Holy Crap

[Pseudonymous101]

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I'm about to drop out of medical school.

Now, before anything else, let me state that this is in no way an attempt to discourage anyone. I simply want to post this story to vent, get it out, whatever. I'm a regular poster but I created a new account because I'm not sure I want everyone to know just yet, but I need to say this. You may read, but I urge you to please be kind. I'm not looking for mocking or judgment, and if you have it, well, keep it to yourself. This is the right decision FOR ME at the moment.

I struggled a lot my first year. I ended up failing almost all of my classes. I was then allowed to repeat the year, after many psychiatric consultations, academic advisement, disability testing (I'm more than normal, thanks for asking), and spiritual advisement, I realized that at this moment, more than a year after I began medical school and in my second attempt at first year, I feel exactly the same way I did when I began having problems (which was pretty early). I feel completely uninterested and unmotivated in the subjects I'm studying. I find myself thinking that I really could not care less about my future patients, and that I really am not looking forward to jumping through all the hoops in order to get to the end goal. It's too much work for a reward that seems to be comprised of...more work.

Obviously, there was a time when I thought I wanted to do this. I worked extremely hard in college, got into a great medical school, and was very focused towards this goal. I also knew it was going to be hard work and I was ready to take it on. Then...then I actually got here and had to do the work. I found out I was not interested in it. Suddenly all the negatives of this profession started overwhelming all the positives I had tried to look forward to. The massive debt, the long years of med school + residency, the low salaries of residents, the massive work load, the difficulties of being reimbursed for one's work, frivolous lawsuits, etc, started taking a toll on me. I no longer wanted to do this, but I felt stuck. I had invested so much time, money, and work into getting in that I was afraid to admit what I already knew: I wanted out.

Of course, this is my very personal experience. I look at my classmates and many of them also find it hard, but they have managed to stay motivated and focused. I couldn't sympathize with them, because I was neither of those things. I started thinking that these were not people I wanted to be with and that my professors/attendings were not people whom I strived to imitate. Sure...I admired their hard work, their intellect, and their dedication to their profession, but I did not want to be like them any longer. So many of them seemed bitter and overworked. So many of them were women (I am female) who had children but couldn't dedicate as much time to them as they would have liked, because of the nature of their work. There are sacrifices involved in this profession. One could say there are sacrifices involved in every profession and be correct, but medicine requires a little more than most. I also started feeling like I was wasting my best years (the whole bulk of my 20's) studying while I could be out there doing a less stressful job while enjoying the benefits of youth, perhaps traveling or building some wealth. There were many things I wanted to do which I hadn't had the chance to do before, and which medical school would certainly prevent me from doing in at least the next 7-8 years.

I am scared of what comes next, because like many medical students this was *the* plan for my life. I didn't think I was going to end up being the 1% of medical students that drop out. What were the chances? Almost negligible. I was also afraid of telling my parents and my friends, because this pathway has a way of becoming an almost identity. I wasn't just Pseudonymous101, I was Pseudonymous101-Medical Student. It was terrifying to let go of that. It still is just a little bit.

Then I called my parents. I was surprised to hear from them as soon as I asked the theoretical "What would you think if I dropped out of medical school?" that they would be okay with it as long as it was what I wanted to do. They want me to do what makes me happy. My dad said I shouldn't stay if I didn't like it, because it's too hard of a profession to do it only half-heartedly. He's right. I would not only be doing a disservice to myself if I stay, but also to my future work. Of course, at the moment I'm faced with having to move back home, finding a temporary job (I do have a college degree in the sciences, after all) and probably going back to school. I have no clue what I want to study next, but I want to explore. I'm afraid I made the mistake of being very one-track-minded in college. Don't get me wrong, I loved my major, but I didn't consider the possibility of doing much outside of medicine. I don't want to make that same mistake again. Pff...and to think I was scared to death of telling my parents. Damn parents and their useful wisdom.

My advice to you all (medical students) is, if you feel that you want to quit and have already given it your best, please do yourself a favor and quit. Don't ignore that scratching feeling that's telling you that you might have made a mistake. I tried to ignore it and ended up stuck in first year all over again when in the back of my mind I knew I did not want to be here. The only good thing out of all of this is that at least I know I tried. At least now I know that I do not like this.

My advice to any pre-meds reading this, is to be very careful about your decision. Give yourself time, and for the love of all that is holy, please give yourself time to explore all your possibilities before your commit. Don't go into it for the money, don't go into it because your mommy wants you to. Go into it only because this is the only thing you ever want to do with your life. If there is any possibility you might like to do ANYTHING else, please consider that instead.

Well, if you made it this far, I guess thanks for reading. If any of you has any advice as to what to do next, I'm willing to hear it. There a lot of things I need to do...sublease my apartment, moving, finding a job or some sort of occupation, going back to school to take a few more classes, maybe grad school after that (I know I want to continue studying...just not medicine). Go ahead, just be nice.

 

[Trail Boss]

How far along are you?
I got through first year with no trouble but started having trouble second year. I had some major emotional troubles, my grades never suffered, but everything else in my life did. I got some help and gutted it out, mostly over fear of debt. Everyday I woke up and wanted to quit more. Then third year started, it is much much better. There are still days when I wonder why I am here, but at least for me clinical rotations are much better, they have reminded my why I am here, and that it is worth it to help people. That sounds like bull **** when pre-meds say it, but there have been some late nights on wards when that statement actually has meaning to it. I think most people who have made it this far would understand it if you quit through. I would not do this again for anything in the world, but I think I will be glad that I did it once someday when I have occasion to look back. Deep breaths, whatever you decide, life will go on.

 

[Pseudonymous101]

How far along are you?
I got through first year with no trouble but started having trouble second year. I had some major emotional troubles, my grades never suffered, but everything else in my life did. I got some help and gutted it out, mostly over fear of debt. Everyday I woke up and wanted to quit more. Then third year started, it is much much better. There are still days when I wonder why I am here, but at least for me clinical rotations are much better, they have reminded my why I am here, and that it is worth it to help people. That sounds like bull **** when pre-meds say it, but there have been some late nights on wards when that statement actually has meaning to it. I think most people who have made it this far would understand it if you quit through. I would not do this again for anything in the world, but I think I will be glad that I did it once someday when I have occasion to look back. Deep breaths, whatever you decide, life will go on.

