frustrated by negativity

[mshheaddoc]

So, here I am, at the age of 25 and my life was screwed up as it was. Since high school, always like science, NEVER knew what I wanted to do. Dropped out of chem, majored in economics. College sucked for me.

Now, I'd like to go back to science and EVERYONE and their mother is telling me NO. My friend who was premed all during college, decided to go back for his MBA and is now in pharm sales. He was like, I have to talk you out of this. Every doctor I know told me NOT to go into medicine. Money you put out isn't worth it, blah blah blah. Same thing from my mom today. I couldn't take it. I broke. I NEVER BREAK. She even said that if I do it, I'm on my own, that her and my dad wouldn't support me because she thinks I have a great future in business, which of course I do, I'm driven. You are what you make of yourself, but I have this yearning inside to be in medicine and learn everything I can. She tells me, well you didn't do well in chem before, I was like yeah, and there was a reason. I gave up on myself, now I have to overcome my 2.3 GPA undergrad. I have a 3.6 in my MBA program currently and I know I would ace all my classes now. But I feel SO lost by the negativity. Alot of my friends are like, wow, you're totally going into MORE debt (I already have a BOATLOAD of loans from undergrad) and I have to go at least 2-3 years of schooling to get INTO med school. My friend put it like this, you will be poor guaranteed the next 15 years and who knows what the healthcare system will be like. I don't care about the debt, although it does worry me, but I just am so frustrated over what I should do.

I know I could go for my law degree, or just stay in business somewhere (yeah SUCH a broad field, no wonder I have no clue what to do with my life). I have been soul searching to find something I will really enjoy, and my mom is like, well since you don't know what you want to do, then what if you start THIS and don't like it. Maybe you will make the wrong choice or something will go wrong. I feel like all I have done is make wrong choices. You have to take a chance on life and yourself. I know my friends are trying to be the voice of reason in my head, and they give me an objective view. But its not like I didn't think of medicine before. I was VERY VERY close to going to nursing school b/c I didn't have enough self-confidence to get into med school and thought the route was too long. I ended up switching jobs and then starting my MBA. But if I want to do it (med school), then I'm going to do it. But now ...after all of that, do I want to do it? What if I don't get in to ANY med school, I just wasted another 4 years of my life. ARGH

Not that I expect you to answer, but anyone in the same boat? 3-4 years to get in to med school, post bacc progams, etc.? Want to jump in and help me with the pails, b/c I'm sinking and there is a $hitload of water in here and I'm having problems getting it out!!!

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[Fermata]

At the end of the day you have to live with yourself.

Do whatever is going to give yourself peace of mind.

But know that part of being a man is swallowing your pride and doing what you have to.

 

[dcratamt]

You can't let others make your decisions for you or you will regret the decision and resent your friends and family. You only live once and I think it better to go out striving to attain a dream than always wondering what might have been. I know it is a tough decision. I decided to try medical school after working as a physical therapist for 5 years. I went to a year and a half of school and took the MCAT. I am now going to med school and I don't regret a thing. Don't be too focused on the outcome of your endeavor but relish the feeling of the endeavor itself. If you decide to do what you really want to do despite your friends and family then you are already successful and the rest is just a bonus.

 

[sanford_w/o_son]

Although you'll probably be happiest doing what you would most like to do, the social cost of alienated friends/family and the financial cost of post-bacc/med school should not be overlooked. Maybe try to get some experience in a medical setting with both doctors and direct patient contact, before you get too committed to taking science courses. Talking to people who've talked to doctors (or talking to doctors) is all well and good, but even better is observing them in their work setting in their daily routine.

 

[bringinit247]

To be honest: F*CK what other people have to say. One thing I have learned in life is that there are so many people who are all too willing to tell us why we can't do something, and what obstacles stand in our way. The reason they do that is because, most likely, they were too scared to pursue what was in their heart in the past, and they don't want to see anybody else go for their dream. It would make them feel even more guilty for not going for it when they had the chance. Misery loves company.

