Help: School vs. Relationship

[COskibum]

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Looking for advice.

I am 25 and was recently accepted to a new local DO school (RVU), where my long-time (9+ years) girlfriend is currently starting her 3rd year, and also an MD school basically across the country (VCU).

Is it worth the strain on our relationship to go to a better school? We would likely have to spend the next five years of our lives in a 1,000+ mile long distance relationship. Is there anyone who had been there that can offer me any advice on what to do?

 

[thepoopologist]

Looking for advice.

I am 25 and was recently accepted to a new local DO school (RVU), where my long-time (9+ years) girlfriend is currently starting her 3rd year, and also an MD school basically across the country (VCU).

Is it worth the strain on our relationship to go to a better school? We would likely have to spend the next five years of our lives in a 1,000+ mile long distance relationship. Is there anyone who had been there that can offer me any advice on what to do?

What you ultimately decide is a personal decision.

But, if it were me I'd probably defer a year, talk to her about east coast residencies, and then head out to VCU.

 

[DrMidlife]

I dislike everything about RVU, so I vote VCU. But when you bring east coast "skiing" and a 9 year relationship into the formula, that's a tough one.

Maybe look into what it costs to fly between Denver & Richmond? Maybe think about her doing electives in VA and you doing electives in CO?

Yikes, best of luck!

 

[LifeTake2]

Ok, not even going to weigh in on VCU vs RVU.

You have a bigger issue, you have been dating since you were in high school, and are now 25. You are talking about continuing to date until you are 30?

Either get off your ***** and marry her, and make this decision together. Or figure out why you aren't doing that, and make the best decision for you. Once you figure out where your relationship is going, then you decide.

A bunch of strangers can't tell you where to go to medical school, you need to be talking to HER about that.

FWIW, I don't think you are ready for a 5-year long-distance relationship; but that is coming from someone who has been married for 13+yrs and has done long-term separations due to work before.

 

[peppy]

Even though I am a DO, I have major concerns about Rocky Vista, so I would suggest pretty much any other school over that one.
Is there a reason why your GF can't do her electives in Virginia and apply for residency out that way? That would greatly reduce the long distance time.

Really, only you can decide for yourself whether it would bother you more to have a breakup over the distance or to end up failing to match into your desired specialty (or possibly go completely unmatched) because RVU doesn't have much of a reputation yet (and many of those who do know about RVU have negative opinions about it).

You should also try to be honest with yourself about the future you see for this relationship. I know a ton of people who started dating someone as a teenager but then broke up with that person in their early-to-mid 20s. This is about the right age for life goals to diverge and for people to start getting antsy about wanting to see "what else is out there" before settling down for good. Would it bother you if you chose RVU but your girlfriend wound up breaking up with you anyway?
Starting med school and residency are both times when relationships seem vulnerable to breakups. People change during med school and again during residency. You also meet a ton of new people during those times. I'm not saying that just to be a downer. Just try to emotionally prepare for the chance that one of you will end up meeting someone else and breaking up anyway even if you do stay local.

 

[curt656]

I have a feeling if you choose VCU regardless of whether she can get residency or rotate near you, there might be some friction that she is going to a school that is not good enough for you not to mention that you chose a school over her.

Maybe, maybe not but I could definitely see someone feeling that way.

 

[chrissyxf]

First, I second LifeTake on getting married or at least engaged- I am/ (was?) in a similar situation (I'm 26, we've been dating just over 6 years) and we're fighting now because he refuses to get married or even engaged while i'm trying to figure out what school i'll be going to (depending on if i get in anywhere this year, of course!).
Honestly, you have to talk to her. Talk about the pros and cons of going to the MD school over the DO. If she's not 110% behind you in going to the MD school, curt's right, she'll resent you at some point.
Here's where I'm coming from: I want to go to medical school. He has a successful career where we live now and he's told me he's not willing to move. I'm applying to my dream school up north. I told him that I want to stay together no matter what (here's where that ring comes in!) and that if I get into this school, I'm going because it's too good of an opportunity and we'll find a way to make it work. He and I have done long distance before and it's not impossible. It's a ton of work but if there's an endpoint, it's tolerable. Personally, I'd prefer to be off on my own studying and not worrying about being distracted or feeling like I have to entertain him all day (I prefer to home study over library study) but you definitely miss the support of your loved one.
In any case, I would consider the deferral option too. But I think if she felt that you were serious about being with her and knows without a doubt she has a commitment (read: ring), she'd be more amenable to hearing that you want to go half way across the country. (this is my perspective as the female in a similar situation).
Good luck! I'm sorry you're going through such a tough decision making process.

 

[Kphrogg]

You need to do what's best for you in terms of your school. If she's not willing to make the move to the east coast, then it may be time to move on. Ending a 9-year relationship isn't easy, but it's a lot easier than regretting the decision later and blaming her.

 

[TriagePreMed]

Go to VCU. Your gf can try some away rotations and what not. If your relationship works, it'll work.

 

[ucsfstudents]

I agree with TriagePreMed. Go with your gut feeling and the relationship will work out if it was meant to be.