How did you meet the "One"?

[adpitan]

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just out of curiosity wouldn't u girls find it strange if a random guy starts talking to you when in the grocery line or at a caffe? i've been tempted multiple times but often didn't because i didn't want to bother them if they weren't interested (esp. if they were already in relationships)

Sometimes it is strange but then there are times that it's perfect. You can't ever tell which time it will be, the only think you have to do is take a chance. How are you ever going to know if they are in a relationship if you don't ask? I can't tell you the number of times I've started chatting with ppl in line bc they were looking at a magazine cover or making comments & I just had to give my input or started laughing over something I heard them say. You can't wait for a "safe" moment, you really just have to stick your neck out sometimes.

 

[Smilemaker100]

just out of curiosity wouldn't u girls find it strange if a random guy starts talking to you when in the grocery line or at a caffe? i've been tempted multiple times but often didn't because i didn't want to bother them if they weren't interested (esp. if they were already in relationships)

Actually no, I love talking to strangers. I think it is simply the approach or the topic of conversation that can disturb a girl/woman. I strike conversations with people I don't know on a regular basis- it's funny- but most of the time it's just "innocent" small talk and there are no expectations on either side other than sharing a chuckle. Maybe I'm different - I don't know. But I don't like it when some men ask me on a date right off the bat without at least an "ice breaker" to get to know me - strike a little conversation beforehand.

 

[Smilemaker100]

From the way you've presented yourself in the last few "romance" threads on this board, you're a walking contradiction in a lot of ways. 😉 You're happy and fulfilled in singlehood, but you're disappointed that you don't seem to get anywhere romantically. But that's OK because you're not going to settle for a guy on anybody's terms but your own, and those terms involve a chivalrous ideal that is extraordinarily rare in the real world.

I'm not saying that you're adverse to some lovin'; I'm saying that in the specific case of initial overtures you are intentionally suppressing your baser instincts and expecting this dream guy to suppress his as well. You'll fall harder for a sonnet-writer than a great kisser, am I right?

Your major defining experience in romance sounds like it was your relationship in which you allowed yourself to be walked all over while you made yourself believe that you just needed to be doing more and more.

When that relationship ended, you recoiled and the pendulum swung the other way, aided by The Rules. Not only should you not be constantly doing for a fella, it's a sure way to lose him and his respect! No, you should do nothing for him, make him work for you and he'll appreciate you all the more when you're "won over".

I think there's a happy medium and I think when you find it, you'll find that while the perfect Rhett Butler isn't knocking down your door, you can look and open yourself to making a move that might leave you a bit exposed and discover a perfectly sweet, very masculine (BUFF) fella who writes you love notes and brings you flowers, who wants to get physically intimate but respects your boundaries, who is as intelligent as you are if not more so and the source of some of the most thought-provoking conversations of your life, who grows to consider you his life's partner and makes you breakfast and works hard to achieve a comfortable life for you and doesn't hesitate to depend upon you for important things and watches you when you sleep and wants to father your children...

*swoon* 😍 'Scuse me while I go email my husband...



You got it. 😉

Oh, and if you want guys to flock to you as it happens in the animal kingdom...take a leak near them when you're in heat. Never fails.

Hi alison_in_oh,

Are you a psychologist or do you have a natural flair when it comes to analyzing human behavior? I think you have literally "stripped " my soul naked !

You're definitely right on the money when you say that I would fall harder for a "sonnet-writer" than a great kisser ( ideally, I would like both 😀 ). The guys I have fallen for were always the sentimental type- very intense men- passionately concerned with the state of human affairs, passionately involved with the arts in some level and had a way with words that would make me literally weak in the knees. But you got to watch out for some of those great kissers...the best kisser I dated was a law student- such a good kisser that I could not stand and walk straight after...and he turned out to be a good liar too. 🙄

I suppose the ideal relationship is a compromise but I still am too hesitant on initiating the first "moves" like some lioness on the prowl. In any case, I do believe in a mutual display of love and affection. In my case, I showered the guys I dated with too much affection- like my ex once told me , I was "too much to handle"...some guys can't match my intensity- intensity in the way I live, intensity in the way I express myself and intensity in my artistic endeavors.

