How have your parents handled you wanting to become an MD?

[juliebethmarie]

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I think a lot of SDNers will understand that, even though medicine is a noble profession and that most parents would be proud their child is entering it, it's not always so.

My mom, for example, is *that* parent. She has done so much already and would probably even sell her kidney for me to get a seat in med school (any offers pm me). Although it can be a little annoying at times, I know that she recognizes my desire for this career and wants to see me achieve it.

My father, on the other hand, is not that parent. He is a physician who went to a state school, and we barely have a relationship anymore for a multitude of reasons, mostly that he wants nothing to do with me. He's never pushed me into the field at all--in fact, on more than one occasion he has said that I should go in to research. No matter how I've done in school (getting accepted at a gifted and talented high school, making Dean's List every semester while in college, getting a 14 on my Bio MCAT section) he always discourages me by saying that I won't get in or that he did better. I feel as though I can't have any successes without him knocking them down. It's really hard because I admired him greatly as a child and that is part of my reason I wanted to enter the field.

My mom says he's jealous of my success, although I don't see why. He came from an abusive/neglectful home, worked his way through college, got into med school and became a very well respected physician in the community. I could say it is just verbal put downs, but he doesn't do it to either of my non-med school bound sisters. The more I look at it, the more I'm starting to see it from my mom's point of view.

Does anyone else have experience with this? How do you rationalize a jealous parent's behavior? Did it sour your application process or the med school process in general? I wonder if it's going to be this dark cloud over my application. Obviously, he's mentioned (albeit briefly) in my PS, but his actions and words have made it very hard to continue on this path sometimes. I definitely don't want to bring it up in my interviews, with the exception of a succinct, "Yes, he's a doctor, yes, I admire him as a doctor". Is this possible, or should I grit my teeth for the inevitable?

Sorry for the ramble. I can't sleep (can you see why?) and I get very talkative at 3 in the morning.

 

[Recon_13999]

you should be mature enough now to disregard your parent's opinion, especially if it's negative. do what you want.

 

[bold text]

I’m 28 and a late bloomer. I only finally started telling friends within the last six months. This was a long time coming…finally I woke up one day and said “Who’s really walking around with a smile on their face saying I’m so glad she’s not going into medicine?” From that point on I realized I shouldn’t waste any more time worrying what family or friends would say because it wasn’t worth it anymore and I finally deserved to be happy. Because I was pretty sure I knew what my parent’s reaction was going to be, I decided to not tell family until I felt comfortable that this was me, and was ready to lose them if they chose to dis-own me.

I let it slip that I was studying for the MCAT and was ready for it to be over to one of my sisters during Christmas. I thought it was understood that it was between us but she told my parents (genuinely in the effort of trying to soften the blow). I’m really disappointed she did this but at the same time, she’s the only one that supports me and didn’t mean harm. I guess my parents refused to believe it and chose not tell me they knew. Instead, they kept asking me what was wrong with me, if I was bitter, and told me to talk to them about the problems I obviously had. This of course threw me for a loop, and finally my Dad started making horrible comments to me and called me crazy, psycho, and said my perception was warped. After that confrontation, I was hurt and confused as to why they were talking to me like this. My Dad said he wanted to make it up, so we met up to talk. After a couple of drinks together my Dad got irrationally mad at me for no apparent reason, and said the following words: F U, you’re just a bitch, you’re not fixable, get used to being alone because no one will want you now, and f off (I was officially out of the family). As he was driving me home I said,”You need to always remember I didn’t say one disrespectful word to you”. Once I said this…he suddenly said I needed to admit to him that I was a Pre-med (so I finally realized they knew and that’s why he was acting this way to me)…I did…and he told me my sister had told him. He then changed his tone completely and said it was fine, and I should just be the premed I want to be.