I'm a repeating first year at the moment. My situation was about the same but yet the opposite of yours. I had no life problems on which to base my academic problems...in fact my family life and financial situation were great. I simply lost interest in school when I got to med school. I tried what felt like everything, but in the end I just couldn't ignore the fact that maybe...just maybe I didn't really want to do this. I've become this miserable person who hates school and can't finish her work, and the only cause I can find is that I'm doing the wrong kind of thing with my life.

A lot of people told me it was normal, and I know a lot of med students do feel this way at some point. But my case, I'm afraid, went beyond normal. It's just a very strong and constant feeling that I don't want to be here. I've already tried for a bit longer than a year and my feelings haven't changed. I'm afraid that if I try to stick it out I'll just get to 3rd or 4th year and still hate it, then I'll be even more stuck and more in debt. I don't want to risk that. I met a 4th year who told me she wanted to quit from first year but stuck it out, and she's now miserable but won't quit because she's so close to graduation it would be a waste. I don't want to end up in that position if I can help it.

 

[wurm]

Wow,

All I can say is that took a lot of guts and at the end of the day no matter how cliche it sounds, you gotta do whats in your heart and you gotta do whats right for you. If something physically mentally and emotionally destroys you then don't do it; simple.

One great thing about your situation is that you know one important piece of information about yourself - you're capable of getting into medical school. All of us on this website know how much of a pain it is and how we have to invest hundreds to thousands of hours jumping thru the hoops trying to make ourselves good candidates. We gamble thousands of dollars away just to get an opportunity to spend air fare and hotel fare to interview and sell ourselves more in hopes of getting into, as you put it best, "more work." If you're capable of getting to that stage which people struggle to reach then you're a smart hard-working person who can achieve a lot.

I'm not gonna lie; when you have one goal which you have worked to achieve for so long, it is hard stray from that path and start a new one but it's not impossible. If you look hard enough and long enough, the right career path will reveal itself to you. When it's all said and done, it's about how bad you want it. You gotta want it.

 

[am24]

As for your current situation, I'm proud of you! I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling, but, as was already stated, you are showing immense courage by being true to yourself and what you want. I hope you're not feeling too down right now; remember, it's not the end. Far from it, actually! You're finding yourself and I think that's the most important beginning of all. I'm impressed by your forward thinking - you're being realistic about what you want to do, and now you're setting out to do it (even though it's scary!)
I don't believe anything that happens is coincidence. For you, I think if you're feeling these things, you need to do what your heart is telling you. For me, I think I was meant to read your story. I'm only an undergrad, but I've been having real doubts lately about what path I should be on, and I'm having trouble finding guidance. I'm a second-year, and I'm already miserable in school (we're talking severe depression - secret, though, of course). I know that I have no idea what medical school is really like, and it could be a wonderful place; however, given the facts, I've got an eerie feeling that my misery might be greatly amplified in that environment. So I'm deeply considering changing my goal. I completely understand what you mentioned about medical school being the life goal, so I'm freaking out (and I haven't even finished the pre-reqs... it's ok to laugh). I really don't know what to do, but I hope I can somehow be as brave as you and just realize and admit to myself what's important to me.
I have a book recommendation for you (which is sitting on my bookshelf as we speak)... it's an epic novel you may have heard of: Oh, the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss; it's honestly my favorite book and an essential read!=
Things may not be working out as you want them to, but I believe you'll end up where you're supposed to be. Best of luck with everything!

 

[HolyGrail]

You know what's worse than doing something you can't stand, that negatively effects you, and won't bring you happiness, for a year?

Doing that same thing for 1 year and a day.

Good luck in your future endeavors, I doubt anyone blames you, at least you found out earlier.

 

[H_Caulfield]

My advice: HANG IN THERE. It will be even worse before it gets better, but you've got to stick with it. Medicine has MANY avenues for people who have decided they just don't really like it. Just fight through the remainder and enter a cush field without much patient contact (path, etc.) and make great money working a nice schedule for the rest of your life. It sucks now. I've had many of the same feelings you do, but if you were to drop out...what would you do? I'll bet you'd end up regretting it.

 

[GZA]

My advice: HANG IN THERE. It will be even worse before it gets better, but you've got to stick with it. Medicine has MANY avenues for people who have decided they just don't really like it. Just fight through the remainder and enter a cush field without much patient contact (path, etc.) and make great money working a nice schedule for the rest of your life. It sucks now. I've had many of the same feelings you do, but if you were to drop out...what would you do? I'll bet you'd end up regretting it.

Hear, hear!

7 years of struggle isn't much (if any) worse than what would be required for any comparable career. If your goal is, within the next 7 years (once again!), to have a rapturous time training for a career that will immediately pay comparably to a career as an MD, I think your goals are highly unrealistic. If you want an easy lifestyle with, as you've stated, travel during your 20s, be prepared to deal with the consequences and please take many lustrous photographs.

 

[Trismegistus4]

Pseudonymous101, I hear what you're saying. Though there are some differences between us--I'm a man and don't worry as much about having enough time to devote to children, and I've never particularly wanted to spend my twenties partying, traveling, and having fun and have no problem with spending them working hard--I feel similarly. I just don't think I want to be a doctor at all anymore, and feel that I was lying to myself back when I thought I did.

I'm in second year now. While I didn't enjoy first year, procrastinated a lot and didn't work very hard, I somehow made it through. But our first exams of second year are approaching, and I'm really worried, because I haven't kept up even as well as I did last year. During first year, I knew I wasn't enjoying medical school, but I was able to tell myself that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and that being a practicing doctor would be OK. Now, however, I've begun to think that being a practicing doctor just isn't me, like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, and so it's hard to see how it's ever going to get better. Every morning I get up, consider all the crap I'm supposed to do, and think, "I just can't do it." Then I think, but I did so well in the premed classes and on the MCAT, I must be smart enough to do it. But then I realize the problem is that I don't really WANT to do it at all. There are so may other things I'm more interested in than medicine, and medicine leaves no time to pursue them.