What you have to do is something I should have done a long time ago. Stop listening to people around you who don't know what you are feeling inside. First of all, you clearly have the academic potential to do this. Don't worry about getting into debt. Everybody else does it, and the debt doesn't stop them, does it? Do what makes you happy. If moving to Mars and living by yourself made you happy, then I say go right ahead. Who am I (or anyone else) to question you?

You only live once. And you are still young! You have the ability to do whatever you want in this life. There are post-bacc programs all over this country tailored for people just like you. So if it is what will make you happy, then by all means do it. Just make sure you are the one who decides, not people around you. God bless.

 

[samenewme]

Well, what if you work in the business world for a year or two, and volunteer in a health care setting on the side? You really DO need to check out your motivation and get a real picture of how life in medicine really is before you embark on this new journey. You can pay down your debt a bit before you rack up more, too. I know you feel that time is marching on, but looking back at your age from the ripe old age of 40 (and finishing off pre-reqs this coming year), I want to assure you that you DO still have your whole life ahead of you.

See if your next job can be with a company in the health care industry, preferably with a little flexibility to let you take a class or two on the side. That may be quite a search, but it's worth looking. If you work on the business side of the health care field, do some volunteering to get patient contact, and sock the money away, you'll be in a better position in a year or two to get good letters of recommendation, calm some of the doubts about the finances, and get some kickass grades to show that you can do the work.

Don't let the worries of others stop you from what you want to do. But do examine those comments to see if there are real concerns there that you can address as you make your plan.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[mshheaddoc]

argh, just responded and it got all messed up. I appreciate the support and I guess that is what I'm looking for. Its hard b/c I know already that my mother is very pessimistic on life, I am the optimist. That is my life, not much to can do on that.

I had this great response to all everyone's questions or concerns and it obviously got erased. I can't come up with the same exact answers as I wrote before, but I am looking to volunteer. Its hard b/c if I start it, I want to start my track this fall. I have contacted my pre-bacc program and there are still spots available so I want to get my app in as soon as possible, but I am so on the fence. I know there are other out there like myself who are questioning medicine or who have questioned medicine. What did you do when everyone thought you were crazy. I love my family and friends, but when you need to follow your heart, what do you do? You need to be true to yourself ... but how stable is that? I have been independant on decisions for my life for 10 years now (at the young age of 25) but I still don't know ... god knows if ANYONE ever knows.

I guess that is why I'm here to look for support. This is something so deep down inside that I want, but so many obsticles to overcome. That is what happens when you type at 12am after being out all night b/c you DON'T know what to do ...

I appreciate all your responses ... thank you!

 

[coffeeluver]

There are some posters on here that have done the postbac route and only took them a year or two. You should follow your heart, not anyone elses because you don't want to keeping thinking "what if" 20 years from now. Good luck

 

[Anka]

Okay, not to be negative in the other direction, but you're 25 and still worried about what mommy thinks? And expect mommy to support you? Cut the apron strings. Use the strength you've gained from being in business (where, from your description, you're relatively successful) and do what you're going to do. You knew going in your parents are negative. Stop talking to them (i.e., cut her out before she cuts you out; don't do the whole learned helplessness thing)/

As far as starting your 'track', why not sign up for one of the pre-reqs in the evening? It's not like you're signing your life away with one class.

Anka

 

[chopper]

I agree that you have to follow your heart. I did this as well. And I'm 32, not 25. I suggest you do as some other posters have said - take a couple pre-req classes, do some volunteering, that sort of thing. You have plenty of time to do this. And if it is really 'what you want to do' - a year or two now will not even matter in 20-30 years.

As far as friends and family, I think they are probably being like this for one of two reasons:

1) They are always negative. Some people are. If this is the case, I'm sure that you are used to it. And they will probably be negative about anything you do. Their problem, not yours.
2) They are trying to protect you. For whatever reason, they think doing this will end up somehow hurting you. They either doubt your conviction or your ability. In this case, just continue to be super-positive with them about what you are doing - don't accept any help b/c then you are somehow 'beholden' to them. Eventually, THEY will see how really happy and serious you are about this, and will come around.