He had just called me the most horrible names, said personal things you can’t take back, and dis-owned me. Did he genuinely realize he was being a jerk or did he realize people would find out about the things he said? He’s now apologized once but I can’t forget all the really personal things he said and really sounded like he meant (I gave him chances to take them back). My mom is so loyal to him that I’ll basically be cut off from the family if I sever ties with him. Have other parents done this, and could you guys move on from it and still talk to them? I want to so I can still have a family…but right now it still really stings and I don’t want to be around him. I waited so long to announce my career plans because my entire family is so blue collar. What should I do? Even after that, I’m scared of not having family.

 

[Mt Kilimanjaro]

Medicine is one of the most respected, well paying professions in this country. If people can't accept that career decision, they are not living in reality.

 

[911 Turbo]

I’m 28 and a late bloomer. I only finally started telling friends within the last six months. This was a long time coming…finally I woke up one day and said “Who’s really walking around with a smile on their face saying I’m so glad she’s not going into medicine?” From that point on I realized I shouldn’t waste any more time worrying what family or friends would say because it wasn’t worth it anymore and I finally deserved to be happy. Because I was pretty sure I knew what my parent’s reaction was going to be, I decided to not tell family until I felt comfortable that this was me, and was ready to lose them if they chose to dis-own me.

I let it slip that I was studying for the MCAT and was ready for it to be over to one of my sisters during Christmas. I thought it was understood that it was between us but she told my parents (genuinely in the effort of trying to soften the blow). I’m really disappointed she did this but at the same time, she’s the only one that supports me and didn’t mean harm. I guess my parents refused to believe it and chose not tell me they knew. Instead, they kept asking me what was wrong with me, if I was bitter, and told me to talk to them about the problems I obviously had. This of course threw me for a loop, and finally my Dad started making horrible comments to me and called me crazy, psycho, and said my perception was warped. After that confrontation, I was hurt and confused as to why they were talking to me like this. My Dad said he wanted to make it up, so we met up to talk. After a couple of drinks together my Dad got irrationally mad at me for no apparent reason, and said the following words: F U, you’re just a bitch, you’re not fixable, get used to being alone because no one will want you now, and f off (I was officially out of the family). As he was driving me home I said,”You need to always remember I didn’t say one disrespectful word to you”. Once I said this…he suddenly said I needed to admit to him that I was a Pre-med (so I finally realized they knew and that’s why he was acting this way to me)…I did…and he told me my sister had told him. He then changed his tone completely and said it was fine, and I should just be the premed I want to be.

He had just called me the most horrible names, said personal things you can’t take back, and dis-owned me. Did he genuinely realize he was being a jerk or did he realize people would find out about the things he said? He’s now apologized once but I can’t forget all the really personal things he said and really sounded like he meant (I gave him chances to take them back). My mom is so loyal to him that I’ll basically be cut off from the family if I sever ties with him. Have other parents done this, and could you guys move on from it and still talk to them? I want to so I can still have a family…but right now it still really stings and I don’t want to be around him. I waited so long to announce my career plans because my entire family is so blue collar. What should I do? Even after that, I’m scared of not having family.

Wtf lol? Something's wrong with your family brah......


U must come from a super strict Asian family or something

 

[CDI]

Not the Bold Text posts I'm used to seeing...wow.

 

[CDI]

Wtf lol? Something's wrong with your family brah......


U must come from a super strict Asian family or something

Thats no Asian family. The sisters would've been disowned for not being in medicine.

Side note: How do you speak to your own child like that? Who gives a **** what career they have, as long as they have one. (Assuming its something where the clothes stay on.)

 

[AdrianVeidt]

Thats no Asian family. The sisters would've been disowned for not being in medicine.

Side note: How do you speak to your own child like that? Who gives a **** what career they have, as long as they have one. (Assuming its something where the clothes stay on.)

Are you insinuating that it's OK to call your child a bitch if she's a stripper/pornstar?

Pornstars (and lots of strippers) are more well known and paid better than many doctors in America. It is never justified to call your child by such names, regardless of what they have done.

 

[RedICEE]

I don't believe my mother grasps how many hurdles we have to jump to get there and the demands of the profession. It's a, "Oh really? Well, that sounds like a good idea! Just make sure you're eating your vegetables, okay," attitude.

 

[CDI]

Are you insinuating that it's OK to call your child a bitch if she's a stripper/pornstar?