The word of warning I'd give to any premeds reading this thread is to actually listen to all the corny, sappy-sounding advice you get concerning the decision of whether you really want to be a doctor. When I decided to go to medical school, I was dating a girl I thought I was going to marry; I thought, "hey, medicine is a good job that pays well enough to support a family and is respectable; sure, I don't really have a true passion for it, but we all have to work at SOMETHING in life, so no matter what my job is there will always be days when I don't really feel like doing it; I don't like my corporate job, so I might as well go into medicine where I'll make more money and at least get to help people." I met a disgruntled family practice doc who gave me the line (oft repeated on SDN) that you should only do medicine if you can't imagine yourself doing anything else. At the time I just smiled and noddded and inwardly shrugged it off, thinking "well, I'm not going to truly love any job, so I might as well just go to medical school, go into some field like anesthesiology where the pay and hours are good, and enjoy life." Now I realize, as much as I thought advice like that was dumb, he was right. Medicine in any field is just too much work to be bearable unless you really, genuinely enjoy it.

Being around your fellow students is another demoralizing aspect of medical school people may not think of. In med school you're surrounded by ~140 other people who really ARE passionate about it, who live to get up every morning and study biomedical subjects. You realize, these are the people you're going to be surrounded by every day for the rest of your life; this is their world and if you're in it, you're expected to be like them, to really care about medicine more than anything else, to be constantly working and striving to improve your medical knowledge. It's not the place for people who are more interested in other things than they are in medicine. Unlike other bodies of knowledge, like, say, accounting, medicine can't be treated as just the means to an end of having a decent job, house, 2.5 kids and a golden retriever. It's just way too much work. You actually do have to genuinely like it. If you're conservative, it also doesn't help that most of your fellow students will be leftists who stridently oppose what medicine was in its golden age--the high income, the prestige, the paternalism--and actively want to turn the profession into a sort of glorified social work.

I look at Dr. Arnold Kim and think, THAT'S what I really want to do. Freelance in some field I'm genuinely interested in. And someone who got a 40 on the MCAT should be smart enough to do it. But medicine, if you're not really interested in it, leaves you so drained and demoralized that you don't even have the time or energy to try.

Premeds, if you're in this for any of the peripheral benefits of medicine--the pay, the respect, the fact that you think you and your girlfriend are going to get married and have a great family life together--think twice. I was in your shoes 3 years ago. I lied to myself, knowing I was lying to myself, telling myself I was at least somewhat genuinely interested in medicine, when I wasn't. Don't make the same mistake. The disgruntled family practice doc was right: if there's ANYTHING you're more interested in--in my case, it's writing--pursue that instead. Unlike the OP, I'm not seriously considering dropping out yet; I'm dreading 3rd year and intern year more than I've ever dreaded anything in life before, but I'm still thinking it might be worth it to go into pathology or anesthesiology and try to pull an Arnold Kim. But if I had known 2 years ago what I know now, I would have canceled my AMCAS and never given medicine another thought.

 

[H_Caulfield]

it also doesn't help that most of your fellow students will be leftists who stridently oppose what medicine was in its golden age--the high income, the prestige, the paternalism--and actively want to turn the profession into a sort of glorified social work.

The above is a wonderfully accurate statement, and describes the main reason I consider punching myself in the face daily and running away.

The rest of the post I can relate to on my worst days...but at most times I'd disagree with it. You don't have to feel passionately about medicine just to be in it, and neither do most of your classmates. Hell, I go to a top 30 school and, if I can get one alone (that's the key...ALONE and honest, without their act on) my classmates will admit that they're just as sick of studying, seeing ungrateful patients, and waking up at 5:35am as I am. Don't let the show they put on all day distract you; they're having difficulties, too.

The crazy as-far-left-as-possible liberal thing they're actually not faking. I think they're brainwashed. My school manages to have lectures weekly (with some unrevealing title like "caring for your patients" or "cerebrovascular insults") that end up blatantly advocating communism. I guess I'm less susceptible to it than the others...I sort of zone out and think about The Office.

 

[Pseudonymous101]

It bothers me that some people refuse to accept the possibility that there is such a thing as hating a profession and that quitting is in fact an acceptable and perhaps the best thing to do in that situation. Yes, everyone hates some aspects of their work. That was clearly stated in my first post. Every career requires some sacrifices. But there are degrees of discomfort. In my case my dislike for my chosen field got to be too much, way more than the normal brand of medical student blues.

Quitting is the best thing for my sanity--and I believe for my future--and frankly to suggest that everyone should just "stick it out" regardless of how they feel is foolish. Now, as for this statement:

I've had many of the same feelings you do, but if you were to drop out...what would you do? I'll bet you'd end up regretting it.

Oh honey, you truly believe there is NOTHING out there if not medicine? What kind of hole have you been living in? (The medical school library, I know.) The only thing I will regret in the end is not doing something that makes me happy...and I've discovered that something is not medicine. Of course, I don't have to justify myself to you, but your arguments just sound so silly that they're begging to be mocked.

 

[GZA]

"Of course, I don't have to justify myself to you, but your arguments just sound so silly that they're begging to be mocked."

Forgive me for posting again, I generally would not, but I shall make a, perhaps poor (though maybe not!), observation.

My take on this thread: You have failed first year and are still frustrated. You want to quit. You then find everything that is "poor" about medical school and frame it as being insurmountable. You then degenerate into simple self-justification and hence this thread.

If you want to quit, then quit.

If you don't need to explain yourself to SDN then, for God's sake, don't.

 

[engineeredout]

My advice to any pre-meds reading this, is to be very careful about your decision. Give yourself time, and for the love of all that is holy, please give yourself time to explore all your possibilities before your commit. Don't go into it for the money, don't go into it because your mommy wants you to. Go into it only because this is the only thing you ever want to do with your life. If there is any possibility you might like to do ANYTHING else, please consider that instead.

The word of warning I'd give to any premeds reading this thread is to actually listen to all the corny, sappy-sounding advice you get concerning the decision of whether you really want to be a doctor. When I decided to go to medical school, I was dating a girl I thought I was going to marry; I thought, "hey, medicine is a good job that pays well enough to support a family and is respectable; sure, I don't really have a true passion for it, but we all have to work at SOMETHING in life, so no matter what my job is there will always be days when I don't really feel like doing it; I don't like my corporate job, so I might as well go into medicine where I'll make more money and at least get to help people." I met a disgruntled family practice doc who gave me the line (oft repeated on SDN) that you should only do medicine if you can't imagine yourself doing anything else. At the time I just smiled and noddded and inwardly shrugged it off, thinking "well, I'm not going to truly love any job, so I might as well just go to medical school, go into some field like anesthesiology where the pay and hours are good, and enjoy life." Now I realize, as much as I thought advice like that was dumb, he was right. Medicine in any field is just too much work to be bearable unless you really, genuinely enjoy it.

