Hi everybody.. So I guess here everybody is like a friend or family.. That's why I wanna share something personal with you guys.. So I have some time off school but my mind is a mess and my heart has gotten broken recently by someone I was and still am in love with I guess. She has been my best friend for two years and the best person I know but well.. We will probably stay friends and no more than that.. Friends is all we are apparently.. Anyway.. Not to bore you or nag or whatever! I am posting this thread.. It's an open thread like always and everyone can share their own experiences such as this one in med school and maybe we could discuss how to get on track again. Everyone feel free to write.
Heart break in med school, how to overcome it.
- Thread starter Grey1993
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I'm a little unclear...did you actually date or did you just get friend zoned?
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That reads exactly like friendzone'd
Sorry dude you've just gotta get over that. And don't, under any circumstances, talk to her ever again. No one ever escapes the friendzone.
Sorry dude you've just gotta get over that. And don't, under any circumstances, talk to her ever again. No one ever escapes the friendzone.
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Keep calm. I'm still getting over an ex.. Stay busy. Hit the gym. Study harder. Don't recluse away from women..I did that at first for a little bit, and realized that the true catalyst to being fully over someone was to find someone else that I am interested in as well. I know that might sound like a "replacement" deal.. but truth be told it works.. Emotions and sexual drive get confused in the heads of men.. You'd be surprised how different you may potentially feel after getting laid (or self fixation)... I feel like that is when the mind is clearer. Chive on!
Or, you know, OP could use this opportunity to learn independence and realize that he/she does not need a romantic/sexual partner in their life to be happy.
The advice given in this thread is outright scary tbh. Shows that maturity rarely goes hand-in-hand with academic prowesses, I suppose.
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How so? Seems like good advice so far. OP wanted a relationship that is just more than "friends" with this girl. The girl did not feel the same way, and probably never will. OP could continue dreaming about her and hoping one day she'll change her mind, but that never happens. So, best thing to do is to move on. I've been in a similar thing with an ex. We dated for about 3 years, then broke up because of some stupid ****, and kept hooking up on and off. I regret that, because that extra year or so of on and off hooking up still makes me want her, even though I'm pretty sure she's moved on. What I should have done was cut off contact with her and move on as soon as possible.
You're right in saying that you don't need a partner to be happy in life, but some people want that, myself included. I'm about as independent as a person can get, but I still crave the intimacy of being with someone.
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To each his own....I am absolutely not happy putting sexual interactions on hold... I think you'd have trouble selling men the idea that they can be happy without sex and intimacy...maybe I am totally wrong. Less sex = More thinking about sex = Less time thinking about academics = Hindered performance academically = Unhappiness - at least for me. The only way I can be comfortable with a draught is when it's academically induced... that way I feel like it's internally justified. I fail to see where the "maturity" comes to play? Of course, for those low T individuals, get your study on and forget about the ladies.. more for me! (sort of kidding - sort of not). <--- This remark actually merits a comment on my maturity lol, so feel free!
Telling OP to move on is fine, it's the rest of the rhetoric that's irritating.
It sends the message that having a partner is simply a commodity, as if the person who shares your life had so little importance in the grand scheme of things that you can just replace him/her on a whim without repercussions.
From personal experience, the vast majority of people who follow that "philosophy" end up never staying in a relationship for more that a few months/1-2 years, and always wonder why they "always pick the wrong guy/girl". If you don't take the time to self-reflect, you're never gonna be an appropriate partner for someone else.
Beh. I don't know what to say tbh; I'm a man and I don't have that problem lol.
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the fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else*
*or on top of. thats my preference anyway.
*or on top of. thats my preference anyway.
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Tinder sluts, brah.
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To the former 🤣
To the latter, don't do it man. Don't be that sad guy that clings to his ex like a dryer sheet.
The only way to get over it easy is to find another girl that is as equally hot or cool as said girl or better. Only other option is to turn to alcohol or "illegal" methods of coping, but that can lead to a downward spiral. IMO, besides all those other things, everything else doesn't work. By doing things like "taking your anger out in the gym" or "making sure to stay busy" you're actively doing something based around the fact that you don't want to think about her, but doing those things in themselves proves that she's still the cause of whatever it is you're doing. So outside of finding another girl, which is tough when you just got shut down, the only other option is to embrace the fact that it will suck. Don't keep contact with her. The first few days will be the worst, but slowly you'll be able to focus a little better. It is pretty important to make sure you do not keep any contact with her. Any efforts you put towards getting over her will go 2 steps backwards if you have a good conversation even on a friend level.
