Greeter's chief complaints
Started by drewpydog
"Fluid in throat after oral Sx"
Sx stood for surgery, but it sure didn't look like it.
Sx stood for surgery, but it sure didn't look like it.
"Broken shoulder and ribs, assaulted by Scientologists."
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D
deleted109597
We used to have handwritten ones. I had one that came out with [triangle] change. I went up and asked what that meant. She said "Well duh, mental status change. That's what the triangle means."
She took it personally when I told her that the triangle means change, and that change change isn't a very good chief complaint.
She took it personally when I told her that the triangle means change, and that change change isn't a very good chief complaint.
You get the same thing on ambulance call reports. Alot of times the chief complaint is just the first thing the patient says to the EMT. So you get chief complaints like "get the f**k out of here" or "my balls itched, so I scratched them."
Well if she was trying to say mental status, wouldn't she want to use the psi symbol instead? She could have put a psi and then a delta if she wanted to be so h-core with her usage of Greek letters.
And don't forget to replace the period with the letter omega.Well if she was trying to say mental status, wouldn't she want to use the psi symbol instead? She could have put a psi and then a delta if she wanted to be so h-core with her usage of Greek letters.
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"chesty Pain"
Oh I've gotten quite a few here.
"Class 4 Bump on booty"
"call from boy had sex with to go see doctor"
and a few more I can't remember.
"My punani hurts"
"My boo boo is white"
"Pt has a ***** yellow discharge"
"Pt wants to kill doctor"
"Pt states that he is Batman"
"I want some percocet."
off the top of my head
Urban legand at our place has one of our residents (insert name of random program here) going on a year long attempt to get our transcriptionists to dictate this. It kept coming back as "pt has a purulent yellow discharge".
Take care,
Jeff
My 2 favorite thus far:
"I have a scar that won't go away"
"I have these red marks on my stomach that I think are stretch marks"
Emergent striae.
"I have a scar that won't go away"
"I have these red marks on my stomach that I think are stretch marks"
Emergent striae.
I heard this one recently:
"I got bit by a crackhead."
"I got bit by a crackhead."
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Gotta love Vegas:
Fell off pole. Hurt tailbone.
Hurt ankle sliding down volcano into giatn margarita dressed as mermaid.
Found down. Last thing he remembers is arguing with the bouncers at Rum Jungle.
Fell from stilts.
Fell off pole. Hurt tailbone.
Hurt ankle sliding down volcano into giatn margarita dressed as mermaid.
Found down. Last thing he remembers is arguing with the bouncers at Rum Jungle.
Fell from stilts.
I had someone bit by a crackhead with a medical student... you're not in cleveland are you?
mike
"cell phone stuck in rectum"
... and pt's first c/o is that it's on vibrate mode.
-t
... and pt's first c/o is that it's on vibrate mode.
-t
It's not normal adolescent development if mom is staring at your balls frequently enough to notice a change.
mike
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Ah......acute Guinness OD......
I see you've met my ex-fiancee.
M
Mr. McDuck
"cell phone stuck in rectum"
... and pt's first c/o is that it's on vibrate mode.
-t
Did the nursing staff ask him for the number then repeatedly call him from the back phone while you were examining him?
Lordy! Adult ER nurses are really quite a bit meaner than pedi ER nurses!
Then again, the pedi ER nurses would think about calling the poor bastard, but wouldn't actually do it.
I might, but then again, I'm not very nice...
No doubt this rolled in at 2 am on a weekend night.
I don't know about that case, but we had a LtCol come into the military hospital I worked at with his pager up his butt and he was dumb enough to give yours truly the number "for the report"
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had sex with dog, now pregnant with *puppies* wants fetal count xr.
***helloooooo, we are an emergency LARGE ANIMAL veterinary hospital***
GO TO THE FREAKING PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL. That's where I'm headed, after innocently wandering into your exam room, and instead of finding a person, with a horse, found you...erm...naked. *shudder*
how do these people get past my front office staff? some days I just sit here and pound my head against the wall.
***helloooooo, we are an emergency LARGE ANIMAL veterinary hospital***
GO TO THE FREAKING PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL. That's where I'm headed, after innocently wandering into your exam room, and instead of finding a person, with a horse, found you...erm...naked. *shudder*
how do these people get past my front office staff? some days I just sit here and pound my head against the wall.