Premeds, if you're in this for any of the peripheral benefits of medicine--the pay, the respect, the fact that you think you and your girlfriend are going to get married and have a great family life together--think twice. I was in your shoes 3 years ago. I lied to myself, knowing I was lying to myself, telling myself I was at least somewhat genuinely interested in medicine, when I wasn't. Don't make the same mistake. The disgruntled family practice doc was right: if there's ANYTHING you're more interested in--in my case, it's writing--pursue that instead. Unlike the OP, I'm not seriously considering dropping out yet; I'm dreading 3rd year and intern year more than I've ever dreaded anything in life before, but I'm still thinking it might be worth it to go into pathology or anesthesiology and try to pull an Arnold Kim. But if I had known 2 years ago what I know now, I would have canceled my AMCAS and never given medicine another thought.

Looking around the forums people keep saying "Premeds, know what you're doing. Investigate" etc... I don't know what that means.

Obviously it doesn't mean shadowing/observing docs because you guys probably did that. Obviously it doesn't mean be prepared to work your ass off because you guys probably were (as well as you can possibly be in undergrad). Go into it for the right reasons? Don't the majority of students entering med school believe they're in it for the right reasons? Investigate other options? I've been working in an engineering firm and hate it (hence my SN).

Its not that I don't get what you're saying, I just don't understand how any premed is supposed to be prepared for the situation without actually experiencing it. What would you do differently? Saying "Becoming a teacher/PhD student" doesn't count because thats nothing you would have selected without having experienced a year of med school.

 

[Pseudonymous101]

"Of course, I don't have to justify myself to you, but your arguments just sound so silly that they're begging to be mocked."

Forgive me for posting again, I generally would not, but I shall make a, perhaps poor (though maybe not!), observation.

My take on this thread: You have failed first year and are still frustrated. You want to quit. You then find everything that is "poor" about medical school and frame it as being insurmountable. You then degenerate into simple self-justification and hence this thread.

If you want to quit, then quit.

If you don't need to explain yourself to SDN then, for God's sake, don't.

I just find it funny that you feel the need to brush aside my reasons as just "frustrations" because I failed and refuse to admit that perhaps I found out I didn't like it and *that* is the reason why I failed...not the other way around. What do you find so threatening about a person quitting?

Like I said in my first post, the purpose of posting that was to vent and perhaps to encourage others WHO ARE FEELING THE SAME THINGS to reevaluate their reasons for staying and perhaps to muster up the courage to either quit or stay and suck it up, because there's no in-between. You either do it well or you shouldn't do it at all.

Again, what is so threatening that you feel the need to dismiss my post with an "everybody feels that way!"? This post was obviously not intended for you. You like medical school, you stay. Now please stop responding as this wasn't intended to become a war thread. The first post clearly states HEY I'M JUST VENTING.

 

[Pseudonymous101]

Its not that I don't get what you're saying, I just don't understand how any premed is supposed to be prepared for the situation without actually experiencing it. What would you do differently? Saying "Becoming a teacher/PhD student" doesn't count because thats nothing you would have selected without having experienced a year of med school.

I'm glad you mentioned this, because it's true that you can never know everything you're getting yourself into. None of us know what it's like to be doctors before we become one...that's a silly notion. The best any of us can do is get as many clinical experiences as possible and make some deductions from there. I couldn't have possibly realized my mistake until I got here, but now at least I know I got in and I tried and that it didn't work out. Of course, I'm in the minority. Most people who get in will finish eventually. I'm speaking from the small group of us who ended up realizing we were in the wrong field even though we had followed the rules, jumped the hoops, and passed the initial tests.

 

[tmac11]

I am somewhat thankful for threads like this. As you and the other posters have stated, medicine isn't the field many of my fellow pre-meds believe it to be. Despite the many negatives, I still want to head into the field but don't want my life consumed by it. I want to have a life outside of it, specifically a family life. That is a concern I think about quite a bit, especially as the thick of the admissions process comes closer.

I think the constant feeling you've been having, based on your OP, from the beginning of first year until now isn't something to just stick through. Although this has been an extremely tough decision, it sounds like you are heading down a better path. It will only be a matter of time until you find your career of choice. I wish you the best of luck in your coming endeavors.

 

[Bartelby]

My advice: HANG IN THERE. It will be even worse before it gets better, but you've got to stick with it. Medicine has MANY avenues for people who have decided they just don't really like it. Just fight through the remainder and enter a cush field without much patient contact (path, etc.) and make great money working a nice schedule for the rest of your life. It sucks now. I've had many of the same feelings you do, but if you were to drop out...what would you do? I'll bet you'd end up regretting it.

I don't know, the OP is only 1/4 of the way through med school and life is too short to spend it doing something you don't enjoy. I say you are making the right decision, OP.

Strange enough, I felt that way not too far into this school year. I was working all the time and only mildly interested in what I was learning, and I started having major doubts that I was in the right place. With time, though, I have really gotten into what I am learning and started enjoying it. Funny thing is, now that I enjoy it and really keep up with it I find myself having free time every day, which was not the case at the start of the year. I guess I should just hope that I will not be on a love it-hate it merry-go-round for four years!

Anyhow, for people following this thread if you have dark moments don't worry, because they can pass. If you have crippling doubts that cause you to dread every day, fail your classes, and fantasize about moving on to some new career, you should probably do it (although it's easier said than done).

OP, let us know if you go through with it. It sounds like you should quit, but I don't think you have really decided to-- you will not post under your "real" fake name, and you posed it as a hypothetical to your parents. From the sounds of it, though, I hope you do move on to something better.

 

[cpants]

There are so many of these posts about how hard the adjustment is and deciding to drop out. I have trouble feeling much sympathy for these posters, and I can't help but feeling like they may be making a big mistake dropping out.