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Don't jump into another relationship ASAP either. Date around. Have some fun.
i smell female in this post.
And if op is a guy, well dont listen
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I think OP is a guy: "She has been my best friend for two years" or a lesbian.
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Let's go with lesbian. Bitches love lesbians.
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You're a young single guy. You're gonna be a doctor. The world is your oyster (despite what people say here on SDN). You're gonna be in the top 10% in the country in terms of income, and probably in terms of education. Why the heck would you want to be tied down to some girl who doesn't want you? You got a gift here, my friend.
Agree with the second poster. Cut this girl off, start dating other women. Mark my words, you will regret being friends with her. Why the heck do you want to be friends with someone who ripped your heart off. Don't listen to your female friends, and don't ever discuss her with anyone. Ever. Best friends my a$$. If you want a best friend, get a dog (at least they are loyal).
Definitely hit the gym and hit the dating scene. Once you hook up with a girl hotter than her, you'll completely forget about her. Funny thing about women is that if she sees with you a better looking girl, she'll instantly get jealous and probably try to pursue you again.
Key is to act cool and like you don't give a f***. Don't ever let her see you upset, and if she asks you about anything, act happy and like this was the best thing that ever happened to you (and it is, you just don't realize it). You don't need to say anything to her about not being friends, just treat her like she's an butt ugly chick and you feel sorry for her.
There are thousands of hotter girls who are way more fun and interesting than your ex. Your emotional attachment is blinding you.
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I'm older and married now, but have been friendzoned a few times in the past, so a bit of perspective...
In every last case where I was friendzoned, the girl in question was a pretty lousy friend.
Not a lousy person, mind you, or even a lousy friend to others. Just a crappy friend to me. This is the true reason for cutting the cord entirely - it's not enough to accept that no relationship/sex will ever happen; you need to accept that she was an awful friend to you and that you were the one putting in all the work. Cutting all ties is really more about you coming to terms with reality as things are, not as you idealized them to be.
No, you did not have long deep conversations where you could talk about anything. SHE had long conversations where SHE could talk about anything while you had to act interested.
...you get the point?
The good news is that things will get WAY better. Speaking as someone with at least a decade on you, let me explain it this way. Right now, most attractive girls your age, if forced to choose between a decent looking, employed, ambitious, financially secure, kindhearted man or a decent-to-above-average looking, unemployed, directionless, broke, but plays in a band sort of guy, well, you know what she's going to pick. Girls your age actually - believe it or not - will say things like "yeah, but he was just too nice."
No worries my friend, because almost all of them grow out of that crap just about the time you're coming out of residency and starting to make real coin. You will absolutely have no shortage of prospects, and probably a lot sooner than that. I feel like most girls in my age group starting growing past that stuff at about 25-26 years old, some earlier and some later. Thankfully this was about the same time I removed my own head from my arse and the starts aligned and I could see the matrix.
And life is good 🙂
So hit the books, rise above it. Cut her out entirely (you're not actually losing anything). Take other opportunities as they come along (the singles in my class have all seemed to have a VERY good time these last few years). Most importantly: learn from this and don't get friendzoned again. Well, you'll still probably get friendzoned again, but maybe that will be the last time.
Good luck!
In every last case where I was friendzoned, the girl in question was a pretty lousy friend.
Not a lousy person, mind you, or even a lousy friend to others. Just a crappy friend to me. This is the true reason for cutting the cord entirely - it's not enough to accept that no relationship/sex will ever happen; you need to accept that she was an awful friend to you and that you were the one putting in all the work. Cutting all ties is really more about you coming to terms with reality as things are, not as you idealized them to be.
No, you did not have long deep conversations where you could talk about anything. SHE had long conversations where SHE could talk about anything while you had to act interested.
...you get the point?
