Help edit/critique my PS for DO schools

[yunan]

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hello SDN,
my first post somehow didnt come out. here it is again.
question, was your PS 500 words or under? Mine has about 660, which is over the limit... is that definitely not okay? let me know where i can cut out if i need to please!

“Scalpel!” I demand, playfully pretending to be a surgeon as I work with classmate Mary. She hands me the instrument and I slit open the thorax region for a better definition of the pectoralis minor and the serratus anterior. As pungent and strong as the formaldehyde odor of the preserved cat was, my eagerness to dissect and identify the required muscles was more powerful. I was fascinated by the resemblance of reality to pictures I had seen in textbooks. And as I sliced through the muscle tissue, fat, and deep into the bone, I had a sudden flashback to when I was about 10 years old. I had cut my ankle deeply – to the bone.

I had slipped on the floor and crashed into a glass door, which broke. I felt absolutely no pain, but my brother noticed blood staining my ripped sock so we investigated the wound. At first I thought it was just a scratch, but as I looked closer through the eyes of a 10-year-old, it was different from the bloody wounds I was familiar with. The cut was deep and clean, and I could see layers of white and yellow on the sides.

I was taken to the hospital emergency department, where I received seven sutures. The doctor called it a “lucky seven,” and shocked me when he said that if the cut had been a little deeper it could have severed a nerve and left me unable to walk. Whenever I notice the scar, I picture the doctor suturing my leg dexterously, while creating a calm atmosphere in the room as he talked with me.
In the eyes of a 10-year-old, he was a miracle worker. But as I looked back eight years later with a scalpel in one hand and a probe in the other, I saw him as a healer with the ability to identify a problem or imbalance, and apply his knowledge to create a solution and re-establish equilibrium that can either be biological, or the emotional well-being of a patient. I seek this balance in life because I know that everything has a cause and effect. Becoming a physician will give me the ability to restore balance in other people’s lives and health.

I majored in Biological Science at University of California, Irvine, in preparation for medical school. Through research testing the motor skills of patients with Alzheimer’s disease, I have learned the importance of analyzing statistical data and developing the ability to extrapolate treatment outcomes for individual patients. That insight was complemented by my experience as a Clinical Care Extender volunteer through six different rotations at Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian in Newport Beach, California, which has enlightened me about the essence and rewards of healthcare.

Furthermore, soon after receiving my Bachelor’s I started working as a Clinical Trial Coordinator at the Diabetes Research Center to become more informed of the structural aspects of medicine as well as the risks and liabilities involved. In the meantime, I am currently enrolled in the Post-Baccalaureate program at Lake Erie College of Osteopathic Medicine (LECOM) to gain invaluable skills such as time management and basic solid science background in preparation for medical school. More importantly, I am looking forward to shadowing D.O. during the year to see the effects of OMT on a more holistic approach to biological balancing. And as I am gradually being exposed to osteopathic medicine, the more eager I am to dive deeper into more specific studies of its effects on diabetes and nephropathy chronic diseases.

“…and this is the internal oblique.” I finished the cat dissection, finding the final anatomical part on the list with a sense of accomplishment. What I had learned from books had become real, and I had found a balance between what I had read and what I saw in front of me. That was one of many moments that have confirmed my enthusiasm for medicine as a career in applied science and human contact.

-yunan

 

[bbake87]

Very well written Yulan! Did you submit a rough draft to your adviser or schools writing department? If you decide not to pursure a career in medicine try the used carsaleman field (JK - best of luck)

 

[bbake87]

I am a dumb*ss YuNan

 

[yunan]

Very well written Yulan! Did you submit a rough draft to your adviser or schools writing department? If you decide not to pursure a career in medicine try the used carsaleman field (JK - best of luck)

Thanks bbake, no i didnt submit to any advisors. Im kinda of in a hurry to get my aacomas out. i literally just finished typing and posted on sdn. well this is an edited version of my PS when applied to post bacc.