Firstly, I really don't know what you all were expecting from medical school. It's not a party, and you should have had no disillusions about that going into it. Frankly, a lot of the first two years sucks. A lot of the material isn't that interesting, but unfortunately, these nit-picky details are the things you will need a working knowledge of when you are doing the fun part of medicine.

Also, I don't see how you can know that medicine isn't for you based on any first-year experience. First-year has absolutely nothing to do with medical practice. I would compare it to introductory french classes. It sucks learning all those conjugations and vocabulary words, but it is worth it when you finally get to study abroad in Paris a few years later.

My best advice for pre-meds is this: Get a job and work for 1-2 years after college. You still won't really know what medical school will be like, but you will appreciate it a lot more when you get there. I have had my struggles in school, but I never want to go back to climbing the corporate ladder.

 

[Pseudonymous101]

OP, let us know if you go through with it. It sounds like you should quit, but I don't think you have really decided to-- you will not post under your "real" fake name, and you posed it as a hypothetical to your parents. From the sounds of it, though, I hope you do move on to something better.

It's a done deal, I've already started making arrangements. I posed it as a hypothetical to my parents because I didn't know how to tell them and was testing the waters first. They took it well, thank goodness, so I shouldn't have worried about that. I am not ready to use my usual SDN name because it's not finalized and I'm not sure I want those who have met me to know. Perhaps I'll come back in a few weeks or months and tell them. Maybe not. I still don't know.

Amazingly enough, I found a research PI I had a couple of years ago went through this same decision back when he was young (well, young-er, as he's not that old yet). He found out about my decision because I contacted one of my old PIs about a research job and he forwarded my e-mail to other people...long story short, just a little nice coincidence. He assured me that it was the right decision if I thought it was, and that while this decision seems huge right now, he said it will be for the better. He advised me to take some time to settle down and figure out what I want to do next. Maybe I'll end up getting a PhD in the sciences like he did, maybe I'll end up in a completely different field (because amazingly enough there is indeed this whole group of people who DON'T go into medicine and do just fine). The important thing is that I worked up the guts to quit something I didn't like and I'll have the opportunity to find an occupation I actually enjoy.

And to those who say I shouldn't have expected med school to be a party, F%^K YOU. I never expected such a thing. I knew this was going to be hard. I JUST DID NOT LIKE IT. You have no idea how miserable this ordeal has made me. I was miserable by the time we hit the second month of class in first year, because I already felt so trapped into learning things I didn't enjoy. I've tried to get over that "totally normal" feeling for over a year now, and it hasn't changed. I just decided not to ignore it any longer, there's no reason to put myself through four more miserable years. Get it through that thick medical student skull of yours that it's not laziness or lack of intellectual capability, it's that simply I do not want to do this anymore. If I wasn't a hard worker and a good student I wouldn't have gotten into the school I got into in the first place.

 

[gossmer]

Psuedo,

I wish you all the best. Don't let anyone dissaude you if you know this really is not the path for you. Ultimately, you have to live with the consequences of your actions in life, not them. Just try to take something from the experience and move on.

 

[cpants]

.

 

[cpants]

And to those who say I shouldn't have expected med school to be a party, F%^K YOU. I never expected such a thing. I knew this was going to be hard. I JUST DID NOT LIKE IT. You have no idea how miserable this ordeal has made me. I was miserable by the time we hit the second month of class in first year, because I already felt so trapped into learning things I didn't enjoy. I've tried to get over that "totally normal" feeling for over a year now, and it hasn't changed. I just decided not to ignore it any longer, there's no reason to put myself through four more miserable years. Get it through that thick medical student skull of yours that it's not laziness or lack of intellectual capability, it's that simply I do not want to do this anymore. If I wasn't a hard worker and a good student I wouldn't have gotten into the school I got into in the first place.

Ok you can say "F%^K YOU." to me all you want, but you are the one who put this up here for comment. Sorry you don't like everyone's opinion, but I do think you could be making a mistake. Did you expect everyone to just tell you how great and courageous you are for quitting?

I hope you find happiness in another field, but you and everyone else should realize that the grass is always greener on the other side. When you start working, you might find you aren't interested in everything you have to do there. You might not feel "totally normal". You might be forced to learn things you don't enjoy. Most jobs, like med school, just aren't that fun. The reward for your med school/residency suffering is a high paying career in which you actually get to help people.

Unfortunately, if in a few years you realize that you still want to be a doctor, it will be too late. If others are facing similar tough times in first year, do everything in your power to get a leave of absence rather than quitting school. This will give you a chance to explore other options and get your head right while remaining in good standing at school. You only get one shot at this, so don't take the decision to withdraw lightly.

 

[mp1106]

I'm about to drop out of medical school.

Now, before anything else, let me state that this is in no way an attempt to discourage anyone. I simply want to post this story to vent, get it out, whatever. I'm a regular poster but I created a new account because I'm not sure I want everyone to know just yet, but I need to say this. You may read, but I urge you to please be kind. I'm not looking for mocking or judgment, and if you have it, well, keep it to yourself. This is the right decision FOR ME at the moment.

I struggled a lot my first year. I ended up failing almost all of my classes. I was then allowed to repeat the year, after many psychiatric consultations, academic advisement, disability testing (I'm more than normal, thanks for asking), and spiritual advisement, I realized that at this moment, more than a year after I began medical school and in my second attempt at first year, I feel exactly the same way I did when I began having problems (which was pretty early). I feel completely uninterested and unmotivated in the subjects I'm studying. I find myself thinking that I really could not care less about my future patients, and that I really am not looking forward to jumping through all the hoops in order to get to the end goal. It's too much work for a reward that seems to be comprised of...more work.

Obviously, there was a time when I thought I wanted to do this. I worked extremely hard in college, got into a great medical school, and was very focused towards this goal. I also knew it was going to be hard work and I was ready to take it on. Then...then I actually got here and had to do the work. I found out I was not interested in it. Suddenly all the negatives of this profession started overwhelming all the positives I had tried to look forward to. The massive debt, the long years of med school + residency, the low salaries of residents, the massive work load, the difficulties of being reimbursed for one's work, frivolous lawsuits, etc, started taking a toll on me. I no longer wanted to do this, but I felt stuck. I had invested so much time, money, and work into getting in that I was afraid to admit what I already knew: I wanted out.

