Having intense fears about medical school

[TWoodsLHC]

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I am an undergraduate in her 1st senior year that will be spending 5 years in undergrad due to change in majors and minors etc. I have been wanting to go to medical school since I was a freshman but have been deterred over the years due to a few fears.
1) I'm afraid of not getting into medical school and not having a back up plan
2) Getting into medical school and losing my relationship with my BF
3) Not being able to start a family due to a career in medicine
I don't know if these fears are normal for women or for medical students in general but if there are any pre-medical students or medical students with these fears or whom have had these fears, how are u overcoming or how did you overcome them? I feel I need some insight from people who are going through it because I do not want this to stop me from going to medical school. Thank you for your help.

 

[wjs010]

I have been in a 3.5 year long distance relationship with my gf, and she's a long way away... In brazil. It makes it easier that I have been there 3 times . We both know I want medical school, so it's not a shocker how difficult the future will be. She's actually moving here to work while I'm in school so that will make the relationship easier. You just have to make it work. The relationship will have a strain due to the nature of med school, but if you can't tough it out for a few years then you gotta ask yourself is it worth it in the first place. With me , it is, because I will propose but Idk your situation. Point in case, don't shy away from med school for the relationship. Just make it happen. Also, If you have a baby during ms, I have read that 4th year is the absolute best time for it. Good luck!

 

[TWoodsLHC]

That is very comforting. Thank you so much. It definitely helps to know that it is possible.

 

[cheechootrain]

If you really want to become a doctor, then go for it. If your boyfriend can't support you, then maybe it might not work out between you two. You never know what's going to happen in 3 or 4 years. You don't want to regret not going to medical school because of a man, even if the train looks nice.

 

[ClemsonFirst]

Those are pretty normal fears for people. You have to make a back up plan because no acceptance is guaranteed. If you don't get in, DO schools, PA school and NP school are all viable options. The relationship thing is really a will you make it work. If it's worth it, you will. Some people raise kids in medical school or residency. Obviously, these are very difficult, but it can be done. But compared to others, you will most likely begin family life later than your classmates.

 

[TWoodsLHC]

That is definitely true. And knowing me that is exactly what would happen. Thank you

 

[idontcaureuknow]

Those are pretty normal fears for people. You have to make a back up plan because no acceptance is guaranteed. If you don't get in, DO schools, PA school and NP school are all viable options. The relationship thing is really a will you make it work. If it's worth it, you will. Some people raise kids in medical school or residency. Obviously, these are very difficult, but it can be done. But compared to others, you will most likely begin family life later than your classmates.

Back-up plans are funny. Once you and your friends start applying and taking it seriously, everyone starts to discuss back-up plans. They get funnier and funnier. The list I've been through:

1) Armed Forces
2) Go back for second bachelors (one guy already has a M.S. too)
3) Firefighter/Emt
4) Ph.D.
5) Switch to try and become a Laywer
..... list goes on.

Gap Year Plans:
1) Get a M.S.
2) Construction/Landscaping/Some other weird low level job (what I'm currently doing is actually a unique low tier job)
3) Substitute Teaching
ect.

My point is this, back-up plans are great (think americorps, an application I wish I would have thought of much sooner). But often times you will quickly realize the back-up plan sucks. Don't fret too much over it and plan to get into medical school. Take the time needed to ensure you put out the best application as soon as possible. That is paramount. Plan accordingly, and avoid back-up plans. As for the BF, if it's a worthwhile relationship, it can handle medical school. If not, well then, sorry.

 

[TWoodsLHC]

Yea I don't really have a back up plan that is worth it. As for my gap year I am just going work as a CNA. If it all works out I'll be taking the class next semester so by next year I'll be working in a hospital. I figured since I'm going to have to work anyway, I might as well do it while getting experience. I'm definitely going to do all I can to make myself a good applicant. And if I don't get in on the first round... well guess I'll just try again. 🙂

 

[Mountaineer12]

1) I wouldn't worry too much about getting in. If you want it enough you'll get there. You may have to go DO if your stats are low, but who cares? If you want to be a doctor, you can be with enough hard work and determination.

2) I have this fear too sometimes because I know med school will need a lot of my energy and I'm afraid my boyfriend won't understand sometimes (he's in a completely unrelated field). In the end, if your relationship is going to fall apart because of med school it was going to fall apart anyway. You'll never know unless you try. I think it's definitely doable to do well in school and maintain a happy relationship.

