Have you ever had your heart broken?

Med School Insiders
This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.
O

okokok

Full Member
10+ Year Member
Joined
Apr 12, 2012
Messages
449
Reaction score
211
If so, please tell me about it. Solidarity in numbers I guess. Hurting over here.
Members don't see this ad.
 
In general? I'm sure we all have. A little over a year ago I ended up starting a romantic relationship with my best friend, which lasted all of a couple of weeks before she decided it was a bad idea and ended our friendship entirely. I felt embarrassed...an adult losing sleep and focus over a failed relationship, but it stuck with me for the best part of a year. I guess it was payback for the times I've made others feel that way. I was also trying to study for the MCAT and get my application together, so it was a pretty stressful time in general.

It's completely okay to feel lousy...but good luck with what's bothering you!
 
Yeah, it happens. If you can, make it a clean break. We took some classes together and were in the same major. It made the second semester of senior year kinda ****ty. It would've been nice if I could just be away from her completely, because it was only when I graduated that I was able to move on completely. Probably explains why I have a strong aversion to dating co-workers/classmates. Here's some nostalgic, ****ty soft rock to help you through this rough patch.

 
Members don't see this ad :)
Yeah, so has everybody.
 
Yup, more than once. I won't go into detail but I will tell you what helped me move on; self-improvement.

Use it as an opportunity to learn something new, take up a new hobby, get in shape, etc. I got my scuba certification after one break-up, started a new martial art after another one and usually use it as an opportunity to really focus on weight training. It always made me feel like I was a better person than before and helped keep my mind busy.

Good luck.
 
You're not alone my friend... My fairly long-term relationship just ended very recently too, leaving me heartbroken. It's tough to try and focus on physics, chemistry, etc when your mind wanders back into the painful emotional places that host the love lost. It's tough, especially knowing that my commitment to this path, becoming a physician, helped contribute to the demise of the relationship. It's a long road though, and we want people in our lives who have both the grit, resilience, and empathy to understand the value of the struggle and can stick it out.

Thales makes some good suggestions above that I'll echo; Do constructive things that make you feel better about yourself. Run, bike, exercise, cook some good meals for yourself, just to treat yourself well.
 
Thank you guys. It helps to hear that others have gone through it and are ok. I know intellectually I'll be ok and my ex will be ok, but emotionally it helps to read stories of real people.

I know getting out and being active will make me feel better. I've just been drinking a lot and not doing anything except going to work. I think I'm subconsciously punishing myself. I'm not eating well. The break up was my idea, and I feel so horrible and monstrous for hurting my ex, who was my best friend, who moved across the country to be with me (and now has to move back), and who I still love so much, but for some reason just know I can't be in a romantic relationship with right now. I don't understand it. This person is so, so good to me. It makes me hate myself. I feel such guilt and stress that my back is in spasms and it hurts so much.

Anyway. I know writing about this online is pathetic. I know I'll be ok eventually. I'm just very, very sad right now. And I am seeing a therapist. I know it's part of life. I'm not sure why I'm handling it so poorly.
 
okokok said:
Thank you guys. It helps to hear that others have gone through it and are ok. I know intellectually I'll be ok and my ex will be ok, but emotionally it helps to read stories of real people.

I know getting out and being active will make me feel better. I've just been drinking a lot and not doing anything except going to work. I think I'm subconsciously punishing myself. I'm not eating well. The break up was my idea, and I feel so horrible and monstrous for hurting my ex, who was my best friend, who moved across the country to be with me (and now has to move back), and who I still love so much, but for some reason just know I can't be in a romantic relationship with right now. I don't understand it. This person is so, so good to me. It makes me hate myself. I feel such guilt and stress that my back is in spasms and it hurts so much.

Anyway. I know writing about this online is pathetic. I know I'll be ok eventually. I'm just very, very sad right now. And I am seeing a therapist. I know it's part of life. I'm not sure why I'm handling it so
poorly.
Click to expand...

It's not pathetic. This is an anonymous online forum that was created to help others...

