Having trouble making friends as new MS1?

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neomedstudent

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So orientation is over now, and i feel like i'm falling behind my class in making friends and meeting people. Its only been a week, so maybe im just nervous about being in a new place. Also i feel like alot of the people i dont care for talking to (either too obsessed with studying or trying to hard to be cool). also i feel like not having roomates makes it harder too.

For those of you who've been through this, did you find that it takes a while to make your 'real friends' in ms1?

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I didn't make any friends until ~ two months in. However, I did not care much whether or not I fit in or others like me or what not. Just worry about your school work, and when you have some chances to talk to other Medical students in school, do so. With time, you will start making friends. During anatomy lab, for good or bad, you will get close to some of your lab partners, so don't worry.
I can tell you this. If you worry or care too much about whether or not you fit in or people like you, it is going to somehow show (subconsciously or for reals). Therefore, just relax, do what you have to do, be friendly to people you see in school, and everything should be fine. Also, once in a while when they have some social gatherings, try to show up to one and talk to people. These basic skills come in handy when meeting and trying to date women too. Good luck!
 
It took me a couple of months before I found people I didn't mind hanging out with outside of school. I wasn't trying all that hard though, as I hate small talk and already had a social circle outside of medical school. I found that it gets easier to really meet people when you break into smaller groups and have something to do besides make awkward conversation - PBL, anatomy lab, etc.

Having friends outside of medical school is priceless to me, though. There are some great people in medical school, but I defy you to go 1 hour with them and not discuss something medically related.
 
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At my school most people have made some friends by the end of orientation. During orientation and probably for a couple weeks after, there will be a lot of planned events for M1's. Also, a lot of your classmates will make plans to go out together during this time. Try to go to these. During orientation, I didn't feel like going out every night, but I'm glad I did. I met some really awesome people, and I think it would be harder to meet people months into school when everyone has already formed most of their friends.
 
Just be you.

For me, the writing was on the wall within the first 2 months that I was just never going to be popular in medical school, and that my fun days from college were long gone. My personality is just too different, and it's pretty hard (and stupid) to try changing who you are once you've hit your mid 20's. I just try to be as nice as I can to people, work as hard as I can, and let the chips fall where they may. Do this, and you're actually in for some nice surprises in the long run. I'm still discovering some pretty awesome people in my own class here in third year that, like me, just think too independently to give a crap about what anyone else thinks of them. Needless to say, I've learned a thing or two from them over time whether they know it or not.
 
Our version of Orientation is called Freshers' Fortnight and as everything is new, everybody is extra friendly and eager to socialise, casting a slight aura of falseness. However, it all dies down within a few weeks and people tend to migrate to their respective social groups and it is then when you find your true friends.

However, as has been said, you will never manage to meet everyone during your first year which means that when you start your rotations and end up spending all day every day with people you wouldn't normally, you make some pretty incredible friendships.

Jonathan
 
Just talk to people, make connections, find out if anyone is going out anywhere, any parties etc... Talk to the people sitting around you in lecture or in lab. Once you just start networking you'll keep meeting more people and have more connections. You don't have to go out searching for your new best friend, just meet people and see what happens.
 
Just talk to people, make connections, find out if anyone is going out anywhere, any parties etc... Talk to the people sitting around you in lecture or in lab. Once you just start networking you'll keep meeting more people and have more connections. You don't have to go out searching for your new best friend, just meet people and see what happens.

I am not sure if the OP is a female, but I heard somewhere that it is always harder for females to make newer friends, and they tend to end up lonely more. I think it is because they think about the term 'friendship' different than us. They usually have to feel connected, comfortable around each other, and sometimes even go out and spent some time together. Guys, it is all easy. Just play some football or basketball for like a minute, and if we don't kill each other *BAM* we become friends, haha. I guess we are more open-minded and less demanding 😆
 
I am not sure if the OP is a female, but I heard somewhere that it is always harder for females to make newer friends, and they tend to end up lonely more. I think it is because they think about the term 'friendship' different than us. They usually have to feel connected, comfortable around each other, and sometimes even go out and spent some time together. Guys, it is all easy. Just play some football or basketball for like a minute, and if we don't kill each other *BAM* we become friends, haha. I guess we are more open-minded and less demanding 😆

Tru dat. Thats where I made friends first. I went to play basketball one time and instantly after i was leaving i had like ~20 new friends who wanted to hangout!
 
hey i think u shouldnt worry about it so much, at first i didnt have friends either and now my problem is that i'm too dependent on them for emotional wellness which is bad b/c i'd fall apart w/o them. i think that it's important to be independent first. friends come when they come...u cant go around searching for them...and even if u dont have friends, it doesnt mean ur a weirdo...i think it's stupid that some ppl want friends so much so they dont look like loser to others...like in high school or something. why not be the lone wolf, no distractions, ace all ur tests, do super well on step1 and by the time u get there, what u worry about now wont even matter.
 
