Feelings of inadequacy?

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mwsapphire

mwsapphire

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Hi guys,
I know this is gonna sound kind of grim but I need to know if this is normal.

I'm doing fine in my classes, but I'm taking a brutal load this semester. I'm in 17 credits ( mostly electives) and my first 4000 lvl class is filled with bright students who did well in the pre reqs. I'm also in Orgo II. ( Those and orgo lab are my only STEM classes). Every time my classmates do better than me on something, or I do average on a Stem Cell Biology test ( like I said , class filled with brilliant students. The prof is also our pre health advisor so doing well in that class is important in general, for more than just the sake of doing well.) I feel this huge wave of sadness/disappointment/ inadequacy. Like, feeling like I hate myself. I know that some feelings of inadequacy are normal, but for me its been constant. For reference, I had two exams the week after Thanksgiving break and spent almost the whole break studying my ass off. I literally sacrificed having a break so I could do well. So you can see that it really makes me feel like I'm not enough ( and not that I just didn't study).

Like, I saw the one girl in front of me who got a 93 and I literally felt like I was about to cry. ( I got an 80, and the average was an 80, just like on the second test. These tests are tricky and full of annoying details, but this class has so many good students. ) I felt this massive headache coming on after class which I'm now realizing was because of stress.

Is this normal? Do I need to see a therapist? I've told my friends about this and they don't seem to think its any cause for alarm. I'm afraid with how frequent these feelings are its not healthy, but maybe its just temporary? Like I always tell myself to keep ploughing through and just focus on the next assessment, so it's not like I'm hopeless. But it's really hard to stay happy, and that's what's getting to me. Like lately whenever I try to relax or just enjoy something, these feelings come back. I know I can see a therapist on campus for free.

Thanks for reading my post. Please don't post any rude comments
 
By all means, take advantage of the therapist your college provides.

BUT, they will tell you that these feelings are not abnormal. They are part of the growing up process where you are trying to adjust to real world reality that comparing yourself to others is a foolish endeavor because there will ALWAYS be someone who is better at doing something than you.

As you grow older, you will learn to accept and love who you are.
 
I dealt with similar feelings when I was in high school, and therapy helped me immensely in overcoming them. I still compare myself to others from time to time, but college has been a much better experience for me because of the coping mechanisms I learned years ago and I have much better perspective now.
 
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I completely agree with the above posters. See the school therapist to learn about the many ways to alleviate stress. Best of luck!
 
Goro said:
Strongly agree that a chat with a therapist is in order.

The only person you should be comparing yourself to is yourself.
Click to expand...

This. OP I was going through a very similar situation based on your situation at one point in UG. Saw a counselor and it truly helped a lot.
 
Why avoid comparing yourself to others?

You could also accept that you as an individual don't exist in a vacuum, that other people exist, that these other people may do better than you, and that you can learn from them.
 
altblue said:
Why avoid comparing yourself to others?
You could also accept that you as an individual don't exist in a vacuum, that other people exist, that these other people may do better than you, and that you can learn from them.
Click to expand...

Huge difference between comparing yourself to others while still being confident in your abilities and being motivated to accomplish more because at a certain level, competition has its advantages.

However, the comparison in OP's case to her classmate(s) is making her question her abilities and raising issues of inadequacy. This is unhealthy, thus OP needs to take advantage of the therapy provided at the college.
 
DV-T said:
Huge difference between comparing yourself to others while still being confident in your abilities and being motivated to accomplish more because at a certain level, competition has its advantages.

However, the comparison in OP's case to her classmate(s) is making her question her abilities and raising issues of inadequacy. This is unhealthy, thus OP needs to take advantage of the therapy provided at the college.
Click to expand...
Oh definitely, the types of comparisons OP are making aren't healthy and they should talk to someone

Still on some more reasonable level competition and comparison are healthy and can encourage us to grow. Like they encouraged me to abandon some toxic study habits when I saw how, and how frequently, others were studying
 
To quote/paraphrase Matthew Mcconaughey:

The only person you should be comparing yourself to is you in 5, 10, or 20 years from now. Don't dwell on other people because that will not change yourself. To fully better yourself, think of what you want to be accomplishing in say 5 years...then focus on that as your goal, not getting a better score than a student who sits next to you.
 
I wrote this in another post but applicable here nonetheless.
I don’t think “competition against others” is the healthy way to approach applications. While I understand the realistic aspects of the application process, IMO it should be about the “best version of yourself you can possibly be and having a compelling story of why you want to be a physician and the challenges you had to overcome” rather than “be better than everyone else.” I don’t think it’s inherently a process of competition but rather it’s about “fit.” If you are a good fit to be a physician or for a particular medical school, it should show through in the things you do, whether it’s volunteering a lot in your free time or spending time with patients in nursing homes. It’s about you being true to yourself and do the things you want to do and going through this process and finding out if this career and the people is a good fit for you. if you are doing things just because other people are or medical school favorably look at certain things and not because you are genuinely curious and interested, chances are even if you get in, you would be miserable. Is it worth it at the end, to spend so much time and money and to end up miserable? Just do what you can within reasonable means to show your interest and commitment to medicine.
 
Med school admission is extremely competitive on a statistical level, but on an individual level it's far less competitive than landing a good job in a difficult industry. You're not competing directly against the girl in front of you who did better than you on an exam, or even the 10 other people you meet on interview day. With that in mind you might develop a new perspective on how you earned the class average score in a class that you say is full of really bright people. Being average in a group of above-average people means you're above average.