I can totally empathize with you though. Instead of drinking the pain away, I ate the pain away with lots of Big Macs and chocolate frostys. Gained about 60lbs of fat. Took me about year and half to get back to a healthy weight
 
okokok said:
If so, please tell me about it. Solidarity in numbers I guess. Hurting over here.
Click to expand...

I had my heart broken twice.
The first time I couldn't stop crying for weeks. The second time I failed a graduate exam and had to retake it.
But time IS the best healer. And now I see these painful experiences as lessons. I am almost glad they happened because along with horrible breakups I had a chance to experience the most amazing, overpowering love.
 
A long time ago. It gets better. You will end up happier than before. The most crushing breakups are not always due to being in the best possible relationship and only time will prove that to you.
In my case, he recently messaged me out of the blue after 6 years of no contact and he is the exact same. Definitely dodged a bullet there. He was shocked I was married and he is still single. I don't wonder why. 😀
 
okokok said:
I know it's part of life. I'm not sure why I'm handling it so poorly.
Click to expand...

Life is full of struggles and hardship but it doesn't make it any less painful. But take heart that you will get through this as many have before you and will after you. It's okay to be sad.
 
Members don't see this ad :)
When I was in my post-doc position, I had a torrid affair with a woman who looked like she walked right off the pages of Playboy. I was crazy in love, but she was just plain crazy. She dumped me hard, but about two months later the the heavens opened because I met the gal who became my wife.

There's a Jack for every Jill.

Life will go on, career-wise and elsewhere.


okokok said:
If so, please tell me about it. Solidarity in numbers I guess. Hurting over here.
Click to expand...
 
Goro said:
When I was in my post-doc position, I had a torrid affair with a woman who looked like she walked right off the pages of Playboy. I was crazy in love, but she was just plain crazy. She dumped me hard, but about two months later the the heavens opened because I met the gal who became my wife.

There's a Jack for every Jill.

Life will go on, career-wise and elsewhere.
Click to expand...
Goro, I love that you described your affair as torrid. Best relationship description word ever. 👍

OP, as the others have said, focus on doing constructive things and taking care of yourself. For sure ease off the EtOH. And don't be in a huge hurry to jump into the next relationship. You definitely aren't the first (nor the last) person to have your heart broken.
 
Yep, found out my husband was having an affair after I was home with two babies after having had surgery. He was supposed to be taking care of me but instead was up at the hospital while his girlfriend was in labor and I was home by myself. Got divorced soon after, got custody of my kids, went to med school and the rest is history. He lives paycheck to paycheck in misery and I have job security and 6 figs to play with. It's all how you look at it. If it was not meant to be, don't wallow, move on, be happy.
 
I got dumped by a fellow in my program who refused to switch labs/recitation sessions afterward. Because of my job I couldn't switch myself, so I got to be in a tiny lab twice a week with this person for whom I had gone head over heels. Three days later my parents filed for divorce and I felt like my world had shattered.

Time heals all wounds, but the healing process usually entails a few mistakes and lots of self-loathing. In my experience it's less a matter of having healed and more a matter of getting sick of feeling awful all the time that moves you forward. Give yourself space to grieve, but when you know you're just ruminating find something else to do with your mind. Go for a run, play an instrument, pick a new tv show.
 
She was actually 11 years older than me, and we were like two teens in heat! But she was crazy.


Goro, I love that you described your affair as torrid. Best relationship description word ever. 👍
 
yes. it's pretty horrible. I feel your pain (well, reminded of it) even though it's been like 5 or 6 years. It absolutely will get better although it may take many months or longer. Once you get through the worst part of this, even if it's months, it will never again be as bad as it is now. With this person at least 🙂 Cope in as many ways possible, good and not so good. Just be aware of why you are doing whatever it is you're doing, and try to do everything in moderation. Give yourself a break (don't beat yourself up for this breakup, or for how you cope with it afterwards) and just be as self aware as possible.

EDIT: again, it sucks but It does get better!!! hang in there!!!! You will be glad you rode through the hurt and you will be more mature and know yourself better in the end.
 
