Help! Theres someone trying to keep me from getting into med school

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salemstein

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Theres this PI I work for that recently caught wind that I'm applying to med school this year. I knew it was a mistake for him to find out, given he's one of the most sadistic persons I've ever met. I know I might be a little paranoid, but keep in mind some of the things he's done in the past: an old coworker of mine applied to a different job while working under him... he actually wrote a letter to the company essentially saying "so and so's work here isn't finished yet. You can't take him..."

Ever since PI knew I was applying to med school, he's been constantly bugging me about how "you're not cut out for it" or "I know you, and you'll mess up- avoid medicine" etc. What the h does he want and why is it his business? Anyways thats besides the point. My biggest fear is he will take steps to write a note/contact AMCAS or even individual med schools directly saying how I'm not cut out for medicine. Should that even be a concern, and is it possible they'll take this lunatic seriously? I've never seen someone so hellbent on me not going into medicine. This will be my second time applying and I don't want anything to go wrong.
 
Someone with that personality would really grind my gears. Kudos to you though for putting up with it.
 
Actually I've been curious about this as well. I remember in HS where some kid (student A) wrote all the way to one of the HYPSM schools because he was so bent
on student B not getting in. The HYPSM personnel got involved and came all the way to our humble, middle -of- nowhere suburban town to investigate.
Student B did not get in, although perhaps that had nothing to do with student A's accusations.
Needlessly to say, this became school legend. Mostly because our school has no other legends to speak of.

Does/ did this kind of thing ever happen with med school admissions?
 
Next time he mentions something along those lines, flatter him. Tell him that you've always respected his judgement and value his opinion, and would therefore want to hear why it is he thinks it would be a mistake. Then listen respectfully, nodding every so often. There may actually be a grain or two of useful information in his response concerning the practice of medicine or the way you are perceived by others. Of course, maybe not --

But either way, thank him for sharing his thoughts with you, promise to give them appropriate consideration, then refrain from discussing your plans with him in the future if you can. If needed, a list of schools you won't be applying to may not be a bad idea.

It's rare indeed when someone takes the time to actively sabotage someone else's dreams. Not that they're not jerky enough to do it -- more like most people are just too darned lazy and don't care enough about harming us to do anything more time-consuming than a few ill-wishes.
 
Is this guy your employer? If not, get out of that lab ASAP. Don't enable him. If you work for him, I suspect that he doesn't want you to leave because you are either A) highly competent or B) a willing victim for his sadistic streak.

You've received a lot of good advice in this thread; I hope that you're wise enough to use it.

salemstein said:
Theres this PI I work for that recently caught wind that I'm applying to med school this year. I knew it was a mistake for him to find out, given he's one of the most sadistic persons I've ever met. I know I might be a little paranoid, but keep in mind some of the things he's done in the past: an old coworker of mine applied to a different job while working under him... he actually wrote a letter to the company essentially saying "so and so's work here isn't finished yet. You can't take him..."

Ever since PI knew I was applying to med school, he's been constantly bugging me about how "you're not cut out for it" or "I know you, and you'll mess up- avoid medicine" etc. What the h does he want and why is it his business? Anyways thats besides the point. My biggest fear is he will take steps to write a note/contact AMCAS or even individual med schools directly saying how I'm not cut out for medicine. Should that even be a concern, and is it possible they'll take this lunatic seriously? I've never seen someone so hellbent on me not going into medicine. This will be my second time applying and I don't want anything to go wrong.
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Two different viewpoints:

1 - What Goro said. This seems more likely, going by what he did to your other coworker. If this is the case, I'd be taking it as a compliment from a lunatic.
2 - He actually thinks that you won't do well. In which case, why do you care what he thinks? He's a lunatic!

In either case, I don't see how it could possibly hurt your candidacy unless he sends letters directly to the schools.
 
Banco said:
Give him the names of 10 caribbean schools and tell him that's your list.
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And be consistent by telling everyone else in the lab the same schools you're considering, as they could be the source from which the PI "caught wind" of your intentions.

Public schools in Texas could be an alternative 'red herring' to pass on, as they use a different application system (not AMCAS).
 
I hope that you don't have to ask this jerk for a rec letter.
 
Do not tell him when and where you're applying! I felt doubtful of my PI's intentions too (not to the extreme you're describing though) and I worked with him for two years. He kept trying to convince me to go into research. People like that are a pain in the a**. I ended up not asking him to write me a letter and didn't tell him anything about my plans.
 
