Have anyone run into this kind of issue?

[LSP]

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So my wife support me to go for medical school. However, she is only willing to relocate in California only. Knowing my academic history getting accepted in California med school is impossible. Although I'm no where near applying to med school but just the thought of moving across the country without my family is horrific and discouraging. And I'm no way in hell giving up my dream as a physician and regretting it for the rest of my life. On the contrary, I do see my wife's point of view that moving so far away we would have no family assistance and it means she will have to find new work to support the family by herself. So any of you guys have been put in this sort of situation? And how were you able to over come it?

 

[silleme]

Where in the country are you currently located? You may be better off staying where you currently are and apply to schools there. If you're already in California, my sympathies.

It's a hard road for those who have impressive stats, and the hardest of journeys for anyone with sub-par stats. Most people with your GPA from the other thread have to cast a broad net to get accepted anywhere.

I'm fortunate in that my significant other is willing to relocate wherever I go, so I have not had to face this situation.

If you have children, you may have to put the needs of your family first, but if it's just the two of you, then look at the different areas schools that are in your target range are in and show her the job opportunities and cost of living differences between there and where you're currently at. If you're in CA, almost anywhere else in the country will be significantly cheaper except the NE, but the weather will be really hard to give up.

I wish you luck on this.

 

[LSP]

Where in the country are you currently located? You may be better off staying where you currently are and apply to schools there. If you're already in California, my sympathies.

It's a hard road for those who have impressive stats, and the hardest of journeys for anyone with sub-par stats. Most people with your GPA from the other thread have to cast a broad net to get accepted anywhere.

I'm fortunate in that my significant other is willing to relocate wherever I go, so I have not had to face this situation.

If you have children, you may have to put the needs of your family first, but if it's just the two of you, then look at the different areas schools that are in your target range are in and show her the job opportunities and cost of living differences between there and where you're currently at. If you're in CA, almost anywhere else in the country will be significantly cheaper except the NE, but the weather will be really hard to give up.

I wish you luck on this.

Unfortunately, I'm a CA resident. I do have a son, however, he is only 5 months old and by the time I'm ready to apply for med school he would be at least 2 years old. The thing that bothers me is that her excuse for not willing to relocate is because we do not have anyone we trust to baby sitting our son while I'm in school and she's at work. She is very paranoid in regard to hiring a babysitter that will abuse our son ( too much YouTube).

To be honest, I'm ready to give up CA weather any time. I have lived here all my life and I'm ready for a change.

 

[Bru]

You wouldn't hire a babysitter. You'd put the kid in daycare. At my med school there is a school-run, accredited, high-quality daycare. In theory that could probably help to allay her fears. That assumes, of course, that is the real reason she is hesitant. Find some schools that have nice facilities and try and go with that angle. Or school in places that are family-friendly or what not.

Moving states and losing your support and/or social structure (as the spouse of the med student) is a real thing. For the med student, it is less of an issue since you'll be consumed with class and you'd have a built-in social group with your classmates. Spouses are kind of SOL in that regard sadly. It'd also happen again with residency in all likelihood.

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

I faced this situation (sans kids), and I have classmates who did as well.
My situation: I lived in MN, husband in CO, was accepted to school in PA... ended up being accepted in CO, but was ready and willing to move to PA to go to school.
My classmates (there were two in this situation), wife and kids in another state, they went to school in CO, visited on breaks, wives stayed near their family to help with kids. Dads set up rotations in home state.

Apply in CA, you have a couple DO schools you could apply to, and while I know the MD schools are tough, it's at least worth applying. You can apply to NV, OR, WA, and the other states in the area, and maybe you'll be lucky and be within driving distance if you're split up. It is feasible.

Here's my question: Your wife's logic seems pretty weak, there are going to be many places in CA where you could be accepted to a school and not have any family around, and she would have to find a new job, and someone to take care of the kid. If she is going to have to move to another California city and do these things, WTH does it matter if she has to move to a different state to do them?? Makes no sense.

 

[doapplicant2015]

It sounds like it's possible your wife is using daycare as an excuse but may be afraid or unwilling to relocate out of Cali for her own personal reasons?

Has she lived there all her life and doesn't want to break her support structure with friends/family? This is a hard road as a non-trad and even tougher with a family. As a father your first priority is your family and child, you and your personal goals will always come second to them. Are you willing to do a SMP with possible linkage to a Cali school and work your butt off to make sure you get in? In addition there are two Cali DO schools with a couple DO schools in surrounding AZ, NV etc..Your best bet may to be replace grades until you are sure you can get into Tour0-Cali or Western.

Goodluck and keep your family as a priority through this process.

 

[MinnesotaMrs]

Kind of in a similar vote. Wherever my husband's job is which is somewhat flexible... is where I will be applying (luckily it will probably be NYC area in a year- so there are options at least).

I'd break it down financially for your wife. Money speaks volumes. Explain that it would only be for a few (?) years and then you'd be right back in CA after but by leaving for a bit your financial situation would be much better for your family, and set you up in a good position for years to come.