3) This is another one that bothers, but in the end I think it comes down to how much you want medicine. At this point in my life my ambition to be a doctor is greater than my need to have kids. I still want kids, I'm just trying not to worry about it right now because right now I want to be a doctor more than anything else. There is plenty of time to have kids after residency, after all.

I think the best thing for you to do is decide if you want medicine or you want a "normal" life. If having a family is something you want anytime soon, consider going to PA school instead. That may be a happy medium for you.

 

[1cor1311]

I have been in a 3.5 year long distance relationship with my gf, and she's a long way away... In brazil. It makes it easier that I have been there 3 times . We both know I want medical school, so it's not a shocker how difficult the future will be. She's actually moving here to work while I'm in school so that will make the relationship easier. You just have to make it work. The relationship will have a strain due to the nature of med school, but if you can't tough it out for a few years then you gotta ask yourself is it worth it in the first place. With me , it is, because I will propose but Idk your situation. Point in case, don't shy away from med school for the relationship. Just make it happen. Also, If you have a baby during ms, I have read that 4th year is the absolute best time for it. Good luck!

Congratulations on the soon to be engagement

 

[1cor1311]

If you can get in to medical school, (which im certain you could, you can always reapply) you definitely have proven to some degree your a hard working and intelligent person. You will surely be able to overcome more obstacles as you mature.

 

[TheMightySmiter]

I am an undergraduate in her 1st senior year that will be spending 5 years in undergrad due to change in majors and minors etc. I have been wanting to go to medical school since I was a freshman but have been deterred over the years due to a few fears.
1) I'm afraid of not getting into medical school and not having a back up plan
2) Getting into medical school and losing my relationship with my BF
3) Not being able to start a family due to a career in medicine
I don't know if these fears are normal for women or for medical students in general but if there are any pre-medical students or medical students with these fears or whom have had these fears, how are u overcoming or how did you overcome them? I feel I need some insight from people who are going through it because I do not want this to stop me from going to medical school. Thank you for your help.

I'm only going to address numbers 2 and 3. 🙂 In regards to number 2, I just started med school and have been in a serious relationship with someone who is not in the medical field. Maintaining my relationship hasn't been terribly difficult so far, but I have had a good amount of free time as a first year so far, even in anatomy which is the most heavily-scheduled block in the preclinical years at my school. I think that third and fourth years, as well as residency, are most challenging for relationships because of the amount of time you spend away from home. You must have a SO who is supportive of your choice, and you also must prepare them for how much you will be gone. They need to know how important med school is to you. It isn't easy, but it can certainly be done, and all relationships take work.

In regards to number 3, I think many med students and pre-meds of both genders share this concern. Men, though, more than women tend to assume that they will find a spouse who can bear the brunt of child-rearing duties. And, of course, women actually have to BIRTH the freaking kids. 😉 I do know several women (and men) in my class with one or more children, who are definitely managing. You can try to take a year off between years 2 and 3 of med school to raise an infant, and even do some research so that you have something to put on a residency application. It's possible to take time off between med school and residency, or take a few months' maternity leave during residency. The thing is, there really isn't "the best time" to have kids when you're pursuing medicine. But if you have a supportive spouse, it can happen if you make it work.

 

[TWoodsLHC]

Thank you for all of your responses. My boyfriend is in an unrelated field but you guys are right. If it was worth it then it will make it through med school. I was considering PA for a long time because of this but I feel for my situation and my ambition I would short change myself if I didn't at least try. I'm definitely tired of being afraid so I'm gonna go for it. 🙂

 

[acrmo]

You may appreciate the forums over at mommd.com. The website is for women in medicine, many of whom had their children during medical school or residency. It's a good resource for those of us that want a family as much as we want to be doctors.

 

[ClemsonFirst]

Thank you for all of your responses. My boyfriend is in an unrelated field but you guys are right. If it was worth it then it will make it through med school. I was considering PA for a long time because of this but I feel for my situation and my ambition I would short change myself if I didn't at least try. I'm definitely tired of being afraid so I'm gonna go for it. 🙂

Way to go!

