"Funny quotes from 'less informed' pre-meds," On-Topic Edition

[AspiringERMD]

My favorite thread ever just got closed after 117 pages of mood-elevating hilarity, so I'd like to open another one to give people a second chance at staying on topic. Yes, I am aware that this is probably hopeless and wishful thinking. But I literally read that entire thread (twice), and it was surprisingly effective at keeping me going when I was applying, so I don't want it to die.

I acknowledge that this would be more appropriate if I actually had a story to share, but I don't have any more that are both interesting enough to post and that I didn't post in the other thread. Anyone able to take the torch from me?



(PS- That's a torch, not a flame. Humor me.)

(PPS- For posterity, here is the original. RIP 2011-2015. http://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/funny-quotes-from-less-informed-premeds.808486/ )

(PPPS- Stay on topic!!)

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[Crito]

Not exactly a quote, but this one time, a bunch of nasty pre meds got a great thread closed due to their inability to LET IT GO.

 

[Crito]

Also a story: Last year in a bio lab, the Prof said from day 1 that the lab manual would direct the activity and there would be minimal input from him or the TAs. So, everyone goes out, buys a lab manual, reads it the night before, and shows up to class.

Except one girl, who shows up, and sits while everyone else starts working. Her partner asks why she isn't doing anything, and she replies "The Professor hasn't told us what to do, so I'm waiting for him to start UNLIKE YOU."

A TA finally repeated what the Professor said on the first day (and also in the syllabus). She never came back after that day.

 

[Thisismyrealname]

Talking to this HS senior.

Me: I am actually in the process of applying to medical school now.
Youngling: Oh, that's cool; I start medical school next year.
Me: I think you mean you start your premed coursework next year.
Youngling: Nope, medical school.
My internal monologue: Just let it go. The crazy is strong with this one.
Me: You have to finish a Baccalaureate degree, and take the MCAT first.
Youngling: Not at (Top tier medical school)
Me: Yes, yes you do.
Youngling: Not if your dad works there.
Me: *sigh* Well, good luck.

 

[miamiheatfan]

In a conversation with two premeds:

Student 1: I'm taking my MCAT next week, honestly just hoping for a 30.
Student 2: Wow just a 30? I'm going to get a 40 when I take my MCAT. (Note: Student 2 hasn't even taken a practice test, let alone studied for the test).
Student 1: It isn't easy to get a 40, not anyone can get that.
Student 2: Sure I will, I'll just study really hard!
Me: If "studying hard" was all it took, a lot more people would get a 40.
Student 2: Watch me!

Student 1 and I:

3 months later, when student 2 is actually in the midst of studying for the MCAT...
Student 2: Oh man this is really tough, I honestly just want a 30 now
Student 1: What happened to getting a 40?
Me:

Student 2 didn't even come close to a 30 and is now studying for the new MCAT!

 

[deleted407021]

The president of my school's "pre-med frat" got busted for stealing Rx pads and little bits of medical supplies so that he could, quote, "Feel like a real doctor".
Guess who's never gonna be a real doctor?





Also, it's super lame that the other thread got shut down. It was OT way worse than that on dozens of occasions.

 

[AspiringERMD]

Talking to this HS senior.

Me: I am actually in the process of applying to medical school now.
Youngling: Oh, that's cool; I start medical school next year.
Me: I think you mean you start your premed coursework next year.
Youngling: Nope, medical school.
My internal monologue: Just let it go. The crazy is strong with this one.
Me: You have to finish a Baccalaureate degree, and take the MCAT first.
Youngling: Not at (Top tier medical school)
Me: Yes, yes you do.
Youngling: Not if your dad works there.
Me: *sigh* Well, good luck.

I guess it could have been a BS/MD program, but he would likely have identified it as such. I also have had people blatantly make up stories about stuff that they MUST understand I would know more about than they do. Ah, humans.

 

[AspiringERMD]

Also, it's super lame that the other thread got shut down. It was OT way worse than that on dozens of occasions.

Agreed. I was very surprised it got shut down; it always finds its way back to the topic, and it had the final time, too.

 

[cactus8910]

Talking to this HS senior.