Good luck. I recommend going to this sight: www.oldpremeds.org LOTS of people here who have similar stories as you. And if you think you are old starting med school, there are people in their later 40's or early 50's who are finishing up now. Very inspirational.

Good Luck
-chop

 

[Febrifuge]

I'm in the same boat, sort of. I have lots of good reasons why going back to school at the age of 34, with a 3.0 undergrad GPA and a buttload of loans, etc. is not a smart thing to do.

But I've been a patient all my life, and I'd rather have people like us become doctors, if the alternative is people who were able to do it with relative ease, or without as much sacrifice and expense. Because maybe, that means they don't know in the same way that we do that it's what they want, it's what they're best at, it's what they were put on earth to do. As a co-worker, as a consumer, as a teacher and a student, I want as many as possible of the people I work with to be doing what they do out of passion, and not just out of plan, y'know?

My personal essay -- the one that got me in to post-bac -- ends up with an acknowledgement that this isn't easy, it isn't cheap, and it probably isn't smart. Know it. Own it. Make it true. Your mom is trying to show you she cares, in her messed-up overprotective stifling pessimistic way. Tell her thanks, and then go on your way.

 

[ms2209]

To be honest: F*CK what other people have to say. One thing I have learned in life is that there are so many people who are all too willing to tell us why we can't do something, and what obstacles stand in our way. The reason they do that is because, most likely, they were too scared to pursue what was in their heart in the past, and they don't want to see anybody else go for their dream. It would make them feel even more guilty for not going for it when they had the chance. Misery loves company.

What you have to do is something I should have done a long time ago. Stop listening to people around you who don't know what you are feeling inside. First of all, you clearly have the academic potential to do this. Don't worry about getting into debt. Everybody else does it, and the debt doesn't stop them, does it? Do what makes you happy. If moving to Mars and living by yourself made you happy, then I say go right ahead. Who am I (or anyone else) to question you?

You only live once. And you are still young! You have the ability to do whatever you want in this life. There are post-bacc programs all over this country tailored for people just like you. So if it is what will make you happy, then by all means do it. Just make sure you are the one who decides, not people around you. God bless.

Wow, this is an amazing post. I agree completely with your observations about people trying to get in your way, and I've experienced it soooo many times...I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees it this way!

 

[elephunt]

Life is too short not to do what you love. When times get tough and it's the middle of the night and I'm up studying and worrying about everything I gave up to follow this road, I repeat that sentence to myself over and over. I think that's what it comes down to for all of us non-trads: we have to follow our dreams, even if it means sacrificing some of what we've worked hard to achieve in the past (career, connections, salary, etc.) Is it really a bad thing if your friends and family think you're crazy? Maybe they think you're crazy because they would never in a million years have the courage to do what you want to do--and they begrudgingly admire you for being so audacious. How many historical figures have been called crazy before they were called geniuses or heroes? Have some faith in yourself!

 

[jeanslee]

i just graduated from ugrad at columbia and am also discouraged...not by others only, but just by myself. i'm 22 yrs old and applied to the post-bacc premed program here. but i'm discouraged by the fact that I won't be matriculating into MedSchool until 2007 or so, that IS -if I get in at all. It's just frustrating to see fellow friends going off to med school this coming fall, but I know I can't because I was a computer science major and never took all the pre-reqs for med school. I dont know if anyone agrees with me but it is really hard to have a good gpa from being a computer science major. So mine is not brilliant or 3.5+ or anything like that, but will admissions look at individual majors and care? I don't know.. I just need to understand that come 20 or 30 years, having been 2-3 years late *now* doesn't mean anything.

 

[karlin009]

Stay away from those who do not support you. I did the same thing. I worked in the fashion industry for awhile (shocker). Most of my friends thought I'd lost my mind when I brought up medicine. A lot have basically told me I can't do it. If you really want it you will get it. Sure there are many times I doubt myself...but my will to succeed has saved me. No pain...No gain...right?

 

[mimistud]

Your story is a little creepy for me ~ I also toyed with nursing but family/friends pooh-poohed it. I went on to study anthropology and got an earful there too...and after a slew of pretty good jobs in the corporate world I eventually ended up in business school and I'm now finishing my MBA.

