pianoiscool

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Hi everyone,

I'm a P1 at UOP in California. I was in the 2+3 program so I'm a 20 y/o female. I don't know what exactly my problem is but I just can't seem to focus on school. That's pretty bad since finals are next week! However, every time I sit down to study, I look on Facebook or Instagram or check my phone, only to see pictures of happy couples.

I thought that coming to college would change everything and I would finally get a boyfriend, have my first kiss, first relationship, and fall in love. However, it is the exact opposite and nothing has changed. I'm stressed, depressed and single as I've always been. When I started pharmacy school in August, I thought things would change and had hope, only to have that dream shattered as well. Could anyone please give me some advice?

Additional Details:
I practically got straight D's on my midterms. Yet I still have 3C's, 1 B and 1 A. I just need to maintain those grades on the final exam. I can't get myself to study though, considering I've been so sad.

Also, my roommate and friends having boyfriends doesn't help. It feels like its rubbed in my face. My roommate isn't really my friend even though I've known her since high school. She's just an acquaintance and always keeps her room shut and sits there all day. My social life sucks and my love life has been nonexistent.

Any help would be kindly appreciated!
 
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Lonelypharmdstudent

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Are you actually a P1 as in a pharmacy year 1 or p1 = prepharm year 1? This is very important! Send me a PM if you are looking for love. I'm a P2 male and in the same situation as you are.


OR if you don't want me as your lover, my advice would be to just suck it up. You're too young to fall in love and you wouldn't know what to do with it if it shows up at you door. I think you are just too stressed out from studying too much and not used to having a studious life.
 

Ackj

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I think we need pictures to accurately assess the situation here. Analysis requires data.
 

Sparda29

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You don't want a boyfriend in pharmacy school. Relationships take too much time that could be used for studying, working etc. One night stands are how I got through it. ;)

Also, as a girl you probably shouldn't participate in No-Shave November.
 
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pianoiscool

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lol i'm not the one night stand type of girl. i keep it classy. i'm a one man woman. this probably sounds cheesy but i want to save myself. or at least hope to. lol i don't have a problem getting guys - but the right ones seems impossible to find!

haha i know. i did it as a dare!

and no pictures.
here's a visual:
5'2 and 115 pounds with ahem..assets you can say (;
and also a lot of guys and girls have told me i look pretty or hot.
 
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pianoiscool

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i agree about Facebook and Instagram. I hate getting sucked into social media
 

Lonelypharmdstudent

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You don't want a boyfriend in pharmacy school. Relationships take too much time that could be used for studying, working etc. One night stands are how I got through it. ;)

Also, as a girl you probably shouldn't participate in No-Shave November.

What is no-shave november?

Did you have one night stands with your classmates? Wouldn't that be awkward?
 
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pianoiscool

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^ok i don't know how to quote. don't judge i haven't been on here since like 2 years lol. but no shave november is when guys don't shave their facial hair for like the whole month of november.
 

Lonelypharmdstudent

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lol i'm not the one night stand type of girl. i keep it classy. i'm a one man woman. this probably sounds cheesy but i want to save myself. or at least hope to. lol i don't have a problem getting guys - but the right ones seems impossible to find!

haha i know. i did it as a dare!

and no pictures.
here's a visual:
i'm a short curvy indian girl. 5'2 and 115 pounds with ahem..assets you can say (;
and also a lot of guys and girls have told me i look pretty or hot.

In this day and age no one "saves themeselves"
 
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pianoiscool

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girls sometimes participate by not shaving their legs. so i was telling him that i'm also participating as a girl. but it's annoying so i'm getting my legs waxed in 2 days. LOL!
 
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pianoiscool

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lol we'll see about that. idk maybe i'm super old school. not that it makes a difference. but i was kinda raised that way.
 