Pornstars (and lots of strippers) are more well known and paid better than many doctors in America. It is never justified to call your child by such names, regardless of what they have done.

The reading comprehension is strong in this one.

And you're just plain wrong, check your numbers.

 

[yehhhboiii]

Jealous of your success? As defined by a 14 on the bio section and being on the deans list? I really dont see this happening. Doctors barely emember that the mcat even exists

 

[Arkangeloid]

This sounds like an extremely elaborate troll thread.

 

[StephanieZ]

My parents are supportive of me but they do. not. get it. I posted on facebook that my car was broken into while I was parked in the inner city while volunteering, and my dad blasted back that I needed to quit all the "extra crap" I was doing and focus on what was important. When I told my mom I wanted to train to work as a nurses aide, she acted like I was going to be a garbage collector or something. She said "Do you really think all doctors have had to do these things? (i.e. volunteer, work in unpleasant jobs for clinical experience, extracurriculars, etc.)" They just have no idea. She doesn't understand why medical school isn't as simple as taking the necessary pre-requisites, scoring well on the MCAT, and then being accepted. Neither of my parents have any higher education, so I can't blame them for being clueless. On the other hand, when I got my MCAT score back (35) my mom was ecstatic. She knew I'd put in alot of time and effort into studying and she tells every doctor she knows about it (she works in administration in a hospital).

 

[AdrianVeidt]

The reading comprehension is strong in this one.

And you're just plain wrong, check your numbers.

lol you said 'assuming it's something where the clothes stay on', clearly an insinuation that if it's a career in which clothes do not stay on, the previous statement is not valid. Not sure what logic system your brain is running on.

You're out of your mind if you don't think pornstars make more than doctors.

 

[Pseudonymity]

lol you said 'assuming it's something where the clothes stay on', clearly an insinuation that if it's a career in which clothes do not stay on, the previous statement is not valid. Not sure what logic system your brain is running on.

You're out of your mind if you don't think pornstars make more than doctors.

Median vs median comparison? Definitely doctors.

On topic: I still can't fathom the mental process that makes some people think physician = shameful profession. It's literally THE most honorable, moral, ethical profession you can go into short of becoming a priest (or whatever religious equivalent).

 

[AdrianVeidt]

Median vs median comparison? Definitely doctors.

On topic: I still can't fathom the mental process that makes some people think physician = shameful profession. It's literally THE most honorable, moral, ethical profession you can go into short of becoming a priest (or whatever religious equivalent).

It's literally impossible to get a median income of pornstars due to the varied number of scenes they do. The earning potential of a pornstars just working 5 scenes a week is more than many specialized doctors make working way longer hours (and much more difficult work). Let's not mention that some actresses do multiple scenes a day.

Either way, it's still wrong to justify disowning a child because they have a career in the sex industry. It's funny because doctors and lawyers (respected professions) are the guys providing a huge portion of the money that strippers make...

 

[CDI]

It's literally impossible to get a median income of pornstars due to the varied number of scenes they do. The earning potential of a pornstars just working 5 scenes a week is more than many specialized doctors make working way longer hours (and much more difficult work). Let's not mention that some actresses do multiple scenes a day.

Either way, it's still wrong to justify disowning a child because they have a career in the sex industry. It's funny because doctors and lawyers (respected professions) are the guys providing a huge portion of the money that strippers make...

Nah.

 

[juliebethmarie]

Jealous of your success? As defined by a 14 on the bio section and being on the deans list? I really dont see this happening. Doctors barely emember that the mcat even exists

His response to both:

"Well I got almost all A's while working."

"I did better on the physical sciences section."

Most doctors barely remember that the mcat even exists, except him apparently.

 

[juliebethmarie]

This sounds like an extremely elaborate troll thread.

...it's not. 😕 I know that some people use SDN to screw with others. But I come here when I really need an opinion from premed-ers. I go to a small liberal arts college and a lot of people don't get the premed culture even if they say they want to go to med school.

EDIT: And I have no clue why we've derailed to a thread discussing the median pay of pornstars and strippers. Not my doing.

