Feeling Guilty

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Algophiliac

Algophiliac

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Does anyone ever feel guilty for how much money their families are spending on them?

What with college tuition, housing costs, MCAT test prep costs, food/toiletries/etc., travel costs, and everything else my family has been paying, I'm beginning to feel insanely guilty. This is probably because they constantly mention how much money I'm costing them, and I can see that this truly is the case. 🙁 Granted, I should probably get a job and try to pay for at least half of college tuition myself, but my grades are not doing that well right now, so I have to focus on academics if I want to make it into medical school.
 
Can't relate, as my parents aren't paying for anything, but... If they're offering it, take it. Never say no to money!
 
The only thing my family pays for is the house and food. Everything else is on my wallet. GET A JOB YOU LAZY BUM!
 
broken tibula said:
Can't relate, as my parents aren't paying for anything, but... If they're offering it, take it. Never say no to money!
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Wow. So you have a job that pays enough to fund your education and living expenses?

Maybe if they stopped mentioning how hard they worked to fund me thus far and how they haven't been getting anything worthwhile in return, this would be a lot easier on me.
 
My rents paid for summer classes and my EMT class, they also help sometimes with certain bills when I cannot cover for myself. I do appreciate it a ton and feel as if I do take advantage of them sometimes 🙁 I do feel guilty at times.
 
Algophiliac said:
Does anyone ever feel guilty for how much money their families are spending on them?

What with college tuition, housing costs, MCAT test prep costs, food/toiletries/etc., travel costs, and everything else my family has been paying, I'm beginning to feel insanely guilty. This is probably because they constantly mention how much money I'm costing them, and I can see that this truly is the case. 🙁 Granted, I should probably get a job and try to pay for at least half of college tuition myself, but my grades are not doing that well right now, so I have to focus on academics if I want to make it into medical school.
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Dude...seriously?!??!? There are a lot of people who bust their ass to pay for school, and you're worried about feeling guilty? Just be thankful for what you have and get on with your life.

If you're really feeling some kind of overwhelming guilt, then follow your own advice and get a job! Poor grades are no excuse, plenty of students work 20+ hours a week on top of studying and homework. I would kill to have the luxury of just sitting back with no responsibility but school while my parents pay for everything, but we all can't be so lucky.
 
I think you need to stop feeling guilty and start focusing more on getting your grades up, since you haven't been doing as well academically as you'd have liked. It can't help that your parents keep mentioning money, but you know what will really make your parents upset and disappointed? If they spend all this money on you and then you slack off and don't get into med school! Instead of thinking about how much money you're spending on these things now, think of how you'll be able to support your parents once you get through med school. That will hopefully alleviate some guilt. Now start studying so you won't have wasted your parents' money.
 
Well, I'll preface this by saying that what I did not pay for during college I now pay for in loans. My parents have no idea what college cost me and they really don't care. I was 100% independent (of my parents anyhow).

I also have friends whose parent flipped the bill during undergrad and some during the application process.

The difference is that they get to pay for the mortgage when they get out there and they have a clean slate to buy that car and the like.

I have student loans, an apartment, and get to wait a while on the rest.

Don't feel guilty: you didn't pick your parents.

But, do what you can to show that appreciation by working hard and enjoy the opportunities you have been given.

We all do what we can with what we were given...hopefully.

Feel guilty if you squander the opportunity.
 
TheMightySmiter said:
I think you need to stop feeling guilty and start focusing more on getting your grades up, since you haven't been doing as well academically as you'd have liked. It can't help that your parents keep mentioning money, but you know what will really make your parents upset and disappointed? If they spend all this money on you and then you slack off and don't get into med school! Instead of thinking about how much money you're spending on these things now, think of how you'll be able to support your parents once you get through med school. That will hopefully alleviate some guilt. Now start studying so you won't have wasted your parents' money.
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They have actually been against medical school for monetary reasons as well, because they do not enjoy the idea of me going into debt for my education...but they have also mentioned many times that they will not fund me AT ALL after I graduate from college. 🙁 This is probably entirely fair of them, and it makes me feel as though the money they are providing now is being provided in a grudging fashion.