 

[Goro]

Depending upon your numbers and/or where you live in CA, it might make the following schools possible:
USC
USI
UCR (but you have to be from or live in the Inland Empire)
UCD (but you have to be from or live in the Central Valley)

Also consider Loma Linda (but read their list of dont's)

Your chances are vastly more likely (but still dependent upon numbers) with Western or TUCOM-CA.

So, what you your stats?

So my wife support me to go for medical school. However, she is only willing to relocate in California only. Knowing my academic history getting accepted in California med school is impossible. Although I'm no where near applying to med school but just the thought of moving across the country without my family is horrific and discouraging. And I'm no way in hell giving up my dream as a physician and regretting it for the rest of my life. On the contrary, I do see my wife's point of view that moving so far away we would have no family assistance and it means she will have to find new work to support the family by herself. So any of you guys have been put in this sort of situation? And how were you able to over come it?

 

[silleme]

Your chances are vastly more likely (but still dependent upon numbers) with Western or TUCOM-CA.

So, what you your stats?

He listed his stats in the other thread he started around the same time here. He's sitting around a 3.0 with a bunch of retakes in his future.

 

[Goro]

It looks like OP is limited to DO schools. TUNCOM isn't that far from LA, BTW.

 

[LSP]

@doapplicant2015 Yea, I agree my family come first as a priority. I have been planning to do the master program that Touro offer with a guarantee interview.

@Goro I do live in the outer skirt of Inland Empire, about 15 miles from UCR. However, I know it is not possible to get accepted at UCR due to my academic history. Also, I do not mind the initial that come after my name so if one of the two D.O. school is willing to accept me that would be amazing, especially if Western accept me since I live like 10 miles away from it.

My main concern is, what if, I cannot get into these school and get accepted elsewhere in the U.S. it wouldn't make sense to reject an acceptance and wait for the next cycle before starting med school just to stay in CA and not even a guarantee chance I would be accepted the following cycle.

 

[Goro]

If you get an acceptance, take it, no matter where it is. I've had students live apart from family for their pre-clinical years. It can be done.

Tell your wife that you'll take the baby and she can stay in CA. I've had single parents as students. If they can do it, so can you.

Also tell your wife that the spouses of med students can be her support group. Those of my students routinely help each other with baby sitting etc.

If your wife is using the CA requirement to sabotage your plans, then you have other issue to deal with. Are you 100% sure that she is supportive of your career choice?

@doapplicant2015 Yea, I agree my family come first as a priority. I have been planning to do the master program that Touro offer with a guarantee interview.

@Goro I do live in the outer skirt of Inland Empire, about 15 miles from UCR. However, I know it is not possible to get accepted at UCR due to my academic history. Also, I do not mind the initial that come after my name so if one of the two D.O. school is willing to accept me that would be amazing, especially if Western accept me since I live like 10 miles away from it.

My main concern is, what if, I cannot get into these school and get accepted elsewhere in the U.S. it wouldn't make sense to reject an acceptance and wait for the next cycle before starting med school just to stay in CA and not even a guarantee chance I would be accepted the following cycle.

 

[puppylatte]

LSP, you are a while away from applying. It's tough to give advice on the internet because there are too many variables to consider that can influence your decision. Your wife may change her mind in this time. But I can share what I would do if my husband were to wake up tomorrow and say that he will not move anywhere else. I'd go and visit on every holiday/break. I'd ask my husband to take vacation time when I'm not off so he can come visit me (unless he was hankering to go on a beach vacation). When you do this, you're not really away for two years. It's more like 18 months. Then there are third/fourth year electives.

 

[jl lin]

First, Goro, most moms are not going to give up their baby (in the sense of being away from them for long periods of time or at a great distance--esp. if the child is at very young age. So, if she is firm on this, OP is out of luck. I do agree if she won't compromise, at least for a while, so that the family unit stays together, well, there's a bigger problem.

Puplat, long distance relationships are beyond hard on relationships/families--especially where children are involved. Having to raise a child/children as a single parent is different from choosing to do it just b/c there are hard adjustments to make. There are always adjustments when other people are involved in relationship.

Maybe I'm nuts but a couple/family is a team that should strive to have the esprit de corps, or else it would seem as though something vital is missing.

There are times in marriage where one person has to give in for the sake of the whole. There will be other times when the other person will give in for the sake of the whole....and ultimately, true love doesn't keep score.

Ideally, she should try to go w you, but, she may 'severely resent it--esp. if she didn't know going in that this is how it would be. You may have to give in and go locally, for the sake of your family, which I assume you made a commitment to first.

I am old school about marriage and family, and I am fiercely loyal. This will limit my application options. But I made my first commitment, well, first. Way it goes. But marriage is A LOT about give and take...a lot. If a person will not accept that then they should not get married...to anyone.

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

I agree with goro about making sure there isn't an underlying reason for her reason, it's why I said her rationale makes no sense. As far as the schools go, sometimes the fates align & you end up where you should be... Sometimes that isn't what we want...