 

[Plue00]

I think a lot of SDNers will understand that, even though medicine is a noble profession and that most parents would be proud their child is entering it, it's not always so.

My mom, for example, is *that* parent. She has done so much already and would probably even sell her kidney for me to get a seat in med school (any offers pm me). Although it can be a little annoying at times, I know that she recognizes my desire for this career and wants to see me achieve it.

My father, on the other hand, is not that parent. He is a physician who went to a state school, and we barely have a relationship anymore for a multitude of reasons, mostly that he wants nothing to do with me. He's never pushed me into the field at all--in fact, on more than one occasion he has said that I should go in to research. No matter how I've done in school (getting accepted at a gifted and talented high school, making Dean's List every semester while in college, getting a 14 on my Bio MCAT section) he always discourages me by saying that I won't get in or that he did better. I feel as though I can't have any successes without him knocking them down. It's really hard because I admired him greatly as a child and that is part of my reason I wanted to enter the field.

My mom says he's jealous of my success, although I don't see why. He came from an abusive/neglectful home, worked his way through college, got into med school and became a very well respected physician in the community. I could say it is just verbal put downs, but he doesn't do it to either of my non-med school bound sisters. The more I look at it, the more I'm starting to see it from my mom's point of view.

Does anyone else have experience with this? How do you rationalize a jealous parent's behavior? Did it sour your application process or the med school process in general? I wonder if it's going to be this dark cloud over my application. Obviously, he's mentioned (albeit briefly) in my PS, but his actions and words have made it very hard to continue on this path sometimes. I definitely don't want to bring it up in my interviews, with the exception of a succinct, "Yes, he's a doctor, yes, I admire him as a doctor". Is this possible, or should I grit my teeth for the inevitable?

Sorry for the ramble. I can't sleep (can you see why?) and I get very talkative at 3 in the morning.

Maybe he's not your real father, OP. In that case, he doesn't have to love you

 

[AdrianVeidt]

Nah.

Earning potential part?

http://appreviews4u.com/2012/12/24/5-highest-paid-doctors-in-the-world/

http://missoulian.com/news/local/st...cle_7a861604-be7a-11e1-ac0c-0019bb2963f4.html

http://www.celebritynetworth.com/ar...#!/1-jenna-jameson-net-worth-30-million_1301/

I mean come on.... (Montana link was only google article coming up for highest paid doctor in the world).

Doctors and lawyers making up a sizeable portion of strip club patrons? Just go to a strip club and see for yourself lol

 

[The Bunk]

My mom says he's jealous of my success, although I don't see why. He came from an abusive/neglectful home, worked his way through college, got into med school and became a very well respected physician in the community. I could say it is just verbal put downs, but he doesn't do it to either of my non-med school bound sisters. The more I look at it, the more I'm starting to see it from my mom's point of view.

OP, I think that's the key right there. These kinds of things tend to get passed down. A close friend of mine comes from a family that is emotionally abusive in this weird way where they're very competitive and they just don't like seeing each other succeed, so they attack each other whenever one of them is doing well. One of them got really verbally aggressive with me when I decided that I wanted to become a doctor, and I'm not even in the family. I'm sorry this is happening to you!

 

[Mt Kilimanjaro]

...it's not. 😕 I know that some people use SDN to screw with others. But I come here when I really need an opinion from premed-ers. I go to a small liberal arts college and a lot of people don't get the premed culture even if they say they want to go to med school.

EDIT: And I have no clue why we've derailed to a thread discussing the median pay of pornstars and strippers. Not my doing.

Or maybe the "pre-med culture" isn't something that needs to be got...

 

[Dyze]

when i first told my father that i want to pursue medicine he said you should look into "Petroleum Engineering" he is job is not related to any engineering or healthcare.

 

[Doctor Strange]

You and your dad have a rocky relationship and you're surprised that he's being a dick bag? It sounds like you're seeking validation from him, which, in all honesty, you don't need.

 

[KinesiologyNerd]

...WTF? Are you all talking in euphemisms for coming out of the closet? What kind of malignant, toxic household turns against a child who wants to become a physician?