Me: I am actually in the process of applying to medical school now.
Youngling: Oh, that's cool; I start medical school next year.
Me: I think you mean you start your premed coursework next year.
Youngling: Nope, medical school.
My internal monologue: Just let it go. The crazy is strong with this one.
Me: You have to finish a Baccalaureate degree, and take the MCAT first.
Youngling: Not at (Top tier medical school)
Me: Yes, yes you do.
Youngling: Not if your dad works there.
Me: *sigh* Well, good luck.

I assume they weren't talking about a 6-year combined program or something like that? Do you think they actually didn't know what program they were going to, or were they just straight up lying?

 

[Kaelis]

Hrm, slightly off topic but I'll take a stab at this. It was an interaction with not a pre-med but a nursing major. Close enough, I think?

Nursing: I haven't slept well in a while.
Me: Insomnia eh? That's rough.
Nursing: Yeah, but it should be getting better - I'm taking something for it.
Me: You know, you shouldn't be taking sleeping aids too often or else you'll become dependent on them.
Nursing: That's silly! You can't get addicted to sleep!
Me: Uh, the pills...
Nursing: Oh, it's okay! They're organic.

 

[Thisismyrealname]

I assume they weren't talking about a 6-year combined program or something like that? Do you think they actually didn't know what program they were going to, or were they just straight up lying?

The school he mentioned doesn't have a BS/MD program.

 

[NYCdude]

Girl in Orgo class speaks to the professor after exam results were handed back.

Girl: Okay Professor, I got a 5 (out of 100). If I get 100's on the rest of the exams, can I still get an A?
Prof: A 5 is very low. Figure out if you can even pass while acing the rest of the exams.
Girl: Okay, I think I can still get an A if I just get perfect scores from here on out.

No idea why the professor didn't just tell her to drop the class.

 

[AspiringERMD]

Hrm, slightly off topic but I'll take a stab at this. It was an interaction with not a pre-med but a nursing major. Close enough, I think?

Nursing: I haven't slept well in a while.
Me: Insomnia eh? That's rough.
Nursing: Yeah, but it should be getting better - I'm taking something for it.
Me: You know, you shouldn't be taking sleeping aids too often or else you'll become dependent on them.
Nursing: That's silly! You can't get addicted to sleep!
Me: Uh, the pills...
Nursing: Oh, it's okay! They're organic.

Oh lord. Tell me she didn't mean homeopathic "sleeping pills"... there's a TED talk where 80+ year old James Randi takes an entire bottle of them and then delivers a lucid presentation on why they are literally placebos.

 

[deleted407021]

Girl in Orgo class speaks to the professor after exam results were handed back.

Girl: Okay Professor, I got a 5 (out of 100). If I get 100's on the rest of the exams, can I still get an A?
Prof: A 5 is very low. Figure out if you can even pass while acing the rest of the exams.
Girl: Okay, I think I can still get an A if I just get perfect scores from here on out.

No idea why the professor didn't just tell her to drop the class.

She got a 5 on the first exam and then seemed confident about getting 100s on everything from then on out? Those are the most unrealistic expectations I've ever heard aside from a kid in my mom's special ed class telling her he wanted to be an astronaut.

 

[mehc012]

She got a 5 on the first exam and then seemed confident about getting 100s on everything from then on out? Those are the most unrealistic expectations I've ever heard aside from a kid in my mom's special ed class telling her he wanted to be an astronaut.

Whoa there, trying to start a flame war on the first page of the reboot? (aka the bolded was probably unnecessary)

Friend of mine: So, you did really well on the MCAT, right?
Me: Uh, yeah, I hit my goal. Why?
FoM: Well, what did you do to prepare? I want to do the same thing.
Me: OK, but keep in mind that what worked for me is probably not what would work best for you. But here's what I did *detailed, time-intensive study plan*
FoM: Wow, that is wayyy too much. My exam is in, like a month and a half.
Me: Have you started studying?
FoM: No, I'm not going to until after finals (in 3wks).
Me: Uh, OK.
FoM: I'll just flip through the books you used, it's the same thing. I hope I get your score!