 

[QofQuimica]

You are already realistic about your low chances of getting into a CA school given your grades. Now, you and your wife need to have a serious heart-to-heart discussion about how committed the two of you are as a family to you (as an individual) going to medical school. Medical training is a pressure cooker that can destroy a marriage even when both partners are fully committed to it. She will need to make many sacrifices along the way in order for your dream to come true, and if she's not willing to do that, it's best that you and she openly acknowledge that now, so that the two of you can decide what you want to do as a family BEFORE you start down the medical training path.

There are four basic possible outcomes, none of them ideal, and all of them requiring significant sacrifices of you, her, or both of you.
1) You get into a CA med school, which would be the best case scenario. (However, you and she need to be aware that you could still end up having to leave the state for residency in order to avoid the risk of not matching, thereby simply postponing the inevitable.)
2) You get accepted to med school OOS and go by yourself (both of you dealing with the separation effects).
3) You get accepted to med school OOS and she goes with you (her dealing with losing her support system, finding a new job, etc.).
4) You do not get accepted to med school and/or choose to do something else with your life (you dealing with not being able to achieve your dream).

As others have already said, you really need to find out what your wife's concerns are about leaving CA. Go through each of the possible scenarios I've laid out above with her, and discuss which one(s) each of you would find acceptable versus which would be absolute deal-breakers. If leaving CA is an absolute deal-breaker for her under any circumstances, then you may have a very tough choice to make between keeping your marriage versus going to medical school. I don't have any advice for you there; it's not a choice any of us would envy you having to make. But you (and she) need to go into this with your eyes open, because medical training will place significant stress on your relationship even under the best of circumstances.

Hope this helps lay out the framework for your discussion, and I wish you the best of luck.

 

[cabinbuilder]

If you get an acceptance, take it, no matter where it is. I've had students live apart from family for their pre-clinical years. It can be done.

Tell your wife that you'll take the baby and she can stay in CA. I've had single parents as students. If they can do it, so can you.

Also tell your wife that the spouses of med students can be her support group. Those of my students routinely help each other with baby sitting etc.

If your wife is using the CA requirement to sabotage your plans, then you have other issue to deal with. Are you 100% sure that she is supportive of your career choice?

I agree with GORO. Sounds like she is using "family" as an excuse to not support your plans. At 5 months old you should be able to relocate anywhere. Sounds more like a marriage/paranoia/anxiety issue.

 

[LSP]

You are already realistic about your low chances of getting into a CA school given your grades. Now, you and your wife need to have a serious heart-to-heart discussion about how committed the two of you are as a family to you (as an individual) going to medical school. Medical training is a pressure cooker that can destroy a marriage even when both partners are fully committed to it. She will need to make many sacrifices along the way in order for your dream to come true, and if she's not willing to do that, it's best that you and she openly acknowledge that now, so that the two of you can decide what you want to do as a family BEFORE you start down the medical training path.

There are four basic possible outcomes, none of them ideal, and all of them requiring significant sacrifices of you, her, or both of you.
1) You get into a CA med school, which would be the best case scenario. (However, you and she need to be aware that you could still end up having to leave the state for residency in order to avoid the risk of not matching, thereby simply postponing the inevitable.)
2) You get accepted to med school OOS and go by yourself (both of you dealing with the separation effects).
3) You get accepted to med school OOS and she goes with you (her dealing with losing her support system, finding a new job, etc.).
4) You do not get accepted to med school and/or choose to do something else with your life (you dealing with not being able to achieve your dream).

As others have already said, you really need to find out what your wife's concerns are about leaving CA. Go through each of the possible scenarios I've laid out above with her, and discuss which one(s) each of you would find acceptable versus which would be absolute deal-breakers. If leaving CA is an absolute deal-breaker for her under any circumstances, then you may have a very tough choice to make between keeping your marriage versus going to medical school. I don't have any advice for you there; it's not a choice any of us would envy you having to make. But you (and she) need to go into this with your eyes open, because medical training will place significant stress on your relationship even under the best of circumstances.

Hope this helps lay out the framework for your discussion, and I wish you the best of luck.

I guess I will have to try to work something out with the lady, but I cannot do choice number 4. I have put off my dream long enough and its been eating me away. I thought I can just cast that ridiculous dream of being a physician aside for years and that urge will always come back. Thank you guys for your advice and input.

 

[cabinbuilder]

So my wife support me to go for medical school. However, she is only willing to relocate in California only.

This is not support, this is "support" with conditions that are nearly impossible to meet. I take that as NO support. It would be different with kids in high school. You will have to move elsewhere likely for residency too.

Might want to PM @PrimaDonna for advice, I believe she was/is in the same boat.

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

OP, I don't think you should put this off at all. I think you absolutely should go for it. I completely agree with Goro that you should take any acceptances you get. You just have to be ready for the other side of that coin...

 

[chizledfrmstone]

Western U and TouroCA would be the best bet if you're planning to retake a bunch of classes.