Yup. *hugs @okokok * Time heals. If you are going through final exams, please try to get away from the situation. Has he moved out yet? If you have to see him around, it will feel like a knife being twisted in the wound. You don't need that kind of distraction when you are trying to buckle down and focus.

It's hard not to feel guilty, even if you were doing what was right for you. Just know that you were actually doing him a favor. He doesn't realize it now, but he will realize it in time. You are letting him go to find someone who is right for him. You are also giving yourself the opportunity to find someone who is right for you. It would be far more cruel to prolong the relationship. It takes courage to do what you did.

Since you are the dumper (not the dumpee), you are experiencing different feelings from what I went through. However, you might still find the following tips useful. I wrote them up for a different website.

Rx for how to get over a break up (or at least how I did, in the 6 months since I got dumped):

1. Do not, under any circumstances, contact your ex. Delete him from your phone. Ignore your ex if he tries to contact you. I sent my ex a "No Contact" email, which was helpful for me - Google it.

2. Don't look at your ex - in person, in photos, on Facebook newsfeed. Unfriend and block. Stop hanging out with mutual friends who will talk about him around you, or with whom you hung out with your ex a lot. You have other friends to do things with, so get to know them better. Make new friends, too. Remove yourself completely from your ex's life - YOU are in control of your life and your emotions now, girl. Doing these things will not change how he feels about you, for better or worse. Nothing you do can change that.

3. Accept the fact that nothing you did "made" him break up with you. Nothing you do now will make him fall back in love with you. Got it? He doesn't want to date you. It really *is* him. You are you, and if he was right for you, he'd want to work things out instead of breaking your heart. If he loved you enough to want to be with you, he would not have broken up with you. He would not have left you hanging, and he wouldn't be listening to you cry on the phone. He would be by your side apologizing and wanting to get back together.

4. When you think of a happy memory of the two of you, when you think of kissing him, when you think about him at all, focus on his negative qualities. Focus on all of the ways in which he didn't treat you well, and on how you're wrong for each other. Write them down if you have to. I'm a very positive and compassionate person, but it was incredibly helpful for me to do this. There might come a time years from now when you can happily reminisce about the good times with your ex, but that time is not now. Your girlfriends will be able to assist you in this.

5. Most important step: Realize that it's OVER. Let go of the hope that you will ever get back together with him. You won't. This was the single hardest fact for me to accept. There's no second chance with this guy, so stop hanging on. You're free now.

By hanging on, you are only hurting yourself. Every second you spend thinking of him doesn't change the situation, and nothing you do can make things work between the two of you. It's out of your hands. If you're religious, then I'll remind you it's in God's hands, and He is the only one that matters. Focus on loving Him, and the people in your life who love you, support you, and uplift you! Surround yourself with these people, and just let it all out. They'll understand. I must have talked about my situation with my ex to all of my close friends multiple times. Getting all of their different perspectives on the situation helped me so much. Each friend of mine contributed to my healing process in a different way. My friends would listen to me ramble and sob, be comforting, and tell me what I didn't want to hear: That is was over, and there's someone out there who is better for me.

It's over, and there's someone out there who is better for you.

(P.S. I've met that guy already - the one who makes my ex pale in comparison - and you will meet a guy who makes you feel the same way.)

Take 6 months, and call me in the morning.
 
Last edited:
Yes. I was in a long term, long distance relationship with my best friend and he dumped me for his younger co worker. It was crushing for a long time, but in hindsight, I dodged a bullet and it was one of the best things to happen to me. He may have been my best friend and I was head over heels, but a certain level of insanity surrounds him that I have no need for.
 
Thank you all again. I know it's something everyone goes through, but people so rarely talk about these things out loud. I feel like there should be a book made that's a collection of these stories. Maybe there already is such a book, actually. It helps, though, to hear other people's stories and how things turn out better in the end. I know that's true intellectually, and I'd say that to anyone going through this, but emotionally it's difficult to believe. Hearing so many examples of it being true helps.