I have no plans to actually use it beyond making money to pay for med school. I'm not going into $200K in debt, and guess what? You don't have to either. If you learned anything in b-school, it's how to make a dime. Get creative. It also helps to focus on the positive side of debt ~ without it, none of us would become doctors. There are scads of ways to reduce your debt level down the road so don't let that scare you off. Defer, defer, refinance, HELOC...

If we listen to all the wet blanket naysayers, so much of what has made life exciting would never have happened! And you'd be sitting there with a bad attitude telling others why their dreams will never come true. You don't want to be that guy or gal do you? Then go to medical school!

The fact that you are 25...I'm a little surprised at your level of panic. You're young. Relax...and just line up the pieces...you will get there.

The best advice I can give you is to somehow resolve the plain fact that you have a different set of beliefs about what makes a life than your critics do. Face the fact that you aren't going to change their minds, any more than they can changes yours (unless you're weak minded of course). So live and let live ~ that goes for you too! The anxiety you feel is partially due to your inability to influence their beliefs. Quit trying to morph their viewpoint or worse yet, make their acceptance of your plans into a necessary prerequisite.

Be patient, get on with your life. They'll come to right conclusion eventually, and by then you really won't care

 

[kittieruby]

Also re:cost, why not enroll in a post-bac program at a state school or community college? There are some great state post-bac programs, and while Community College programs may not have the best prestige, if you do excellent, and also have an MBA, and have killer MCAT you will prob. get in SOMEWHERE, b/c you have a very interesting background.

Good luck.

 

[junebuguf]

First off: I'm totally in the same boat. I turn 25 in a few days, graduated with a useless Computer Science degree with a horrendous gpa (~2.25) and was pushed towards CS because my parents thought that was the proper thing to do. I should also mention that I started college when I was 16 and pretty much took them on their word that majoring in film as a pre-med was not the smart career choice.

Not that I blame them, but I realize now that the only way you're ever going to be happy is by pursuing your passion in life. Forget all the bull$!&t about being 'successful,' success is how you define it. If being broke as a social worker gives you a genuine contentment and satisfaction, screw everyone elses advice and go for it. If its medicine, then so be it. I know that sounded corny as hell and was riddled with cliches, but theres always some truth to a cliche, thats how they get started.

I know I would have been far more successful academically if I had chosen a field in the humanities, rather than a dull, lifeless discipline. But now that I know I want a career in medicine, my grades have improved dramatically. And though earning an A still requries considerable effort (just because you like it, doesnt mean it'll come naturally) I have a tremendous sense of peace with the path I've chosen. I know it will be several years before I realize my goal, I know that when I have kids I'll have to miss a lot of milestones in their life because I'll be completing my residency. I realize I'l miss a lot, not only in their lives but in my own....but I'm truly at peace with that. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm pursuing something worthwhile and I'm confortable with the sacrifice to get there.

The only time I get any reservations is when I speak to my parents who know how to lay it on thick with the,'We're getting old and want to see you settled in life. Can't you pick something that you can complete before we die?' I dont know your personal situation. If you're like most people in their mid-twenties, you've probably got other considerations--familial, significant other, financial, et. God knows I want to appease them, settle down, buy a house and have the financial security to take vacations around the world, buy a nice car, et. But again, these are sacrifices. If you're not ready to sacrifice other's expectations of you (particularly those of your parents, and especially if they're overbearing), if you're not ready to sacrifice your own need to attain financial security NOW, then I dont think you're cut out for medicine. I get enormous cravings for the nicer things in life, I hate driving my crappy '87 Benz with 250k miles and a lame wardrobe. But I know that in years (maybe a decade away, but someday...) I'll be doing something I love and getting paid handsomely for it. Think about these things before you embark...

