Help with Decision

[Leila Johnson]

Thanks

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[salemstein]

I think what you've said captures a doctor's mind- you like science, you appreciate the change medicine can bring- yet acknowledge its limitations, and most of all, you like helping people. In fact, you can incorporate some of the things written here into parts of a Personal Statement when time comes. Don't lose sight of your goals. You've made the right choice.

 

[shopsteward]

Not the easiest wall of text to get through. My take is -

1. You have the intellectual capacity you need to become a doctor (scored well in AP classes, first and third year undergraduate years a 4.0).
2. You have a tendency to set high goals and then back away from them (applying to college, studying for the MCAT).
3. You found the clinical work of a doctor boring and repetitive and while you love the medical sciences you have little interest in pediatric patients (your shadowing experience).
4. You have shaky hands, a family history of hearing loss, confidence issues and self-esteem issues.

If you are to really find out whether being a doctor is the right future for you, you need to have a serious amount of clinical exposure to patients. So go and get that exposure. Deciding whether or not to become a doctor is not something you can do sitting at home or working in the lab, it has to be a decision you make in the face of several hundred hours of being in close contact with the sick, the infirm, the elderly and the disabled in a variety of settings. If after several hundred hours of clinical exposure you find that your abiding desire in life is to provide clinical help to sick people, then you start the technical process of ensuring that you have sufficiently high undergraduate grades and starting your MCAT study. Recognise that this is a marathon not a sprint, set yourself attainable goals and reach for them one at a time. It will probably take about a decade of study and training to become a qualified doctor, under constant pressure, so if you are to succeed in making it all the way through you will need to change your habit of backing away from challenges.

There is no shame in not being a doctor: some of the cleverest people on the planet are not doctors - we are just better at doing other things.

If you do want to be a doctor, the shaky hands and the hearing issues can be worked around, depending on the specialty you choose.

 

[Goro]

If you can ask the question without the novella, I'll be glad to help.

Hi, I am new to SDN, but I have visited the forum numerous times throughout my undergraduate career.
Since the age of 5, I have wanted to become a doctor. That dream got solidified when I saw my grandmother brought back to life by this extremely talented and dedicated doctor for the last four years of her life. It was a long battle, but it inspired me to become a doctor. As the years passed I fell more and more in love with medicine. I love helping people and I enjoy dedicating my time to helping those around me. When I was in high school I wanted to rise to the occasion and be the best version of myself and prepare to enter an Ivy League or other upper tier schools. Circumstances changed and towards the end of my senior year I did not even want to go to college for fear of avoiding my responsibilities.
Nonetheless, I applied to the local university and entered with 24 credits from the AP classes, that I scored so well in. Immediately, I started off my biology/pre-med major by attending higher level classes that were predominantly filled with upper classmen. In my first year I did quite well and had a 4.0 GPA. My second year however, my grandmother became ill and being half way around the world from her and knowing the poor conditions of medical care in my country, I suffered alongside my family until her unfortunate passing. That was the year that mattered. I was in calculus based physics, animal physiology, organic chemistry, ecology, and the labs associated with those classes. I was enrolled in a total of 18 credits and spent most of my time supporting my family or distracting myself from pain with friends. It was a mistake, but my grades suffered, and while I wish I could do somethings differently, I know I did the best I could in those situations. The following year, I took comparative vertebrate anatomy, genetics, biochem, and differential equations in the fall semester and ended up with a 4.0. I went on to TA for anatomy for the next two semesters. But by that summer when I was preparing for the MCAT I got overwhelmed with how much I had to relearn. At the same time I shadowed a pediatrician, which had been a dream of mine, and was beginning to fall asleep while she conducted the examination and differential diagnosis. I loved seeing the medical aspects of it, the miracles of science. But the repetitiveness of the procedures and patients began to wane on my mind. Furthermore, I started to become afraid. My hands shake a lot, and I am afraid my hearing is going bad due to family history of hearing loss. All these factors combined made me anxious of becoming a doctor and amongst the highly competitive students, I felt inadequate of becoming a doctor. I went on to do an NSF REU in my senior year and graduated last spring. Now I'm in grad school focusing on molecular genetics and I love the people I work with.
However, when I go to the library to study I see my friends and colleagues who are now in medical school, dental school, and it causes an ache in my heart. I feel I didn't try hard enough and that I gave up on myself. I miss being in anatomy classes and interacting with patients. I miss not knowing for certain that I will wake up today and go to the hospital and I will be able to be around doctors and nurses and help those in need.
But I don't know. I don't know if I should be a doctor. I don't know if I am feeling this way because I feel I didn't try hard enough and could have done it. Or if its shame from not being at the same level as those who performed less than me in classes. Or if it is just that I miss medicine and want to be a doctor. What I am doing now, I only like it because I'm surrounded by people who are supportive, encouraging and their passion infects me. But if I leave them i feel i will hate what I do. It has always been medicine, but I fear I may not be good enough for medicine and it may be an injustice for me to pursue something in which I may do more harm than good by not knowing everything at the right time, or my shaking hands, or not hearing a heart murmur when I need to.
I know it might be too much to read. But I wanted to express the full story and even now its not the full story. I need someone to tell me whether or not I should pursue my original dream, if I am capable of being a doctor. I am really confused and it has been making me so sad to not be in medicine anymore.
I appreciate all of your time and consideration of my matter and any opinions or thoughts you may have!

 

[ritts]

Sounds like you're focusing too much on the past and what ifs. You have 1 of 2 options:

1) If you really want it, go out and get it. Do what you need to do to be a competitive applicant.

2) If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Med school/The life of a doctor isn't easy. If you don't have passion for it, maybe it's not the right thing for you