Geez, *sigh* 🙄 all those qualities you listed about a fellow bringing flowers, writing love notes, provoking conversations, makes me breakfast, loves to watch me when I sleep, wants to father my children...do you have all that in your life? You are the luckiest woman if you do. I would do anything to have that ...I would be the happiest woman alive ( not that I am not happy right now but you know...). I would appreciate that so much. 😍 It's all those small things that make each day so beautiful regardless if I have all the material comforts. Because I am like that when I am in love...I write love notes, I cook, I dance - I do anything to make a man I love smile...this is getting to personal...I digress.

You are very blessed, alison_in_oh

 

[alison_in_oh]

Are you a psychologist or do you have a natural flair when it comes to analyzing human behavior? I think you have literally "stripped " my soul naked !

Aw, shucks. I like to think I have a surplus of empathy, is all. 🙂

You are very blessed, alison_in_oh

I agree...my momma always told me that good things happen to good people, so I guess I've been pretty good so far!

My husband gives of himself and does small, thoughtful things out of love and respect, and I do the same for him. To me, that's how a healthy relationship works.

 

[a_student]

i c, here's another question

there have been times when i am with a bunch of my friends (male and female), and have seen a bunch of girls sitting around each other. after making eye contact, whats the best way for me to approach you when you are w/ your friends

 

[Smilemaker100]

Aw, shucks. I like to think I have a surplus of empathy, is all. 🙂



I agree...my momma always told me that good things happen to good people, so I guess I've been pretty good so far!

My husband gives of himself and does small, thoughtful things out of love and respect, and I do the same for him. To me, that's how a healthy relationship works.

I don't think it is only a matter of good things happening to good people. I try to be the best I can be (little Miss Goody Two Shoes) and don't always get what I want. Sometimes you have to accept that there is a reason why you don't get your heart's desire. When it comes to matters of the heart , you have to realize that there is also an element of LUCK. There are a lot of people who are in long term relationships or who are married but the number of people who are actually happy is in the minority. A lot of people have advised me that marriage was the worse decision they took in their lives and that I should enjoy being single. But I still have hopes sometimes because I have seen evidence of happy marriages- my own parents.

I am starting to realize that I have to forget "looking". Men just make me fed up sometimes. Just the other day , I was on call at the ICU and this cute young doctor was checking out my nametag (really went out of the way to see my name and sat back at his desk) and glancing my way but didn't exchange a word with me- that happens to me often- they'll look but won't talk. What's wrong with them?

In any case, ever since I was a little girl, I had an intuitive feeling that maybe I was not meant to be married and have kids even though the idea seemed nice ( it was probably all those fairy tales that gave me the illusion that it seemed like a nice idea). Perhaps God has other plans for me...When I get hopelessly in love of someone , I abandon my art work and intellectual pursuits and HE becomes my object of study and my object of affection. So now, I repress and ignore my attraction to certain men and concentrate on my art and career. I simply get too emotional and too sensitive- it's an ugly feeling, especially when it isn't mutual. It takes a special man to understand all facets of my being. Not all men are sensitive or intuitive.

If you read up on the lives of various female artists, you see an ugly pattern...like the relationships of Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera, Camille Claudel and August Rodin...all these female artists got so wrapped up in their relationships that their art suffered or maybe it was a question of simply being with the wrong man...in any case, if they ever invent a drug that represses attraction to men, I would be willing to pay anything to get a hold on that drug...falling in love is sometimes self-destructive.

God has a different plan for everyone...I have to stop fighting against my destiny. I simply have to surrender to it and make my own happiness and peace. Life is too short to cry for those things which we desire and don't attain.

 

[alison_in_oh]

Good things do happen to good people, eventually, and it's not always what you expected, and it always helps to help yourself. 🙂 If I were you I'd offer *something* besides stony cold silence to the friendly people who make eye contact with you. I mean, they don't know if you're in a relationship, or gay, or if you are one of those uptight broads who might slap a harrassment suit on them just for asking to buy you a coffee. Responding to friendly eye contact with "Nice weather we're having" or something similarly noncommittal doesn't make you a harlot. 😉

As far as fearing to lose yourself in a relationship again, I've got two pieces of advice to offer. First, no pain -- no gain. Every relationship is fraught with heaves and throes as you work to find a stride as a couple where you were formerly two very independent people. You have to ride it out to a certain extent. Yeah, it's uncomfortable, and you're left wondering sometimes, and you end up bursting into frustrated tears because you can't read your partner's mind. But if you work through those rough spots you reach the point where you really *can* almost read his mind and the two of you work together like clockwork.