He's taking the year-old dog we raised together. As a woman in my late 20s embarking on a medical career, I loved that dog like my child. (Yeah of course I know it's nothing in comparison to how difficult it'd be if there were an actual child involved, but it still hurts so bad.) So I guess I've moved on from the guilty/sad stage and onto the angry/lonely/mournful stage.

I know it'll be ok eventually, but damn.
 
okokok said:
Thank you all again. I know it's something everyone goes through, but people so rarely talk about these things out loud. I feel like there should be a book made that's a collection of these stories. Maybe there already is such a book, actually. It helps, though, to hear other people's stories and how things turn out better in the end. I know that's true intellectually, and I'd say that to anyone going through this, but emotionally it's difficult to believe. Hearing so many examples of it being true helps.

He's taking the year-old dog we raised together. As a woman in my late 20s embarking on a medical career, I loved that dog like my child. (Yeah of course I know it's nothing in comparison to how difficult it'd be if there were an actual child involved, but it still hurts so bad.) So I guess I've moved on from the guilty/sad stage and onto the angry/lonely/mournful stage.

I know it'll be ok eventually, but damn.
Click to expand...

I hear you! Especially that last sentence. I was engaged and broke it off. There's no way to describe all the feelings. The only advice I would add is to make sure you give yourself a chance to feel lonely/angry/sad. I tried to stifle all of my feelings from the beginning and ended up dealing with it several months later at an incredibly inconvenient time. The self-improvement advice is right on the money. It's why I'm where I'm at today. 🙂

I'm so sorry you're hurting right now. Bad break ups are the worst. You're definitely not alone though.

P.S. Kudos for doing what you had to do. Took me years before I finally got up the guts to do it.
 
Been there. Someone I was very close to marrying, and the split happened while we were working overseas, no less. If not for friends (to whom I still owe so much for keeping me company on long maudlin evenings) I'd have been completely alone in a foreign country.

I thought it was T3H WURST THING IN T3H WURLD at the time. But honestly now, years later, it no longer hurts. And hindsight's let me see that it was absolutely for the best. Trust in time.
 
Breakups can be a HUGE motivator for self-improvement. BUT keep in mind you are also vulnerable, so make sure you are making the right decisions. With me, it was biting off more than I can chew in terms of self-improvement, like trying to improve too fast (weight gain/loss, class load, work projects). Having a buddy or three to run ideas by helps keep things in perspective.
 
Last edited:
funny i should see this topic. first time 3 yrs ago, last time 30 hours a go. Men, cant live with em cant kill em..
 
crazy87 said:
just watched House and saw episode where the guy has "broken heart syndrome." Mayo clinic confirms. Let's hope it never gets this bad for any of us present or future 🙂 http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/broken-heart-syndrome/basics/definition/con-20034635
Click to expand...

I actually had a patient with 'broken heart syndrome' aka Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, a few weeks ago. She was having bouts of vtach all day long and was very anxious, which made things worse. Her Ejection fraction was like 20%, so this syndrome is no joke. From what I know, it's usually induced by a significant stressor (death of a loved one, anxiety, physical exhaustion, and so in) and this stressor leads the body to release adrenaline which stuns the heart. Over time, the cardiomyopathy leads to ballooning of the atriums and can obviously possible heart failure if not treated appropriately.
 
allojay said:
I actually had a patient with 'broken heart syndrome' aka Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, a few weeks ago. She was having bouts of vtach all day long and was very anxious, which made things worse. Her Ejection fraction was like 20%, so this syndrome is no joke. From what I know, it's usually induced by a significant stressor (death of a loved one, anxiety, physical exhaustion, and so in) and this stressor leads the body to release adrenaline which stuns the heart. Over time, the cardiomyopathy leads to ballooning of the atriums and can obviously possible heart failure if not treated appropriately.
Click to expand...

Did she recover? Ef 20% yikes
 
crazy87 said:
Did she recover? Ef 20% yikes
Click to expand...

