Guilt Trip

[ndearwater]

Is it just me or is anyone else's mother giving them a complete guilt trip about going to school away from home? It's like she was totally supportive until I actually received my acceptance and now, the more time that passes, the more she seems almost angry at me for leaving.
She basically told me she thinks I should only go to pharmacy school near home (there really isn't one besides UF's Orlando campus which I wouldn't even want to attend). And then she pretty much said after school I should immediately move back to my hometown and work here. With no regard to where my boyfriend (husband by then) will be working.
Anyway... sorry just had to vent. I just want to be happy right now and enjoy the benefit of my hard work up through this point. I am really close to my mom but I have to live my life! I'm gonna be 25 in July, before school starts. Don't I have the right to move on without all the guilt???
Thanks guys

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[Crazy_Norwegian]

She basically told me she thinks I should only go to pharmacy school near home (there really isn't one besides UF's Orlando campus which I wouldn't even want to attend).

As difficult as I've heard UF is, I don't think I'd want to go there, either. At least it's relatively cheap, if you're in state. As far as your mother goes, I really can't relate. I'm 29, but my parents have always encouraged me and my sister both to be independent. Even though my pharmacy school is just two hours away, my parents have only been up here once, and that was my first weekend on campus. I haven't really gone home yet, either.

I think that maybe your mom just needs some time to get used to the idea of you not being around for a while. It might be especially difficult for her if you're an only child or the youngest child. Hopefully, she'll realize that you have to do what's best for you--not necessarily what's most convenient for her.

 

[starsweet]

As difficult as I've heard UF is, I don't think I'd want to go there, either. At least it's relatively cheap, if you're in state. As far as your mother goes, I really can't relate. I'm 29, but my parents have always encouraged me and my sister both to be independent. Even though my pharmacy school is just two hours away, my parents have only been up here once, and that was my first weekend on campus. I haven't really gone home yet, either.

I think that maybe your mom just needs some time to get used to the idea of you not being around for a while. It might be especially difficult for her if you're an only child or the youngest child. Hopefully, she'll realize that you have to do what's best for you--not necessarily what's most convenient for her.

Well said! It's ultimately up to you - remember you're in charge of your life. This is something I've had to learn along the way.

 

[All4MyDaughter]

Not my mother, but my husband's mother!

She is upset that I'm going to pharmacy school in Lexington, KY when we live in Louisville, KY. We aren't moving - I am going to do a combination of commuting and staying with friends during the week. It's a 90 minute drive.

She is upset because it will be SOOO hard on her son! Childcare, etc. She wants me to go to Medical school here in Louisville. I don't want to do that - I hate butts and blood.

My husband is excited, so we just ignore his mother's ranting!

 

[imperial frog]

She basically told me she thinks I should only go to pharmacy school near home (there really isn't one besides UF's Orlando campus which I wouldn't even want to attend).

What's wrong with the Orlando campus?

I'm gonna be 25 in July, before school starts. Don't I have the right to move on without all the guilt???

Eh...you're 25...way past the age you should have started to make your own decisions about your life without the parents holding you back.

 

[bananaface]

You shouldn't have to feel guilty about growing up. You picked something most people can't just do in their hometown.

It's like the Beastie Boys said: "Sometimes parent's just don't understand."

 

[ndearwater]

Hey guys! Well thanks for the encouragement. After sitting down with my mom and boyfriend last night and talking it out, I think this is more about her not wanting me to become dependent on him before we get married (living together etc.) We've come to an agreement that my boyfriend and I will share an apartment as "roommates" and I'll pay half the rent and utilities. I think this makes her feel better about the whole situation.
She's supportive about my going to pharmacy school, but I guess the whole moving in and getting married within a year has her FREAKIN'!
All4MyDaughter: Good luck with everything! As long as you and your husband are happy, that's all that matters!
Oh and there's nothing wrong with UF Orlando but I've lived in Orlando for 5 years and am seriously ready for a change. Also, I don't really want to attend a satellite campus- I just really want the experience of being on a main campus with all the professors/students and organizations etc. If I had children or something like that and couldn't relocate easily, then I would really try for a satellite campus

 

[jemc2000]

Good luck, Jess. It will be fine. Mom's just hate to let go. I'm having a hard time not trying to talk Julie out of going away to college.

 

[usi]

My mom has given me guilt before. I moved away because of a job. Now I am closer, but I don't see how is better.
I feel she is just sad about a whole host of other things, like getting older, etc..., and my going away just gives her a very clear point to channel her frustrations through.

Now I am a mom, and is going to be hard to let go.
I am glad you talked it out Ndearwater! I hope is like that for me and my daughter when she decides to move away...