The second, though it seems corny and I fear to suggest another "self-help" book to someone who kind of needs to get out of the books and into the world...hint, hint...you might find some good stuff in Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus. I actually only skimmed it, back when our relationship was new, but it has some surprisingly good advice, especially when it comes to the dreaded clingy woman/standoffish man conflict.

 

[Smilemaker100]

Good things do happen to good people, eventually, and it's not always what you expected, and it always helps to help yourself. 🙂 If I were you I'd offer *something* besides stony cold silence to the friendly people who make eye contact with you. I mean, they don't know if you're in a relationship, or gay, or if you are one of those uptight broads who might slap a harrassment suit on them just for asking to buy you a coffee. Responding to friendly eye contact with "Nice weather we're having" or something similarly noncommittal doesn't make you a harlot. 😉

As far as fearing to lose yourself in a relationship again, I've got two pieces of advice to offer. First, no pain -- no gain. Every relationship is fraught with heaves and throes as you work to find a stride as a couple where you were formerly two very independent people. You have to ride it out to a certain extent. Yeah, it's uncomfortable, and you're left wondering sometimes, and you end up bursting into frustrated tears because you can't read your partner's mind. But if you work through those rough spots you reach the point where you really *can* almost read his mind and the two of you work together like clockwork.

The second, though it seems corny and I fear to suggest another "self-help" book to someone who kind of needs to get out of the books and into the world...hint, hint...you might find some good stuff in Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus. I actually only skimmed it, back when our relationship was new, but it has some surprisingly good advice, especially when it comes to the dreaded clingy woman/standoffish man conflict.

NO! I am not one of those uptight "broads" that launches a harassment suit if someone offers me a coffee 🙄 . I have had that happen to me at least a dozen times in my life...I'll be in a coffee shop and a perfect stranger will strike a conversation with me and then offer to purchase another coffee and I accept even if I am not necessarily interested in the fellow. I will only refuse if the man says some disturbing remark or looks like a weird/suspicious caracter . Just a few weeks ago, a man about twice my age, treated me to a coffee and a canoli in this Italian coffee shop I frequent regularly. We talked ( well actually HE talked most of the time) for a good three hours and his sister in law was also there. I knew he was just being fatherly- he wasn't romantically interested in me-it was just one human being talking to another .

It takes a lot more than a coffee for me to press a harassment complaint!!!! I really am not that type. I don't like to look for trouble.

No pain- no gain? Yes, sometimes it is worth giving a relationship a try but only if there is clear interest on the behalf of the other party. If I am not sure, I don't initiate anything because the few times that I have in the past, I have only ended up unnecessarily hurting myself 🙁 . I really am quite down to earth and approachable, I don't understand why men think I am intimidating . I am actually too nice to some men and have a hard time saying no to a coffee even if I am not romantically interested because I love talking to people in general 🙄 . I have a hard time brushing someone off because I don't like to be mean.

I am getting my nose out of the books and experiencing the real world these days...but I simply don't care about meeting anyone anymore , I have stopped "looking" , I am simply living right now come what may. It's too tiring to bang my head against the wall in frustration over things that are mostly beyond my control.

In regards to that infamous book...I don't want to read any of those stupid relationship books 👎 ... I must simply learn through experience- that is the easiest way to learn. You don't really learn till you experience certain things on a personal level. All the books in the world won't teach me anything unless I LIVE it myself. It definitely helps to talk to my girlfriends and mother about relationships 👍 . In regards to relationships, I always discuss it in detail from various angles ( I actually OVERANALYZE- I think too much sometimes - one of my faults) with my best friends (which include my mother).

 

[alison_in_oh]

In regards to that infamous book...I don't want to read any of those stupid relationship books 👎 ... I must simply learn through experience- that is the easiest way to learn. You don't really learn till you experience certain things on a personal level. All the books in the world won't teach me anything unless I LIVE it myself. It definitely helps to talk to my girlfriends and mother about relationships 👍 . In regards to relationships, I always discuss it in detail from various angles ( I actually OVERANALYZE- I think too much sometimes - one of my faults) with my best friends (which include my mother).

