How important is Second Look? Need help prioritizing...

[premed877]

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There is a second look weekend I have been looking forward to for a while. I'm heavily considering this school and one that's in my hometown and very similar to it. I would like to revisit the school I know less about because I loved it on my interview day, and this decision will be hard since its competitor is based where I already have a solid professional/personal network. I'm totally torn between the schools.

Unfortunately, the weekend conflicts with a wedding I'm supposed to be in. The bride isn't a good friend; she's just a girl I've known for a long time who wanted another bridesmaid logistically. We aren't emotionally close but backing out would potentially make me lose her as a friend, if I could call her that.

$$ isn't really a factor because I can drive to the second look weekend so if anything, it'd be a lot cheaper than being in the wedding. Any input on how important second look weekend is? I'm not sure which event I'd regret missing more down the road.

 

[Goobs]

How long ago did you agree to be a bridesmaid and when is the wedding? If it was a while ago and the wedding is coming up within a month I'd feel obligated to go since I committed myself already and it's rough to find a replacement on such short notice.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[premed877]

Not too long ago. End of December. The wedding was planned on a pretty short time frame (~half-year engagement). I wish I'd known the second look date sooner.

 

[dsoz]

Are there other second look dates?

The school where I am going has three. One was last Friday, and there will be two more. One in April, and another in May.

If there are other dates, this may solve your issue.

I went to the one last Friday, and it was only worth it to me because I was able to meet about 15 others that are probably going to be my classmates starting in August. There was a lot of question/answer time with the different departments that I would be needing. FinAid, diversity, curriculum, etc.

I am not saying that all schools do it this way, but as presentations are concerned, it was mostly not worth it to me. But I have decided that it is where I am going to go already. If I was trying to make a decision, I probably would have tried to get more out of it.

dsoz

 

[premed877]

Unfortunately they only have one second look weekend. It sounds like they do a lot at this weekend, which is why I'm worried about missing it. Some medical students at my interviews said second look totally changed their mind about where to go, but I don't know if that's the norm for most applicants.

 

[sunnyfricassee]

Almost every second look I care about falls on an important event leading up to my wedding- There's no way on the planet I could ask my family to reschedule these things on such short notice so I guess I wont be able to go unfortunately.

Just think carefully before you back out

 

[premed877]

I understand. If I was emotionally invested in this wedding, I wouldn't have to think twice about going. I guess it's just difficult for me to go just so they can have symmetrical wedding parties. I've only met the fiance once. I had the best vibes at this OOS school on my interview day but I'm not sure I could comfortably forgo attending a school I'm more familiar with to attend the OOS one without confirming those feelings at second look.

 

[DrSolus]

I'm in a similar situation trying to decide between an OOS school that I really love and another great school in my hometown where I have significant personal/professional ties. I think I might have to go to second look to make my final decision because it's really about meeting your potential future classmates and gauging if they're the kind of people you'd like to be around for the next 4 years.

Make the decision that you think you'll least regret. I wonder if you could just discuss it with your friend and explain your situation. I think she'll understand (I think) =P and perhaps she'll find a suitable replacement in time (sooner the better). Let us know what your final decision will be! (School wise as well!)

 

[Salaam]

Choosing which medical school to attend is an important decision. If you are truly on the fence about the school, I'd do the second look! It's inconvenient for the wedding party, but really, it's one day! You'll be going to med school for the next 4 years.

 

[sazerac]

What do people hope to get out of a second look that they can't get out of a visit to the school and surroundings some other weekend?

I'm just curious, because I didn't think they were necessary and I never went on one.

Besides, you'll be in the surroundings for the next four years, but you'll only be in the medical school for an hour or two a couple times a week.

 

[kami333]

What do people hope to get out of a second look that they can't get out of a visit to the school and surroundings some other weekend?

I'm just curious, because I didn't think they were necessary and I never went on one.

Meet potential classmates? Show your benefactors (ie parents/spouse/etc) what their money is getting you?

 

[CoxMD]

I'm going to be a dissenting opinion. I think you've committed to this wedding for two months now and you need to follow through with that promise.

Sent from my Nexus 10

 

[1stmeds]

There is a second look weekend I have been looking forward to for a while. I'm heavily considering this school and one that's in my hometown and very similar to it. I would like to revisit the school I know less about because I loved it on my interview day, and this decision will be hard since its competitor is based where I already have a solid professional/personal network. I'm totally torn between the schools.

