How Do You Cope With Having So Much Insight?

[DoctorLion]

This might seem like a bizarre question, but do any of you Psych majors or Psychologists/ Psychiatrists often find yourself inadvertently giving your friends/ family 'free therapy'? Do you sometimes find yourself constantly psychoanalyzing people in your personal life? I can't imagine how someone can spend years studying human behavior and not have it impact their personal life.

How do you cope with having so much insight? Do you find that having the amount of insight that you do actually helps in your interpersonal relationships? Or does it hinder you in ways?

I'm so curious about this! Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated 🙂

~DoctorLion

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[irish80122]

I must admit that I chuckled a little bit when I read the topic, as I never have considered myself to be overflowing with insight, but I see what you mean. The real question seems to be how much we let our professional life flow into our personal life. As we are directed, I try to ensure this happens as little as possible. The most I will do is if I think someone should see a therapist, I let them know and I offer to help with referrals. Treating family or friends will result in a dual role and is against APA ethics. It is hard though because I have several colleagues and family members who have horrible sleep problems, and they know I do behavioral sleep medicine. However, it is important to have that boundary, because I want them to think of me as a family member or friend, not as their therapist (and again, ethics mandate this). Thus, I plan on continuing to refer out and avoid providing advice whenever possible.

 

[AcronymAllergy]

I agree with irish re: setting strong and appropriate boundaries early and often. At the same time, I do think we have to realize that it's almost unavoidable that some of the interpersonal stylings we learn and practice with/for clients are going to occasionally "bleed into" our social/personal lives.

At the same time, there are some major shifts that are actually nice/enjoyable when dealing with personal rather than professional interactions. The ability to debate and to give personal opinions and advice, for example, is very refreshing after a day of CBT.

 

[Ollie123]

I'll second all that has been said above. I do think it goes a bit beyond just personal/professional - I recently did a practica in a setting where this was undoubtedly happening constantly among co-workers. It just made for a very awkward and weird work environment, and not one that seemed to help anyone.

It can impact your personal life - sure. I certainly think I'm more observant than many about the things that people say and do than some of my non-psych friends. That said, you learn to separate these things out, where to draw the line, and its really not been a big deal. Its a learned skill, not a superpower - we're (for the most part) not any better at telling if people are lying, reading their "true" emotions, etc. The nature of a close friendship is extremely different from the nature of a therapeutic relationship (at least an appropriate one), so I actually haven't found it that hard to keep these separate. I actually think part of the problem occurs when people DO seem to believe their training has given them special "insight superpowers". Its one thing to notice an interesting interpersonal dynamic in a friend's relationship, recognize it as none of my business, and go on with my life. Its quite another when people make huge assertions based off one small sample of behavior, vocalize that, and insist that their "insight" means their glimpse is the true reality. This is true regardless of whether we are talking about friendships or professional (e.g. therapeutic) relationships.

All that said, I'm not sure if it was accidental or intentional that you used the word "psychoanalyze" (as it has a very specific meaning/connotation within the field that is different from much of therapy), but I am not a psychoanalyst, generally do not believe it to be useful, and would be uncomfortable applying it to a patient, let alone in a social setting given I still haven't seen solid evidence for its utility.

 

[Psychadelic2012]

The nature of a close friendship is extremely different from the nature of a therapeutic relationship (at least an appropriate one), so I actually haven't found it that hard to keep these separate.

👍 Right on. Things can get messy when the therapist-in-training (or even the professional therapist) starts over-utilizing interpretation in a personal relationship. I even think it can get messy overusing plain ole' empathy, because a personal relationship is supposed to be equal, not one person holding the space for the other all the time--there's a back-and-forth quality to it that can be hard for a therapist who is used to being the authority. Must consider boundaries in every interaction!!

All that said, I'm not sure if it was accidental or intentional that you used the word "psychoanalyze" (as it has a very specific meaning/connotation within the field that is different from much of therapy), but I am not a psychoanalyst, generally do not believe it to be useful, and would be uncomfortable applying it to a patient, let alone in a social setting given I still haven't seen solid evidence for its utility.

I noticed that, too. I think the word "psychoanalyze" is pop psychology speak for interpreting someone's behavior, personally.