Coolio. It's just advice, feel free to take it or leave it. I've simply found that having a stupid relationship book point out that THIS IS NORMAL can be a huge breath of fresh air!

How is Men are from Mars different from The Rules, though?

 

[Smilemaker100]

Coolio. It's just advice, feel free to take it or leave it. I've simply found that having a stupid relationship book point out that THIS IS NORMAL can be a huge breath of fresh air!

How is Men are from Mars different from The Rules, though?

After some reflection , I have decided not to touch any relationship books for the time being. I am simply going to go with the "flow" and live along the "rules" I was raised with. I'll do what is natural for me to do. I honestly don't feel like dating anyone - there isn't anyone worthwhile around and those that are are unavailable. I shouldn't waste anymore time- I have to live as oppose to dream! I have to go OUT into the world and EXPLORE - without expecting anything because it is when you raise your hopes that you get disappointed. Like a friend once told me, "don't expect anything to happen because you'll only get disappointed that way when something does happen- you will be pleasantly surprised." I'll find other distractions- there's more to life than men!

 

[alison_in_oh]

After some reflection , I have decided not to touch any relationship books for the time being. I am simply going to go with the "flow" and live along the "rules" I was raised with. I'll do what is natural for me to do.

Yay! Sounds like a plan. 🙂

 

[Smilemaker100]

Yay! Sounds like a plan. 🙂

In retrospect, I don't think I'll look or think about it anymore. If I die tomorrow, I would die happily because I think I am starting to realize that I have met my soulmate in the form of my own mother. As her relationship with her mother was far from an ideal one, she sometimes wished she had a sister or daughter she could form a beautiful relationship with...her wish was granted when I was born- and I was everything to her (still am).

My mom loved me so much that she stayed at home to raise me. She loved me so much that she didn't realize she sort of suffocated me in a way because she was overprotective and didn't want me to make any mistakes on my own even though it was the best way for me to learn. She loved me so much that she didn't realize I had become a woman and was no longer a little girl. I loved her so much that I had to fly away and taste my independence. I loved my mom so much that I decided to temporarily move away so that I could take care of myself and be my own mother and father. I love her so much still that I no longer discuss things that disturb me because I don't want her to worry for me. And when there have been moments of desparation, she was only a phone call away- regardless of the time of night or day. But now I am slowly learning to deal with everything by myself...I am my own mother.

My mom raised me when I was low and she raised me even higher when I was high so that I could reach for the stars. She knows me so well that in dreams she has premonitions of things that actually happen to me. She knows me so well that she can read every expression on my face and I can't hide a single thing from her. She knows me so well that she can read my mind.
Like any relationship, we had some rough times but we worked things out and she is still my best friend- she is the biggest love of my life.

There is no man who can love me as unconditionally as my mother has. There is no man that can know me as well as my mother does. There is no man who knows my history as well nor will be as loyal to me as my mother. That is why I haven't settled down with anyone yet...and if God decides that I should live a short life, I won't be mad because I was blessed with the love of a mother that has stood the test of time. I have been blessed, without even realizing it.

Like you said about your mother saying that good things happen to good people-my mother has the same faith and she says she wants me to be taken care of by some great man before she dies so she can die in peace. And over and over again she has told me that "it" will happen when I least expect it- well I don't expect it and I know it ain't going to happen for a long long time...My mother has always believed in me and supported me with all my life decisions but in this one she falters...this is one thing which I don't have as much faith in...no man can love or understand me like my mom does...no one can take her place.

 

[CoffeeMug]

Smilemaker, you need to get laid and get some extreme physical excercise (join a sport, martial arts for example). You have sexual desperation coupled with too much time on your hands: a terrible mix. Your last post is my evidence.