 

[Izzyi]

In undergrad, people tend to be blinded by the beauty of medicine. Undergrads romanticize it; they get teary-eyed when talking about how much the profession is built for martyrs and superheroes. Truth is, doctors are humans too.

You have to build yourself as an individual then as an applicant. Things don't usually go as planned, and when they don't you have to be ready for it. So...

1. Do you have a clinical experience? If none, then get one. ASAP. There's a reason med-schools ask for it. It's better to know now if you're fit for the profession or not. If you don't like it then pursue something else that you're passionate about. Who cares if you switch, at least you're happy. All of a sudden that YOLO thing will start to make sense.

2. Life happens. If you're really meant for each other, then med-school couldn't rip you guys apart. Both of you will need tons of understanding, patience and more love than the cookie monster's love for a cookie. Hard, yes. Heck, so is life.

3. Same as above. Life happens. You'll find a way. It is possible to love both your career and your family. Go into specialties that are more forgiving and flexible like derm, opthamology, etc. However, if you feel like your calling is to be a mom (I admire all moms out there, I don't know how you guys do it) then work with that.

In short. Make sure that you REALLY REALLY REALLY want to be a doctor. Make sure you can answer the cliche interview question: why do you want to be doctor? And make sure that you don't lie through it.

Once you get a really strong conviction to pursue medicine you become like the hulk, not green, but unstoppable. Seriously though

 

[Renaissance Man]

I'm a freshman this year and I'm scared to death about #1.

Please don't be scared to death about medical school as a freshman. Enjoy life a bit. College should be a lot of fun. If you get your work done and commit yourself to studying smartly than medical school will come. Heres what you can do as a freshman: get good grades, have a lot of fun.

 

[TWoodsLHC]

I'm a freshman this year and I'm scared to death about #1.

Yea I second Renaissance Man. Don't be scared your freshman year. Thats waaaay too early. You should just be focusing on your grades and having fun. That's what I did and I did wonderful. Don't try to get into too much freshman year because you definitely want to start off with a good GPA to fall back on just in case life kicks you in the butt when you do start your extracurriculars and you find you get a B- or two. Try not to get a B- though. 🙂

 

[TWoodsLHC]

In undergrad, people tend to be blinded by the beauty of medicine. Undergrads romanticize it; they get teary-eyed when talking about how much the profession is built for martyrs and superheroes. Truth is, doctors are humans too.

You have to build yourself as an individual then as an applicant. Things don't usually go as planned, and when they don't you have to be ready for it. So...

1. Do you have a clinical experience? If none, then get one. ASAP. There's a reason med-schools ask for it. It's better to know now if you're fit for the profession or not. If you don't like it then pursue something else that you're passionate about. Who cares if you switch, at least you're happy. All of a sudden that YOLO thing will start to make sense.

2. Life happens. If you're really meant for each other, then med-school couldn't rip you guys apart. Both of you will need tons of understanding, patience and more love than the cookie monster's love for a cookie. Hard, yes. Heck, so is life.

3. Same as above. Life happens. You'll find a way. It is possible to love both your career and your family. Go into specialties that are more forgiving and flexible like derm, opthamology, etc. However, if you feel like your calling is to be a mom (I admire all moms out there, I don't know how you guys do it) then work with that.

In short. Make sure that you REALLY REALLY REALLY want to be a doctor. Make sure you can answer the cliche interview question: why do you want to be doctor? And make sure that you don't lie through it.

Once you get a really strong conviction to pursue medicine you become like the hulk, not green, but unstoppable. Seriously though

I feel you 100%. I have clinical experience and non-clinical experience. My problem is my clinical experience is quite sporadic because I was not able to volunteer every semester. And some semesters I volunteered non clinical. This semester I came upon some financial issues so I had to start working and I'm slowly beginning my MCAT study so I have no time for consistent clinical. Shadowing here and there, but nothing time consuming. And the hulk thing is serious. I was telling my BF yesterday as soon as I made the decision that I was going to go for it that I felt like a beast. Although I don't know how much my last calculus test reflects that

 

[IslandStyle808]

Please don't be scared to death about medical school as a freshman. Enjoy life a bit. College should be a lot of fun. If you get your work done and commit yourself to studying smartly than medical school will come. Heres what you can do as a freshman: get good grades, have a lot of fun.

+1000

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