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Lonelypharmdstudent

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lol we'll see about that. idk maybe i'm super old school. also, did i mention i'm indian? not that it makes a difference. but i was kinda raised that way.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it common in your culture to participate in arrange marriages and thus you cannot date? Don't you already have a guy picked out for you? Maybe you can get in touch with him.
 

MackandBlues

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if not a troll my advice is that if you are having trouble studying and concentrating because you are so sad then you need to get yourself to your pcp.
 
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pianoiscool

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Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it common in your culture to participate in arrange marriages and thus you cannot date? Don't you already have a guy picked out for you? Maybe you can get in touch with him.
lol finally got how to quote this forum.
um NO. not necessarily. it depends on how modern your family is.
and mine allows me to date and find a husband. its almost 2014 and we live in America.
don't be so stereotypical.
 
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pianoiscool

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Yes, we need to compare to SHC lol.
SHC? haha damn what's up with wanting pics, y'all? believe me when i say i'm decent looking. i've been asked out on dates and called pretty/hot. Just never found anything serious or worth it
 

Lonelypharmdstudent

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lol finally got how to quote this forum.
um NO. not necessarily. it depends on how modern your family is.
and mine allows me to date and find a husband. its almost 2014 and we live in America.
don't be so stereotypical.

Oh, my bad. Since 1/25 arranged marriages end in divorce I thought that might be a good option. I'd say work on your grades first, then once that's fix you can go out and find a relationship. But I think you are not ready love since you seem like a very immature person.
 
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pianoiscool

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Oh, my bad. Since 1/25 arranged marriages end in divorce I thought that might be a good option. I'd say work on your grades first, then once that's fix you can go out and find a relationship. But I think you are not ready love since you seem like a very immature person.
1. not a beggar. i'm not desperate.
 
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Lonelypharmdstudent

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1. not a beggar. i'm not desperate.

2. i'm immature? i'm 20 and in grad school. i think i've learnt to grow the eff up at a pretty young age. you're the one who's being straight up racist. if you don't know what's up, you shouldn't comment. seriously if you don't have anything good to say, don't say it? didn't you ever learn that?

How am I being racist? It is a known fact that Indians and many other cultures participate in arranged marriages. Also, YOU said that YOU couldn't find love even though YOU said that YOU get asked out/compliments from guys. So please.
 
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pianoiscool

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but i do appreciate that you know that arranged marriages have lower divorce rates. thanks for pointing that out.
 
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pianoiscool

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How am I being racist? It is a known fact that Indians and many other cultures participate in arranged marriages. Also, YOU said that YOU couldn't find love even though YOU said that YOU get asked out/compliments from guys. So please.
 
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Lonelypharmdstudent

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yeah but just because they do in india, doesn't mean we do it here. just saying. stereotypes aren't always true.
i'm just saying i can't find anything meaningful. and guys just want to hook up with me because i'm hot.
and i'm relationship material, not just some booty call... please you can find a dime a dozen of those at clubs/bars.

Actually, a lot of American men are known to participate in arrange marriages. And no, this is not stereotyping. Aside from that, what do you look for in a guy?

If you list them out maybe it can help you seek you that guy. Also, once you do find the guy you like, will you ask him out? Or will you wait for him to ask you out? What if he doesn't notice you? What if you're not his type? What will you do? Also, what will you do about your grades?

I'm not attacking, I'm just trying to help you think this through.
 
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pianoiscool

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Actually, a lot of American men are known to participate in arrange marriages. And no, this is not stereotyping. Aside from that, what do you look for in a guy?

If you list them out maybe it can help you seek you that guy. Also, once you do find the guy you like, will you ask him out? Or will you wait for him to ask you out? What if he doesn't notice you? What if you're not his type? What will you do? Also, what will you do about your grades?

I'm not attacking, I'm just trying to help you think this through.
Ok. Thank you. I guess I'm not thinking this through.