"GSW to chest, needs second opinion"
Triage note: Pt naked BIBPD. CC: Where my clothes at?
Close the polls. This is the best thread ever. I just choked on my cereal.
dude, hope he got some rabies prophylaxis...and how on EARTH do you let your SCROTUM get that close to an OPOSSUM'S TEETH? *shudder* it makes me cross my legs in sympathy pain (and I'm a girl!)
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D
deleted6669
busy night shift, middle of winter, rochester, ny 1995
Me to homeless guy: What can I do for you tonight mr smith?
smith: I want a tuna fish sandwich
me: excuse me?
smith: I want a tuna fish sandwich and if I don't get it I'm going to tell the nurse I have chest pain
me: 1 tuna fish sandwich coming up
Me to homeless guy: What can I do for you tonight mr smith?
smith: I want a tuna fish sandwich
me: excuse me?
smith: I want a tuna fish sandwich and if I don't get it I'm going to tell the nurse I have chest pain
me: 1 tuna fish sandwich coming up
Dispatcher: "Medic 1, Rescue 12, Engine 12, respond to ______________________ for a report of a shark attack."
Me: "Dispatch, repeat last traffic"
Dispatcher: "Affirmative, respond to ___________________ for a shark attack."
Me: "You do realize this is Indiana?"
Me: "Dispatch, repeat last traffic"
Dispatcher: "Affirmative, respond to ___________________ for a shark attack."
Me: "You do realize this is Indiana?"
D
deleted6669
YOU LAUGH....I used to work as a medic on the ca coast and missed one of the truly great calls of the decade because my partner and I were chasing a psych pt around a field trying to get him to the hospital on an involuntary hold....we go out on aforementioned psych pt( we were 1st up), 5 min later the other rig goes out on a truly nasty great white shark vs surfer call....guy lives(barely), lifeflight involved, etc...great call....they(the other crew) get on tv, talkshows, thanked by the mayor, mention in the guys book, etc
while we chase a 5150 around a field a few miles away......
Ours turned out to be a snapping turtle attack.....guy lost his penis and nearly bled to death from a second bite that nailed the femoral. It has gone down in EMT lore around my circle of friends as "Chomper's Day at the Pond" (the title of the children's book I have said I'm going to write with my friend Beth about it).
"bitten by a muskrat"
So, anyway, I don't even know what a muskrat is....
me: Hi Sir. So, I hear you have an animal bite?
patient: Yes, I was bitten by a muskrat.
me: Uhh... Are they poisonous?
patient: No! What kind of muskrat is poisonous?!?
me: Riiiight, of course. Just kidding.
me whispering to nurse: Can you go google "muskrat"?
When we googled muskrat, we found this:
http://www.uwrf.edu/~kh2k/Muskrat.jpg
So, you guys be careful out there!
So, anyway, I don't even know what a muskrat is....
me: Hi Sir. So, I hear you have an animal bite?
patient: Yes, I was bitten by a muskrat.
me: Uhh... Are they poisonous?
patient: No! What kind of muskrat is poisonous?!?
me: Riiiight, of course. Just kidding.
me whispering to nurse: Can you go google "muskrat"?
When we googled muskrat, we found this:
http://www.uwrf.edu/~kh2k/Muskrat.jpg
So, you guys be careful out there!
Crap, you beat me to the Muskrat Love reference......
I remember responding to a call in which a guy bathing in a pond with friends goes under. We get there pretty quickly and my partner, who is not much on swimming, asks if I want to go in and see if I can pull him up. The guys last words before he went under were "Hellllppp, somethings got me..." I took a quick pass on the offer to go in behind him. I was thinking turtle, but I didn't find any marks on him when we finally fished him out...
Am I a bad man??? 🙁
Am I a bad man??? 🙁
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No, I was the commander of our water rescue team and I wouldn't go in unless I had serious backup. I'd rather mess with a shark than a snapping turtle. So your guy died?
Our clerks type them in too, and they sure do NOT know how to spell....
High Bloob pressure
Syncopy
Seezure