They also were completely unaware of the format of the exam and the topic lists. A few days before they sat it, I had to explain that the old R exams are not the same length as the current test, and that the Orgo topic list has been shortened...that was the first time they even knew there WAS a topic list for the MCAT, or how many questions per section in how much time. And no, these aren't the most important details, but I expect the 52 question format and the topic list to come up if you read through some prep material or even do a quick Google search on the exam. I hope they do OK (they'll probably be fine), but I don't think they'll be happy if they get in the low-mid 30s and I'm not looking forward to that convo. I don't think everyone needs to spend months on the exam or do some crazy study plan, but if you aren't aware of the basic setup after your condensed period of focusing on MCAT-only, I feel like the prognosis isn't good.

 

[NYCdude]

She got a 5 on the first exam and then seemed confident about getting 100s on everything from then on out? Those are the most unrealistic expectations I've ever heard aside from a kid in my mom's special ed class telling her he wanted to be an astronaut.

I'm gonna assume she just became a psych major sometime afterwards. Most of the peeps who dropped out of premed seemed to fall onto psych for some reason.

 

[Winged Scapula]

Agreed. I was very surprised it got shut down; it always finds its way back to the topic, and it had the final time, too.

What you guys are missing is that there was an IN THREAD WARNING to stay on topic and it was ignored.

This is an essential trueism of SDN: if a Moderator posts a warning in thread and right after that users are still behaving in a way which resulted in the warning being given,the thread will be closed and/or deleted.

 

[cactus8910]

What you guys are missing is that there was an IN THREAD WARNING to stay on topic and it was ignored.

This is an essential trueism of SDN: if a Moderator posts a warning in thread and right after that users are still behaving in a way which resulted in the warning being given,the thread will be closed and/or deleted.

That makes sense, but looking at the posts between the warning at the thread being closed, I'm not seeing what is off-topic. To me, everything seems to be related to stupid things pre-meds have said or done.

 

[Winged Scapula]

That makes sense, but looking at the posts between the warning at the thread being closed, I'm not seeing what is off-topic. To me, everything seems to be related to stupid things pre-meds have said or done.

The thread title is not stupid things but rather funny things.

Talking about not knowing the difference btwn MDs and DOs is neither stupid nor funny. Just ignorant (just as all of you were at one point in time).

Besides, it was not a permanent closure - just to let you guys see that there are rules around here (see the Sticky from Lee about remaining on topic and only posting appropriate things here) and they need to be followed, especially when you are reminded in thread about the rules.

If you can't follow rules, you''ll be a horrible doctor.

 

[onceawolverine]

Met a student in my immunology class who was taking a fifth year of undergraduate study, despite having finished her major, med school pre-reqs, and completing the mcat. When asked "why a fifth year," she responded by saying that she was taking physiology, anatomy, histology, immunology, biochem 2, etc so that she could skate through her first year of medical school. I had so many snarky comments to make, and so little time to make them.

I should mention that the courses she's taking are for non-departmental credit -- they're typically comprised of 50% grad students, 50% undergrads taking them strictly "for fun." So while I applaud her for taking them out of interest, it's kind of silly (in my opinion) to take a fifth year JUST for the sake of taking stuff you're gonna have to take in med school anyways. Like would you take a fifth year of high school just to take extra AP classes to "get ahead" in college?

 

[Crito]

What you guys are missing is that there was an IN THREAD WARNING to stay on topic and it was ignored.

This is an essential trueism of SDN: if a Moderator posts a warning in thread and right after that users are still behaving in a way which resulted in the warning being given,the thread will be closed and/or deleted.

Completely agree. Rules have to be enforced, otherwise no one will take them seriously.

I'd like to add a disclaimer to my past and future posts. I re-tell these stories for the sole purpose of a humor element to these threads. I willingly admit that I have had moments of pre med stupidity (and just general stupidity).

To stay on track, I will share one of my own personal gems from before I was familiar with the field of medicine. My neighbor is a PA, and I repeatedly referred to him as Dr. xxx and asked him what med school he went to. He very kindly set me straight, but I was pretty embarrassed

 

[AspiringERMD]

What you guys are missing is that there was an IN THREAD WARNING to stay on topic and it was ignored.