@samac No frakin' clue. I just made an anthill out of a mound of dirt, lol.
 
This PI... Who is he to say how compatible you are with medical school? Is he on an admissions committee? How much does he know about you to judge you in that way? His attitude sounds unprofessional, disrespectful, and iniquitous. Personally, I don't put up with bull**** like that, and neither should you. I would report him to the dean, solely based on what you've said. His behavior sounds malignant. However, my disclaimer here is that I do not have the full story and I am strictly basing this advice off of your initial post.

Anyways, are you really gaining valuable lab/research experience with a PI that doesn't give a rat's ass about you? I doubt it. Your application will be better off if you are doing something with people who are supportive of you.

(So as to cover myself that I understand superiority is a real factor in a professional setting, it's one thing for an attending/resident chew out a subordinate for doing/saying something wrong, it's another thing to straight up tell someone they have no place in pursuing their goals. From the way OP put it, it does not seem like this PI has OP's best interest in mind.)
 
I was in a similar situation, but my PI would never go that far. She would just complain and ruin other people's breaks. She complained to me about another girl who wanted to do medicine, and said she should be like me, then she found out I was premed, and changed her tune lol. I can't say anything about your guy, but for me, I let my PI know that her lab wasn't for me and left to go volunteer and stuff. If you're staying cause you like the rest of the lab or something, I wouldn't bring it up with him anymore, and change the topic if presented.
 
Tell him you've changed your mind and you're applying to PA school as that's probably more your speed, thank him for the opportunity, and resign effective immediately.
Anything he says should be followed up with, "OK, thanks again and good luck with the project, I have to focus on my PA application now." as you're walking out the door.
 
I'm not sure why you're still working for this nutjob.
 
I'm never going to stop. Not until I've made sure you're only option is Caribbean. Working on the "Salemstein stuffs their bra and cheats in school" flyers to send out to schools as we speak.
 
"Help! There's someone trying to keep me from [getting into medical school, ETC.]"

There most certainly is; He or She stares at you every morning in the mirror.
Face your fears. Overcome them. Men and Women create their fate. Victims accept theirs.
 
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Damn, that sucks. My PI always jokingly says I should do a Ph.D. in his field (of course) instead of med school, but he was willing and happy to write me a letter saying I was a hard worker. That is so unfortunate that he's not willing to support you...nay, actively discouraging you from achieving your dreams.
 
I caught wind that someone (99.99% certain the person is a SDN person) is trying to get my MD acceptance rescinded... so people do try. Doesn't seem like anyone is paying it terribly much mind in my case.

I doubt he is going to do terribly much to you. I do like the red herring suggestions.
 
familyaerospace said:
I caught wind that someone (99.99% certain the person is a SDN person) is trying to get my MD acceptance rescinded... so people do try. Doesn't seem like anyone is paying it terribly much mind in my case.

I doubt he is going to do terribly much to you. I do like the red herring suggestions.
Click to expand...

Seriously? How...? And...why? That is incredibly disturbing.
 
gannicus89 said:
Seriously? How...? And...why? That is incredibly disturbing.
Click to expand...

I can tell even without looking at your join date that you are very new around here.

SDN is full of people who are attempting to redefine a few terms. One of those terms is gunner. Another one of the terms, which is unlikely to get past the profanity screener, starts with an A and ends with an E and is considered a compound word and slang for a part of the body. I'm sure you can figure out what that term is. Some people are really doing anything to get accepted which is a little sad.

I told @Goro (who gave very good advice above) in a PM about it as well as @touchpause13 about it. I was less than amused.

However, after four cycles, let me be quite frank, I have no more Fs left to give. By all means, attempt to get my acceptance to medical school revoked. I just ask that you do it before I move. I simply cannot be bothered anymore dealing with petty people.
 
familyaerospace said:
I can tell even without looking at your join date that you are very new around here.

SDN is full of people who are attempting to redefine a few terms. One of those terms is gunner. Another one of the terms, which is unlikely to get past the profanity screener, starts with an A and ends with an E and is considered a compound word and slang for a part of the body. I'm sure you can figure out what that term is. Some people are really doing anything to get accepted which is a little sad.

I told @Goro (who gave very good advice above) in a PM about it as well as @touchpause13 about it. I was less than amused.

However, after four cycles, let me be quite frank, I have no more Fs left to give. By all means, attempt to get my acceptance to medical school revoked. I just ask that you do it before I move. I simply cannot be bothered anymore dealing with petty people.
Click to expand...