Honestly just a few things:
- personality (honest, caring, loyal, respectful)
- looks somewhat (as long as there is an attraction - he doesn't have to be a Hollister model because I'm not either)
- ambitious - pursuing or studying something solid
- have a few things in common with

I don't drink or smoke or party. But I don't mind if he does. As long as he's faithful to me. And I'd probably wait for him to ask me out but I'd definitely be dropping hints like no other.

If he doesn't notice me, I'll approach him and be friendly but won't suggest anything.

If I'm not his type, then I'll move on.

Grades - I feel like with a boyfriend I'd be more motivated to finish my work to go see him :)
And he'd want to see me succeed. I have too much free time being single and jobless atm, so if I'm busy with work or a boyfriend, or both, I would work better under pressure and manage my time better since I wouldn't have that much to waste.
 

Lonelypharmdstudent

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Ok. Thank you. I guess I'm not thinking this through.

Honestly just a few things:
- personality (honest, caring, loyal, respectful)
- looks somewhat (as long as there is an attraction - he doesn't have to be a Hollister model because I'm not either)
- ambitious - pursuing or studying something solid
- have a few things in common with

I don't drink or smoke or party. But I don't mind if he does. As long as he's faithful to me. And I'd probably wait for him to ask me out but I'd definitely be dropping hints like no other.

If he doesn't notice me, I'll approach him and be friendly but won't suggest anything.

If I'm not his type, then I'll move on.

Grades - I feel like with a boyfriend I'd be more motivated to finish my work to go see him :)
And he'd want to see me succeed. I have too much free time being single and jobless atm, so if I'm busy with work or a boyfriend, or both, I would work better under pressure and manage my time better since I wouldn't have that much to waste.

These are very vague qualities that you look for in a guy. I'll bet most of the guys who hit on you probably belong to those qualities as well since they are so general. For example, if the guys you claim say that you are pretty, then obviously they are being honest. You guys study pharmacy so obviously there are plenty of ambitious guys. I'll bet there are pretty good looking guys in your class as well. You need to be very specific, or otherwise what you listed is just too general and there many guys who fit the above descriptions.
 

Sparda29

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Ok. Thank you. I guess I'm not thinking this through.

Honestly just a few things:
- personality (honest, caring, loyal, respectful)
- looks somewhat (as long as there is an attraction - he doesn't have to be a Hollister model because I'm not either)
- ambitious - pursuing or studying something solid
- have a few things in common with

I don't drink or smoke or party. But I don't mind if he does. As long as he's faithful to me. And I'd probably wait for him to ask me out but I'd definitely be dropping hints like no other.

If he doesn't notice me, I'll approach him and be friendly but won't suggest anything.


If I'm not his type, then I'll move on.

Grades - I feel like with a boyfriend I'd be more motivated to finish my work to go see him :)
And he'd want to see me succeed. I have too much free time being single and jobless atm, so if I'm busy with work or a boyfriend, or both, I would work better under pressure and manage my time better since I wouldn't have that much to waste.
This is a major problem nowadays. Girls need to be willing to make the first move. I had a lot of missed opportunities in high school/early college years because I simply could not pick up any hints/signals and was expecting girls to be direct.
 
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pianoiscool

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This is a major problem nowadays. Girls need to be willing to make the first move. I had a lot of missed opportunities in high school/early college years because I simply could not pick up any hints/signals and was expecting girls to be direct.
says the half indian/ arab guy who's probably hella hot. lol you must've gotten a lotta girls! (;
 
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desklamp

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What the heck is this thread. Look. If you're attractive and all you get are guys trying to get into your pants the problem is either:

1) You are the girl guys want to hit and quit, not take home to their parents. Re-evaluate your assessment of your personality.
2) You aren't actually as nice/attractive as you say you are.
3) You're super hot but come off as crazy (see #1)
4) You have unrealistic or super high standards and reject every guy who makes an attempt to woo you. (This is fine if you are willing to wait. Don't settle blahblhablah).