Hey guys, thanks for the thoughts. In part i'm not used to being on my own for the first time, and i also dont really do well with the whole initial 'fakeness'. Also i kinda feel pathetic asking for numbers and calling people up to hang out, but i guess thats how it works at first.

The fact that it took some of you a while to make friends makes me feel a bit less like a weirdo. and yeah, worst come worst being the lone wolf isnt the end of the world.

oh and yeah, i'm a guy, i just suck at basketball. haha.
 
It took me a couple of months before I found people I didn't mind hanging out with outside of school. I wasn't trying all that hard though, as I hate small talk and already had a social circle outside of medical school. I found that it gets easier to really meet people when you break into smaller groups and have something to do besides make awkward conversation - PBL, anatomy lab, etc.
Having friends outside of medical school is priceless to me, though. There are some great people in medical school, but I defy you to go 1 hour with them and not discuss something medically related.

+1

At my school most people have made some friends by the end of orientation. During orientation and probably for a couple weeks after, there will be a lot of planned events for M1's. Also, a lot of your classmates will make plans to go out together during this time. Try to go to these. During orientation, I didn't feel like going out every night, but I'm glad I did. I met some really awesome people, and I think it would be harder to meet people months into school when everyone has already formed most of their friends.
+++++1. Our school had a TON of activities for orientation, n I really didnt wanna go to any of them, but i'm glad I did cos i've found some random pple that I can connect with, or had some really interesting conversation with. Its well worth it IMO.

Just be you.

For me, the writing was on the wall within the first 2 months that I was just never going to be popular in medical school, and that my fun days from college were long gone. My personality is just too different, and it's pretty hard (and stupid) to try changing who you are once you've hit your mid 20's. I just try to be as nice as I can to people, work as hard as I can, and let the chips fall where they may. Do this, and you're actually in for some nice surprises in the long run. I'm still discovering some pretty awesome people in my own class here in third year that, like me, just think too independently to give a crap about what anyone else thinks of them. Needless to say, I've learned a thing or two from them over time whether they know it or not.

+++1

Hey guys, thanks for the thoughts. In part i'm not used to being on my own for the first time, and i also dont really do well with the whole initial 'fakeness'. Also i kinda feel pathetic asking for numbers and calling people up to hang out, but i guess thats how it works at first.

The fact that it took some of you a while to make friends makes me feel a bit less like a weirdo. and yeah, worst come worst being the lone wolf isnt the end of the world.

oh and yeah, i'm a guy, i just suck at basketball. haha.

lol I go to an outdoorsy kinda school, n everyone is outdoorsy too...sometimes you gotta do what you hate just so you can connect with people...sometimes. It shldnt be a lifestyle tho..
 
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Hey guys, thanks for the thoughts. In part i'm not used to being on my own for the first time, and i also dont really do well with the whole initial 'fakeness'. Also i kinda feel pathetic asking for numbers and calling people up to hang out, but i guess thats how it works at first.

The fact that it took some of you a while to make friends makes me feel a bit less like a weirdo. and yeah, worst come worst being the lone wolf isnt the end of the world.

oh and yeah, i'm a guy, i just suck at basketball. haha.

Don't consider it "fakeness" consider it being polite and inclusive of people different from you. Medicine is a career strongly based on networking. Your 3rd and 4th year clinical evaluations are going to be largely based on whether or not your preceptor found you likeable as a person so you'll have to get used to "faking it" if you want to land a good residency. Secondly, you're gonna want to have a good support network in order to survive your first two years. Trust me, I had no friends throughout my first 2 years of schools and it was miserable! So try your best to get to know people even if they're not a perfect fit.
 
i'm definitely going to give it more of a shot for the first few weeks. ive been socializing, but just havent been meeting my type of people. I'm just going to try not to be so impatient.

i definitely appreciate the words of wisdom, keep em coming if you have em.
 
Ironically, I was quite worried about this before starting school and now that I'm in school, it's not as big of a deal as I thought.

For one, I'm studying way too much to care about any of that crap. I.e. even if I wanted to socialize, it's not like I have time to. :laugh:

Second, my lab group's pretty cool, in the sense that they're all decent people. We don't have any condescending types or dominating types. Everyone is good about sharing dissection (for the most part). It's not necessarily true that I see myself really hanging out with them a whole lot outside of class, but I really feel like they're decent people.