Yeah, of course. It's sad to say, but she's obviously going to die (later than sooner hopefully) bc of her severe CHF and being obese and anxious doesn't help. But she's pretty much being managed with diuretics for the CHF, beta blockers, and ACE inhibitors, for the cardiomyopathy and CHF as well. The syndrome isn't likely to kill her per say, but can attribute to her demise from CHF, in the event of some severe emotional stressor.
 
This thread has taken a way more interesting direction than my original post 👍 (and I mean that sincerely, not sarcastically)
 
Just had my heart semi broken last night.


Had found a great tutor for my genetics class during this semester. I could feel the connection right away.

Last night was our last study session and so I asked her if she would like to go on a date with me now that the class is over and it was our last tutoring session...

Nope
 
okokok said:
If so, please tell me about it. Solidarity in numbers I guess. Hurting over here.
Click to expand...
Yeah all year. First it was the university of Chicago, then mayo, then ucsf. The one that hurt was my pre-app favorite of Wisconsin, but I found true love in Minnesota. There was a bit of a love triangle with CCLCM, with their waitlisting me for six months and then coming back (oh Cleveland, you fickle heifer you) but I had to be true to myself in just saying no and moving on.

Anyway. We're engaged, tying the knot at the white coat ceremony august 9, I'm so excited!
 
Last edited:
Captain Sisko said:
Yeah all year. First it was the university of Chicago, then mayo, then ucsf. The one that hurt was my pre-app favorite of Wisconsin, but I found true love in Minnesota. There was a bit of a love triangle with CCLCM, with their waitlisting me for six months and then coming back (oh Cleveland, you fickle heifer you) but I had to be true to myself in just saying no and moving on.

Anyway. We're engaged, tying the knot at the white coat ceremony august 9, I'm so excited!
Click to expand...
Hmmm...heifer?
 
cabinbuilder said:
Yep, found out my husband was having an affair after I was home with two babies after having had surgery. He was supposed to be taking care of me but instead was up at the hospital while his girlfriend was in labor and I was home by myself. Got divorced soon after, got custody of my kids, went to med school and the rest is history. He lives paycheck to paycheck in misery and I have job security and 6 figs to play with. It's all how you look at it. If it was not meant to be, don't wallow, move on, be happy.
Click to expand...


Your story is so much like mine (except I'll start med school this fall) it's unreal. I feel a little like we're kindred internet spirits or something 🙂

My ex husband took a job in another city for the summer and basically never ended up coming back. He told me over the phone 4 months in that he had been having an affair with a friend of ours (in the town he was working in). Then felt that the best time to tell everyone (and I mean EVERYONE-my entire family) that his mistress was pregnant was at Thanksgiving dinner a month later. We had a 3 year old son and I ended up with primary custody after the divorce.

Also, it happened to come out (after the divorce) that he had refinanced our home and gambled away $80k we had in equity. And that he had propositioned two of my best friends for sex while we were married. Clearly, I picked a winner.

Fast forward almost 7 years, and I'm remarried to a crazy-supportive man and starting medical school this fall.
. We had three more children together And life is amazing and crazy and busy all at the same time.

Moral of the story: we all have heartbreak at some point. Don't let it get you down or stagnate you. There will be something better 🙂and
 
okokok said:
If so, please tell me about it. Solidarity in numbers I guess. Hurting over here.
Click to expand...

Yes. I was devastated because I saw the signs that he really didn't love me based on his actions towards me and ignored it. When I finally faced it I cried for days. He was cheating and being very disrespectful. I moved on and started school again. We went our separate ways. He got married and a baby came next. Guess what! She cheated on him and did him worst than what he did to me (Karma!). Then, he wanted to come back to me. I told him that he was like a dog with a bone. He had the bone in his mouth and noticed another bone lying across the street. He dropped the good tasting bone and head across the street for the one that was lying there because he thought it was more attractive. Surprisingly, the bone did not taste as it looked and as he looked around someone picked up the good bone he refused. His loss not mine.
 