Of course, this is my very personal experience. I look at my classmates and many of them also find it hard, but they have managed to stay motivated and focused. I couldn't sympathize with them, because I was neither of those things. I started thinking that these were not people I wanted to be with and that my professors/attendings were not people whom I strived to imitate. Sure...I admired their hard work, their intellect, and their dedication to their profession, but I did not want to be like them any longer. So many of them seemed bitter and overworked. So many of them were women (I am female) who had children but couldn't dedicate as much time to them as they would have liked, because of the nature of their work. There are sacrifices involved in this profession. One could say there are sacrifices involved in every profession and be correct, but medicine requires a little more than most. I also started feeling like I was wasting my best years (the whole bulk of my 20's) studying while I could be out there doing a less stressful job while enjoying the benefits of youth, perhaps traveling or building some wealth. There were many things I wanted to do which I hadn't had the chance to do before, and which medical school would certainly prevent me from doing in at least the next 7-8 years.

I am scared of what comes next, because like many medical students this was *the* plan for my life. I didn't think I was going to end up being the 1% of medical students that drop out. What were the chances? Almost negligible. I was also afraid of telling my parents and my friends, because this pathway has a way of becoming an almost identity. I wasn't just Pseudonymous101, I was Pseudonymous101-Medical Student. It was terrifying to let go of that. It still is just a little bit.

Then I called my parents. I was surprised to hear from them as soon as I asked the theoretical "What would you think if I dropped out of medical school?" that they would be okay with it as long as it was what I wanted to do. They want me to do what makes me happy. My dad said I shouldn't stay if I didn't like it, because it's too hard of a profession to do it only half-heartedly. He's right. I would not only be doing a disservice to myself if I stay, but also to my future work. Of course, at the moment I'm faced with having to move back home, finding a temporary job (I do have a college degree in the sciences, after all) and probably going back to school. I have no clue what I want to study next, but I want to explore. I'm afraid I made the mistake of being very one-track-minded in college. Don't get me wrong, I loved my major, but I didn't consider the possibility of doing much outside of medicine. I don't want to make that same mistake again. Pff...and to think I was scared to death of telling my parents. Damn parents and their useful wisdom.

My advice to you all (medical students) is, if you feel that you want to quit and have already given it your best, please do yourself a favor and quit. Don't ignore that scratching feeling that's telling you that you might have made a mistake. I tried to ignore it and ended up stuck in first year all over again when in the back of my mind I knew I did not want to be here. The only good thing out of all of this is that at least I know I tried. At least now I know that I do not like this.

My advice to any pre-meds reading this, is to be very careful about your decision. Give yourself time, and for the love of all that is holy, please give yourself time to explore all your possibilities before your commit. Don't go into it for the money, don't go into it because your mommy wants you to. Go into it only because this is the only thing you ever want to do with your life. If there is any possibility you might like to do ANYTHING else, please consider that instead.

Well, if you made it this far, I guess thanks for reading. If any of you has any advice as to what to do next, I'm willing to hear it. There a lot of things I need to do...sublease my apartment, moving, finding a job or some sort of occupation, going back to school to take a few more classes, maybe grad school after that (I know I want to continue studying...just not medicine). Go ahead, just be nice.

Have you thought about becoming a nurse practitioner? The hours are so much more flexible and you still get to see patients. Yale has a three graduate program. You can actually have a life and a great career. Nurses are in demand.

 

[mp1106]

I'm about to drop out of medical school.

Now, before anything else, let me state that this is in no way an attempt to discourage anyone. I simply want to post this story to vent, get it out, whatever. I'm a regular poster but I created a new account because I'm not sure I want everyone to know just yet, but I need to say this. You may read, but I urge you to please be kind. I'm not looking for mocking or judgment, and if you have it, well, keep it to yourself. This is the right decision FOR ME at the moment.

I struggled a lot my first year. I ended up failing almost all of my classes. I was then allowed to repeat the year, after many psychiatric consultations, academic advisement, disability testing (I'm more than normal, thanks for asking), and spiritual advisement, I realized that at this moment, more than a year after I began medical school and in my second attempt at first year, I feel exactly the same way I did when I began having problems (which was pretty early). I feel completely uninterested and unmotivated in the subjects I'm studying. I find myself thinking that I really could not care less about my future patients, and that I really am not looking forward to jumping through all the hoops in order to get to the end goal. It's too much work for a reward that seems to be comprised of...more work.

Obviously, there was a time when I thought I wanted to do this. I worked extremely hard in college, got into a great medical school, and was very focused towards this goal. I also knew it was going to be hard work and I was ready to take it on. Then...then I actually got here and had to do the work. I found out I was not interested in it. Suddenly all the negatives of this profession started overwhelming all the positives I had tried to look forward to. The massive debt, the long years of med school + residency, the low salaries of residents, the massive work load, the difficulties of being reimbursed for one's work, frivolous lawsuits, etc, started taking a toll on me. I no longer wanted to do this, but I felt stuck. I had invested so much time, money, and work into getting in that I was afraid to admit what I already knew: I wanted out.

Of course, this is my very personal experience. I look at my classmates and many of them also find it hard, but they have managed to stay motivated and focused. I couldn't sympathize with them, because I was neither of those things. I started thinking that these were not people I wanted to be with and that my professors/attendings were not people whom I strived to imitate. Sure...I admired their hard work, their intellect, and their dedication to their profession, but I did not want to be like them any longer. So many of them seemed bitter and overworked. So many of them were women (I am female) who had children but couldn't dedicate as much time to them as they would have liked, because of the nature of their work. There are sacrifices involved in this profession. One could say there are sacrifices involved in every profession and be correct, but medicine requires a little more than most. I also started feeling like I was wasting my best years (the whole bulk of my 20's) studying while I could be out there doing a less stressful job while enjoying the benefits of youth, perhaps traveling or building some wealth. There were many things I wanted to do which I hadn't had the chance to do before, and which medical school would certainly prevent me from doing in at least the next 7-8 years.

I am scared of what comes next, because like many medical students this was *the* plan for my life. I didn't think I was going to end up being the 1% of medical students that drop out. What were the chances? Almost negligible. I was also afraid of telling my parents and my friends, because this pathway has a way of becoming an almost identity. I wasn't just Pseudonymous101, I was Pseudonymous101-Medical Student. It was terrifying to let go of that. It still is just a little bit.

