getting cold feet?

[aimsz88]

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Hi guys,


SDN has been a constant source of resources and pretty much has single handedly helped lead me through the self doubt and the mental anguish it is to question your abilities leading to a medical school application...

So I'm wondering if I should apply this year or if I'm getting cold feet.

I went to USC in 2000 (cali) as a RHP honors student (40 in country for my class), a trustee scholar (full academic scholarship and honors) and also as a very lucky admin to the music school. I majored in Cello Performance and tried to tackle the pre medicine at the same time. Although I came in with stars and stripes into undergrad...man, I didn't learn that I couldn't do everything at once. I also attempted a pretty grand social life, haha. Radio dj and TV anchor, taught underserved kids, hip hop, ballroom teams...etc.

So, 4 years later I left USC without finishing my undergrad (I have like two courses left). My overall GPA was 3.0...my science around 2.7. I went to UCLA extension for two years for an ad hoc post bacc, and kept a 4.0 for 58 science units. I guess that brings my science gpa up quite a bit (maybe 3.6 or 3.7?)

I work full time in addition to taking the science classes at night. I work for a CT surgeon doing her clinical and academic research so I have 5 published clinical abstracts (also presented at some national conf.) and some esophageal cancer cell signalling and transduction research to be published soon.

I've heard that some adcoms want to see you devote at least 3 classes load at a time...I've only been able to do two at at time (retaking some bio, chem, and ochem and doing physics, biochem, mol bio, genetics) and sometimes only one at a time. Full time research work just doesn't allow you to handle three classes at a time. It's not as expensive to go to school as I am a full time UCLA employee but I even do beauty pageants to pay for my education (former Miss Hollywood).

I took the MCAT on MAy 11. Just waiting for those scores now. All of a sudden I'm doubting that anything that I've done over the last two and a half years counts for anything at all. I'm so afraid my past will haunt me. I plan on wrapping up my Cello Performance degree over the next year granted I can get some more scholarship money and plan on taking upper div courses too.

I need a kick in the pants in the right direction. Help....

 

[menaniac]

Hi guys,


SDN has been a constant source of resources and pretty much has single handedly helped lead me through the self doubt and the mental anguish it is to question your abilities leading to a medical school application...

So I'm wondering if I should apply this year or if I'm getting cold feet.

I went to USC in 2000 (cali) as a RHP honors student (40 in country for my class), a trustee scholar (full academic scholarship and honors) and also as a very lucky admin to the music school. I majored in Cello Performance and tried to tackle the pre medicine at the same time. Although I came in with stars and stripes into undergrad...man, I didn't learn that I couldn't do everything at once. I also attempted a pretty grand social life, haha. Radio dj and TV anchor, taught underserved kids, hip hop, ballroom teams...etc.

So, 4 years later I left USC without finishing my undergrad (I have like two courses left). My overall GPA was 3.0...my science around 2.7. I went to UCLA extension for two years for an ad hoc post bacc, and kept a 4.0 for 58 science units. I guess that brings my science gpa up quite a bit (maybe 3.6 or 3.7?)

I work full time in addition to taking the science classes at night. I work for a CT surgeon doing her clinical and academic research so I have 5 published clinical abstracts (also presented at some national conf.) and some esophageal cancer cell signalling and transduction research to be published soon.

I've heard that some adcoms want to see you devote at least 3 classes load at a time...I've only been able to do two at at time (retaking some bio, chem, and ochem and doing physics, biochem, mol bio, genetics) and sometimes only one at a time. Full time research work just doesn't allow you to handle three classes at a time. It's not as expensive to go to school as I am a full time UCLA employee but I even do beauty pageants to pay for my education (former Miss Hollywood).

I took the MCAT on MAy 11. Just waiting for those scores now. All of a sudden I'm doubting that anything that I've done over the last two and a half years counts for anything at all. I'm so afraid my past will haunt me. I plan on wrapping up my Cello Performance degree over the next year granted I can get some more scholarship money and plan on taking upper div courses too.

I need a kick in the pants in the right direction. Help....

Are you getting cold feet because A) you're afraid that your background won't support your dreams, or B) are you questioning your desire to go to med school altogether? Or C) are you basically just plain nervous about the whole application thing (like stagefright)?

If its because of A), I wouldn't worry about you not having taken 3 classes at once to "prove" you can. I took 1 or 2 at a time while I was informally post-baccing, and never once was it even mentioned (I was also working full time, and could only fit 2 lab classes in at any given time). They'll look at your numbers, but I very much doubt anyone will even notice the 2 class thing.