The good news is that things will get WAY better. Speaking as someone with at least a decade on you, let me explain it this way. Right now, most attractive girls your age, if forced to choose between a decent looking, employed, ambitious, financially secure, kindhearted man or a decent-to-above-average looking, unemployed, directionless, broke, but plays in a band sort of guy, well, you know what she's going to pick. Girls your age actually - believe it or not - will say things like "yeah, but he was just too nice."
No worries my friend, because almost all of them grow out of that crap just about the time you're coming out of residency and starting to make real coin. You will absolutely have no shortage of prospects, and probably a lot sooner than that. I feel like most girls in my age group starting growing past that stuff at about 25-26 years old, some earlier and some later. Thankfully this was about the same time I removed my own head from my arse and the starts aligned and I could see the matrix.
And life is good 🙂
So hit the books, rise above it. Cut her out entirely (you're not actually losing anything). Take other opportunities as they come along (the singles in my class have all seemed to have a VERY good time these last few years). Most importantly: learn from this and don't get friendzoned again. Well, you'll still probably get friendzoned again, but maybe that will be the last time.
Good luck!
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Let this just be a lesson to all the guys out there.
If you're interested in a woman, BE CLEAR AND UP FRONT FROM THE START. You don't become friends then date later, it just doesn't work that way. She's already taken you off the "possible sexing" list when your friendship becomes apparent.
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Let this just be a lesson to all the guys out there.
If you're interested in a woman, BE CLEAR AND UP FRONT FROM THE START. You don't become friends then date later, it just doesn't work that way. She's already taken you off the "possible sexing" list when your friendship becomes apparent.
This.Is.True. And when they ask you for life advice, back off and tell them you're not a freaking gosh darn therapist! Unless you're trying to be their boyfriend..then idk what to do...the advice I'm offering is for one thing and one thing only. The holy box.
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Not enough details here. Did you tell her how you feel, or have been pining hopelessly for her like a whipped wet-nurse for the past two years? If it's the former, then I know your feels, and you need to decide if you're able to remain friends or if this heartbreak is a long-term thing that requires separation. It sucks, but sometimes that's how life goes. If it's the latter and she doesn't know, then...actually I have nothing. Maybe tell her? Again, lack of details. Is she boning someone that isn't you?
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I missed the part that this happened two years ago. OP get a new hobby. And a new girl.
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I'm sorry, but if this hasn't been said...then I'll say it: you're not friends with your ex unless the break up is amicable. You need to realize this and not be friends with this girl. She's stupidly opened Pandora's box by saying that. That's just a cop out and going to make you more miserable. End that ****. You need to get over her and it's not gonna help talking/hanging out with her. It's actually quite embarrassing. Think about it: she rejected you and is still stringing you along and you agree blinded by the fact that shes doing this.
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Yeah if Facebook is any indication, all the girls in our class seem to be breaking up with their boyfriends. Perfect time to swoop in.
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Just find someone else to hang with.
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It will continue all year. I'd guess that maybe 1 out of every 3 relationships survived first year in my class. Fortunately mine was one of them.
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are they in your class? If so, this should serve as a reminder to all new M1s - never ever date someone in your class
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Congrats.......this sounds bad but there is one relationship im really hoping doesn't work out. This girl flirted with me during orientation, but shes dating some napoleon dynamite looking dude who sales insurance 😕and shes at least a 8.75.
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adultfriendfinder, nuff said.
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There's no shortage of people. Someone having difficulty with dating should do an honest self-assessment, figure out what the problems are, and work on themselves.
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I'll serve the liquor. You can thank me later.
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Why are you so hung up on a girl that thinks less of you? Have a little self respect man. My cousin was just like ya'll really upset this guy she went to HS with wasn't into her after FOUR years. It was really pathetic. Fast forward three years later, she is dating a really down to earth guy who adores her and is actually a pro athlete. It ain't about who rejects you it's about picking yourself up and moving forward in your life and knowing that you deserve the best and not settling for anything less. Be happy you didn't marry this woman. You prob built her up in your mind on this pedestal. She's nothing great and if she treats you like crap you better imagine she treats other dudes the same way. You don't even realize how lucky you are when people who you initially like turn you down. It's Gods way of saying stay the hell away from them they're a bad seed.
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Troll post. 100%. No post could include so many incorrect ellipses and possibly be legit.
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