Then I called my parents. I was surprised to hear from them as soon as I asked the theoretical "What would you think if I dropped out of medical school?" that they would be okay with it as long as it was what I wanted to do. They want me to do what makes me happy. My dad said I shouldn't stay if I didn't like it, because it's too hard of a profession to do it only half-heartedly. He's right. I would not only be doing a disservice to myself if I stay, but also to my future work. Of course, at the moment I'm faced with having to move back home, finding a temporary job (I do have a college degree in the sciences, after all) and probably going back to school. I have no clue what I want to study next, but I want to explore. I'm afraid I made the mistake of being very one-track-minded in college. Don't get me wrong, I loved my major, but I didn't consider the possibility of doing much outside of medicine. I don't want to make that same mistake again. Pff...and to think I was scared to death of telling my parents. Damn parents and their useful wisdom.

My advice to you all (medical students) is, if you feel that you want to quit and have already given it your best, please do yourself a favor and quit. Don't ignore that scratching feeling that's telling you that you might have made a mistake. I tried to ignore it and ended up stuck in first year all over again when in the back of my mind I knew I did not want to be here. The only good thing out of all of this is that at least I know I tried. At least now I know that I do not like this.

My advice to any pre-meds reading this, is to be very careful about your decision. Give yourself time, and for the love of all that is holy, please give yourself time to explore all your possibilities before your commit. Don't go into it for the money, don't go into it because your mommy wants you to. Go into it only because this is the only thing you ever want to do with your life. If there is any possibility you might like to do ANYTHING else, please consider that instead.

Well, if you made it this far, I guess thanks for reading. If any of you has any advice as to what to do next, I'm willing to hear it. There a lot of things I need to do...sublease my apartment, moving, finding a job or some sort of occupation, going back to school to take a few more classes, maybe grad school after that (I know I want to continue studying...just not medicine). Go ahead, just be nice.

Hi,

I went through that same thing in graduate school. I was miserable to the point of wanting to commit suicide. I hated graduate school. Everyone around me seemed so happy and things were looking all bright for them. It turns out they were all acting. They were as miserable as I was. Since I am attending an Ivy League school I did not want to quit. My folks encouraged me to stay. My project was going no where. I was physically ill by graduate school. I ended up in a hospital. The doctors could not find anything wrong with me. I fainted three times. I thought I was going to die but three trips to the emergency room yielded nothing.

The bottom line is I understand completely what you are going through. In life if you are going to be successful, You need to find something that brings you joy that you will excel in. Despite all the talk that I should drop out, I had decided to stick it out. I used to read graduate students blogs and that did made me feel a little better. I just felt so out of place in graduate school. But in December I will be getting the PhD. I will never forget this horrible experience in my life. It consumed my soul.


I realized that I love reading science just not bench work. There were days I felt like a paid slave (If that makes any sense). I felt like I spend 4 years of college to work at a fancy factory. SO don't despair. You just have to find something you like that will bring you joy. You are young you will figure it out. You are not stuck.

-- Becarefull, maybe take a leave of absent from school just to be sure that is what you want to do. You never know how you might feel in 12 months.
--Explore other options like research

---Have you thought about becoming a nurse practitioner? The hours are so much more flexible and you still get to see patients. The pay is great. Yale has a three year graduate program. You can actually have a life and a great career. Nurses are in demand.

---But Good Luck. I do wish you all the best. You are not alone in this. There are lots of medical students that feel the same way. You are bold enough to admit it. Please keep us posted on what you decide to do. And write a book about your experience so that others can learn from it when you do become a success in whatever else you decide to do.

 

[GreenShirt]

Good for you OP! I think it takes a lot of guts to make a big a career change like this. There are a lot of medical students out there who get to medical school and realize that it's not for them but can't walk away because they feel that they have devoted so much time and money to it. I find it inspiring in a way to hear of people reinventing their lives after a long time spent in another field be it business, medical school, grad school, whatever. You become familiar with one thing for so long, it's scary to dive into the unknown of something else.

Pre-meds: EngineeredOut raises a good question above: How the heck are pre-meds supposed to know that medicine might not be for them? As a pre-med, if I had heard stories like these, I would have been completely incredulous. How can you jump through all those hoops as a pre-med and suddenly decide you don't like? Beyond shadowing, how can you figure it out? I guess the real answer is that there isn't a way to completely know without going through the process. However, I think there are some warning signs:

1) You struggled with your pre-med courses (medicine is science, if you have trouble with it, then your talents may lie elsewhere).
2) You're not a people person (if you have trouble feeling or expressing empathy you'll get annoyed with your patients fast).
3) You're going into it for the wrong reasons (ie parents want you to).
4) You enjoy doing other things more (you love politics or writing or art, etc.)

I think the moral of the story is not to be afraid to change your course in life if things aren't working for you. Your perspective will change as you go through life and there's no reason you shouldn't adapt to those changes. People fall into traps of habit in their professional and personal lives which are making them unhappy but they're afraid of walking away from what they know. Think of people who stay in bad relationship because they feel they owe it to the other person...would you tell them to stay anyway? Why should your professional relationships be any different? If you're in a bad relationship with medical school...considering breaking up!

 

[Stroganoff]

I highly support your decision, and I stand behind you 100%. I might even stand on top of you, if you're into that sort of thing.

 

[rvarsity]

It bothers me that some people refuse to accept the possibility that there is such a thing as hating a profession and that quitting is in fact an acceptable and perhaps the best thing to do in that situation. Yes, everyone hates some aspects of their work. That was clearly stated in my first post. Every career requires some sacrifices. But there are degrees of discomfort. In my case my dislike for my chosen field got to be too much, way more than the normal brand of medical student blues.

Quitting is the best thing for my sanity--and I believe for my future--and frankly to suggest that everyone should just "stick it out" regardless of how they feel is foolish. Now, as for this statement:



Oh honey, you truly believe there is NOTHING out there if not medicine? What kind of hole have you been living in? (The medical school library, I know.) The only thing I will regret in the end is not doing something that makes me happy...and I've discovered that something is not medicine. Of course, I don't have to justify myself to you, but your arguments just sound so silly that they're begging to be mocked.