But you're right. I need to study if I want to ever succeed in life, and the guilt is definitely only hindering my ability to be successful. That and the fact that my family doesn't think I can make it into medical school anyway. 🙁
 
I take out loans, work some, and yes, my parents help as well. I understand what you mean. My dad go laid off and still helps me out. I think as long as you are thankful and let them know they are not under obligation to do so then you will feel better about it. Concentrate on getting your grades up. I work on the weekends for about ten hours, its not that bad. Also, having a high GPA helps me to not feel guilty because I am putting their money to good use.
 
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You're not getting the grades for your parents, your getting the grades for yourself. I feel more guilty because I have a single parent who supports me and because other kids in my situation bust their butts working full time and being in school full-time. I even know of students who have their own kids and families to support while being in school full time. OP, feeling guilty is natural, but you have to use that to motivate yourself to succeed.
 
I am also financially helped by my parents and I constantly tell my parents that I can take out a loan and do it myself, and that it is fine, but they insist they have the money saved and have been saving it for a while now and that it's no big deal.

I am so lucky.
 
I totally understand how you feel right now. I feel guilty too. My parents pretty much paid for everything for me (70% of my college tuitions, Kaplan prep course, etc.) I commute, so no housing issues for me =] I only pay for my own textbooks, car insurance, foods, and gasoline. I used to have a job but now I really want to focus on my grades since I am going to apply to medical schools next year. Thank God, I have good GPA, and I haven't let them down. But I only got an average MCAT score though (29Q), hopefully I will get a decent score next year.

I am Asian and you know how Asians parents are. My mom always tells me that I have to take care of her after I become a doctor. I mean of course, my parents have done everything for me and I will do whatever I can to give them a comfortable and decent life style. =] Don't feel so guilty. Just do your best and become a great doctor, appreciate what your parents have done for you and repay them later 🙂
 
My parents don't send tons of money my way, but they definitely help me a lot in other ways (some that are pretty directly related to finances). Just be grateful and willing to help them out in whatever ways you can.
 
There was a time when I was working three part-time jobs, doing research, volunteering, and still making good grades. "Focusing on school" is not usually a very good reason to NOT work, unless you're in medical school already. If school is your only main concern, you should be able to work as long as you use your time wisely. Granted, you probably won't earn that much with one part-time job, but something is better than nothing. And you will at least be showing your parents that you're doing something.

Also, there are many places where you can work which will benefit your med school application e.g. tutoring, teaching HS students, working in the hospital etc. Look into those.
 
Although my tuition is covered by grants, I can understand how you feel. Don't listen to any of these ppl telling you that you should just take the money blah blah blah. Look, the reason you feel guilty is because you are a good and decent person. You feel guilty because you understand that your parents worked hard for that money. Personally, I am the same way. For example, I will never not offer to pay for a meal b/c I personally would rather pay for someone else before they pay for me. That's just how I am.

Look at it this way, it is your parent's responsibility to take care and provide for their child. When you are a successful doctor making a good salary, you can in return take care of your parents. Buy their retirement so that they never have to work again. When it is your own child's turn to go to college, make sure you can pay for their education because it is now your responsibility.

Simply put, it is the cycle of life. 👍
 
Global Warming said:
Although my tuition is covered by grants, I can understand how you feel. Don't listen to any of these ppl telling you that you should just take the money blah blah blah. Look, the reason you feel guilty is because you are a good and decent person. You feel guilty because you understand that your parents worked hard for that money. Personally, I am the same way. For example, I will never not offer to pay for a meal b/c I personally would rather pay for someone else before they pay for me. That's just how I am.

Look at it this way, it is your parent's responsibility to take care and provide for their child. When you are a successful doctor making a good salary, you can in return take care of your parents. Buy their retirement so that they never have to work again. When it is your own child's turn to go to college, make sure you can pay for their education because it is now your responsibility.

Simply put, it is the cycle of life. 👍
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Agree! 😀
 
feel grateful, not guilty. the latter can lead to resentment.
 