About two years ago now, found out my husband, who was my high school sweetheart, had been seeing/was in love with a married woman from his work and had been cheating on me for 5 months. The worst part was that I suspected, and asked many times, and was lied to, so I just felt crazy and paranoid all the time. Fast-forward to now, though, and I'm so much happier than I've ever been and I'm with someone really great. I didn't ever think I could move on from that relationship. Ever. I thought we were 100% meant to be together forever. In reality, all we did was make each other really miserable and it was a healthy thing for both of us that we split. I'm not one of those "everything happens for a reason" people, but I really think that awful experience gave me a lot of perspective on what I am and am not willing to tolerate, as far as how I'm treated. It does get better, a lot better, after it sucks hardcore for a while.
 
First true heartbreak is the worst. And then you compare every relationship you try and build to the fuzzy memory you create of your former love while ignoring any flaws. It is going to be hard and it will take time but have faith in yourself and spew positive energy. Easier said than done I know. There are many amazing people out there. Learn from your past experiences and you will find something even better. I dated for 2 years and I met someone right before I have to leave for residency that rocked my world. Until then I thought nobody could fill the void I felt. So here comes mini heartbreak round 2 but it makes you stronger, makes you know what you want in a partner, etc. Have faith in yourself and it will come!
 
Dated this girl that I thought had it all. She was creative, smart, great sense of humor, and was even very attractive to boot. We met at a Halloween party. I actually wasn't dressed as anything. I came on a last minute whim with a huge beard and a big black hat (was orthodox Jewish at the time), and she was dressed like Mila Jovovich from The Fifth Element, which happens to be one of my top 5 favorite movies.

Anyway, we completely ignored the rest of the party and talked for a few hours. She needed a ride home, so I offered. I asked for her number and she gave it to me. I texted her on the way home (before it was illegal) and asked her out. She said yes, and we basically moved in together after a week.

Long story short, I told her I loved her after a pretty reasonable amount of time and she reciprocated. At one point when we were about to get a pet together, we had an argument over something dumb and she broke it off. I talked her into giving it the night to sleep on it, and she agreed. The next day while I was at work, she texted me and told me she never really loved me and that we were over.

I was definitely heartbroken. That night I decided to play at an open mic. I blasted some awesome empowering music and played some awesome songs at a coffee shop and got over it.

Now I'm married with kids. I try not to dwell on stuff like that, because clearly things happen for a reason. If my life had gone differently, I wouldn't have my wife and awesome kiddos. Easier said than done, though.
 
  1. okokok said:
    If so, please tell me about it. Solidarity in numbers I guess. Hurting over here.
    Click to expand...
I delayed going to med school and worked for 3 years to marry the girl of my dreams, she broke up with me after a 3 year relationship over text. I was in shambles, she was my motivation at work. I had to leave and decided it was time to try and do medical school for me. It still hurts. But i still value her and try to make the best of the relationship by being just to my feelings and her decision. Oh, and I was saving myself for her for 6 years before we got together. Life is a mystery. Best wishes my friend.
 
okokok said:
If so, please tell me about it. Solidarity in numbers I guess. Hurting over here.
Click to expand...

Broken heart is a terrible emotional drain. But, we have to learn from experience. Life is all about learning. My heart has been broken only once because I was dating a passive man. No more passive man for me. I have learned the hard way that a passive man is not my fancy. Now, I know my worth and I will not compromise.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

S
if you have a mortgage, can you still apply for student loan?
Replies
4
Views
1K
voxveritatisetlucis
V
hopeless_pedantic
What do you do when your GPA still isn't good enough?
Replies
10
Views
1K
Faha
F
S
  • Locked
For nontrads who are career changers, what motivated you to walk away from your past careers?
Replies
3
Views
1K
Angler
Angler
A
Do I have a chance?
Replies
8
Views
1K
VelmaBoots
V
S
Do I have to retake classes? Graduated in 2017 with a 3.9 gpa.
Replies
8
Views
983
AsclepiusAdvisingLLC
AsclepiusAdvisingLLC
Top