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- Aug 7, 2017
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I know this isn't the first time this has happened, but I really wanted to talk about this with some neutral people. I originally wanted to do general surgery, and didn't match because I didn't apply to enough places. I was super selective and then screwed myself over. Now I'm in a general surgery prelim and I don't feel like myself anymore. I don't eat regularly. I don't go to the gym. I barely read since I'm so tired from work. My upper levels give me a lot of sass and have been passive aggressive cause I'm a prelim resident. I am tired of doing this already and I'm only a month in. I originally thought I couldn't live doing anything other than surgery but now I feel like I have different goals for myself. I know I don't have the same passion for surgery that I once had, and I have been told if I could do surgery and something else and it wouldn't matter, I should pick the something else.
I am mostly concerned with my inability to focus on multiple patients. I find it extremely difficult to pay attention to the details in surgery. It is hard for me to say which patients are which postop day or what antibiotics they are on if someone asks me unless I have my rounding sheet in front of me. I don't know why its so hard for me to remember these things and it frustrates me to no end. I feel like I'm just super slow. I have always enjoyed ICU type rotations becaues you can actually sit down and talk about problems and think through them. And because they're such long term players, I know them really well with time. My memory seems to have gotten worse in residency and I'm wondering if my skillset is better suited to knowing a lot about one person at a time instead of knowing a lot about many. I loved physio and it just made a lot of sense to me, and quite frankly, it is nice to not have a list to round on.
Maybe part my frustration of that is intern year and maybe part of that is the program I am at. I spoke with graduates and fellows from this program and they said that it is miserable and a few fellows even told me that if they went here for residency they would probably quit too.
Brutal honesty is nice. I'd appreciate any input anyone has.
I am mostly concerned with my inability to focus on multiple patients. I find it extremely difficult to pay attention to the details in surgery. It is hard for me to say which patients are which postop day or what antibiotics they are on if someone asks me unless I have my rounding sheet in front of me. I don't know why its so hard for me to remember these things and it frustrates me to no end. I feel like I'm just super slow. I have always enjoyed ICU type rotations becaues you can actually sit down and talk about problems and think through them. And because they're such long term players, I know them really well with time. My memory seems to have gotten worse in residency and I'm wondering if my skillset is better suited to knowing a lot about one person at a time instead of knowing a lot about many. I loved physio and it just made a lot of sense to me, and quite frankly, it is nice to not have a list to round on.
Maybe part my frustration of that is intern year and maybe part of that is the program I am at. I spoke with graduates and fellows from this program and they said that it is miserable and a few fellows even told me that if they went here for residency they would probably quit too.
Brutal honesty is nice. I'd appreciate any input anyone has.