Algophiliac said:
Wow. So you have a job that pays enough to fund your education and living expenses?
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I managed to wrangle free tuition, but yes, I pay for room, board, books, clothes... My parents can't afford to support me. Actually, coming to college (and granted, I go to a school with a fairly rich student body, so I probably should have seen this coming), I was stunned at the number of kids whose parents were paying for their education.
 
broken tibula said:
I managed to wrangle free tuition, but yes, I pay for room, board, books, clothes... My parents can't afford to support me. Actually, coming to college (and granted, I go to a school with a fairly rich student body, so I probably should have seen this coming), I was stunned at the number of kids whose parents were paying for their education.
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Well its kinda hard to pay for college with minimum wage... I'm not able to get any financial aid because my family's income is too high, but I don't know where I would be if they didn't pay for it. Gonna make the most of it 😀
 
I am in the same boat, my parents bitch and moan about how much they pay for my schooling.. my grades aren't the best..i need to push myself more.. they refuse to pay for my med school which is fine. I would not want them to pay for something that expensive..

All i can say is.. don't slack off anymore so that you can repay them one day..
 
Well, you're pre-med, which means you will hopefully someday be a doctor. And hopefully that will also mean you'll have a pretty high salary.

Then I would make it up to my parents by buying them vacations/helping them out with miscellaneous payments/taking care of them in their old age rather than dumping them in a miserable nursing home. So it's like their money that put you through college (and medical school) was an investment in their favor! 🙂

My parents aren't paying for my college education...but I intend on doing all of this for them anyway. Living in a nursing home sounds like horrible.

But I agree, don't get a job if it's going to interfere with your studying. The money you'll make as a doctor >> any money you'll make now
 
I definitely feel guilty sometimes, since my parents + grandparents cover all my tuition and a fare amount of my living expenses. They refuse to let me take out loans but said I am on my own for graduate school. I just make sure to come home often and make time for my parents/grandparents, it is so much easier to get along with my parents when I only see them on the weekends 😀
Unfortunately because tuition here is going up like 30% and the economy took a tole on my parents and my grandpa is retiring I get to move back home next year! Yay for home-cooked meals, boo for traffic and a commute.
 
Sometimes but my thoughts are: I never asked for the money, it was given willingly with the only expectation that I go to school (implied not screw around) and graduate. I did that. The money would otherwise be sitting in some kind of investment account, collecting interest. No homes were mortgaged, no body organs sold. I would also like to think I was responsible with the money. My apt was a closet and had a view of the brick wall of the neighboring building which made it cheaper than the 1 bed overlooking the park. I didn't buy lavish things, my wardrobe for the four years was probably less that $600. I also had a job all 4 years which made me feel like I was carrying my weight.

If mom and dad had to take on extra work, sell the house, I would gladly have gone to the cheapest school, communte from home, get a job, and take out loans.
 
Tatertots said:
I definitely feel guilty sometimes, since my parents + grandparents cover all my tuition and a fare amount of my living expenses. They refuse to let me take out loans but said I am on my own for graduate school. I just make sure to come home often and make time for my parents/grandparents, it is so much easier to get along with my parents when I only see them on the weekends 😀
Unfortunately because tuition here is going up like 30% and the economy took a tole on my parents and my grandpa is retiring I get to move back home next year! Yay for home-cooked meals, boo for traffic and a commute.
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I'm a commuter, gosh, it takes me at least 3 hours to drive back and forth. But I'm still glad that I saved my parents a lot of money though =] I guess it's worth it.
 
bigbad said:
Well its kinda hard to pay for college with minimum wage... I'm not able to get any financial aid because my family's income is too high, but I don't know where I would be if they didn't pay for it. Gonna make the most of it 😀
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Agree. A lot of my friends were not able to attend a four-year institution because of their financial problems. I didn't get much financial aid, well, I only got three hundred dollars, which is pretty much like nothing compared to one year college tuitions. But I'm glad that my parents were being so supportive. They wouldn't let me get loans and suffer the high interest. Yes, I'm grateful =]
 
I'm don't feel guilty at all, for my parents are sorta wealthy both being full-time physicians and all. However, if I am unable to put the education which they have provided me to good use, I will feel very bad. In your case, just do well in school, and when you finally make the big bucks, reward your parents by sending them on a long cruise 😀
 
I flip used furniture on Craigslist for money. Also, living close to Atlantic City has allowed me to pay my bills by beating the $1/$2 no-limit hold'em game at the Borgata on a regular basis.
 
