Girlfriend doesn't know I've been accepted, dug myself into a deep hole.

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futuredoctor10800

futuredoctor10800

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Made a new account because my GF lurks here a lot. So...a little backstory. Back in October, neither me or my GF had any interviews and we were both freaking out. Then I finally got one in late October. I was going to tell her but she was really down because some of her friends got accepted already, so I decided to tell her at a better time. Long story short, that better time never came, I got 3 more IIs, and I'm accepted at 2 schools. Meanwhile, she still hasn't gotten any interviews. I feel like this news will not be received well when I tell her. Any advice? I realize I've dug myself into a bit of a hole here.
 
futuredoctor10800 said:
Made a new account because my GF lurks here a lot. So...a little backstory. Back in October, neither me or my GF had any interviews and we were both freaking out. Then I finally got one in late October. I was going to tell her but she was really down because some of her friends got accepted already, so I decided to tell her at a better time. Long story short, that better time never came, I got 3 more IIs, and I'm accepted at 2 schools. Meanwhile, she still hasn't gotten any interviews. I feel like this news will not be received well when I tell her. Any advice? I realize I've dug myself into a bit of a hole here.
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Bwahaha, oh this is priceless. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn.
Advice ? Own it asap because you're screwed either way. The longer you draw it out the worse the outcome.
 
futuredoctor10800 said:
Made a new account because my GF lurks here a lot. So...a little backstory. Back in October, neither me or my GF had any interviews and we were both freaking out. Then I finally got one in late October. I was going to tell her but she was really down because some of her friends got accepted already, so I decided to tell her at a better time. Long story short, that better time never came, I got 3 more IIs, and I'm accepted at 2 schools. Meanwhile, she still hasn't gotten any interviews. I feel like this news will not be received well when I tell her. Any advice? I realize I've dug myself into a bit of a hole here.
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Bud, if she "lurks here a lot" then she is probably going to see this, and it may make matters worse. Just sayin'. But congrats for your 2 acceptances so far!
 
Well you rolled the dice and you got ****ed. The longer this goes the worse it's going to be.

Make sure to state why you decided to hide it from her in the first place so she can at least understand your intentions, but I have no idea why you waited this long to the point where you not only have one acceptance, but you have multiple interviews and two acceptances... I really can't think of a single person who wouldn't be hurt by something like this, so good luck to ya
 
I can't see this ending well unless the scenario @bananafish94 spelled out happens.

Your only chance is to come clean ASAP. No advice other than to be honest, and try to steer the conversation away from pity being the reason you didn't mention this. Hope for the best.
 
futuredoctor10800 said:
Made a new account because my GF lurks here a lot. So...a little backstory. Back in October, neither me or my GF had any interviews and we were both freaking out. Then I finally got one in late October. I was going to tell her but she was really down because some of her friends got accepted already, so I decided to tell her at a better time. Long story short, that better time never came, I got 3 more IIs, and I'm accepted at 2 schools. Meanwhile, she still hasn't gotten any interviews. I feel like this news will not be received well when I tell her. Any advice? I realize I've dug myself into a bit of a hole here.
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Can you please hidden-camera youtube it and show us later? Pretty please. (At the very least an audio recording).
 
Yeah, you dun goofed. But it's not the end of the world. She might get really pissed, and she might dump you. But if that's the case there are other fish in the sea. Learn from it, and congrats on the good cycle. Things could be worse. You could have a pissed off girl and no acceptances!
 
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I feel like if you weren't able to be honest with your girlfriend when you got the first II, and if she wasn't able to put aside her own disappointment and be genuinely happy for you, she's not the kind of partner you want nor the kind of partner that will help you thrive in medical school. I say this because I'm a medical student and have seen many many many relationships fail during these years. Obviously I say this without knowing the full situation or the two of you, so this is strictly based off my impression of your story. Good luck though - I hope it works out!
 
ac62994 said:
Don’t let what she wants eclipse what you need; She’s very dreamy, but she’s not the sun. You are the sun.
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Thank you for this. :bow:

OP, I hope it goes without saying that you should have told her immediately when you got your first interview. I'm sure it hurts a lot to not have any interviews but if she's a decent person, she would have been happy for you no matter how upset she is about her own situation.

Tell her the truth immediately and pray to all deities that she never finds out that you told SDN before you told her. The fact that you're telling us instead only adds insult to injury. :slap:
 
futuredoctor10800 said:
Made a new account because my GF lurks here a lot. So...a little backstory. Back in October, neither me or my GF had any interviews and we were both freaking out. Then I finally got one in late October. I was going to tell her but she was really down because some of her friends got accepted already, so I decided to tell her at a better time. Long story short, that better time never came, I got 3 more IIs, and I'm accepted at 2 schools. Meanwhile, she still hasn't gotten any interviews. I feel like this news will not be received well when I tell her. Any advice? I realize I've dug myself into a bit of a hole here.
Click to expand...

So you all haven't been asking each other every day (or every other day), "Honey, any news today?" None of that for weeks and months? A little hard to believe. Unless, of course, you actively lied instead of just lying. And why wouldn't she be happy for you? Does she hope both of you don't get in if she doesn't?
 
Well... Chances are you will be moving. If she gets into a school, chances are it will be a different school. Being apart for 4 years = bad chances. If she gets in a year after you, I'm not sure if couple matching can be done in different years = worse chances. By statistics, you didn't scree yourself that bad! 🙂

I heard from one couple - that the guy interviewed and was on wait list. He and his gf both contacted the school about their very serious relationship status, and despite being mid tier waiting list - he got in. (Our school actually has tiers of waiting list - high med and low). I'm not sure if this had any impact on his actual acceptance whatsoever... But just throwing it out there.
 