As I grow older, I recognize the greater importance of surrounding oneself with DECENT people. It's great to have friends who share common interests and with whom one can truly hang out/do stuff with. But it's more important to have an abundance of trustworthy, good-natured, decent people around. Even if they're quite different from you. (Here's another bit of advice: Give people a chance. I don't know what your crowd was like in college, but try to look beyond what you're used to. Give everyone a chance. Give yourself a chance to socialize with different kinds of people. People who you haven't socialized with previously, perhaps.)

Third, I feel like I have enough "acquaintances" that I feel comfortable in the environment (i.e. going to class, activities, etc.). Granted, my criteria for feeling comfortable is probably pretty minimal compared to perhaps a more self-conscious person. I mean, I used to be really very self-conscious. Now, I'm more into doing my own thing. I count a "face I recognize" (i.e. from some orientation activity or a brief exchange) as an acquaintance. So basically, that's enough for me to feel comfortable. I don't need to sit with a row of friends every class and always surround myself with tons of people. It may be because I'm slightly older than my classmates too. I'm just way out of that college mentality now.

All that's not to say I'm not open to meeting more people. I also DID go out of my way to attend some activities during orientation. As many have said, that IS sort of a critical time to start making those connections. There were some optional pre-orientation activities I attended where I did meet some people who I now am more close to, relative to everyone else I met later. It's just a formative period. I guess people bond during those times.

But it's never too late. And I recognize full well relationships ebb and flow and change. It's VERY early yet. Who I'm seeing/talking with now may change later on. Or it may not. Maybe my existing relationships will deepen.

I don't know. The point is, I'm just going with the flow. I'm focusing first and foremost on my schoolwork. I think you should too.

Also, another key point is... if you do well, you will probably find yourself surrounded by classmates eventually anyway. People love to ask Qs if they find you are a good source of answers. :laugh: Remember where you are. Medical school. Like everywhere else in medicine, people naturally respect smart people who do well. It's a natural hierarchy for a bunch of driven, type A personalities. So, if nothing else, by doing well, you will naturally gain everyone's respect. If you're Miss Popularity and at the bottom of your class, I'm not really sure how much value that has to you or anyone else. Aim for the respect of your colleagues by doing well AND by treating everyone with courtesy.

Aside from the respect issue, doing well academically is also a feedback loop. If you DON'T do well, you'll probably feel stressed and depressed, which certainly does not help matters socially. You won't feel like socializing when you're stressed and depressed. And others won't feel like socializing with YOU, either. When you're doing well in class, successful and happy, other happy things (including relationships) tend to follow.

:luck:
 
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Some people just have a more infectious personality and can handle the small talk of the first months of school really well. Others don't. I was part of the latter group. Time will fix everything. There comes a point where everyone is settled in their niches and feeling comfortable, and you will too. It just happens at different points and in different ways for different people. You have four years to be cooped up in lecture halls and small groups with these people, so no need to get worried.
 
The first few months are just like undergrad. Everyone is searching for friends and they are going wayyyy out of their way to find them. Many people seem obnoxiously social. It'll calm down. Then, when you're in anything that involves small groups you'll find people that you get along with. My group of friends is constantly growing and changing. I've found that I'm actually more "popular" (whatever the hell that means) now than in the past. It isn't because I'm some social master, nor do I throw parties or anything else. I just try to be friendly, or at least civil with everyone in my class. Doing little things like brewing extra coffee or lending a book can go a long way.
 
Coming from a college with a really different crowd, I also felt like everyone at school was either trying WAY too hard to be cool or was way too anal, too. Be super, super nice to everyone and you might be surprised how interesting some people actually are. Also keep in mind that some of these people have never had to start over in a new town and make new friends (I go to a state school with a majority of people who have never lived outside the state). I, on the other hand, moved around throughout my childhood. Being a loner for a bit of time before I found friends was never all that scary to me, but a lot of kids in my class had to find friends right away. It makes for very superficial and cliquey groups. Just wait a while until those groups break off. Eventually everyone finds people who they truely get along with.
 
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Moral of the story: Just be a good person and keep chugging along. Friends will happen.
 
Attend as many social activities as possible. You'll find that your classmates are really great people. It's hard to get to know them in an academic/ classroom environment. It takes more work for an introvert to get to know every single classmate, but it's definitely worth the effort on your part.
 
Try not to show girls that you feel lonely or that you have trouble making friends. It is a BIG TURN OFF and it will be hard for you to meet girls. Go and act like you are the top dawg and that you have other cool group of friends, etc
 
try to get to know your lab partners. you will be spending hours with them anyway, so there is lots of opportunity to get to know them if you ask the right questions.
 
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