This is an essential trueism of SDN: if a Moderator posts a warning in thread and right after that users are still behaving in a way which resulted in the warning being given,the thread will be closed and/or deleted.

The thread title is not stupid things but rather funny things.

Talking about not knowing the difference btwn MDs and DOs is neither stupid nor funny. Just ignorant (just as all of you were at one point in time).

Besides, it was not a permanent closure - just to let you guys see that there are rules around here (see the Sticky from Lee about remaining on topic and only posting appropriate things here) and they need to be followed, especially when you are reminded in thread about the rules.

If you can't follow rules, you''ll be a horrible doctor.

I was actually more surprised that it got closed because the same thing had happened so many times in that thread with no closure. And ignorance is often humorous. Typically it's an almost... morbid humor? With a bit of Schadenfreude? Or something along those lines. But it's a legitimate flavor of humor nonetheless.

I guess I could poke fun at myself a bit too. My partner has been having some GI issues, so he wound up once in the ED and more recently has been seeing a gastroenterologist as an outpatient. His condition has been a little elusive, and even with next to no diagnostic knowledge, I tend to think it's fun to Google stuff and make uneducated guesses and see if I wind up being right according to the doctor. Well, I think my partner believes that I learned far more in that EMT-B one semester course than I actually did, and now on two occasions has said to actual educated people "my partner was thinking it might be (insert something totally wrong)." I was mortified! I didn't think I needed an "I'm an idiot who knows nothing; do not use my diagnostic blind stabs as anything but entertainment" disclaimer. I think I finally told him not to eagerly volunteer to medical professionals that I'm a *****. I was getting tired of facepalming and quickly adding, "...but I wouldn't have any way of knowing! I was just Googling around for fun. There's a reason we're here to see someone knowledgable." So embarrassing...

 

[mehc012]

The thread title is not stupid things but rather funny things.

Talking about not knowing the difference btwn MDs and DOs is neither stupid nor funny. Just ignorant (just as all of you were at one point in time).

Besides, it was not a permanent closure - just to let you guys see that there are rules around here (see the Sticky from Lee about remaining on topic and only posting appropriate things here) and they need to be followed, especially when you are reminded in thread about the rules.

If you can't follow rules, you''ll be a horrible doctor.

The thread title is very much about stupid things. Sure, it throws a euphemism in there, but mocking the ignorant IS the point of the thread. That's why it goes off-topic so often - people get riled up or offended because it's kind of a weird, elitist circlejerk. Humorous, sure, but definitely superioristic.
So yeah, the thread went right back on topic after your warnings. If the topic isn't OK, it's a bit odd that the thread was previously allowed to grow so large.

 

[deleted407021]

Whoa there, trying to start a flame war on the first page of the reboot? (aka the bolded was probably unnecessary)

It seems like your buttons are too easily pressed, today.

 

[AspiringERMD]

It seems like your buttons are too easily pressed, today.

Eh, I actually had the same thought as she did. But let's not repeat history by neglecting to drop it.

 

[deleted407021]

Eh, I actually had the same thought as she did. But let's not repeat history by neglecting to drop it.

Yeah, fun at the expense of people who can't change is kind of a jerk move.


ANYWAY, this is kind of an oldie I shared a while back:
Two bros in the school library at some computers were talking rather loudly;
Dude 1: Bruh! My uncle's a doctor and he makes like 200 grand a yeah, man!
Dude 2: F**k!
Dude 1: I should apply to med school, like, next fall. But doctors have to go to school for like 15 years or somthin'.
Dude 2: ****!
Dude 1: Yeah, I'm gonna have to stop smokin', I guess, man.
Dude 2: F**k thay ****, brah!

 

[Winged Scapula]

So yeah, the thread went right back on topic after your warnings. If the topic isn't OK, it's a bit odd that the thread was previously allowed to grow so large.

Well you can blame other users for complaining and reporting it for being OT.

This idea that "we've gotten away with it before so it must be ok" should be disabused. We aren't monitoring threads routinely; its only when problems are reported that we look and see what's up.