Although I'd totally hate it too if my kid became your typical overdramatic and neurotic pre-med with stress disproportionate to exam.

 

[A7X]

Ignore your dad. Sounds jealous to me.

 

[SpaceyWacey]

...WTF? Are you all talking in euphemisms for coming out of the closet? What kind of malignant, toxic household turns against a child who wants to become a physician?

Although I'd totally hate it too if my kid became your typical overdramatic and neurotic pre-med with stress disproportionate to exam.

Even when I do get ridiculously neurotic my parents still support me. At worst they roll their eyes. I'm really surprised at how some of these family dynamics are, I hope you all find the support you need from somewhere.

 

[circulus vitios]

At first they thought I was joking, then they were skeptical and made fun of me. Now they're mostly indifferent, sometimes mildly supportive. I really don't care either way.

 

[CDI]

One of them got really verbally aggressive with me when I decided that I wanted to become a doctor, and I'm not even in the family.

 

[Bamfu]

..And I thought my family was nuts. Well, they are nuts, but they are fully supportive of any sort of good/difficult/noble goal I might have, including medicine.

Thanks for the thread. I'm going to go count my blessings now.

 

[Ost3oclast]

My parents didn't really care what I did, just as long as I was happy. However, I still think they get a kick out of telling people I'm going to be a doctor. They never would have pushed me into it though.

 

[CDI]

My parents didn't really care what I did, just as long as I was happy. However, I still think they get a kick out of telling people I'm going to be a doctor. They never would have pushed me into it though.

Even if you had decided to become a prostytut?

 

[Myrridith]

My parents spent forever (years) trying to convince me to go into business instead (don't need as much education and can still earn a bunch of money they said). Seeing as my mom's side of the family are like all business people, I kind of get why. Now they are trying to get me married asap cause they married young. But I think, they do enjoy bragging about me to other people as well.

And @OP, I come from a really weirdly competitive family as well.... I've learn that the best thing to do is really just ignore it and not let it get to you. Surround yourself with positive influences and think of puppies when other people are being negative. Sometimes there's really nothing you can do other than laugh it off. It will all be ok in the end!!! 😀 Good luck!

 

[Ost3oclast]

Even if you had decided to become a prostytut?

Hahaha ok maybe not THAT. Although male prostitution would be interesting....

 

[littlelight]

My mom is very supportive but she doesn't really understand. She thinks there's no way I won't get in because I'm so loving and caring. If only.... my step dad thinks I'm being unrealistic and "should come join the rest of us in the real world". My grandma thinks my ovaries are going bad.
Having come from a bad situation, maybe your dad feels like you have had it easier than him. Not your fault though. Maybe he feels like you are going to outdo him.

 

[Bamfu]

My mom is very supportive but she doesn't really understand. She thinks there's no way I won't get in because I'm so loving and caring. If only.... my step dad thinks I'm being unrealistic and "should come join the rest of us in the real world". My grandma thinks my ovaries are going bad.
Having come from a bad situation, maybe your dad feels like you have had it easier than him. Not your fault though. Maybe he feels like you are going to outdo him.

Male here, actually with no grandparents either.. but this part made me laugh. Grandmothers really are like that a lot.

 

[CDI]

Hahaha ok maybe not THAT. Although male prostitution would be interesting....

I referred to that earlier in the thread and someone went off on a tangent about how strippers make more than doctors.

My last encounter with a stripper was traumatizing. I accidentally let it slip I was in medicine of sorts and she starts telling me about her e-cigarettes and how when she had a non-American penpal she felt worldly.

 

[SilverCat]

My dad's supportive, my mom isn't--she thinks I should consider teaching. However, my dad's worried I'm going to get kicked out for being too quiet.

 

[Urnathok]

I've never had a parent outright attacking what I do, or a relative, so I can't offer much advice there.

Normally I'd try to avoid the standard "Your dad's just being a debbie downer to push you!" response, but whether it's intentional or not, that may be part of what's going on. I know I probably wouldn't have been as interested in humanities as I am if one of my parents didn't go on and on about how it's all useless drivel. Repression tends to breed passion in one way or another.