Unfortunately, the weekend conflicts with a wedding I'm supposed to be in. The bride isn't a good friend; she's just a girl I've known for a long time who wanted another bridesmaid logistically. We aren't emotionally close but backing out would potentially make me lose her as a friend, if I could call her that.

$$ isn't really a factor because I can drive to the second look weekend so if anything, it'd be a lot cheaper than being in the wedding. Any input on how important second look weekend is? I'm not sure which event I'd regret missing more down the road.

this person does not sound close to you. maybe I'm oversimplifying it, but it sounds like you are just a seat-filler for the wedding party. med schools is a huge investment in time and money and you want to be sure its the right choice. ultimately the wedding isn't about you, so you should be honest with this girl and explain what an important decision this could be for you. if the girl holds a grudge against you, thats her bad, because she is spoiling her own wedding by not moving on and resolving the situation. the last wedding I went to had an imbalanced wedding party. it just meant one of the groomsmen had a girl on each arm. nbd.

If you have no emotional attachment to the person, then I would bow out respectfully.

 

[mvenus929]

I'll be another naysayer. You should go to the wedding because you committed to it. Email the admissions office and ask if they can arrange to have you meet with financial aid and students on another day... I know my school has done this in the past for students who weren't able to make it to second look.

 

[squat]

What do people hope to get out of a second look that they can't get out of a visit to the school and surroundings some other weekend?

I'm just curious, because I didn't think they were necessary and I never went on one.

Besides, you'll be in the surroundings for the next four years, but you'll only be in the medical school for an hour or two a couple times a week.

I think you learn a lot from seeing how current students interact. I was just at my state school yesterday for a conference (not related to my app) and I just sat in one of the common areas to see if I could pick up on any vibes. Everyone just seemed so ghastly serious. Personally, I'd really like to have a second look.

 

[darkjedi]

The second look weekend is entirely revolved around trying to recruit the acceptees. They will try to sell you their school and point out all the neat things that you may not otherwise glean from a website or otherwise.

It is also a great opportunity to check out who your future potential classmates are. Normally I'd say to go to every second look of the school's you're interested in, even if you know for sure you're going to that school. Deciding where you want to spend the next four years is not an easy one, making every bit of information helpful.

This is obviously a choice only you can make and up to you which is more worthwhile to prioritize.

 

[Barcu]

I would do go to the wedding. You've already committed and this is an important day for your friend, even if she may not be your best friend.

Contact the school and see if you can set something else up. I did two unofficial second looks back when I was applying. The schools arranged for me to meet up with a student and hang out with them for the day, which was a cool experience since they took me to classes, hung out with their friends, got to see what they did. It was actually more informative than the interview.

The only downside is not meeting potential classmates, but I don't think this is a huge problem. In most classes, you will find some friends, and you probably won't hang out with everyone, so I don't think this is as important as people think. (Everyone is also on their best behavior including the school). In terms of roommates or things like that, join the facebook group or any other social networking site the school may have.

 

[mwall003]

Are significant others allowed to come to second look with you at schools?

 

[mvenus929]

Are significant others allowed to come to second look with you at schools?

Depends on the school. My school doesn't allow parents or SOs to come to the official second look day activities, because there's simply not enough room for everyone, but they are welcome to go to the meet-and-greets with the students the night before and after.

 

[kami333]

I think you learn a lot from seeing how current students interact. I was just at my state school yesterday for a conference (not related to my app) and I just sat in one of the common areas to see if I could pick up on any vibes. Everyone just seemed so ghastly serious. Personally, I'd really like to have a second look.

Which is something you wouldn't necessarily see on a second look weekend, if that's your goal it would probably be better to pick a random day in the middle of the week to walk around the campus.

 

[squat]

Which is something you wouldn't necessarily see on a second look weekend, if that's your goal it would probably be better to pick a random day in the middle of the week to walk around the campus.

That's why I was bummed when I sat in the commons area. The problem is, there are multiple health professions in that building, so it is hard to know who's who.

 

[premed877]

Thanks for all the input, everyone. I think I'll stay in the wedding. This second look was extremely important to me and I'm sad I can't attend, but I think it's important to keep my word, even if it means putting what's best for me on the back burner. I really appreciate all the help!