 

[AspiringERMD]

Well you can blame other users for complaining and reporting it for being OT.

This idea that "we've gotten away with it before so it must be ok" should be disabused. We aren't monitoring threads routinely; its only when problems are reported that we look and see what's up.

That's fair; I agree that idea should be disabused. I'm surprised to hear it was reported, though I'd be much more surprised if they reported it hoping for thread closure.

 

[Winged Scapula]

That's fair; I agree that idea should be disabused. I'm surprised to hear it was reported, though I'd be much more surprised if they reported it hoping for thread closure.

Well if you call the cops to complain about your neighbors and they bust you for the weed growing in your yard, it's your own fault.

 

[ridethecliche]

Well if you call the cops to complain about your neighbors and they bust you for the weed growing in your yard, it's your own fault.

THEY'LL NEVER FIND IT IF I SMOKE IT ALL FIRST!

 

[EParker37]

So back when I was still a wee undergrad, I remember this one "pre-med" in my business law class. This was before I had considered medical school, and was still unsure of what I wanted to do with my life.

Prof: So what does everyone in here want to do?
*Pre-med raises his hand*
Pre-med: I want to go to medical school.
Prof: That's good, what are you doing to prepare?
Pre-med: Working out all the time, its super important for interviews to look good, otherwise they won't accept you.
Prof: *Slowly shaking his head* what about your science classes?
Pre-med: I have time, I'm just going to take them all in two semesters. Those classes aren't hard at all.
Prof:

 

[hoihaie]

THEY'LL NEVER FIND IT IF I SMOKE IT ALL FIRST!

.

 

[RedPhys]

In my first semester of college, during a review session, I point-blank asked the chemistry professor: Do we have to memorize this formula for the exam?

I think everyone else in the review session gave me the most blatant Did you really just ask that? stare I've ever gotten.
Lesson learned. Never again.

 

[ridethecliche]

Me in biochemistry: Final grade... B-.

My advisor that also taught half the class: Dude, you work in my enzyme kinetics lab... how the heck did you do so badly on that part of the final?

Me: Well, I was studying that part and I realized I was bored. So I stopped and thought I'd just figure it out on the finals.

Her: /facepalm.

oops...

 

[NYCdude]

Me in biochemistry: Final grade... B-.

My advisor that also taught half the class: Dude, you work in my enzyme kinetics lab... how the heck did you do so badly on that part of the final?

Me: Well, I was studying that part and I realized I was bored. So I stopped and thought I'd just figure it out on the finals.

Her: /facepalm.

oops...

Lies, you were busy hand stitching a suit made from beaver hides.

 

[medic86]

In my first semester of college, during a review session, I point-blank asked the chemistry professor: Do we have to memorize this formula for the exam?

I think everyone else in the review session gave me the most blatant Did you really just ask that? stare I've ever gotten.
Lesson learned. Never again.

Eh. I always ask about formulas. Especially if it's a specific formula that has very limited applications.

 

[ridethecliche]

That'd be a two man job. Lucky for you, I'm taking on pro-bono work right now

Hm. I could use some high-erd help!

Lies, you were busy hand stitching a suit made from beaver hides.

More like breakup the night before the final when my college gf texted me instead of friend saying how she was considering ending things. Good times!

 

[Flintwire]

Hm. I could use some high-erd help!

 

[RedPhys]

Eh. I always ask about formulas. Especially if it's a specific formula that has very limited applications.

It was the Henderson-Hasselbach equation. I don't know if at the time, I was even paying attention in class, to be honest. Once I saw it again sometime in junior or senior year (or while studying for the MCAT?), it was such an obvious equation that needed absolutely no memorization, I can only look back at that review session with embarrassment.
Alas, we become wiser by learning from the mistakes we make.

 

[ridethecliche]

It was the Henderson-Hasselbach equation.

 

[Doctor Dream]

Heard this gem in 2nd semester physics lecture from an annoying pre-med girl. Keep in mind she's currently waiting to get her MCAT score back

Prof: "In some ways, we can think of an electric field like a gravitational field. So if I drop this marker, it falls to the ground with a constant acceleration. Quick review, what would the position vs. time graph of the marker look like?"