If its because of B), then its time to really take stock of why you want to do this. The application process completely *sucks*, is really expensive (depending on how many schools you apply to, and as a non-trad, the rule of thumb is to apply pretty broadly. Those seondary fees add up quickly), and basically is very stressful accross the board. And its just the first step of a journey of many, many miles with many, many hurdles and obstacles. Is all the sacrifice and blood, sweat and tears worth it for you. If so, move ahead boldly, and totally own the process. If not, find something else to do that would be more fulfilling for you.

If its C), that's really normal. I had cold feet many times, and questioned the wisdom of the whole venture several times. It was all worth it, though, when I got that phone call saying I had been accepted! Now that I'm starting in a few weeks, I'm having another bout of the jitters. I'm totally stoked to be starting, but I'm scared out of my mind! I hope I can keep up, hope I do well, and really hope I don't wind up killing someone in my ignorance! That being said, I'm going to take a deep breath, jump in and eventually I'll get used to the water. Then I think things will be much better. Till I get nervous about my first test. Or first patient. Or boards. So don't scrap everything just from stage fright. If you did that, you'd never do anything a little scary, even if it is fun and worthwhile in the long run.

Good luck with the jitters. I hope you decide what's best for you. Everything in your package sounds great, so I really don't think you have to worry too much. If your GPA is good, and your MCAT scores are good, things should be, well, good.

 

[aimsz88]

menamaniac,


For the last three years I've never questioned once the desire to go into medicine. That itself is strong and is the primary reason to keep on trucking with all the busy schedules and the grueling days!

I guess I am nervous about the whole application process should my MCATs come back acceptable enough for application. I am very aware it's expensive and time consuming and moreover...just an emotionally exhausting process. A lot of the application process is so out of your control. It's not like studying for an exam or conducting a laboratory experiment. Maybe you know what I mean?

I am just so worried about the MCAT because I had to work full time and still go to school at night while studying for it. I didn't have the luxury to just do nothing and study for the MCAT. My boss let me have two weeks off before the test and that was majorly helpful...but doesn't contrast with having a semester off or anything.

Congratulations on medical school!! Where will you be matriculating, if you don't mind me asking? What state are you from? I think that is so wonderful that this has been positive for you.

California is such a dang hard state...

 

[menaniac]

menamaniac,


For the last three years I've never questioned once the desire to go into medicine. That itself is strong and is the primary reason to keep on trucking with all the busy schedules and the grueling days!

I guess I am nervous about the whole application process should my MCATs come back acceptable enough for application. I am very aware it's expensive and time consuming and moreover...just an emotionally exhausting process. A lot of the application process is so out of your control. It's not like studying for an exam or conducting a laboratory experiment. Maybe you know what I mean?

I am just so worried about the MCAT because I had to work full time and still go to school at night while studying for it. I didn't have the luxury to just do nothing and study for the MCAT. My boss let me have two weeks off before the test and that was majorly helpful...but doesn't contrast with having a semester off or anything.

Congratulations on medical school!! Where will you be matriculating, if you don't mind me asking? What state are you from? I think that is so wonderful that this has been positive for you.

California is such a dang hard state...

You are right that the application process is kind of arbitrary, the best you can do is the best you can do. Give it your very best shot, write the best essays you can, and let the rest speak for itself. Certainly don't worry about whether the committees will find you "worthy" or whatnot, because you have no control over that. Do you best, then let it go. Then keep yourself busy so you don't freak out while waiting. You've been working really hard for the past few years, time to reward yourself by doing something fun that you love so you can take your mind off the worrying and fretting in a good way. Take a ceramics class, or literature or glassblowing, or go hiking, or whatever floats your boat.

I also had to work full time, take classes and the MCAT. My husband also decided that the 3 months before the test would be a good time to seperate, and kicked me out of the house. Nothing like a little stress to go with the stress of MCAT testing! My score still came back as really good, though, despite the hurdles, so everything worked out OK in the end. Those were the days of 2 times a year testing. If your MCAT isn't everything you'd hoped it would be, then you have the option of taking time off of your job (hard, I know), taking a review class like Kaplan or something, and re-testing in time for this year if you want. It will be hard, but its do-able if this is really what you want. On the other hand, you could quite possibly have done just fine this time around. No sense stressing about it until you get your scores. If you need a plan B at that point, you will come up with one!