As far as the cost to complete post-bacc programs and med school, et. If this is a serious hindrance in your opinion, then dont pursue med school. Post-bacc programs are expensive, particularly for older people who are not accustomed to living like thrifty teenagers. In my case, I've resigned myself to a lengthy post-bacc process (3 years). If you are not completely sure that medicine is your calling and that you have the perseverance to tough it out in all the pre-req classes and then through long hours of studying in med school and longer hours still in residency, then wasting a year or two pursuing this full-time is a bad decision. Get a job, take night classes (preferrably not at a community college) a class or two a semester and slowly build up your resume towards med school. Also, with your MBA, you could easily get a job in a hospital or managed healthcare environment--this is an excellent way to get get your foot in the door. Talk to doctors, volunteer in the meantime, collect interesting stories from your hospital days for when you interview.

For me the transition to becoming a student again (especially the sitting in class with annoying 18 year olds for a couple years) was easier because I have a very supportive girlfriend who's in med school. I get a lot of guidance and emotional support from her. Its easier because she knows how hard it is to get there and understands when I cant always be there for her. Its particularly important for you to reconcile your decision to pursue medicine with your husband/boyfriend. They need to know how long its going to be and what it entails.

Lastly, dont give up and never never never never never ever let other people tell you what you 'need' to do with your life. You only get one ride on this merry go 'round, so use your ticket wisely. With that, I'm through with pithy aphorisms.

 

[junebuguf]

...on the point about ADCOMs and gpas, the general rule is, the longer its been since you're catastrophic undergrad performance, the most dissociated it will be when ADCOMs evaluate your candidacy. So for you and others, spending two, maybe three years in a post-bacc program (or even better, completing an ugad degree in the biological sciences and doing well) bodes extremely well. Similarly, many people choose to do special masters which also help but dont help your ugad gpa. Depending on how hopeless your gpa is, one or the other might be a better choice.

 

[Tippy007]

The negativity that you're experiencing is too bad. If they were more supportive, you probably wouldn't be agonizing over the decision. Let me try to help with what little wisdom that I can offer from my own experience. I left a well-paying job in the investment field which I enjoyed and where I was well liked. I did this after taking a post-bacc, which I started at the age of 29, so I can relate to your conflict. I know that I am on the right track. Once you commit to a career in medicine, I bet you will feel relieved. Your parents, co-workers or friends will eventually accept your decision, if you are happy.

Do not go into medicine for the money. But that isn't the same thing as do not go into medicine at all. And whatever you do, don't listen to burned out docs who went into medicine when there was a lot of money in it and are disappointed that the rug got pulled out from under them. There are much more important things in this world than making a lot of money and clearly those doctors have forgotten this and that is unfortunate.

Your GPA is a hurdle to overcome, but you can do it if you want it badly enough. You could take a masters program somewhere or if you rock the MCAT it may not matter that much. Either way, don't give up your dream because otherwise, in 30 years, you will become that jaded business guy telling people not to get their MBAs and how you should've gone into medicine...

Good luck.

 

[mshheaddoc]

Thank you everyone for your responses, suggestions, and support. I have made the decision over the weekend, I'm GOING for it. Now I just have to figure out how to structure it and how long I want to take before I go to school. Since I'm halfway done my MBA program, I don't know what to do in that retrospect. I don't want to drop the program, but I don't know if I will have time to finish it as is. I think that I'm going to just lessen my course load and take one class a semester and go for my pre-reqs. That way I can keep working towards it (I want to have my MBA! I'm almost done!)

I appreciate the support, the boost is what I needed.

 

[Halcyon440]

Dude, there's a reason for the negativity you're getting. First off, the doctors who say "Don't go to med school" never had a real job outside their practice. They didn't do construction, law, or some lame-ass "Office Space" type cubical job. All they compare it to is them being on-call vs. teachers not being on call. Give them 1 week with a shovel in their hands or sitting 50 hours a week in a cubical taking calls and staring at a monitor and they'll be crawling back to their practice quicker than you'd even think. They have no idea how good they have it.

AMEN!!!!

As I sit here in this crappy office job, starting at the same computer I've been staring at for years, I just want to scream! I've let negativity get to me a lot in the past. As the others have mentioned you have to just ignore it.

Congratulations on coming to a decision. Best withes to you!