Seriously though, stop caring about being single at the age of 20. Straighten out your career and your grades, be a good person, try to make some guy friends, and you'll find someone worth your time eventually unless you have a deadtooth or something. Most of your friends are going to break up anyway. I'm old. I know these things.

P.S. There's always OKCupid

(Source: Every single one of my male friends)
 
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pianoiscool

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What the heck is this thread. Look. If you're attractive and all you get are guys trying to get into your pants the problem is either:

1) You are the girl guys want to hit and quit, not take home to their parents. Re-evaluate your assessment of your personality.
2) You aren't actually as nice/attractive as you say you are.
3) You're super hot but come off as crazy (see #1)
4) You have unrealistic or super high standards and reject every guy who makes an attempt to woo you. (This is fine if you are willing to wait. Don't settle blahblhablah).

Seriously though, stop caring about being single at the age of 20. Straighten out your career and your grades, be a good person, try to make some guy friends, and you'll find someone worth your time eventually unless you have a deadtooth or something. Most of your friends are going to break up anyway. I'm old. I know these things.

P.S. There's always OKCupid

(Source: Every single one of my male friends)
I would say #4 is it. lol damn but thanks for the wake up call, girl! and really? they'd break up even though they're in their twenties and seem serious? i'm willing to wait but i notice the more you do, the more picky you get. which means the more unrealistic the standards are and the harder it is to find what i want. but i can at least wait until i graduate pharmacy school! i'll be 23!
 
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somehow I thought I was on 'christianmingle.com' or 'zoosk.com'.. LOL

anyways, good luck to your romance. I've never thought I was going to get married while in military..and boom. it happened in sudden.
 
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by the way, thanks for making me smile while surfing on pharmacy forum.. which I haven't had for a while.
 

Momus

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Saving yourself for marriage is a moronic stand. You test drive your car, don't you? What happen if you guy has ED or limp all the time? The fact that you project "I am relationship material" makes a guy run the other way. I hate a girl who project that energy, it screams "I am needy". Go out, have fun, date a lot of guys, have one night stand, go skydiving, party and get drunk, have a week-a couple months relationship. Get your first kiss at age 20. Have sex, get your heart broken, do stupid things. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did. Don't be that boring girl. YOLO
 

WhiteSnows

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This is one of the most useless threads I have never seen. Even BMB's posts about Joblessness does have some valid points, this thread is just out of places.
 

WVUPharm2007

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You have reason to be concerned. With women in general now graduating from college at higher rates than men, they will no longer be able to find enough men they consider "suitable" for marriage (i.e. educated and making a good living at their level or higher.) Latch yourself onto a "good one" if you are lucky enough. Otherwise, invest in a dog or cat. They will love you. That or you could do the unthinkable and marry a regular Joe. If you can bring yourself to bring home a Best Buy clerk to mom and dad, anyway.
 

WVUPharm2007

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Delete facebook and instagram. You'll be A LOT happier once you stop comparing yourself to others.
I did the same thing. I don't want to make other people depressed.
 

Lonelypharmdstudent

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Actually now that I think about it there are plenty of single Indian/Arab men who are willing to date. You should check out dating sites for Indians/Arabs.
 

Sparda29

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Indian/Arab men have this one hypocritical thing though. They wanna bang all the chicks out there while they are in their late teens-late 20s/early 30s and when they wanna get married and settle down they'll say they'll only marry a pure virgin, lol.
 
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pianoiscool

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Indian/Arab men have this one hypocritical thing though. They wanna bang all the chicks out there while they are in their late teens-late 20s/early 30s and when they wanna get married and settle down they'll say they'll only marry a pure virgin, lol.
^ word. and that's what makes it even harder for girls who are pure virgins... because that is hypocritical of them!
 

BeLikeBueller

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This thread. It's just. This thread.