So... very well written as in ready to be sent out? Is there anyway i can cut short, i am 160 words over 😱

 

[docbill]

Thanks bbake, no i didnt submit to any advisors. Im kinda of in a hurry to get my aacomas out. i literally just finished typing and posted on sdn. well this is an edited version of my PS when applied to post bacc.

So... very well written as in ready to be sent out? Is there anyway i can cut short, i am 160 words over 😱

I don't normally answer to these.

BUT.. this time I did read and have some comments/my opinion.

You went on too long about the dissection. And going back to the end with this cat story is not the best idea. If it was a FROG.. that is different. BUT CAT.. NOT cute. Maybe change the cat to frog for the sake of not being called the cat person.

Your ending about LECOM post-bac and going to shadow a DO one day.. You where at LECOM (or you will be??). If you did not shadow don't mention it in the PS. Maybe have something about family.. culture if you are a minority. Something that will give people a complete picture.

 

[lktm831]

fyi

i think aacomas adheres to the 3000 character count (including spaces) rather than the 500 word count; it says something like 3000 characters, approx. 500 words. so you should check your character count rather than your word count. well atleast thats what i did.

good luck!

 

[MikeyLu2010]

The essay is very well written, however i to agree that you have focused on the wrong points..dissecting an animal, while being fun and interesting, doesnt seem to really be a life-changing experience.. im assuming you did this in highschool or college..nonetheless i think you should focus on your research experience and your experiences of being a post bac.

if you are having trouble with word limit, then trim the first paragraph...good luck...

 

[Buckeye(OH)]

Being over the limit is never ok. You are only given a certain amount of space in AACOMAS. If you copy and paste from word into that space, part of your essay will be cut off.

 

[Buckeye(OH)]

BTW, that was a pretty good PS. Id rock it.

 

[-Goose-]

Nicely done, OP. the only thing I would change would be the ending. rather than discuss how you are going to shadow a DO, I would probably give a blurb about why you like the osteopathic profession (and delete the last paragraph- it really adds nothing to your essay, imho, especially if you are over the character allowance). this will draw attention away from the fact that have yet to shadow a DO and let adcoms know that you know something about being osteopathic principles and OMT.

inevitably, someone will probably suggest not to do this, as the secondaries are the best place to specifically address the "why DO" question, but keep in mind that several schools do not have a place on the secondary to address this topic...

 

[CTG]

Nicely done, OP. the only thing I would change would be the ending. rather than discuss how you are going to shadow a DO, I would probably give a blurb about why you like the osteopathic profession (and delete the last paragraph- it really adds nothing to your essay, imho, especially if you are over the character allowance). this will draw attention away from the fact that have yet to shadow a DO and let adcoms know that you know something about being osteopathic principles and OMT.

inevitably, someone will probably suggest not to do this, as the secondaries are the best place to specifically address the "why DO" question, but keep in mind that several schools do not have a place on the secondary to address this topic...

are you saying that it's ok not to address the d.o. thing in the ps? I wrote my ps without talking about that, and I don't really want to change it now because I like how it is and there's no room to add more....so is it enough just to talk about it in the secondary?

 

[yunan]

So in sum, I really shouldn't indicate in my PS that i WILL be shadowing a DO this coming school year to explain why I havent sent the LOR from a DO to accompany my aacomas? Since all DO schools require a LOR from a DO. I also wanted to point out my interest in osteopathic medicine, isnt that what the adcom wants to hear rather than how much i already know about it, because isnt the whole point of going to DO school is to learn about DO 😕

Thanks a whole lot for your comments. I'm deciding if i should just cut out the last paragraph now.... any other advice?