It seems strange considering how we are all pretty anonymous around here...assuming people are smart about what they share with others. Did you overshare possibly? If my acceptance was threatened, I would simply leave the site.
 
gannicus89 said:
It seems strange considering how we are all pretty anonymous around here...assuming people are smart about what they share with others. Did you overshare possibly? If my acceptance was threatened, I would simply leave the site.
Click to expand...

No one is truly anonymous here if you have been around more than one application cycle. You'll learn that as well. Dare I say that even if you are only around a few months, you are still not anonymous. I could probably figure out the schools of all the adcomms if I was really bored and they take great pains to hide their identities.

Had one friend on SDN (she is still around here somewhere, she is one of three who know who I am) who was rejected and posted on the school's thread that she was rejected and was so sad about it, but she still answered questions on the school and said how awesome they were. The school found out who she was just based on the pretty anonymous posts she made and brought her in for a same-day interview and accepted her. I had multiple SDN people view my profile on Linkedin in the past few weeks and I could figure out who most were without any trouble.

I personally am one of the only transsexuals on SDN so it is not exactly impossible to figure out who I am.
 
familyaerospace said:
No one is truly anonymous here if you have been around more than one application cycle. You'll learn that as well. Dare I say that even if you are only around a few months, you are still not anonymous. I could probably figure out the schools of all the adcomms if I was really bored and they take great pains to hide their identities.

Had one friend on SDN (she is still around here somewhere, she is one of three who know who I am) who was rejected and posted on the school's thread that she was rejected and was so sad about it, but she still answered questions on the school and said how awesome they were. The school found out who she was just based on the pretty anonymous posts she made and brought her in for a same-day interview and accepted her. I had multiple SDN people view my profile on Linkedin in the past few weeks and I could figure out who most were without any trouble.

I personally am one of the only transsexuals on SDN so it is not exactly impossible to figure out who I am.
Click to expand...

Oh lord. All of this makes me want to hide in an e-hole.
The story about your friend is a mixture of awesome and really, really disturbing.
Why should you being trans matter on a forum like this? I suspect perhaps my question is naive.
 
gannicus89 said:
Oh lord. All of this makes me want to hide in an e-hole.
The story about your friend is a mixture of awesome and really, really disturbing.
Why should you being trans matter on a forum like this? I suspect perhaps my question is naive.
Click to expand...

You hiding is probably for the best actually. There is this sweet little pre-med who works part time in a small restaurant in the middle of nowhere (about 15-20 miles from me) and I told her to never come on this forum as it would destroy her.

LGBT people are underserved and the trans community is way underserved. Some schools consider us URM of sorts. The LGBT-related topics get posted a lot.
 
familyaerospace said:
You hiding is probably for the best actually. There is this sweet little pre-med who works part time in a small restaurant in the middle of nowhere (about 15-20 miles from me) and I told her to never come on this forum as it would destroy her.

LGBT people are underserved and the trans community is way underserved. Some schools consider us URM of sorts. The LGBT-related topics get posted a lot.
Click to expand...
SDN is a good resource if you can learn to weed out some of the more neurotic posts and arguments that exist solely for the purpose of unsolicited arguing. The advisors here are uniformly helpful.
Also, SDN posts can get quite hilarious, especially when it's not trying to be. So as long as this sweet little pre-med has a good head on her, she can make good use of SDN for, if anything, a good laugh.
 
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catmario said:
SDN is a good resource if you can learn to weed out some of the more neurotic posts and arguments that exist solely for the purpose of unsolicited arguing. The advisors here are uniformly helpful.
Also, SDN posts can get quite hilarious, especially when its not trying to be. So as long as this sweet little pre-med has a good head on her, she can make good use of SDN for, if anything, a good laugh.
Click to expand...

I think she is so sweet but she will take all the arguing to heart. She's been burned once by her adviser. Where she grew up, there is little arguing and is very relaxed. It's very encouraging atmosphere. Gunners don't really exist. Giving bad advice or misleading advice is almost unheard of.

The SDN attitudes, arguing and neuroticism would really discourage the poor girl. She also doesn't have the experience to weed out the horrible advice although I did tell her a little about some of the good people on here. She is about my step-son's age so I want to shield her from some of the worst bits.

I gave her my business card and told her to please just email me with the questions and that I would help her every step of the way and come out of retirement to help her with her personal statement.
 
familyaerospace said:
I think she is so sweet but she will take all the arguing to heart. She's been burned once by her adviser. Where she grew up, there is little arguing and is very relaxed. It's very encouraging atmosphere. Gunners don't really exist. Giving bad advice or misleading advice is almost unheard of.