 

[jennie 21]

Smilemaker, I feel pretty much the same way about my mom 🙂 Moms are wonderful. But they can't take the place of a relationship. It's really not the same thing. I think it's wonderful that you're counting your blessings and letting what happens, happen. But the point of having a partner isn't to find someone who can replace your mother and take care of you in the same ways she does. That can never happen, nor would you want it to--you're not looking (or shouldn't be looking) for a man to "parent" you. That's not what adult love relationships are about. An equal partnership offers joys of its own which are just as great, though different. Your relationship with your mother can never truly be a relationship of equals, simply because she is your mother. And there is great value to be found in having an intimate, thouroughly equal, enduring partnership--a partner with whom you can share your joys and sorrows and take on the world TOGETHER. Someone who is your peer and your equal who loves and respects you and will share their life with you--someone you can tackle the challenges of living with. There's great pleasure and satisfaction to be found in having a peer, a friend, an equal partner who you can share your life with, who knows you deeply and cares about you greatly but who also respects you as an adult and an equal partner. I can't really explain it, it's something you have to experience. But it's a unique kind of relationship. My husband knows me just as well as my mother, but he knows me differently. My mother can't help but view me as her daughter. My husband views me as his wife, his equal, and the future mother of his children. They're very different things. Both wonderful, but very, very different. There are satisfactions to be found in an adult love relationship that can't be found in the parent-child relationship. And vice-versa. One can't substitute for the other. A great deal of the satisfaction in an adult love relationship comes from taking care of the other person and helping share their burdens and delighting in their joys and successes--there's a reciprocity there that isn't there in the same way in a parent-child relationship. And, of course, there's the closeness of sexual intimacy, which is really unique and adds a whole other dimension to the relationship between adult partners. These are things that can't be explained, they just have to be experienced. Just don't trick yourself into thinking that your relationship with your mother, however wonderful it may be, can ever truly take the place of an adult relationship with a man.

 

[alison_in_oh]

jennie did a good job of responding to this. I tried, but the best I could come up with was: I love my mom, she's perhaps my best female friend right now, but I still would never pee with the bathroom door open if she were in the house! 😀

Erotic/romantic love, maternal love, platonic love, brotherly love...there are so many experiences out there. You don't need all of them to be a complete person, yet all are unique -- none will ever replace the other. Just...put yourself in a position to experience as much as you can in your short time on this planet, you know?

Live fully and mindfully with every breath and you'll have nothing to regret. 🙂

 

[Smilemaker100]

Smilemaker, you need to get laid and get some extreme physical excercise (join a sport, martial arts for example). You have sexual desperation coupled with too much time on your hands: a terrible mix. Your last post is my evidence.

And you seem to take the time to reply to me...which I found interesting in a disturbing way. Why should you care? It sounds to me that you never knew true love and are some sex obsessed loser. And in regards to that "sexual desperation"...I use my "creative impulses" rather constructively in other endeavors which I find satisfying.

 

[Smilemaker100]

Smilemaker, I feel pretty much the same way about my mom 🙂 Moms are wonderful. But they can't take the place of a relationship. It's really not the same thing. I think it's wonderful that you're counting your blessings and letting what happens, happen. But the point of having a partner isn't to find someone who can replace your mother and take care of you in the same ways she does. That can never happen, nor would you want it to--you're not looking (or shouldn't be looking) for a man to "parent" you. That's not what adult love relationships are about. An equal partnership offers joys of its own which are just as great, though different. Your relationship with your mother can never truly be a relationship of equals, simply because she is your mother. And there is great value to be found in having an intimate, thouroughly equal, enduring partnership--a partner with whom you can share your joys and sorrows and take on the world TOGETHER. Someone who is your peer and your equal who loves and respects you and will share their life with you--someone you can tackle the challenges of living with. There's great pleasure and satisfaction to be found in having a peer, a friend, an equal partner who you can share your life with, who knows you deeply and cares about you greatly but who also respects you as an adult and an equal partner. I can't really explain it, it's something you have to experience. But it's a unique kind of relationship. My husband knows me just as well as my mother, but he knows me differently. My mother can't help but view me as her daughter. My husband views me as his wife, his equal, and the future mother of his children. They're very different things. Both wonderful, but very, very different. There are satisfactions to be found in an adult love relationship that can't be found in the parent-child relationship. And vice-versa. One can't substitute for the other. A great deal of the satisfaction in an adult love relationship comes from taking care of the other person and helping share their burdens and delighting in their joys and successes--there's a reciprocity there that isn't there in the same way in a parent-child relationship. And, of course, there's the closeness of sexual intimacy, which is really unique and adds a whole other dimension to the relationship between adult partners. These are things that can't be explained, they just have to be experienced. Just don't trick yourself into thinking that your relationship with your mother, however wonderful it may be, can ever truly take the place of an adult relationship with a man.

