectrum when it comes to the
Sweet science of money. Buy a 300$ pair of insoles and you can walk over my diploma carpet replica.

 

[Boba Foot]

Yeah unfortunately I’ve been all over and Fox is generally the lounge channel of choice. Either that or money news channel.

I always change it to Bravo and everyone starts watching Below Deck and gets hooked

I change it to the Cartoon Network as a subtle burn.

 

[Hybrocure]

I change it to the Cartoon Network as a subtle burn.

Honestly my experience is most docs are glad when they walk into the lounge and it’s not news or stocks on the tv. They’re all like “wtf is this” and start talking about what’s going on. It’s kinda nice.

 

[Boba Foot]

Honestly my experience is most docs are glad when they walk into the lounge and it’s not news or stocks on the tv. They’re all like “wtf is this” and start talking about what’s going on. It’s kinda nice.

Just gotta hide the remote from the boomers.

 

[Sendin_Toes_2market]

Just gotta hide the remote from the boomers.

Put a Kamala sticker on it or put a decoy remote.

 

[air bud]

I got banned from r/Podiatry and it's so annoying not being able to counter Ron's asinine posts.

Lol same

 

[Boba Foot]

Lol same

 

[Weirdy]

Sounds like you were putting emphasis on the fellowship to make up for your harsh residency experience.
What if you did the fellowship and didn't feel any better?
What if the workload made you feel worse?
What if you completed the fellowship and feel the same way you feel now?
With the same skillset and job outlook?

Grass isn't always greener. Sure, you had high hopes to become fellowship trained- but it wouldn't have magically erased the last 3 years of whatever it was you were stuck in or somehow elevated you out of that place and made you "better".

It also seems like you have a lot of personal issues you need to work through first.
I get the impression you' would've still had something to be crushed or dissatisfied about even if the fellowship played out.
What next after fellowship? What next after you land your job? What next after you've been working for 5 years?

The goal posts always move. A fellowship doesn't fix that internally.

Start working and get real world experience.
You don't even have to start out full time. If you think easing in is better, go do some nursing homes or locums stuff or something part time.

Take a deep look down inside and figure out what your actual life goals are- not the superficial ones that require titles to make you feel better.
Figure out what geographical area you want to work in that fits your political ideals if that's what matters to you.
Figure out where you want to be in life.

Girl boss on the lecture circuit?
Normal 9-5 doing low stress office?
Happily married living in the middle of nowhere and being a doctor?
Happily single driving your Porsche in a big city?

Only you can figure that out dude.
You made it through 4 years of pod school, 3 years of residency, and the constant harsh opinions on this forum.
Lick your wounds, but stop it with the woe is me.

 

[Adam Smasher]

it looks like r/podiatry reddit has been corrupted

 

[iridocyclitiss]

competition this year was insane for fellowship. i interviewed at a place where they interviewed 40 people for one spot!
but seriously here are some pros of not doing fellowship
1. you will take a pay cut doing fellowship (most fellowships pay 50-75). barely livable in some places.
2. most fellows just get same old pp job their coresidents got.

what the point of fellowship if you make less than a resident AND you get a year behind your coresidents for loan repayment, board numbers etc.

 

[Feli]

...what the point of fellowship if you make less than a resident AND you get a year behind your coresidents for loan repayment, board numbers etc.

Concur... you have to start moving the needle for compounding interest working against you... to having it work for you.
The student loan liability eats you... but then the investing helps you quickly, once (if?) you can free up your full earn potential.
That is what makes endless debt into eventual retirement (or living higher on the hog) more realistic.
It's a sad race of paying the loans ... versus burnout.

Also, with as many "fellowhip trained DPMs" as we now produce (~600 "surgical podiatrist" grads every year and growing... a third to half fellowship?), it means very little to have fellowship. All end up on that Normandy beach of a podiatry job market regardless of 3yr or 3+1yrs. Unless one's residency had MASSIVE holes in it, then it is probably more advantageous to have 600 less people looking for the few rural hospitals with a job (or cold call create-a-job) that presently remain - yet will dry up more and more every single year.

 

[MicroPod]

Just start your own fellowship after you graduate. Problem solved.

 

[Adam Smasher]

competition this year was insane for fellowship. i interviewed at a place where they interviewed 40 people for one spot!
but seriously here are some pros of not doing fellowship
1. you will take a pay cut doing fellowship (most fellowships pay 50-75). barely livable in some places.
2. most fellows just get same old pp job their coresidents got.

what the point of fellowship if you make less than a resident AND you get a year behind your coresidents for loan repayment, board numbers etc.

2 years ago, in a thread that's now locked (funny how so many threads end that way), I wrote:

Admittedly, I must have been in a bad mood when I wrote that, but the salient point remains. You spend a lot of time early on in your podiatry career spinning your wheels doing things that may or may not ever pay off. But you definitely lose out if you quit before you begin, so I guess that's why so many fellowships are overrun with applicants.