You know what... in the end they're your parents and even if they gripe about the costs here and there, they would still provide for you no matter what happens. And they're the only people in the world (most of the time) that you can unconditionally depend on to do so. 🙂

Luckily my scholarship pays for all tuition, and even books/regular expenses. And I've got a job to foot mostly all other stuff. But I feel good knowing that my parents are right there if I ever need anything. Don't feel guilty. Use it to your advantage. In a few years... it'll be a different story. 😀 👍
 
I feel guilty about the amount of money the state gives me to go to school, but my "parents" haven't given me a dime since I got a job at age 14. I guess my dad did pay for my housing until I left for school at 18, but I've payed for all of my clothing, food, and entertainment since I was 14. Thank god for full cost of attendace being covered for me in college though.
Don't feel guilty. My dad would love to pay for everything if he could afford to. Just get into medschool and I bet they won't hold it against you anymore.
 
Shinobiz11 said:
The only thing my family pays for is the house and food. Everything else is on my wallet. GET A JOB YOU LAZY BUM!
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yay for you. as a frosh in college (or have you even started yet?) I bet you know so much about paying for your own stuff. What else is there to pay for besides house and food? I'm guessing you don't even have a job. Great post by the way....you must like hearing yourself talk. a lot.
 
It's funny, because where I grew up it's considered "spoiling your child" to pay for them after they've graduated high school. My parents' stopped supporting me as soon as I hit college (not that they could afford it anyway).

OP, just don't forget how lucky you are, and don't take advantage of it. Do that and then you have no reason to feel guilty.

But honestly, paying your own way makes you feel a lot better than having others support you🙂
 
Shinobiz11 said:
The only thing my family pays for is the house and food. Everything else is on my wallet. GET A JOB YOU LAZY BUM!
Click to expand...

Hoody said:
yay for you. as a frosh in college (or have you even started yet?) I bet you know so much about paying for your own stuff. What else is there to pay for besides house and food? I'm guessing you don't even have a job. Great post by the way....you must like hearing yourself talk. a lot.
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This poster is in high school, he has no idea what it's like to pay for things on his own or live on his own.
 
I picked a school with a scholarship so it wouldn't hurt my family's finances too much. I still have a sibling who has to go to college.
 
If you are worried about your grades and don't absolutely have to get a job, now is probably not the best time to do so. Your parents are investing in your education, so if your attempts to help them with the expenses would hurt your education more than they would defray the costs, it's probably not worth it. It might make the most sense to wait and get a job in the summer.
Also, try not thinking in terms of paying half your tuition. I understand why you might want to, but that is probably a substantial amount of money and it might make more sense to set a less pricey goal for yourself to start out with.
Last year, my paycheck from my tutoring job did not go very far at all, but it was enough to cover all my 'fun' expenses (ie. lunch out, occasionally going to the movies, etc). Even if it made very little practical difference--my 'fun' expenses tended to be quite low--it did make me feel better about my financial situation, because I could feel like I wasn't burdening my parents with anything frivolous/unnecessary.
 
dont feel guilty just be very thankful..and make sure you pay them back in some way or form to show your gratification when you become a doctor and have a salary...
 
You shouldn't feel guilty, just be thankful. Show that by taking your education seriously and keep your grades up since you don't want your parents' money going to waste. You are damn lucky. I've been paying for all my stuff and even some of my parents' bills since I was 17.
 
If you feel guilty, get a job and pay your way like a lot of us here. Otherwise, coming on here and saying you feel guilty over it doesn't (or shouldn't) relieve any guilt.
 
I think anyone whose parents pay for them is ridiculously lucky and don't know how much easier they have it.

I don't get a penny from anyone, so my loans are getting quite hefty. Med school will only add a ton to that.

Try to realize how lucky you all are.
 
Don't feel guilty. Schools hard enough as it is, it's not like you're sitting on your a** They're good parents. Pay it back on your kids' education, if you ever have any.
 
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