 

[Barcu]

Thanks for all the input, everyone. I think I'll stay in the wedding. This second look was extremely important to me and I'm sad I can't attend, but I think it's important to keep my word, even if it means putting what's best for me on the back burner. I really appreciate all the help!

Good decision. You will remember the wedding much longer than second look, and it is very important for your friend. Missing second look is really not a big deal.

 

[chiquita2468]

Thanks for all the input, everyone. I think I'll stay in the wedding. This second look was extremely important to me and I'm sad I can't attend, but I think it's important to keep my word, even if it means putting what's best for me on the back burner. I really appreciate all the help!

i disagree. the second look weekend will determine your next few years. you talk about the bride as if you werent really close friends before she asked you to be a bridesmaid, and so i'm wondering if you'll really even miss if she decides to "not be your friend" if you drop of out the wedding. choosing a medical school is an important decision, don't let some psuedo friend pressure you to deprioritize your life when she's not even that close to you.

 

[prado]

i disagree. the second look weekend will determine your next few years. you talk about the bride as if you werent really close friends before she asked you to be a bridesmaid, and so i'm wondering if you'll really even miss if she decides to "not be your friend" if you drop of out the wedding. choosing a medical school is an important decision, don't let some psuedo friend pressure you to deprioritize your life when she's not even that close to you.

I agree with this.

Yeah you might have gave notice that you were going, but something came up, and this something will potentially affect the rest of your life. In my opinion, this is something that any "friend" would understand. It's not like you're skipping her wedding to go bar hopping or because you're lazy; you're skipping her wedding to go to an event that might determine your foreseeable future. Your priorities > her priorities right now. If this was your sister or a best friend, then that would take much more consideration, but a distant friend, this shouldn't even be a question.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

 

[CsHead]

i disagree. the second look weekend will determine your next few years. you talk about the bride as if you werent really close friends before she asked you to be a bridesmaid, and so i'm wondering if you'll really even miss if she decides to "not be your friend" if you drop of out the wedding. choosing a medical school is an important decision, don't let some psuedo friend pressure you to deprioritize your life when she's not even that close to you.

I agree with this.

Yeah you might have gave notice that you were going, but something came up, and this something will potentially affect the rest of your life. In my opinion, this is something that any "friend" would understand. It's not like you're skipping her wedding to go bar hopping or because you're lazy; you're skipping her wedding to go to an event that might determine your foreseeable future. Your priorities > her priorities right now. If this was your sister or a best friend, then that would take much more consideration, but a distant friend, this shouldn't even be a question.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

I'm not seeing how you are getting to this. I was almost convinced chiquita was being sarcastic on first read. I've only been to one Second Look so far but it was a big waste of time (but I have tons of time to waste for free food & housing and meeting new people).

Things that were cool

1. Meeting new people/potential classmates
2. Booze & Food

Ohhh wait... you can do almost all of those at a wedding...

Seriously, there wasn't anything presented that was not covered before. It was more of a refresher.

Last, in case you couldn't tell, I am on the go to the wedding side.

 

[DrSolus]

1. Meeting new people/potential classmates
2. Booze & Food

Ohhh wait... you can do almost all of those at a wedding...

I think the idea is to meet people who will be your future classmates, which is very different from crashing a wedding...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think second look is the only chance you have to get a feel for the kind of people you may be attending school with next year.

 

[prado]

Things that were cool

1. Meeting new people/potential classmates
2. Booze & Food

Ohhh wait... you can do almost all of those at a wedding...

Seriously, there wasn't anything presented that was not covered before. It was more of a refresher.

Last, in case you couldn't tell, I am on the go to the wedding side.

Maybe you went to your second look for a different reason than the OP? For some people, second look gives them a chance to see the school and its surroundings for one more time before they make their decision. For others, second look is just seen as an opportunity, as you mentioned, to get free food and talk to people. Different strokes for different folks. If the OP forgoes the wedding, what is she really losing? The already distant friendship that she has with a girl she rarely, if ever, talks to? If she forgoes the second look, then she might not get a chance to learn more about her potential medical school, and that can affect her a lot worse.

Like I said, if it was a close friend or family member, I could understand, but a distant friend, that in all reality wouldn't care if you came or not, doesn't sway me enough to go there over a second look day.