I'll be starting at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey's New Jersey Medical School in beautiful Newark NJ in August. I found that they were *very* supportive of me as a non-traditional student, and they have a *very* liberal policy of who is considered to be "in-state" (basically anyone who is accepted is considered in-state, as long as they have a NJ driver's license by the time they start). You should consider applying! (if you wouldn't mind the right coast thing). I'm originally from Upstate NY, but I htink I'll learn scads more about medicine in such an urban setting than i would in Albany where i'm from.

Good luck to you in your process. You'll be fine. Don't stress, or you'll burn out before you even get to school! Just do your best and be yourself. No one can ask for more than that! 🙂

 

[aimsz88]

Hi Menamaniac,


I guess you're right...it's all about putting things in perspective. I'm glad there are other people out there in the same full time work and school boat along with trying to do whatever crazy else stuff people do to jump through adcom hoops.

You're awesome...I can only guess that a separation from a spouse would be difficult and stress is supposed to be a dang character builder haha. Congratultions again on the acceptance, that's awesome.

I am hoping to go to a medical school in an urban area; for the same reasons as you've stated, certain types of medicine really are more substantive when practiced in an urban setting. I'm glad you're able to start your medical career just the way you like it and that's awesome about UMDNJ's residency thing! I will keep that in mind.

Plan B is something I'm dreading. I know that if the scores don't come back good....I will have to stay at home and take work off to study for it. It's not something I'm looking forward to but if it comes to it, I will. If it also comes to pushing my application back another year, I'll do that too. God I don't want to be old by the time I start...

 

[menaniac]

Hi Menamaniac,


I guess you're right...it's all about putting things in perspective. I'm glad there are other people out there in the same full time work and school boat along with trying to do whatever crazy else stuff people do to jump through adcom hoops.

You're awesome...I can only guess that a separation from a spouse would be difficult and stress is supposed to be a dang character builder haha. Congratultions again on the acceptance, that's awesome.

I am hoping to go to a medical school in an urban area; for the same reasons as you've stated, certain types of medicine really are more substantive when practiced in an urban setting. I'm glad you're able to start your medical career just the way you like it and that's awesome about UMDNJ's residency thing! I will keep that in mind.

Plan B is something I'm dreading. I know that if the scores don't come back good....I will have to stay at home and take work off to study for it. It's not something I'm looking forward to but if it comes to it, I will. If it also comes to pushing my application back another year, I'll do that too. God I don't want to be old by the time I start...

Who're you calling old? I'll be 37 when I start! 😀 Young is all in the mind (and in having a flexible spine, but that's another thread!). Don't worry about the age thing. Nothing you can do about it anyway, and getting older is better than the alternative!

 

[LifetimeDoc]

I agree with everything menaniac has said, which is much better than I could express it. "Totally own the process", that's a great way to think about being a non-trad when you start getting cold feet. Look deep down inside yourself, and if this is what you truly want to do nobody can stop you but not putting everything you've got into the process which can truly suck at times.

I'm going to be turning 36 when I'm starting and I'm really excited!

 

[Orthodoc40]

I'll be starting this summer at age 42, and yeah, cold feet come up a lot, especially now that we're close. I got into 3 schools, like them all, don't want to decide where to go - for various reasons!!! But anyway, OP, this is my 2nd year applying. I had to retake the MCAT a few times, and this year I added DO schools to my application, plus other MD schools in the country that just seemed to be a better fit to me & my experiences. Get a good idea from MSAR, and from some of SDN. SOME of SDN. 😉
BTW, I went to music school and my degree was in performance, too. Good luck - hang in there, and know why you want to do it.

 

[aimsz88]

orthodoc, lifetimedoc, and menmaniac,


you are a great reason why sdn is so great for moral support. i want to say congratulations to all of you....what a damn inspiration you guys are.

orthodoc, how can you REALLY tell whether a school is a good fit for you? i just got the 2008-2009 msar and i'm having a problem differentiating the schools apart. clearly, they all want good academics and a well rounded applicant. they have the little blurbs about admission standards and what they look for...but can you really trust them in a literal sense? i somehow think you have to read inbetween the lines to get what they are really looking for, but maybe i'm just being neurotic again.



i think overall...yeah, sometimes when you get closer to the end you find it somehow harder to just suck it up and go through it. but i will, and i'll get through it!


aimsz88