How do you make your heart forget?

[Smilemaker100]

Hey! It's me again...the Smilemaker (and occasional Cookiemaker )

I wanted to get some advice...how do you try to talk yourself into not being in love or infatuated with someone? I usually get busy with my art work, my career and building new social networks.

I have to get rid of this "bug" which I have been "infected" with for the past 5 months or so. I'm pretty bad with men in that I really feel strongly and it usually lasts long. I am too darn loyal unless it's obvious that the other individual is uninterested (which I strongly believe is the case) . Perhaps it was simply a dead end all the way along and I was too blind and naive to notice. But I am sure with time, I will get over it just like I have gotten over all the "others" in my past. "He" will just be another on my "list" of failed potentials. I know I will still like him but I hope not in the way I do now. Time heals everything and erases memories too. *sigh* Maybe if I meet someone new?

Any ideas? I really need some good ones. I would really appreciate it !

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[brains]

If i liked someone and found out that he wasn't interested in me, that would pretty much settle it for me. Have you known this person for a long time?? Keeping yourself busy with other activiites can help your mind , but it may not help your heart. I would suggest that you don't try hard to meet someone new just to get your mind off this person; that will only increase your chances of meeting the wrong guy. If you stumble upon a nice guy, then go for it! For now, I think time is the only solution to this problem, and soon you'll get over him.

Good Luck,
Jennifer

 

[jessi]

great post smilemaker100. i'm wondering the same thing. keeping busy helps my mind forget for a little while, but not my heart. emotions are annoying little buggers aren't they??

 

[nachoDoc]

You can't! The heart never forgets love. You can repress it or ignore it, but it will resurface when you least expect it bringing back all the emotions. Acknowledge it, cherish it, and store it away in a safe place. Work on things that challenge your creativity and make you feel good. Don't seek relationships, they will come. Exercise, jog, swim...dance!!!! energize your body as well as your mind....

Went through the attic today,
Found an old yearbook packed away
And I started reliving the past,
When I saw his face.
Suddenly, to my surprise,
I felt a tear fall from my eyes.
The heart never forgets,
No the heart never forgets.
You can find someone,
And live your life,
Put an old memory out of your mind,
But the heart never forgets.
A face on a crowded street,
An old movie on T.V.,
A song on the radio
Can bring it all back.
Years roll by,
One by one,
All things change,
But there's always someone,
The heart never forgets,
No the heart never forgets.
You can find someone,
And live your life,
Put an old memory out of your mind,
But the heart never forgets.
-------

 

[fourthyearmed]

Hey Smilemaker, I'm the same way. It takes me forever just to get over a crush much less more than that! If you ever figure out the secret to getting over a guy let me know!

 

[nachoDoc]

Hey Smilemaker, I'm the same way. It takes me forever just to get over a crush much less more than that! If you ever figure out the secret to getting over a guy let me know!

If you care enough/love you never do. You just learn to compensate. That's just the way it is. No secrets, no easy fix, no way to repair a broken heart or broken spirit. You can patch it but it will never be the same. Just keep moving forward and looking side to side. Life is all about the journey.

 

[electric]

Of course, you could just stop posting about it on SDN all the time. Might help a bit. But that's just me.

 

[Smilemaker100]

I think I have thought of the ultimate solution : moving to a new city. Geographical distance will definitely help and eventually as time rolls by, new men will come into my life and I will forget. It has worked in the past and it will in the future. Silly girlish delusions...*sigh* I'll grow out of such delusions eventually.

 

[shala]

smilemaker100, moving to a new city is a good idea. While even without moving out, you still will find a new yourself after time. Time is such a miracle, it keeps the good memeory inside of you and sweep bad memory out. GO to gym to exercise, find new friends, shopping, studying new knowledge...And, keep smile!

 

[commymommy]

Because you described this as a pattern and not one relationship where you are struggling to let go, I'd suggest very gently that you look into getting counseling to try and gain more perspective about this. Do you have other similar things like this in your life that my indicated a form of an obsessive-compulsive disorder...or maybe you are trying to make up for some past hurts through your present relationships?

In any case, I'd add that whenever we moved we're unfortunately destined to take ourselves and our problems right along with us...so until you solve this for yourself you will likely repeat it whereever you go.

 

[Smilemaker100]

Because you described this as a pattern and not one relationship where you are struggling to let go, I'd suggest very gently that you look into getting counseling to try and gain more perspective about this. Do you have other similar things like this in your life that my indicated a form of an obsessive-compulsive disorder...or maybe you are trying to make up for some past hurts through your present relationships?

In any case, I'd add that whenever we moved we're unfortunately destined to take ourselves and our problems right along with us...so until you solve this for yourself you will likely repeat it whereever you go.

No, it is not a "pattern" or an OCD. I think everyone has their share of these experiences. I think nearly everyone will fall for someone, once in a while, who isn't available sometimes. We also occasionally fall in love with someone who loves in return. I think everyone has their share of disappointments as well as good experiences. It is not just me!