Some of your comments are pretty offensive for someone "quitting" med school. Go on and quit, nobody cares. You're posting on here like you've gotten out of something that the rest of us are all too stupid, narrow minded, or foolish to get out of. These people are trying to offer you advice - all of us thought about quitting at some point, let me see, during anatomy, studying for Step 1, my OB/GYn rotation (yuck), but we stick it out and it turns out great for most of us b/c medicine gives you lots of options come residency time. Every med student ultimately finds something they like in terms of specialties.

Oh well, guess I'll go back to my hole in the library - and get this, I'm a resident and I still go to the library - OMG!!

 

[Doctor Bagel]

Well, you know what's right for you better than anybody else, so good luck with whatever you'll do next. I can relate to your post because I went to law school and went through similar feelings. I stuck it out and graduated, but in retrospect I should have left after the first year. Fortunately for me law school had a much lower time requirement -- I can't imagine staying in medical school disliking it as much as I disliked law school.

Anyway, I know you said something about going back to to school, which is probably a great idea, but I wouldn't advise doing it immediately. School's expensive, and you've been in school your whole life. Why not work and spend that time trying to figure out what you want to do?

 

[njbmd]

Well, if you made it this far, I guess thanks for reading. If any of you has any advice as to what to do next, I'm willing to hear it. There a lot of things I need to do...sublease my apartment, moving, finding a job or some sort of occupation, going back to school to take a few more classes, maybe grad school after that (I know I want to continue studying...just not medicine). Go ahead, just be nice.

You have made a decision and now move on. Do you want a "pat on the back" for making it? Medical school isn't for everyone and clearly not for you. Since you are good at handing out advice and figuring out things, figure out what you want to do and get it done.

 

[Pseudonymous101]

From my first post:

Now, before anything else, let me state that this is in no way an attempt to discourage anyone. I simply want to post this story to vent, get it out, whatever.

You may read, but I urge you to please be kind. I'm not looking for mocking or judgment, and if you have it, well, keep it to yourself. This is the right decision FOR ME at the moment.

Of course, this is my very personal experience. I look at my classmates and many of them also find it hard, but they have managed to stay motivated and focused. I couldn't sympathize with them, because I was neither of those things. I started thinking that these were not people I wanted to be with and that my professors/attendings were not people whom I strived to imitate. Sure...I admired their hard work, their intellect, and their dedication to their profession, but I did not want to be like them any longer.

My advice to you all (medical students) is, if you feel that you want to quit and have already given it your best, please do yourself a favor and quit. Don't ignore that scratching feeling that's telling you that you might have made a mistake.

My advice to any pre-meds reading this, is to be very careful about your decision. Give yourself time, and for the love of all that is holy, please give yourself time to explore all your possibilities before your commit. Don't go into it for the money, don't go into it because your mommy wants you to. Go into it only because this is the only thing you ever want to do with your life. If there is any possibility you might like to do ANYTHING else, please consider that instead.

Some of you are reading things out of it that I never said, like I think you are stupid for staying (not if you really want to do this you're not), that I will eventually regret it (you don't know this and frankly, given how miserable I've been here I'd say it's unlikely), that I expected med school to be a walk on the park (not true), that I want a pat on the back (I wanted to write this so perhaps people who are feeling the same way might relate...I know not too many people talk about the negative feelings in medical school so it's nice to hear you're not the only one going through it).

Like I said, if you like medical school this thread obviously isn't directed to you. If you want to stay then good for you! You have to do what's right for you. As for me, what's right is to start over and regain my sanity, to find a career that I enjoy. Medicine isn't for me, although it might be for you. That's all.

 

[scotties123]

so u did this to vent. then y bother replying to everyone that has differing opinions. have u ever been evaluated for depression? its only the 2nd (and a half) month into med school, but ive already witnessed 2 people crying and someone banging their head against a wall and screaming out of frustration (i laughed, im an *****hole). Maybe you should do what others reccommended and take a leave of absence, get ur crap together and then see what to do from there. Worst case scenario, you come back in a year and still want to quit. You would have done that regardless.

 

[Pseudonymous101]

so u did this to vent. then y bother replying to everyone that has differing opinions. have u ever been evaluated for depression? its only the 2nd (and a half) month into med school, but ive already witnessed 2 people crying and someone banging their head against a wall and screaming out of frustration (i laughed, im an *****hole). Maybe you should do what others reccommended and take a leave of absence, get ur crap together and then see what to do from there. Worst case scenario, you come back in a year and still want to quit. You would have done that regardless.

Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have replied, but I just was hoping to make someone understand that for some of us medical school turns out to be the wrong this. FOR US. It didn't mean I thought everyone who stays is stupid. I never said that at all. There are people who like this, and I'm glad because we need physicians who enjoy their job. I hate the assumption that it's always normal to feel this way and that people should just suck it up regardless of how bad it feels. When your discontent with something goes beyond "normal" levels, and trust me, mine did, I think it's reasonable to admit it and move on. There's no need for others to feel threatened by this, to mock, or to start psychoanalizing the other person. I pay somebody to do that already.

Oh...and it's only the 2nd month of this school year, but I'm repeating first year so it's about the 14th month for me. I am seeing a therapist and what goes on there is personal, but suffice it to say that I've come to this decision and I'm feeling good about it. I've been thinking this over for a very long time, it's not a decision I just considered last week. I've been through every avenue for help, tutoring, counseling, etc, and this is the conclusion I've come to: medicine isn't for me. Funnily enough I haven't felt so happy as I feel right now in a long while, I feel like I finally took the decision I'd been afraid of taking before.

Good luck to you all in your med school endeavors, and for those of you who are going through what I did (or am...) don't be afraid to PM me. I know what it's like to not have too many people to talk to because, well, people in med school don't really like talking about this kind of stuff (as evidenced above by quick dismissals of a real problem), so it can be isolating.

If a mod could please close this thread to new replies, I would appreciate it. I think I've said what I have to say and I just want this thread to remain here in case anyone ever does a search for the topic (I know I did, haha). Come on, admit it, many of you have googled "quitting medical school" before. I think we've all done it at some point. Anyway, good luck to you all and wish me luck on my new adventures, whatever they turn out to be.

 

[scotties123]

if ur gonna end a thread, end it in style

 

[lilnoelle]

Closing thread per Op's request.