Girl: (with the utmost confidence) "A straight line."

Me:

 

[Lucca]

Had this conversation this weekend after finishing up a volunteering shift at a free clinic:

Premed asks me what specialty I want to go into and I eventually ask him the same thing, naturally, he responds:

Premed: I want to be a neurosurgeon and I'm pretty sure I want to be an academic somewhere in the northeast.

Me: (thinking: this guy is def. on SDN) Wow! That's pretty ambitious. What set you on neurosurgery?

Premed: neurosurgeons make tons of money! I also heard the academics have really flexible schedules so I can work part time, make tons of money, and then just run a business or invest on the side.

Me: (....giving benefit of the doubt, maybe it's a rather reasonable business) Well what kind of business do you want to run? It might be tough to work part time if someone is expecting you to publish and operate and teach, you know?

Premed: Something with investment or finance where I could just triple the money I'm earning from surgery. (Here comes the best part..) I just want enough money to live a comfortable life.

Me: Ahh...good luck with that.


What kind of life do you have to live up to that point to think you need neurosurgeon + financier money to live comfortably? Probably a pretty sweet one. But probably a miserable one from then on out when they find out that is essentially impossible.

Edit: I should add, this guy has already been accepted to a TX Med school so get ready team, he is coming for you.

 

[deleted407021]

Edit: I should add, this guy has already been accepted to a TX Med school so get ready team, he is coming for you.

Adcoms. Y u do dis?

 

[DokterMom]

She got a 5 on the first exam and then seemed confident about getting 100s on everything from then on out? Those are the most unrealistic expectations I've ever heard aside from a kid in my mom's special ed class telling her he wanted to be an astronaut.

In @J Senpai 's defense, it's only the "in my mom's special ed class" context that illustrates why the kid's expectations were completely unrealistic -- so necessary, rather than cruel to point that out.

On a sobering note, this is actually a very widespread problem in the special ed. community -- kids having no idea what career aspirations are remotely realistic, and adults tippy-toeing around the issue with meaningless platitudes and unhelpful encouragement. Dunning-Kruger is alive and firmly entrenched. Then when (if) reality hits, the young adults may be completely blind-sided and spiral into depression and apathy when they realize their only career dreams will never come true. It's far kinder, in my opinion, to channel these dreams into "What a fascinating topic. That would make a great hobby!" and re-focus on careers that are realistic for the person involved.

 

[Psai]

It was the Henderson-Hasselbach equation. I don't know if at the time, I was even paying attention in class, to be honest. Once I saw it again sometime in junior or senior year (or while studying for the MCAT?), it was such an obvious equation that needed absolutely no memorization, I can only look back at that review session with embarrassment.
Alas, we become wiser by learning from the mistakes we make.

Heh that's one of the few things from Chem class that actually is relevant

 

[baxt1412]

a kid in my class got an anatomical heart tattoo on his chest because he was going to be a cardio surgeon.

last I knew, he has foregone medical school and idk what he is doing.

 

[ridethecliche]

Edit: I should add, this guy has already been accepted to a TX Med school so get ready team, he is coming for you.

Given what I've heard about practicing in Tx, this seems pretty reasonable. Though I suppose not for the NE where the person seems to want to go. Womp Womp.

 

[ZombieDante]

I'm gonna assume she just became a psych major sometime afterwards. Most of the peeps who dropped out of premed seemed to fall onto psych for some reason.

Lol It's that type of thinking that makes me nervous to tell people I'm a psych major. Idk why people think psych is the exact opposite of premed stuff. Personally, it seems that they go hand and hand in a lot of aspects.

 

[ridethecliche]

I'm reading all these posts about pre-meds failing their first orgo exam and asking if they can get an A in the class and this is all I can think of:

 

[Lucca]

Lol It's that type of thinking that makes me nervous to tell people I'm a psych major. Idk why people think psych is the exact opposite of premed stuff. Personally, it seems that they go hand and hand in a lot of aspects.

Idk if it's the same at other big state schools but psych here is seen as a big funnel for "Mrs." Degrees. I don't see it as the opposite as pre-Med though.