I know that relationships between moms and husbands/boyfriends are not equivocal. My whole point is a mom's love is unconditional whereas often with men there are conditions such as being sexually intimate or being attractive. I know that no matter how I look or no matter how lousy I may feel- my mom will ALWAYS love me. Men , for the most part, are superficial.

 

[PsychMD]

re. "It definitely helps to talk to my girlfriends and mother about relationships."

I'm thinking, what would be wrong with a little matchmaking strategy here? Would you feel comfortable with telling your grilfriends and/or maybe a favorite aunt or two, in a straightforward manner, that you are looking and maybe they could set you up with some "trial" dates. Some people really enjoy the matchmaking process. You have to maintain a good sense of realistic humor about it though.

You are still obviously struggling a bit regarding your relationship with your mother, and it sounds that she has her own worries, so I would try to keep her out of any direct involvement in this process, though.

 

[LADoc00]

I met the "One" at Whiskey A Go Go on Sunset in LA. Then I met the next one there too, and the next and so on.

 

[evajaclynn]

I met the "One" at Whiskey A Go Go on Sunset in LA. Then I met the next one there too, and the next and so on.

 

[thewebthsp]

Philosophy of love and marriage...

Well, it's interesting. I think some people are definitely "better" at love sex and marriage than others. In some ways being by yourself is extremely liberating-- the tying down, the worry, the constant work a relationship needs is gone.

It's kind of an interesting thought puzzle though to ask yourself, just _what_ would be the most fulfilling sex/love relationship possible in all senses of fullfilment.

I think it comes down to finding the most trusted friend of your life combined with the hottest girl you've ever seen. I surely haven't found her yet. Someone who shares your background, interests, who you can rely on and who has an understanding -- a reflexive understanding of how you think so that there is no need to worry any more. This standard is almost certainly too high, but if it were some girl who mostly fit, I think it would be enough.

Maybe the ones with the friends with benefits are right though.

 

[Smilemaker100]

Philosophy of love and marriage...

Well, it's interesting. I think some people are definitely "better" at love sex and marriage than others. In some ways being by yourself is extremely liberating-- the tying down, the worry, the constant work a relationship needs is gone.

It's kind of an interesting thought puzzle though to ask yourself, just _what_ would be the most fulfilling sex/love relationship possible in all senses of fullfilment.

I think it comes down to finding the most trusted friend of your life combined with the hottest girl you've ever seen. I surely haven't found her yet. Someone who shares your background, interests, who you can rely on and who has an understanding -- a reflexive understanding of how you think so that there is no need to worry any more. This standard is almost certainly too high, but if it were some girl who mostly fit, I think it would be enough.

Maybe the ones with the friends with benefits are right though.

Sure, being single has its perks, but at a certain time in your life you want to start sharing things with a significant other...simple things like watching the sun set, a shooting star, a concert, sharing a meal that you (the woman) prepared, the wonders (and perhaps agony 😉 )of raising children... I have no motivation to cook or bake when I am single...but I would if I got married.

But there comes a time in a person's life when you have to start accepting the possibility that perhaps marriage and children was not God's plan for you but something else. Not everyone was meant to have these things. If you keep fighting your destiny you will only be frustrated. Sure I have met men that have wanted to marry me and even one that was willing to wait a few years for me to finish my schooling but I was not too crazy about them. It is hard to meet someone who is interested in you and who you are mutually interested in ...even harder as you get older. Life is too short to cry over these things...one has to move on...

 

[Peeshee]

Sure, being single has its perks, but at a certain time in your life you want to start sharing things with a significant other...simple things like watching the sun set, a shooting star, a concert, sharing a meal that you (the woman) prepared, the wonders (and perhaps agony 😉 )of raising children... I have no motivation to cook or bake when I am single...but I would if I got married.

