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I have just finished my first draft for my personal statement, and I was looking for feedback from someone who has gone through the process, and can offer any suggestions. I have pasted the essay below. Thanks to anyone who can help!
As I sit here today I can remember his face clearly, even though it was over fifteen years ago. My mother was crying as she entered my grandfathers hospital room, she grabbed his hand and stroked his still face. Even at the young age of six I knew there was something wrong. I now know that he was battling lung cancer while lying in that hospital bed, and that his death could have been prevented. At his funeral I remember my grandmothers face swollen from all of her tears, and Ive never been able to escape these images in my head.
As long as I can remember I have always looked up to and considered my father my mentor. He came to this country and overcame many obstacles to become a physician to help others, and I had always wanted to follow in his footsteps. Like most people I had always had this image of doctors playing the most important role in medicine, but while working in his office, as a receptionist, these past three years I have come to realize that the importance of a pharmacist is often undervalued. Pharmacists are the direct link between doctors and their patients, between diagnosis and treatment, between illness and health, and they hold a crucial role in the well-being of patients. When my mother tried to explain to me as a young child why my grandfather had died I could only understand that he didnt get the right medicine. As an adult I am now aware that the wrong dosage of his chemotherapy was administered. This mistake proved not only to be fatal, but possibly preventable. This realization, in addition to my interest in healthcare, intrigued my educational interests so much I now seek to devote my career to the study and practice of pharmacy. Pharmacists have become an integral component in the medical field, not only educating patients of the side effects and dangers that medications can have, but also in preventing medical errors. Becoming a Doctor of Pharmacy would mean I could further my education on the medical drug treatment for illness and disease, and that one day I may be skilled and educated enough to become a positive variable that can reduce the margin of medical error.
I am determined to further my education, and I believe that becoming a Doctor of Pharmacy holds the ongoing intellectual challenges I seek in a career. I possess the ability, resolve, readiness, and dedication to achieve my goal of obtaining a Degree in Pharmacy, and all I seek is the opportunity to apply myself as a student. During my fathers pursuit to become a medical doctor I witnessed the personal and family sacrifices he made. We celebrated many Christmases in the hospital cafeteria, and missed our father during those emergency calls that required him to be away from us. As I look at him now, I know and understand the perseverance he possessed. I still plan to follow in my fathers footsteps. The footsteps of hard work and dedication to help others as he has done, but I hope to make a few new footsteps of my own along the way, which will lead me in the direction of Pharmacology.
As I sit here today I can remember his face clearly, even though it was over fifteen years ago. My mother was crying as she entered my grandfathers hospital room, she grabbed his hand and stroked his still face. Even at the young age of six I knew there was something wrong. I now know that he was battling lung cancer while lying in that hospital bed, and that his death could have been prevented. At his funeral I remember my grandmothers face swollen from all of her tears, and Ive never been able to escape these images in my head.
As long as I can remember I have always looked up to and considered my father my mentor. He came to this country and overcame many obstacles to become a physician to help others, and I had always wanted to follow in his footsteps. Like most people I had always had this image of doctors playing the most important role in medicine, but while working in his office, as a receptionist, these past three years I have come to realize that the importance of a pharmacist is often undervalued. Pharmacists are the direct link between doctors and their patients, between diagnosis and treatment, between illness and health, and they hold a crucial role in the well-being of patients. When my mother tried to explain to me as a young child why my grandfather had died I could only understand that he didnt get the right medicine. As an adult I am now aware that the wrong dosage of his chemotherapy was administered. This mistake proved not only to be fatal, but possibly preventable. This realization, in addition to my interest in healthcare, intrigued my educational interests so much I now seek to devote my career to the study and practice of pharmacy. Pharmacists have become an integral component in the medical field, not only educating patients of the side effects and dangers that medications can have, but also in preventing medical errors. Becoming a Doctor of Pharmacy would mean I could further my education on the medical drug treatment for illness and disease, and that one day I may be skilled and educated enough to become a positive variable that can reduce the margin of medical error.
I am determined to further my education, and I believe that becoming a Doctor of Pharmacy holds the ongoing intellectual challenges I seek in a career. I possess the ability, resolve, readiness, and dedication to achieve my goal of obtaining a Degree in Pharmacy, and all I seek is the opportunity to apply myself as a student. During my fathers pursuit to become a medical doctor I witnessed the personal and family sacrifices he made. We celebrated many Christmases in the hospital cafeteria, and missed our father during those emergency calls that required him to be away from us. As I look at him now, I know and understand the perseverance he possessed. I still plan to follow in my fathers footsteps. The footsteps of hard work and dedication to help others as he has done, but I hope to make a few new footsteps of my own along the way, which will lead me in the direction of Pharmacology.