Also, if you're driving yourself crazy and sacrificing a week of vacation time studying for an elective class in stem cell biology, next semester just do yourself a favor and skip it. Take an art history class or something. The name of the game is doing well in your pre-reqs and protecting your GPA.
 
longhaul3 said:
Med school admission is extremely competitive on a statistical level, but on an individual level it's far less competitive than landing a good job in a difficult industry. You're not competing directly against the girl in front of you who did better than you on an exam, or even the 10 other people you meet on interview day. With that in mind you might develop a new perspective on how you earned the class average score in a class that you say is full of really bright people. Being average in a group of above-average people means you're above average.

Also, if you're driving yourself crazy and sacrificing a week of vacation time studying for an elective class in stem cell biology, next semester just do yourself a favor and skip it. Take an art history class or something. The name of the game is doing well in your pre-reqs and protecting your GPA.
Click to expand...
I'm a biotech major and class is needed for my degree. What I meant by "electives" is that besides the two STEM classes and the lab, i'm in fluffy " gen ed" type courses, so it's not 17 credits of hard science. And I had two exams after break, not just one, so that's why I spent the whole time studying.
 
I agree that you need to stop worrying about other people and do the best you can do, not compare.

However, in terms of irony, much of SDN is plastered with users who constantly compare themselves to others. If the OP needs to see a therapist, then so do many of the posters here....
 
I think its normal when you are competing for something competitive like premed and you know only a small percentage get accepted. Just remember that one test is not going to separate you from them, except the MCAT 😛. Just remember that everyone has strengths and weaknesses and I think that in the face of your weakness's it will be your resilience that will make you successful. Stay strong and be confident in yourself.
 
Talk to learning support and/or a therapist. I think what you're experiencing is really pretty normal, but working to get a hold on those feelings will be essential preparation for medical school. Your academic coping skills will play a huge part in determining your experience of med school. Work on that stuff now. It's worth it.
 
Second everyone else's opinion on therapy. I would add you seem to have self-esteem issues which I can identify with since for the majority of my life from childhood to young adult I was taught that I had to compare myself to others. What got me over this mentality is that feelings is not equal to reality. How much time you study and the results of your hard work should only be measured by your own metric. You got an 80 in organic? That's amazing! I've seen people struggle well below the average in my organic class but outperform me in other classes. Doesn't mean we're better than each other just means I get organic and my friends don't. I got a B- in physics and I was thrilled cause I knew I can never "get physics" at least I can never get it like how my school teaches it. But I'm proud of it because I damn sure struggled to get a B-. Point being your struggle is your own and you should never compare your circumstance to others. You'll be happier once you accept this I dare say universal truth to happiness.
 
Other people's successes are not your failures.

I have felt similarly to you in the past, but for different reasons. I graduated UG in 4 years and didn't get accepted to medical school right away. However, I had several friends who graduated in 3 years and did (and another friend who goes to HMS). For 2 years after UG, I couldn't bring myself to talk to them because I was embarrassed. These friends were people whom I competed with in high school- same SATs, GPA, Nat Merit scholars, etc. But they outworked me in college and I couldn't handle "losing" to them. When I start medical school, they will be in their 4th year. Needless to say, this put an unnecessary strain on some of the most important friendships in my life.

Tl;dr --> This mindset only serves to hurt you and potentially those around you. Always do your best- thats the only way to avoid regret if you don't succeed.
 
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mwsapphire said:
Hi guys,
I know this is gonna sound kind of grim but I need to know if this is normal.

I'm doing fine in my classes, but I'm taking a brutal load this semester. I'm in 17 credits ( mostly electives) and my first 4000 lvl class is filled with bright students who did well in the pre reqs. I'm also in Orgo II. ( Those and orgo lab are my only STEM classes). Every time my classmates do better than me on something, or I do average on a Stem Cell Biology test ( like I said , class filled with brilliant students. The prof is also our pre health advisor so doing well in that class is important in general, for more than just the sake of doing well.) I feel this huge wave of sadness/disappointment/ inadequacy. Like, feeling like I hate myself. I know that some feelings of inadequacy are normal, but for me its been constant. For reference, I had two exams the week after Thanksgiving break and spent almost the whole break studying my ass off. I literally sacrificed having a break so I could do well. So you can see that it really makes me feel like I'm not enough ( and not that I just didn't study).

Like, I saw the one girl in front of me who got a 93 and I literally felt like I was about to cry. ( I got an 80, and the average was an 80, just like on the second test. These tests are tricky and full of annoying details, but this class has so many good students. ) I felt this massive headache coming on after class which I'm now realizing was because of stress.

Is this normal? Do I need to see a therapist? I've told my friends about this and they don't seem to think its any cause for alarm. I'm afraid with how frequent these feelings are its not healthy, but maybe its just temporary? Like I always tell myself to keep ploughing through and just focus on the next assessment, so it's not like I'm hopeless. But it's really hard to stay happy, and that's what's getting to me. Like lately whenever I try to relax or just enjoy something, these feelings come back. I know I can see a therapist on campus for free.

Thanks for reading my post. Please don't post any rude comments
Click to expand...
I'm really sorry about this sweety. First and foremost you should get your mental health in check.

I also would like for you to breathe for a little bit. Are you yourself doing better? Did studying more help you at all or did you get the same results? If you got the same results you shouldn't study harder but rather smarter. I think we all can benefit from this.

Forget about what the kid in front of you or the kid next to you gets, focus on bettering yourself. Lastly, you can do this, don't be discouraged.
 
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