Grad school and a long distance relationship: Thoughts?

[clinpsychgirl]

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Hello everyone,

I was just wondering about current grad students experiences (or current applicants thoughts) regarding maintaining a long distance relationship while pursuing their graduate degree.

My story: I have been dating someone for over 5 years. 3 or so of those years have been intermittenly long distance. I've applied to best match graduate programs only. Only one of which happens to be in the same area as him.

Also of note- He will be will be his current program for atleast 3 1/2 years- more likely 4 1/2. He's really a wonderful person- I feel lucky to have found him, although admittedly, I can't bank on that one schools so part of me feels badly to subject him to another 4 to 5 years of long distance. Especially considering how busy I will likely be. At this time, I'm not really debating if should I go to a school closer to him or not- since I haven't even been invited to interview yet and would be happy to go to any of the universitys I have applied to.

I just wanted to throw this issue out there. I'm sure others are struggling through similar experiences. Would be grateful if someone shared. Thanks🙂

 

[Ms Tatiana]

Hi there,

I'm in a similar situation, but with a military spouse (we're in our late 20s, no kids) who can't get stationed near any of the schools I've applied to due to the aircraft he flies. We've done time apart with wartime deployments, but I'm still not looking forward to being apart. It's a tough choice to make, and I'm looking forward to hearing from others on here and their experiences...

 

[clinpsychgirl]

Hi there,

I'm in a similar situation, but with a military spouse (we're in our late 20s, no kids) who can't get stationed near any of the schools I've applied to due to the aircraft he flies. We've done time apart with wartime deployments, but I'm still not looking forward to being apart. It's a tough choice to make, and I'm looking forward to hearing from others on here and their experiences...

Thanks for sharing your experience. It's encouraging to hear that you are integrating both of these important aspects of your life. Best of luck to you! Looking forward to hearing from others and their experiences as well.

 

[LM02]

Thanks for sharing your experience. It's encouraging to hear that you are integrating both of these important aspects of your life. Best of luck to you! Looking forward to hearing from others and their experiences as well.

I've been with my partner for 10 years (married for 3), and we were long distance for the majority of my time in graduate school. It was difficult - we were even in different time zones - but we got through it. We tried to spend most of the summers together (he was also in school at the time), and made an effort to see one another about once every six weeks or so. We spoke at least once a day, and emailed quite a bit.

One benefit of the long distance was that I got A LOT of work accomplished in grad school, b/c I was focused on getting stuff done so that I could enjoy my time with him when the opportunities arose.

Anyway, just wanted to lend some support and provide some reassurance that there are success stories out there.

 

[clinpsychgirl]

Thanks so much for sharing your experience. It's great to hear that although pursuing a long distance relationship in graduate school may be difficult- it's doable.

 

[lazure]

I did LDR for two years - we saw each other about once or twice a month.
The hardest part is the initial 6 months, after that you will adjust (or the relationship will putter out)...
After my M.A. I moved back to the same city where I am now completing my PhD. We will be married in a few months 🙂. I know that this sounds cheesy but I think that the separation made our relationship stronger.

 

[psych101]

My husband and I dated for about 10 years before marrying. About 8 of those were spent doing the long-distance relationship (2 to 3 hours apart during my undergrad and master's programs, 11 hours apart during my doctoral program). It was hugely stressful trying to decide which doctoral program to go to -- trying to take distance into account but also being satisfied with the program I chose. It was a lot harder being 11 hours apart than only 2-3 -- it meant fewer visits, but usually at least once every 4-6 wks. I found myself both jealous of peers whose spouses had moved to join them (I felt like they had a built in support), but also glad that he wasn't there because schoolwork consumed so much time. It was hard, but it worked out for us. Had we to do it again, I doubt we'd do it differently given our particular circumstances. And I'm sure you'll find some other students who are in the same boat as you. It will likely motivate you to get finished and get out of there ASAP! But get ready - you might have similar choices to make at internship time...yuck.