I agree that moving to a new city won't solve personal problems. I am NOT trying to "escape" a problem. I am simply saying that I will be moving to a new city NOT because I am trying to avoid the individual but for career purposes. Living in a new city, being preoccupied with my career and making new friends/reconnecting with old friends will aid me in forgetting, that's all. I am really busy these days, planning my whole future ...that can really keep someone preoccupied! I am so excited about these new possibilities and new changes in my life! In 6 months from now, I am outta here!

Actually, I have a pretty realistic perception of this person. I now realize it probably will never work out. I am starting to believe he was just another Don Juan/ playboy/gigolo looking for some "fun" . I am assuming that now he has realized I am not that type of girl and is looking elsewhere. Maybe these assumptions aren't fair and maybe he is actually a decent fellow but I am thinking with this mindframe so I can get over him quickly.

If I have any sort of hopes, I will be building castles in the sky and the longer I do that, the more hurt I will be. After all, one has to look out for one's own heart. I am protecting myself. I have to gather more strength and never allow myself to be "weak" again...I must always be in control of my emotions. I can be a pretty good actress when I have to. Darn! maybe I should have joined the theater! In any case, life goes on and life is too short. I am not going to waste any time wondering "what if?" and crying crocodile tears. That attitude is too adolescent-like.

 

[Smilemaker100]

You can't! The heart never forgets love. You can repress it or ignore it, but it will resurface when you least expect it bringing back all the emotions. Acknowledge it, cherish it, and store it away in a safe place. Work on things that challenge your creativity and make you feel good. Don't seek relationships, they will come. Exercise, jog, swim...dance!!!! energize your body as well as your mind....

Went through the attic today,
Found an old yearbook packed away
And I started reliving the past,
When I saw his face.
Suddenly, to my surprise,
I felt a tear fall from my eyes.
The heart never forgets,
No the heart never forgets.
You can find someone,
And live your life,
Put an old memory out of your mind,
But the heart never forgets.
A face on a crowded street,
An old movie on T.V.,
A song on the radio
Can bring it all back.
Years roll by,
One by one,
All things change,
But there's always someone,
The heart never forgets,
No the heart never forgets.
You can find someone,
And live your life,
Put an old memory out of your mind,
But the heart never forgets.
-------

Grandpa, that poem is so appropriate...I think that the guy who was the perfect one for me was actually someone from my high school. The very first boy I ever fell in love with. About two years ago, he died in the most trajic manner. About once or twice a year, I look at his picture in my yearbook and wonder why? Why did he have to die so young? He was so perfect in every way (in my eyes at least). Sometimes, I don't understand the justice of it all.

 

[nachoDoc]

Grandpa, that poem is so appropriate...I think that the guy who was the perfect one for me was actually someone from my high school. The very first boy I ever fell in love with. About two years ago, he died in the most trajic manner. About once or twice a year, I look at his picture in my yearbook and wonder why? Why did he have to die so young? He was so perfect in every way (in my eyes at least). Sometimes, I don't understand the justice of it all.

There are some questions that just don't have an answer. It's especially hard because you never forget your first love. It's one of those rites of passage that you never forget and may often wonder about. It's especially hard when someone close to you dies suddenly because we always say to ourselves "I should have...." Maybe it's a lesson that life is too short and should be celebrated every moment. Tell people you care about how you feel. Don't be afraid of rejection. The worst feelings will haunt you if you never get the opportunity to tell them how you really felt and you find yourself saying" I should have..."

If you haven't met your perfect soulmate yet, don't give up and don't look back. There is a chance that you may never meet "Mr. Right" but will settle for someone pretty darn close who does love you. That is not an unusual and possible reality. It's not to say that you won't love and be loved, you may, in fact, be extremely satisfied and happy. Only you will know in your heart and soul if he is Mr Right. If he turns your world upside down and inside out and you find yourself in a heavenly or ethereal surrounding, you will know! If you haven't met him, or have been hurt along the way, remember these as lessons. Proceed with caution, but above all, keep moving forward, and most importantly:

 

[thehossgirl]

hey i am new to this and need some advice. My bf who is a M1 recently decided that he needed time "to figure things out". This kind of reason is really vague to me and I don't know what to do. We have been dating for four years and recently moved to Florida from Pennsylvania together for him to go to med school. We talked about the future, but decided to see how things went the first year. Before we left I asked him over and over if he thought we could do this and he always assured me that we could. Now he is deciding that he doen't know? I am completely lost, we still live together, but he says he needs time and basically broke it off without even trying. Please I could really use some advice and some perspective about what could be going on? Thanks.