On a different note, I also feel the same way you do. I am NOT anywhere close to being psychoanalytic, besides maybe just in a casual commentary way when talking about clients ("In psychoanalysis, they'd say....[slight giggle & 🙄]"). I have a classmate who is heavily psychoanalytic and it annoys me to no end when that person clicks into interpretation mode, especially about personal or professional/academic struggles of mine. The light switch goes off and I stop paying attention! I just don't see the world that way and don't buy it--I've been much happier and satisfied both in life and work since I've declared my stance on it.

 

[Ollie123]

I have a classmate who is heavily psychoanalytic and it annoys me to no end when that person clicks into interpretation mode, especially about personal or professional/academic struggles of mine. The light switch goes off and I stop paying attention! I just don't see the world that way and don't buy it--I've been much happier and satisfied both in life and work since I've declared my stance on it.

I've encountered these individuals as well at my last practica site. Thankfully, my program generally does a good job of screening these folks out at admission.

Interpretation (in the most general sense) is unquestionably useful for generating ideas and hypotheses, and I expect practitioners of any modality would agree. Any good therapist will try to 'read between the lines' to some extent. However, its important to recognize context, and also openly acknowledge that an untested theory is not the same thing as a fact. The latter in particular is where many of the more analytic folks seem to run into trouble. I only mention this because it is also relevant to the impact that insight might have on personal relationships. It helps keep those boundaries if one remembers that some nuanced mannerism a friend has does not necessarily mean the same thing as it does in a patient, or even anything at all. I suspect the problems the OP refers to are largely those that would stem from an "over-interpretive, my theory is the end-all, be-all of the world" approach.

 

[Psychadelic2012]

That's why I'm mostly client-centered, with a CBT twist for good measure--don't assume anything and act based on the evidence!

 

[Pragma]

Great thread title - got a nice laugh 🙂

Boundaries. Also, vodka - you can't be an insightful genius 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

 

[Ya Ya]

I will say that being a psychologist in training has really given me insights into my own behavior, thoughts, etc. I'd be lying if I didn't say that some of this has carried over into my personal life. I feel more pragmatic during conflicts with loved ones, more empathic, more attuned to what I bring to relationships, wanting to have less superficial friends in my support system, etc. I do feel like my training has inspired growth in me. However, I would never intentionally get into someone's headspace if they didn't want me there. IMO family and friends should be off limits.

 

[Iwillheal]

However, I would never intentionally get into someone's headspace if they didn't want me there. IMO family and friends should be off limits.

What do you mean by this exactly? Like you would distract yourself from noticing their behavioral patterns, or from analyzing them in your head, or merely from giving advice?

 

[Ya Ya]

I know my biases well. If I feel as though a family member was in distress I would help them find the proper services. However, I would not take it upon myself to treat and diagnose them because I know that I couldn't do that effectively (and not to mention it's against our ethical standards). That is what I mean.

 

[Iwillheal]

Okay, that makes sense. Because I can't turn my brain off when I go home or meet with friends. I don't think this is unique to psychology either. I have met people who have changed as a result of their formal training and life experiences, be it having a kid, becoming religious, getting a PhD in mathematics, whatever. The more involved the experience, the more likely people have changed as a result of it. They then perceive the world differently and notice things they did not before.

 

[heshmonster]

Great thread title - got a nice laugh 🙂

Boundaries. Also, vodka - you can't be an insightful genius 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Great minds think alike, though I'd replace the vodka with gin.

I'm not sure psychologists have to deal with being more insightful more than any other moderately critical or thinking person. Should be careful not to confuse having lots of data and knowledge about human behaviour from the history of psychology (mostly laboratory experiments with freshmen), with having some sort of deep insight into people. It's not to say that we as psychologists don't know anything, but rather that I don't want to place too much emphasis on that knowledge in the case of being "too insightful". Knowing, for instance, of the fundamental attribution error, doesn't make my life any harder when I see myself and others falling prey to it. An analogous question, of how does someone with a philosophy degree or someone who went through seminary school, deal with all of their knowledge of people and contemporary societal and personal issues?


Now, I may have read the question completely wrong, and you may have been asking something more along the lines of: how does a CLINICAL psychologist deal with knowing so much about psychopathology, interpersonal strife, all that can go wrong with the mind/brian That, I think, is an interesting question. And, I'd turn back to pragma's answer... gin. I'm not sure how we do it... but I'm sure a big part of it is an appreciation of that knowledge, and a desire to work towards bettering our understanding of the issues, and of alleviating some of that suffering.