Help! Tricky Situation!

[DjIL]

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So my mom's friend has a SA vet who is faculty at a school I've applied to. He has offered to put in a word to the admissions committee about me. I have never met him, my mom's friends only told him about me. She says that he had difficulty getting accepted and she thinks he wants to "pay it forward". So that was nice of him.

However, I've already interviewed with this school and submitted the required number of written recommendations. I know the committee will be reviewing my application soon because I've submitted some more information they recently requested. I'm afraid to make waves and disrupt the admissions system by this man (who I've never met) who thinks he could influence my acceptance. What to I do? Accept or decline his kind offer?

 

[Emiloo4]

So my mom's friend has a SA vet who is faculty at a school I've applied to. He has offered to put in a word to the admissions committee about me. I have never met him, my mom's friends only told him about me. She says that he had difficulty getting accepted and she thinks he wants to "pay it forward". So that was nice of him.

However, I've already interviewed with this school and submitted the required number of written recommendations. I know the committee will be reviewing my application soon because I've submitted some more information they recently requested. I'm afraid to make waves and disrupt the admissions system by this man (who I've never met) who thinks he could influence my acceptance. What to I do? Accept or decline his kind offer?

It's unlikely that he will have a huge pull on your admission either way.
Think of this... If you get in, are you ok always wondering if you got in on your hard work or if it was bc a guy you never met put in a good word?
It's something to think about.I had to at one point. And it didn't help me at all to have my own family member with lots of pull put in a good word

 

[ShibaMom]

I do think you would have more satisfaction knowing that you were accepted based on your own merit instead of someone's influence.

Personally I don't know how adcoms look upon these sorts of favors. On pain of stressing you out further, I'd suggest that you consider what the potentially negative repercussions of this "word" could be.

It seems as if the doctor means well, and while he is trying to make it easier for a future student to get accepted, it may pay off in the end to thank him just the same and decline his offer. You stated that he had a hard time getting in, but the question is how confident are you in your achievements?

 

[orca2011]

If I were in your position, I would decline the offer. I'm not comfortable with someone I haven't met putting it a good word me. I mean honestly, how much can he say without having never had a conversation with you? Yes, sometimes those things help (although, I'm not sure how much it helps in vet admissions compared to jobs or other admission process...we definitely had a thread on this somewhere), but I just wouldn't feel comfortable about it. And like Emiloo mentioned, I would probably wonder if I got in because of myself or because of him.

 

[equineconstant]

I don't think it's worth it. How much good can a 'good word' from someone who doesn't really know you even do?

 

[485501]

If it were me, I would say no simply because he hasn't met me. I personally wouldn't have any problem, in any situation, with someone who knows me well putting in a good word (I wouldn't doubt what got me in etc.), but I do think it's unethical to have someone who doesn't know me do that.

Again, just me.

 

[DjIL]

Thanks! My first instinct was to decline but my mom and her friend KEEP bringing it up. And my mom's friend was so nice to think of me, I hate to let her down. But I agree, how much influence can he have? What can he say about a girl he's never met? And what if he says the wrong thing and the admissions committee send my app to THE SHREDDER!?! This guy is a total wildcard, not sure I want him getting involved

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

I agree that it isn't a good idea and it actually (at least in my mind) borders on unethical (not on your part per se) since he's never met you. And the fact that he's faculty and would go right to the admin committee? I'm surprised he would offer...that's a real moral gray area. The admissions committee is supposed to judge every candidate based on their individual merits. Personally, I would fear the following:

Faculty guy "Oh hey guys, I know xyz, she's cool let her in."
Admin "Oh really, did you work with her/how do you know her"
Faculty guy "I'm a friend of a friend of her mom"
Admin: "Um....ok"

That would actually be a strike AGAINST you. If I were on an admin committee, I would definitely react negatively to that. It reeks of pseudo-nepotism.

I would politely decline and explain that you would consider it either a potentially unfair advantage over your future colleagues or at worst, a strike against you because he doesn't actually know you.

 

[DjIL]

I agree that it isn't a good idea and it actually (at least in my mind) borders on unethical (not on your part per se) since he's never met you. And the fact that he's faculty and would go right to the admin committee? I'm surprised he would offer...that's a real moral gray area. The admissions committee is supposed to judge every candidate based on their individual merits. Personally, I would fear the following:

Faculty guy "Oh hey guys, I know xyz, she's cool let her in."
Admin "Oh really, did you work with her/how do you know her"
Faculty guy "I'm a friend of a friend of her mom"
Admin: "Um....ok"

That would actually be a strike AGAINST you. If I were on an admin committee, I would definitely react negatively to that. It reeks of pseudo-nepotism.

I would politely decline and explain that you would consider it either a potentially unfair advantage over your future colleagues or at worst, a strike against you because he doesn't actually know you.

That's how it plays out in my mind as well! You broke this down really well. As far as him being ethically questionable, should I have mentioned that he has a poor reputation with all the other vets in town? Long, dramatic story later, basically he doesn't play nicely with others. I guess I only gave it a second thought on behalf of my momma and her amiga. I'm going to figure out how to say no to them

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Yeah, in that case, I'd definitely back out. Good for you for giving it thought as opposed to just grabbing for it. Gotta admit it's a somewhat tempting offer from an applicant's point of view, but with way too much backfire potential IMO.

 

[ShibaMom]

That's how it plays out in my mind as well! You broke this down really well. As far as him being ethically questionable, should I have mentioned that he has a poor reputation with all the other vets in town? Long, dramatic story later, basically he doesn't play nicely with others. I guess I only gave it a second thought on behalf of my momma and her amiga. I'm going to figure out how to say no to them

This makes me go 😵

Politeness goes a long way when saying no.

And WTF, you're right, it would be quite tempting to say yes.

 

[Trematode]

Didn't this issue come up a few months ago?

 

[Clover51]

I had a friend-of-a-friend who happened to be in a high-ranking position at my vet school of choice "put in a good word" for me, and I happened to be rejected. It is possible that such moves influence their decision. Based on what you're divulging about this doctor, I certainly wouldn't want him giving me any helping hands.

 

[LetItSnow]

I'm a proponent of using whatever networking opportunities you have to promote yourself..... but even I think this one is a bad move.

(I actually hate how important networking is; but it's a reality of the business world.)

But in this case you're at least as likely (and probably more likely) to damage your chances than help yourself. Smart money says politely decline.

That said, I don't agree that the most likely outcome is hurting your chances. I think the most likely scenario is that he talks to someone, they say "Um, ok, thanks" and then they think slightly less of him and don't change their opinion about you one way or the other because they won't want to assume you asked him to put in the word.

But even so, the odds of it helping seem less than the odds of it hurting.

 

[DjIL]

I'm a proponent of using whatever networking opportunities you have to promote yourself..... but even I think this one is a bad move.

(I actually hate how important networking is; but it's a reality of the business world.)

But in this case you're at least as likely (and probably more likely) to damage your chances than help yourself. Smart money says politely decline.

That said, I don't agree that the most likely outcome is hurting your chances. I think the most likely scenario is that he talks to someone, they say "Um, ok, thanks" and then they think slightly less of him and don't change their opinion about you one way or the other because they won't want to assume you asked him to put in the word.

But even so, the odds of it helping seem less than the odds of it hurting.

Thanks, I appreciate your input and I do agree with you. Realistically I don't think it would go against me but I guess I've just being overly cautious. Anyway, I told my mom's friend, Thanks but No Thanks. Haven't heard back from her so idk...