"Hi, I'm provider number 347. I'm a cog sent by corporate to maximize profits by making sure you're 100% satisfied. How can I help?"

[Birdstrike]

"Hi, I'm provider number 347. I'm a cog sent by corporate to maximize profits by making sure you're 100% satisfied. How can I help?" Being beta tested, right now.

Any modifications you'd make, or do you like it just the way it is.

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[skougess]

Thank you, finally someone who listens around here.

My belly hurts and I can’t stop vomiting. But I won’t talk to anyone until I can get some food, I haven’t eaten in 3 days. The ONLY thing that helps this pain is 2mg of dilaudid and I WILL itch so ill need Benadryl IV for that. The pills just DONT WORK on me, I know my body. Yes the pain has been there for 2 years but HOW MUCH LONGER is this even going to be?

Thank you, you providers really listen to me. The doctor barely spent any time with me.

EDIT: Wait, I actually have a small bowel obstruction this time? No I don’t want to be admitted. Just discharge me.

 

[HemorrhagicShock]

"Before we get to the symptoms that brought you in today, I'd like to show you a menu of our food options which include two varieties of turkey sandwiches, three varieties of premium carbonated beverages, and multiple flavors of Jel.... what's that sir? You're fed up with our turkey sandwiches? Well, let me call up our nutritional services and see if we can custom order a satisfying meal. Would you like a work note with that?"

*Osler, Halsted, Hippocrates, Cushing, Galen simultaneously weep*

 

[alpinism]

I was taking shots all night long and then I started vomiting. But its definitely not the alcohol cause I know my body. I want to have every blood test possible right now. But I hate needles so I refuse to be poked. Fine maybe you can try just once but only here at this exact spot in my arm. Give me some fluids to flush out all the bad toxins and some good stuff for the pain. Its also freezing in here so you better get me a pillow and some blankets so I can get a good nights sleep. This better not take very long I've got to catch a flight tomorrow and I'm leaving on vacation.

 

[RustedFox]

Admins don't understand that these things that we're saying here aren't really exaggerations.

 

[Dr Mantis Toboggan]

My friend here was roofied. She’s not acting right and I don’t care what her alcohol level is, you just need to run more tests…

I was taking shots all night long and then I started vomiting. But its definitely not the alcohol cause I know my body. I want to have every blood test possible right now. But I hate needles so I refuse to be poked. Fine maybe you can try just once but only here at this exact spot in my arm. Give me some fluids to flush out all the bad toxins and some good stuff for the pain. Its also freezing in here so you better get me a pillow and some blankets so I can get a good nights sleep. This better not take very long I've got to catch a flight tomorrow and I'm leaving on vacation.

 

[deleted941485]

You will introduce yourself by your number only so they can slip in midlevels. No more doctor or nurse just numbers. No names. seriously gtfo of medicine now.

 

[GeneralVeers]

They actually force us to get alcohol tests on clearly intoxicated patients because too many Vegas visitors claim after the fact that "someone put something in my drink" and argue the diagnosis.

 

[Dr Mantis Toboggan]

They actually force us to get alcohol tests on clearly intoxicated patients because too many Vegas visitors claim after the fact that "someone put something in my drink" and argue the diagnosis.

Very common in Nashville as well. Found it hard to bite my tongue at times…