 

[Apparition]

Nicely done, OP. the only thing I would change would be the ending. rather than discuss how you are going to shadow a DO, I would probably give a blurb about why you like the osteopathic profession (and delete the last paragraph- it really adds nothing to your essay, imho, especially if you are over the character allowance). this will draw attention away from the fact that have yet to shadow a DO and let adcoms know that you know something about being osteopathic principles and OMT.

inevitably, someone will probably suggest not to do this, as the secondaries are the best place to specifically address the "why DO" question, but keep in mind that several schools do not have a place on the secondary to address this topic...

Would you mind sharing which schools don't have space for why DO? Thanks.

 

[mkitty]

So in sum, I really shouldn't indicate in my PS that i WILL be shadowing a DO this coming school year to explain why I havent sent the LOR from a DO to accompany my aacomas? Since all DO schools require a LOR from a DO. I also wanted to point out my interest in osteopathic medicine, isnt that what the adcom wants to hear rather than how much i already know about it, because isnt the whole point of going to DO school is to learn about DO 😕

Thanks a whole lot for your comments. I'm deciding if i should just cut out the last paragraph now.... any other advice?

Actually, if you check on the ACCOMAS website on DO schools, it says that DO schools PREFER an LOR from a DO, but most accept LOR from an MD too. So if you can get one from DO rather than MD, it's even better.

I like your essay, but I also feel that focusing on the dissection in the beginning is not strong enough. I think you should jump right into the moment you got wounded. You want to make a good strong first impression to the readers (a good image is the best) and the dissection I feel is 2nd to your personal accident. Perhaps go into your experience at the hospital and how they helped you out? to tie it into your theme?

 

[ShyRem]

So in sum, I really shouldn't indicate in my PS that i WILL be shadowing a DO this coming school year to explain why I havent sent the LOR from a DO to accompany my aacomas? Since all DO schools require a LOR from a DO. I also wanted to point out my interest in osteopathic medicine, isnt that what the adcom wants to hear rather than how much i already know about it, because isnt the whole point of going to DO school is to learn about DO 😕

Thanks a whole lot for your comments. I'm deciding if i should just cut out the last paragraph now.... any other advice?

Not all DO schools require a letter from a DO. Only about half do. Do a search - this has been discussed before and a list of those NOT requiring a DO letter is in there... Also the DO school websites are very specific as to whether a DO letter is REQUIRED or OPTIONAL.

 

[-Goose-]

are you saying that it's ok not to address the d.o. thing in the ps? I wrote my ps without talking about that, and I don't really want to change it now because I like how it is and there's no room to add more....so is it enough just to talk about it in the secondary?

I don't have the definite answer to your question. I also did not address the "why do" question in my primary app, as I was planning on doing this in the secondaries, as many people here suggested... I just filled out secondaries for NSUcom and UMDNJcom and briefly looked at the one for AZCOM (have to double check this one, though) and they did not specifically have a place for it.
I think you'll be fine, as it will undoubtedly come up in your interviews, if not most secondaries (just not the ones I've seen so far.)

 

[-Goose-]

So in sum, I really shouldn't indicate in my PS that i WILL be shadowing a DO this coming school year to explain why I havent sent the LOR from a DO to accompany my aacomas? Since all DO schools require a LOR from a DO. I also wanted to point out my interest in osteopathic medicine, isnt that what the adcom wants to hear rather than how much i already know about it, because isnt the whole point of going to DO school is to learn about DO 😕

I think its probably a good idea to address the issue (not neccessary tho), but Ive just heard that its NOT a good idea to specifically talk about (albeit unintentionally) your app's weaknesses (ie not having shadowed a DO yet). If I were in your shoes, I would give a quick, but cohesive, blurb about osteopathy that ties in with the rest of your (otherwise great) essay. leave more specifics about osteopathy for secondaries (MOST ask this, just not the three that Ive gotten so far) and the interviews, AFTER youve done your shadowing...

 

[yunan]

Actually, if you check on the ACCOMAS website on DO schools, it says that DO schools PREFER an LOR from a DO, but most accept LOR from an MD too. So if you can get one from DO rather than MD, it's even better.