The SDN attitudes, arguing and neuroticism would really discourage the poor girl. She also doesn't have the experience to weed out the horrible advice although I did tell her a little about some of the good people on here. She is about my step-son's age so I want to shield her from some of the worst bits.

I gave her my business card and told her to please just email me with the questions and that I would help her every step of the way and come out of retirement to help her with her personal statement.
Click to expand...
Aww well you sound as sweet as she is. It really is quite kind of you.
And on the same thread, there are stories of people just hellbent on gratuitously pi**ing into people's futures. Why... just why...
 
gannicus89 said:
Oh lord. All of this makes me want to hide in an e-hole.
The story about your friend is a mixture of awesome and really, really disturbing.
Why should you being trans matter on a forum like this? I suspect perhaps my question is naive.
Click to expand...

A little but if you think about it you get it quickly: anonymity + bigotry = crap like FAS is talking about. They think they're anonymous because it's right there in the TOS! And they just *know* they deserve that seat more than anyone, certainly more than ::insert disgusting crap here::. It's practically their duty to $specious_notion to inform that school FAS or other LGBTQ person got into what they have incoming. It's pretty foul.
 
familyaerospace said:
You hiding is probably for the best actually. There is this sweet little pre-med who works part time in a small restaurant in the middle of nowhere (about 15-20 miles from me) and I told her to never come on this forum as it would destroy her.

LGBT people are underserved and the trans community is way underserved. Some schools consider us URM of sorts. The LGBT-related topics get posted a lot.
Click to expand...

So far, the only real negative I have perceived is that some of the threads enable my neuroticism (e.g. the AMCAS verification time thread). Largely, it's been an informative place.

I kind of just thought that LGBT situations were not supposed to be discussed during interviews and whatnot, since that's your personal business.
 
Tintinnabula said:
A little but if you think about it you get it quickly: anonymity + bigotry = crap like FAS is talking about. They think they're anonymous because it's right there in the TOS! And they just *know* they deserve that seat more than anyone, certainly more than ::insert disgusting crap here::. It's practically their duty to $specious_notion to inform that school FAS or other LGBTQ person got into what they have incoming. It's pretty foul.
Click to expand...

I'm not sure why any medical school would entertain such notions though. Seems like such a waste of time.
 
familyaerospace said:
I think she is so sweet but she will take all the arguing to heart. She's been burned once by her adviser. Where she grew up, there is little arguing and is very relaxed. It's very encouraging atmosphere. Gunners don't really exist. Giving bad advice or misleading advice is almost unheard of.

The SDN attitudes, arguing and neuroticism would really discourage the poor girl. She also doesn't have the experience to weed out the horrible advice although I did tell her a little about some of the good people on here. She is about my step-son's age so I want to shield her from some of the worst bits.

I gave her my business card and told her to please just email me with the questions and that I would help her every step of the way and come out of retirement to help her with her personal statement.
Click to expand...

That's kind of you, and I know you mean well, but sometimes being exposed to 'bad stuff' makes us stronger. Her innocence is sweet and all, but imagine how much trouble she could have in medical school if all of life's speed-bumps and potholes have been smoothed over for her. I'd say give her fair warning, then turn her loose on us. She'll get a few dings, but also valuable insight.
 
gannicus89 said:
I'm not sure why any medical school would entertain such notions though. Seems like such a waste of time.
Click to expand...

The adcom members here have their heads on their shoulders and give reasonable advice but not everyone on an adcom out there is, um, unflappable, as adcom members range from the experienced to the novice. Someone says to an adcom member "look I didn't think so-and-so could ever get this far but you evidently were never told about their arrests for attempted sexual assault and indecent exposure to a minor [common versions of charges that trans people see for using a public bathroom] in x place at y year. I really think you need to look into that before allowing them into your school." Said in the right ear, yeah, bet that gets at least a Googling. ETA: I really like to hope that there are no jerks like that here but sadly, I know a few too many people who've had similar poison poured in ears, and done for as little as showing up to a protest on a side the other person didn't like.
 
DokterMom said:
That's kind of you, and I know you mean well, but sometimes being exposed to 'bad stuff' makes us stronger. Her innocence is sweet and all, but imagine how much trouble she could have in medical school if all of life's speed-bumps and potholes have been smoothed over for her. I'd say give her fair warning, then turn her loose on us. She'll get a few dings, but also valuable insight.
Click to expand...

