How do you know....

[twinklz]

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My question is, how do you know if you're going to want to have kids?! Currently I have no desire to have kids, but I don't know if the "biological clock" is going to start ticking.

The reason I'm worried about this is my boyfriend of 3 years is fairly certain he doesn't ever want children. We're going to have to be making a decision soon on the future of our relationship (I'm going to med school, he's going to grad school). I love him dearly, but if I stay with him that essentially means I'm agreeing not to have kids. Which I'm fine with currently, but I don't know about 10 years down the road.

Any suggestions or advice? I mean I know you can't tell me if I'm going to want to have kids but did you (those of you who have kids) always know? Or was it something you gradually realized?

 

[Henna]

I dont think its possible to know this well beforehand, you will just have to go with your instincts on this one.
It's difficult when you know you are going into a relationship where you dont have options. Its best to discuss it with him and let him know that you would like your options open incase you happen to change your mind, incase you change your mind he should be willing to accept it, right ? you really dont want to get into a relationship with those doors closed on you.
BTW, I dont plan to have any kids either. But Iam seriously thinking of adoption.

 

[tlew12778]

I have always known that I wanted kids. I flat out told my FH that if he didn't want them then I was leaving. It sounds harsh, but having kids is very important to me. Luckily he is fine with us having kids in the future.

I know a couple who, when they were both 23, decided that they did not want to have kids. Now, 17 years later, they have changed their minds and have gone through the IVF treatments, etc. She is pregnant but it's a VERY high risk pregnancy full of problems.

That being said, I think it's easy to assume that people who know beforehand are pretty much 100% sure... whereas those that decide no, they do not want them, always have the opportunity to change their minds later (if they want... I'm not saying they should necessarily do so). You have options.

I guess the important thing is that you both listen to each other. Will he reconsider in the future if you have a change of heart? If not, are you willing to live with that?

 

[Wifty]

I never had an urge to have kids until I was 28. Even then, I knew that if I didn't have children, that I wouldn't feel that I missed something since I am so happy with life and with my hubby.

Then we decided that it might be nice, but there were complications and it took over 3 years to get prego. I am now expecting next month and its only really hit me this last month how excited I am.

I know this doesn't help. 🙂

I guess my bottom line is that there are people who KNOW they want to have children....and they should.

The rest of us, need to go more with the flow of our lifes.
If you are happy with your life and with your partner, then that is a wonderful gift right there and you likely don't 'need' children.

Its hard to decide though but personally, if you find the love of your life......that is the first priority and then anyway you make your life with that person, will be wonderful.

With smiles,
Wifty

 

[Salamandrina]

I did a complete 180 on this issue myself.

Originally, I felt that the world was overpopulated, blah, blah, blah and I didn't want to contribute to the growing problem.

I am now 27 and I realize I really want children.

I guess what I am trying to say is that your beaux may be the same as me or he may just be far more intune with his true desires than I was. Either way, all you can do is make sure you are not committing to something that you are not ready to commit to (ie not having kids)

This is what I would do, I would say to him that right now you are not certain where you stand on the whole kids issue (and it doesn't sound like he is either) explain to him that you want him to be a part of your life, but you need to have the room to address this issue again in the future if your perspective changes.

In my opinion, this is one of the few "deal breakers" of a relationship. You can disagree about religion and politics, but not this. Make sure you have the room you need to figure out what it is you really want for your life together.

 

[smc927]

Many have thought they had no desire for children, only to later discover a huge void that could only be filled by "tricycle motors". <br>
I am in awe every day of my beautiful 2-year-old daughter. Don't close that door.