I like your essay, but I also feel that focusing on the dissection in the beginning is not strong enough. I think you should jump right into the moment you got wounded. You want to make a good strong first impression to the readers (a good image is the best) and the dissection I feel is 2nd to your personal accident. Perhaps go into your experience at the hospital and how they helped you out? to tie it into your theme?

gotcha.. after looking at it, maybe i can simply cut out the first and last paragraph of the essay and it'd still be okay. The intro would still start with a personal story. After deleting those 2 paragraphs i'll have ~2700 characters, then i can expand my clinic experience which i had cut out a whole lot from the first PS.

But, would you guys think adcom would want me to expand my experience at:
1. Hoag Hospital
2. Clinical Research
3. "why DO"

I have a LOR from an MD btw... from the clinical trial gig. Actually 1 MD, 1 research PHD, 1 bio prof PHD. And will get DO LOR after i start post bacc.

 

[Doctor Bagel]

small correction, but i wouldn't waste any of those precious characters on writing out the names of the schools you attended. they can easily gather that from your application, anyway. just say, in college, blah blah blah, and in postbacc, yada yada yada.

oh yeah, i'd also ditch the cat thing. i am a cat person, and there are lots of us out there. we might think you're a little weird for digging the dissection so much. however, i do like the transition from the dissection to the story about your cut. also, i'm presuming you had your job for at least a year. if so, i'd mention some more details about what you did there. just my thoughts. good luck!

 

[yunan]

small correction, but i wouldn't waste any of those precious characters on writing out the names of the schools you attended. they can easily gather that from your application, anyway. just say, in college, blah blah blah, and in postbacc, yada yada yada.

oh yeah, i'd also ditch the cat thing. i am a cat person, and there are lots of us out there. we might think you're a little weird for digging the dissection so much. however, i do like the transition from the dissection to the story about your cut. also, i'm presuming you had your job for at least a year. if so, i'd mention some more details about what you did there. just my thoughts. good luck!

I've edited the first paragraph so there's still a flashback because i've mentioned it later in the essay. there's no more indication of cat dissection. I've also cut out the last paragraph. Now the essay is just under 3000 characters. And i'm planning to submit aacomas this weekened. How does it look now? thanks a whole lot for your time !

“As I sliced through the muscle tissue, fat, and deep into the bone, I had a sudden flashback to when I was about 10 years old. I had cut my ankle deeply – to the bone.

I had slipped...."

 

[yunan]

AACOMAS submitted 7/15/05 😱

 

[MaximusD]

Not to upset you, but I think that your original essay was strong due to the dissection. You showed a unique curiosity for cutting and provide excellent and coherent descriptions of the experience... I would have left it in. Remember, this was to be YOUR personal statement... screw impressing people is what I say. Do not be afraid to express who you feel you are... people ***** themselves out for this ****ty aacomas/amcas process.👎

btw, I can't believe people are upset about the cat dissection.. for God's sake how can you be so against cat dissection!? in med school we will dissect people/cadavers! If you get more of a pinge from cat dissection, I am seriously worried...yet people discuss their experiences in medicine which often include observing surgeries etc..

Best of luck, and I'm sure your final essay was still excellent. 😎

 

[erleichda]

if you look at yunan's sig, he was accepted to LECOM for class of 2010...

Not to upset you, but I think that your original essay was strong due to the dissection. You showed a unique curiosity for cutting and provide excellent and coherent descriptions of the experience... I would have left it in. Remember, this was to be YOUR personal statement... screw impressing people is what I say. Do not be afraid to express who you feel you are... people ***** themselves out for this ****ty aacomas/amcas process.👎

btw, I can't believe people are upset about the cat dissection.. for God's sake how can you be so against cat dissection!? in med school we will dissect people/cadavers! If you get more of a pinge from cat dissection, I am seriously worried...yet people discuss their experiences in medicine which often include observing surgeries etc..

Best of luck, and I'm sure your final essay was still excellent. 😎