My own parents are kind of the opposite. My father's a former college dropout who's only now going through nursing school and is supportive about just about anything, even though we don't talk much, while my mother is downright cynical, but has always been kind of hands-off. Would I have liked someone deliberately 'pushing back' and giving an occasional "Hey, what you're doing is stupid?" Maybe.

When an idea is met with resistance, the weak points get pushed back and the stronger ones move on. That's how a dialectic works. It's never good to have a rocky relationship with parents, but being met with some resistance can help you focus your ideas going into this line of work.

But again, I'm really not one to talk, so all of the above may well be a bunch of crap.

 

[mvenus929]

My mom supported me throughout my path towards medical school. She's not the type that would sell her kidney to get me in, but did what she could to support me.

My dad and I are somewhat estranged, and he's a nurse. He highly discouraged me from entering medicine... not because he didn't think I could do it, but because he saw the lives of the doctors he worked with and thought I would work too hard as a physician. To some degree, he's right. But I couldn't imagine doing anything else and being happy, so I kept it up. He's since started to support me and appreciates the physicians he works with so much more now having seen me go through the process.

 

[fourhumours]

I am pretty sure my parents thought I could do better than be a doctor (probably because they are both doctors and think i have more talent than they do, which...is an ego boost I suppose) and have actively told me not to go into medicine. I just applied because, quite frankly, it was the perfect blend of helping others, making an impact, making money, job security, prestige, and ability to take of my parents when they are older that I couldn't really find in another job. I also came to the realization that, for me, getting into medical school would be much easier than trying to be successful at some other high intensity job (not that I am smart, but that I would much rather spend all day gearing up to do well on exams than creating presentations for investment banking or some other high power straight out of college career). so in a weird way, medicine was the easier root for me (this is comparative not absolute of course). so I kinda just ignored my parents' opinions.

 

[afujiwa3]

"Hey mom I want to become a doctor"
"Okay cool"

 

[Ost3oclast]

I referred to that earlier in the thread and someone went off on a tangent about how strippers make more than doctors.

My last encounter with a stripper was traumatizing. I accidentally let it slip I was in medicine of sorts and she starts telling me about her e-cigarettes and how when she had a non-American penpal she felt worldly.

Hahaha hhmmmm thats one talkative stripper!

 

[CDI]

Hahaha hhmmmm thats one talkative stripper!

She ends it with "I'm not one of the good strippers around here, I don't make very much."

Being the ahole I am - my response was, "Yeah, you did choose to talk to the one guy who's at the bar trying to watch SportsCenter."

She found new "company" after that.

 

[Ost3oclast]

She ends it with "I'm not one of the good strippers around here, I don't make very much."

Being the ahole I am - my response was, "Yeah, you did choose to talk to the one guy who's at the bar trying to watch SportsCenter."

She found new "company" after that.

Hahahaha burn! She was playing the sympathy card bro.

 

[RocknRhoLim]

My mom is proud and tells all her friends even though I beg her not to 🙂 I was the first to graduate from college in my family and honestly it's a blessing to even have the opportunity to go to med school.

 

[OCDOCDOCD]

When I told my dad I was studying for the MCAT and planning on going to med school he wasn't very enthusiastic. He actually told me to think about it for awhile and not rush to any judgement. His attitude changed completely though when I told him I was planning to apply for MD/PhD and not only would the tuition be free but they would essentially pay me to attend.

 

[Doctor Strange]

My mom is proud and tells all her friends even though I beg her not to 🙂 I was the first to graduate from college in my family and honestly it's a blessing to even have the opportunity to go to med school.

This is me. My parents are happy but have no idea what's going on.

 

[MadRadLad]

Thats no Asian family. The sisters would've been disowned for not being in medicine.

Side note: How do you speak to your own child like that? Who gives a **** what career they have, as long as they have one. (Assuming its something where the clothes stay on.)

http://www.businessinsider.com/50-cent-slams-teen-son-in-text-messages-2013-7