But there comes a time in a person's life when you have to start accepting the possibility that perhaps marriage and children was not God's plan for you but something else. Not everyone was meant to have these things. If you keep fighting your destiny you will only be frustrated. Sure I have met men that have wanted to marry me and even one that was willing to wait a few years for me to finish my schooling but I was not too crazy about them. It is hard to meet someone who is interested in you and who you are mutually interested in ...even harder as you get older. Life is too short to cry over these things...one has to move on...

I agree. We can not live our lives continuously doing things with the motivation of meeting the one. We must do things that will improve ourselves, and in the meantime, if someone does come along, that is great. But, if no one comes along, we will still turn out to be much better people in the process. We must FIRST be happy with ourselves, before we can dedicate our love, etc., to anyone else.

It is also true that God does have the plan for some people to remain single, because He has a different and special purpose for their lives. Maybe, if they were married, they could not fulfill those plans, as well as they could if they remained single.

I know it is difficult though to have the desire to share your life and love with that special someone, and yet he/she still has not come along....but through this all, patience will become a very well learned virtue.

 

[Smilemaker100]

I agree. We can not live our lives continuously doing things with the motivation of meeting the one. We must do things that will improve ourselves, and in the meantime, if someone does come along, that is great. But, if no one comes along, we will still turn out to be much better people in the process. We must FIRST be happy with ourselves, before we can dedicate our love, etc., to anyone else.

It is also true that God does have the plan for some people to remain single, because He has a different and special purpose for their lives. Maybe, if they were married, they could not fulfill those plans, as well as they could if they remained single.

I know it is difficult though to have the desire to share your life and love with that special someone, and yet he/she still has not come along....but through this all, patience will become a very well learned virtue.

My parents raised me with the idea that a woman should be financially independent because men can easily abandon you with children and you can meet your ruin. All my life, I have focused on my academics and now that I am nearly 30, I am starting to realize that despite having numerous friends, I still feel lonely. The challenge for single women is to learn to make their own happiness and not to be desperate for a man no matter how lonely they get. I fight this challenge everyday- it isn't easy. I don't have a hard time meeting men but if I am looking for someone with certain qualities- it could take me months and perhaps years to meet someone. It is all a question of SERENDIPITY...something beyond our control.

I think God has other plans for me...like all little girls, I dreamed of getting married to some Prince Charming and having lots of babies...but I also had another idea in my head...travelling around the world with missionaries (such as being a volunteer dentist with Doctors Without Borders) and having an international artistic career. I think God wants the latter for me but I keep on fighting it. I have to let go of the idea that there is ONE person for me...it's an idea I must have picked up subsconsciously from the fairy tales written in books- it doesn't exist.

I don't think little girls should have fairy tales read to them...especially those which talk about girls who are saved or swept off their feet by a Prince Charming and live happily ever after- what a bunch of bulls**t. It's about time that we throw away all those fairy tales and burn them at the stake ! Enough of fairy tales! Enough of lies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[nachoDoc]

Men , for the most part, are superficial.

Not all men are, there are the exceptions. I did not plan to meet her either, nor was I looking for love. It came out of nowhere, unexpected, unplanned, and totally turned my world upside down and inside out. The Gods smiled then showed me I had already been totally devoted to her for all eternity and the time was right. She was just too perfect. I asked her if she was for real. Then I vowed to live with her and to laugh with her; to stand by her side, and sleep in her arms; to be the joy in her heart, and the food for her soul; to bring out the best in her always, and, for her, to be the most that I can. I promised to laugh with her in good times, to struggle with her in bad times; to solace her when she was downhearted; to wipe her tears with my hands; to comfort her with my body; to mirror her with my soul; to share with her all my riches and honors; to play with her as much as I could until we grow old; and, still loving each other sweetly and gladly, our lives shall come to an end. Yes, I love this woman! I love her completely and unconditionally and she loves me in return completely and unconditionally. She is my lover, best friend, my soulmate, she and I are one.
😀 👍 👍 👍

 

[krabmas]

We met at Starbucks. We were both working there as a second job. He works for real at an international limosiune (sp) company and I was doing research at NIH. We both started working at Starbucks for the same reason...we liked that store and we had time on our hands. We both compare it too working at the Record store in Empire Records. We hung out there even when we weren't on the schedule.

We became friends then one thing lead to the next....

When I got into school and had to move to NYC he gat a job transfer and came with me.