I'm really surprised by everyone else's responses. Is your girlfriend the sort of person who wants you to fail because she is failing? If yes, dump her. If no, tell her you got an interview, then in a month or so tell her you got in, and if she isn't happy for you and only cares about herself, dump her. Any reasonable person would be supportive of their S.O.
 
whatever5 said:
I'm really surprised by everyone else's responses. Is your girlfriend the sort of person who wants you to fail because she is failing? If yes, dump her. If no, tell her you got an interview, then in a month or so tell her you got in, and if she isn't happy for you and only cares about herself, dump her. Any reasonable person would be supportive of their S.O.
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Seriously haha this is all you need to know. If you're in a relationship where you can't share your successes without the other getting upset/jealous you need to leave that relationship
 
The girlfriend is not the problem...
OP is shady. He omitted the truth for months = liar. If I were her I would have a hard time trusting him again. Also I would be offended that he assumed that I wouldn't be happy for him (this is very insulting). He assumed that she was too fragile to handle his success. It doesn't mean it's true.
She should dump him and go for someone that isn't so shady.
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Exactly -- The OP believed his GF would react badly to his success and would make some sort of scene. Either he's right and she's awful. Or he's wrong and is a wimp of the highest order.
 
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MerYangBey said:
The girlfriend is not the problem...
OP is shady. He omitted the truth for months = liar. If I were her I would have a hard time trusting him again. Also I would be offended that he assumed that I wouldn't be happy for him (this is very insulting). He assumed that she was too fragile to handle his success. It doesn't mean it's true.
She should dump him and go for someone that isn't so shady.
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And this fellas is what goes on inside a woman's mind. Seems like OP has no choice but to continue lying.

Tell her you didn't get accepted into medical school and that instead you've found a full-time job. Attend medical school without her knowing, graduate, and once you finish residency tell her the truth. At least then you'll have a 250k+ salary and can distract her with Saint Laurent (or Michael Kors if she's basic). It's the only way OP.
 
MerYangBey said:
The girlfriend is not the problem...
OP is shady. He omitted the truth for months = liar. If I were her I would have a hard time trusting him again. Also I would be offended that he assumed that I wouldn't be happy for him (this is very insulting). He assumed that she was too fragile to handle his success. It doesn't mean it's true.
She should dump him and go for someone that isn't so shady.
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I guess we don't really know enough about their dynamic, it is entirely possible that OP blew things out of proportion. However, it's possible she's very sensitive, or neurotic, or whatever and would react to the news badly, in which case OP was just trying to spare her feelings hoping that she would get an II and he could tell her then. To me, that seems completely reasonable, and I don't think that makes him shady or a liar. He wasn't out sneaking around on her.

Additionally, his acceptance is his business. I held off on telling many people in my life until I was ready to when I was accepted; it's an achievement you work hard for and that's your prerogative.
 
MerYangBey said:
The girlfriend is not the problem...
OP is shady. He omitted the truth for months = liar. If I were her I would have a hard time trusting him again. Also I would be offended that he assumed that I wouldn't be happy for him (this is very insulting). He assumed that she was too fragile to handle his success. It doesn't mean it's true.
She should dump him and go for someone that isn't so shady.
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"DEALBREAKER! Am I right ladies!" - Liz Lemon ca. 2009
 
Rub it in her face and tell her that now when you get married she will have to be the stay at home parent that takes care of the kids and cleans the house while you are off saving the world and living your dream
 
Your first mistake was not being open with your girlfriend. If she is so sensitive and selfish that she can't be proud of you for getting into medical school because she hasn't yet, then she isn't worth your time anyway.
 
whatever5 said:
I guess we don't really know enough about their dynamic, it is entirely possible that OP blew things out of proportion. However, it's possible she's very sensitive, or neurotic, or whatever and would react to the news badly, in which case OP was just trying to spare her feelings hoping that she would get an II and he could tell her then. To me, that seems completely reasonable, and I don't think that makes him shady or a liar. He wasn't out sneaking around on her.

Additionally, his acceptance is his business. I held off on telling many people in my life until I was ready to when I was accepted; it's an achievement you work hard for and that's your prerogative.
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I agree. We don't know the whole story. There is always a tendency for people to assume that the woman is the crazy neurotic vindictive one. If you read the earlier posts those words were used to describe a person we don't know. That is why I chose to offer an alternative point of view. Then one person said something about keeping a girl distracted by buying her designer clothes.... Just another one of those things that's just annoying and a little misogynistic.
 
Wow, I am really shocked at all the responses telling the OP to tell the truth, come clean, even knowing that his girlfriend will dump him for the dishonesty.

I'm gonna be the only one here to spit some truth: When you've dug a hole too deep to climb out of, sometimes you have to keep on digging until you come out on the other side. OP, you're best bet is to keep the lie going. Tell her you got into an SMP at the med school you decide to attend. If you are lucky, she'll have to live somewhere else next year for whatever her plans are. Best case scenario: the long distance proves too much for your relationship and you split ways and never have to deal with this. Worst case scenario: she falls to pieces, makes no plans for the future, and comes to live with you at your school of matriculation. Things aren't over at this point. You live the double life which should be easy as a SMP is probably as busy as a first year med student. If your gf then gets accepted into the med school you're at and you finally have to confront this head on, you tell her that you did so awesome in the SMP that they made a special exception and allowed to you to move straight to the second year class. This may sound extraordinary to her at first, so just remember this: It's not a lie, if you believe it.
 
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