I prefer to not put someone who has been sheltered their entire life in with the most neurotic/gunner group of people in existence. When I say sheltered, this is an isolated community in the middle of nowhere.

Just like what I did with other people including my kids, I prefer to do a controlled exposure to the harshness of the world.
 
Tintinnabula said:
The adcom members here have their heads on their shoulders and give reasonable advice but not everyone on an adcom out there is, um, unflappable, as adcom members range from the experienced to the novice. Someone says to an adcom member "look I didn't think so-and-so could ever get this far but you evidently were never told about their arrests for attempted sexual assault and indecent exposure to a minor [common versions of charges that trans people see for using a public bathroom] in x place at y year. I really think you need to look into that before allowing them into your school." Said in the right ear, yeah, bet that gets at least a Googling. ETA: I really like to hope that there are no jerks like that here but sadly, I know a few too many people who've had similar poison poured in ears, and done for as little as showing up to a protest on a side the other person didn't like.
Click to expand...

That is horrifying... I am sad now.
 
Tintinnabula said:
ETA: I really like to hope that there are no jerks like that here but sadly, I know a few too many people who've had similar poison poured in ears, and done for as little as showing up to a protest on a side the other person didn't like.
Click to expand...

There are.

Luckily, I have yet to be arrested for using the bathroom. That is the benefit to having girly bits and using the men's room. Women rarely get charged for using the men's room. The mtfs on the other hand... well... heaven help them. They do not have it so easy unfortunately.
 
familyaerospace said:
I prefer to not put someone who has been sheltered their entire life in with the most neurotic/gunner group of people in existence. When I say sheltered, this is an isolated community in the middle of nowhere.

Just like what I did with other people including my kids, I prefer to do a controlled exposure to the harshness of the world.
Click to expand...

I guess as a trans person, some of the ugliness thrown your direction is probably not safe for kids - or for anyone for that matter. Some of the most vitriolic poison I've ever seen aired has been on that subject. (As the post by @Tintinnabula illustrates -- Just awful.) But we're not talking that level of ugly here -- (OK, not often.)

Guess what I'm saying is that I've often felt that my early life was too sheltered -- and by mainstream American standards, it wasn't all that sheltered. The one area where I really felt the 'sheltering' though was the absence of jerks and sociopaths in my parents' work and social circles. Honestly, they just didn't associate with jerks voluntarily -- but didn't bad-mouth them either -- which left me relatively poorly prepared for dealing with them in everyday life. As such, I tend to believe the best of people long past the time where doubt should have crept in.

Anyway, if this sweet thing succeeds in her medical aspirations, she'll be exposed to any number of neurotic, pompous, self-important and entitled jerks and gunners and may find herself without the tools to deal with them. If she's in high school or beyond now, she's able to dip a toe into the SDN water.

After all, it can't be worse than mainstream high school social media, can it?
 
familyaerospace said:
There are.

Luckily, I have yet to be arrested for using the bathroom. That is the benefit to having girly bits and using the men's room. Women rarely get charged for using the men's room. The mtfs on the other hand... well... heaven help them. They do not have it so easy unfortunately.
Click to expand...

Yes I know at least two mtf trans women and it's a thing I'm afraid of for them. They tend to stay in places where laws are reasonable but... yeah. I still worry. I know they do, too.
 
DokterMom said:
After all, it can't be worse than mainstream high school social media, can it?
Click to expand...

Since most of the people in the area don't do Facebook or not much (no broadband in the area and most don't have internet at all), it's nothing in comparison to high school social media. ;-) They don't have it! She also has my cell so she can call if she has no internet at her house.

Since there is no way she can apply for at least the next two years (possibly three her adviser really gave damaging advice), that would give me some time to get her more exposed to things she needs to be exposed to without traumatizing her.

My life truly was sheltered in many ways (but not in others I learned about public image young and I knew jerks because my dad was one), but when I left/kicked out at 18, I was really unprepared. I wish my mother had done a bit more of a controlled exposure, similar to how you get over phobias. That is the reason I try to work things that way.
 
My heart goes out to you. I had to put up with the same kind of misery during my cycle. My boss did not want me to leave for school.

Just keep to yourself as much as you can an push forward.
 
Thank for the advice, everyone. Looking for exit plans as we speak. At least if they ask during interviews "tell me about a time you've worked with a difficult person..." I think I got a great response to that!
 
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