My advice: find some single friends. Being the third-wheel is never fun. Not only can it be depressing - couples are also just incredibly annoying to be around. "Oh, I lovey-dovey you more. No, I lovey-dovey you more." :barf:

Also, I highly respect your moral commitments regarding dating and saving yourself, etc. But you could still go on a few dates, right? Coffee? Lunch? Maybe even dinner and a movie if the guy is nice. Doesn't mean that it has to lead anywhere afterwards. If they guy is pressuring you or wants more, that's your cue to move on.

But let's talk about your standards. You sound like you're looking for a nice guy. A lot of the times, nice guys aren't going to be your Ryan Reynold types (not saying that's always true, but just generally speaking). Maybe start hanging out with some of your lower-tier guys as far as appearance. If personality is as important to you as you seem to imply, one of them might surprise you. Or you may find out that personality traits aren't as important as you thought.

Either way, dating right now should be a learning experience. It doesn't have to be a physical thing, but you can start to figure out what personality traits and characteristics interest you the most.

As far as focusing on finals, here is my crazy, crazy, crazy thought. See if one of your friends will set you up on a blind date (or un-blinded...although randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled is preferred), if you make the grades you need/want to make on finals. Incentivize doing well.
 
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pianoiscool

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This thread. It's just. This thread.

My advice: find some single friends. Being the third-wheel is never fun. Not only can it be depressing - couples are also just incredibly annoying to be around. "Oh, I lovey-dovey you more. No, I lovey-dovey you more." :barf:

Also, I highly respect your moral commitments regarding dating and saving yourself, etc. But you could still go on a few dates, right? Coffee? Lunch? Maybe even dinner and a movie if the guy is nice. Doesn't mean that it has to lead anywhere afterwards. If they guy is pressuring you or wants more, that's your cue to move on.

But let's talk about your standards. You sound like you're looking for a nice guy. A lot of the times, nice guys aren't going to be your Ryan Reynold types (not saying that's always true, but just generally speaking). Maybe start hanging out with some of your lower-tier guys as far as appearance. If personality is as important to you as you seem to imply, one of them might surprise you. Or you may find out that personality traits aren't as important as you thought.

Either way, dating right now should be a learning experience. It doesn't have to be a physical thing, but you can start to figure out what personality traits and characteristics interest you the most.

As far as focusing on finals, here is my crazy, crazy, crazy thought. See if one of your friends will set you up on a blind date (or un-blinded...although randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled is preferred), if you make the grades you need/want to make on finals. Incentivize doing well.
by far the best advice so far! thank you <3
 

Aminex

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A bit harsh on the arranged marriage question, no? Calling racism and insensitivity on legitimate inquiry is disingenuous on your part because I was best friends with a couple of Desi guys in undergrad. They were both as "American" as me (whatever that means) but went on to have arranged marriages. The "promiscuous Indian/Arab men that demand virgins for marriage" stereotype also happened to not apply to them. One remained a virgin until his marriage at 32 and the other one only had 2 long-term monogamous relationships before marrying. In fact, I spent most of my free time with them but they also knew I would run with a different set of mutual friends when it came time for kicks (ladies and booze). I lived with one of them for a summer when I interned with his Dad and judging by the massive "28 YO Brahmin MD" type classifieds I read in the back of India Abroad, you have to acknowledge the Ganesh in the room that a solid majority of fully Americanized 2014 Desi still choose traditional paths when it comes to marriage. Might your own unhappiness be partially attributed to trouble resolving the dissonance in your mind over how to bridge 2 cultures?
Well, anyway, I'm not here to play Sachin Freud so best of luck to you. You actually have it all--youth, education, looks--you'll just have to open your eyes and capitalize on it to realize your happiness but that's the curse of the early 20's: you can't see it. I just wanted to White Knight Lonelypharmstudent. He asked a legitimate question in a polite and culturally-sensitive manner and you framed him as a bucktoothed Hillbilly when arrangement is way more common even for "civilized" second-gens than you let on.
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