 

[Barcu]

I think the idea is to meet people who will be your future classmates, which is very different from crashing a wedding...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think second look is the only chance you have to get a feel for the kind of people you may be attending school with next year.

Yes. But does meeting them one day at a school-sponsored second look give you any indication of what they are truly like? I'm skeptical. It took me weeks and months before I figured out things about people in my class.

I didn't go to the official second look of my school, and I've had no issues with finding cool classmates. You have a class around or over 100 people. You will find friends. There will also be people you don't like or don't hang out with. To think that classes at the schools you are choosing between are so different from each other doesn't seem to be the case. When interviewing at several schools, pretty much everyone class sounds the same...

I think people should consider going to second look if they can, but I don't think it's necessary. And it's certainly not a reason to skip out on a major commitment.

 

[Barcu]

Maybe you went to your second look for a different reason than the OP? For some people, second look gives them a chance to see the school and its surroundings for one more time before they make their decision. For others, second look is just seen as an opportunity, as you mentioned, to get free food and talk to people. Different strokes for different folks. If the OP forgoes the wedding, what is she really losing? The already distant friendship that she has with a girl she rarely, if ever, talks to? If she forgoes the second look, then she might not get a chance to learn more about her potential medical school, and that can affect her a lot worse.

Like I said, if it was a close friend or family member, I could understand, but a distant friend, that in all reality wouldn't care if you came or not, doesn't sway me enough to go there over a second look day.

I was able to arrange two informal second looks at schools I was interested in. The school let me visit, and they paired me up with a student to hang out for the day. That was actually way better than my interview because the student gave me good insight into the school, much better than my interview day. There are ways to go see a school again without going to second look. If you are accepted, schools are pretty willing to hook you up with an email address or people to contact.

I know that the OP didn't make the wedding case compelling. But this is a major day for her friend, and it would be a horrible thing to back out of this type of commitment. It sounds like they were childhood friends. Maybe they aren't close anymore, but I'm sure it would create major problems if she did back out. Going to second look really is not that important. There are other ways to handle this situation and still go to the wedding.

 

[mvenus929]

I think the idea is to meet people who will be your future classmates, which is very different from crashing a wedding...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think second look is the only chance you have to get a feel for the kind of people you may be attending school with next year.

I disagree for a few reasons.

1) Not everyone who attends second look will go to the school.
2) Not everyone who attends the school will go to second look (or be accepted by second look).
3) You really can't get a feel for people in a day of school-sponsored presentations. Even during informal receptions, you only get a glimpse at them, and they're often on their best behavior for these sorts of things.

And if you can get with some current students on a non-second look day, you'll probably get a better feel for the school because it won't be so artificial. There's a very small number of current students present at second look, and they're usually cherry picked by the administration.

 

[chiquita2468]

I'm not seeing how you are getting to this. I was almost convinced chiquita was being sarcastic on first read.

haha apologies, but I was not being sarcastic. that is what i really think.

also, some people are mentioning that it would be devastating to the bride that one of her many bridesmaids couldn't make it. from op, it sounded like she was only asked to be a bridesmaid to even out the numbers and not because they are incredibly close friends. I'm sure this bride can have another girl step in, no problem. especially if they're not close friends, op is literally just a warm body for pictures and aesthetic purposes. this is really the time to be a little selfish because this is your future. i'm surprised you even need to ask for opinions.

 

[prado]

I was going to make another reply but actually decided to read some of the earlier responses. It looks like OP has made up her mind.

Thanks for all the input, everyone. I think I'll stay in the wedding. This second look was extremely important to me and I'm sad I can't attend, but I think it's important to keep my word, even if it means putting what's best for me on the back burner. I really appreciate all the help!

Have fun at the wedding 👍

 

[DokterMom]

You're trying to decide whether to go to this school or not, right? Trying to decide between this relatively-unfamiliar school and one that's close to home and in your comfort zone? THAT sounds like a pretty big, pretty important decision, and one with far more long-lasting repercussions than a wedding of a not-so-close friend.

How will you be able to make an intelligent choice if you don't gather the necessary information? If there are other second look weekends, then sure... Or if the school will arrange for an informal second look, OK... But if not? - Or is there a possibility of attending PART of the second-look weekend and being there just for the wedding?

Aren't your next four years and choice of medical school more important than the symmetry of your sorta-friend's wedding pictures?