 

[Peeshee]

hey i am new to this and need some advice. My bf who is a M1 recently decided that he needed time "to figure things out". This kind of reason is really vague to me and I don't know what to do. We have been dating for four years and recently moved to Florida from Pennsylvania together for him to go to med school. We talked about the future, but decided to see how things went the first year. Before we left I asked him over and over if he thought we could do this and he always assured me that we could. Now he is deciding that he doen't know? I am completely lost, we still live together, but he says he needs time and basically broke it off without even trying. Please I could really use some advice and some perspective about what could be going on? Thanks.

You guys have been together for a while already and you have moved with him in order for him to go to medical school. It seems like you guys are committed. But the thing is once someone starts medical school, their life changes quite a bit. Time is limited and they probably feel more stressed out (especially 1st year). He may just be going through one of these phases. Did he give you any reason as to why he wants time to figure things out. It might help to know if you are also in school or what are you doing. Do you think there is the possiblity that he has met someone else in school and is reevaluating himself being with you? I dont think this is a high possibility and really think he just needs a little room, as guys sometimes do need! Let us know more info. so we can give you some more advice!

 

[thehossgirl]

You guys have been together for a while already and you have moved with him in order for him to go to medical school. It seems like you guys are committed. But the thing is once someone starts medical school, their life changes quite a bit. Time is limited and they probably feel more stressed out (especially 1st year). He may just be going through one of these phases. Did he give you any reason as to why he wants time to figure things out. It might help to know if you are also in school or what are you doing. Do you think there is the possiblity that he has met someone else in school and is reevaluating himself being with you? I dont think this is a high possibility and really think he just needs a little room, as guys sometimes do need! Let us know more info. so we can give you some more advice!

As far as more information goes I don't really know what else to write because his answers are really unclear. I know that he doesn't want to be with anyone else. He just says that he doesn't want to be in a relationship and that he wants to focus on med school. Which is fine, but I am not demanding of his time, so I don't understand why he needs to end our relationship. I am trying to give him room, and even went home for two weeks to get away, but I don't know if that will help things. I ask him to try and he seems to have made up his mindthat this is not a good idea because it will hurt us both more. He is making no sense, and now my whole life is flipped upside down. I live with him and things are really weird now. So I don't know what to do. Fight for him and keep supporting him? OR let him go so that he can regret it later?

 

[nachoDoc]

I have dreams of tangerines
of butterscotch and mangosteens...
Of candle light and sleepless nights
of more and more endless delights...

So I wait...
to hear you call
and in between
or so it seems
prepare myself to fall...

Into your eyes
and into your soul
to touch your heart
and make me whole.

2/05 gpa

 

[Smilemaker100]

I have dreams of tangerines
of butterscotch and mangosteens...
Of candle light and sleepless nights
of more and more endless delights...

So I wait...
to hear you call
and in between
or so it seems
prepare myself to fall...

Into your eyes
and into your soul
to touch your heart
and make me whole.

2/05 gpa

What a nice poem. You sound like such a romantic ! I hope your sweetie calls you, Grandpa. She is lucky to have you. Have a nice Vday- hug and kiss your daughters and grandson too. Remember, Vday is not just for wives/sweethearts but also for your kids , grandkids and friends.

 

[nachoDoc]

What a nice poem. You sound like such a romantic ! I hope your sweetie calls you, Grandpa. She is lucky to have you. Have a nice Vday- hug and kiss your daughters and grandson too. Remember, Vday is not just for wives/sweethearts but also for your kids , grandkids and friends.

Yeah, she "calls" me every day and night, lol. Everyday is V-day when you are in love and are loved. Somedays are just a little better than others. You never have to be sorry for love. It's just like a rainbow. Sometimes you need a little rain now and then, and a little sunshine and voila!

 

[Smilemaker100]

Yeah, she "calls" me every day and night, lol. Everyday is V-day when you are in love and are loved. Somedays are just a little better than others. You never have to be sorry for love. It's just like a rainbow. Sometimes you need a little rain now and then, and a little sunshine and voila!

"You asked me what was wrong and I smiled and said nothing and then I turned around and whispered everything!" Huh? Doesn't sound like you, Grandpa!

Yes, everyday should be like V-day if you are in love -either with one soul or in love with the world or all humanity.

 

[neanyc]

Smilemaker

Here's the truth: You are a love filled person. And you want SO MUCH to do something with it, you want a SOMEONE to shower with your love. Because of this high "love drive" you tend to attach quickly. You pick up on good qualities or you think you see something in them. Thus because you're so eager to love, you've run into a ton of duds. Simply put: you're forcing it. But we all do this sometimes. We want to fall in love, so we do.

But to truly fall in love is to let everything happen naturally. No fantasies or force. What is meant to be shall be. Trust me. And the best way to get over a crush is to see them for all they are. You said you see now that it couldn't work. Good! It's okay. HE'S NOT RIGHT FOR YOU! And he never will be.

Let me tell you something... the guy who is right for you will be more than you could ever hope this current guy to be. You have a sweet soul and to spare yourself some future heartache, make sure to not project your vision of a soulmate onto someone who will never be that. If you learn to screen guys and Save the Love.... you'll be just fine