How many have SOs?

[Doc Martins]

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I know this is a little off topic, but not really. How about kids? I'm getting married in June and my fiancee will be 30 by then. We've been together 5.5 years and I've known since the beginning that he really, really wants kids. I want them too, but am not sure when. Since I'll be starting med school in August, I don't have a clue how I can do this. I've contemplated this for a while and still have no conclusion. One thing I keep hearing, especially from doctors, is not to wait until my mid-30s, b/c of the higher risk of birth defects. They say I should have kids while in medical school and work around it. I know that in residency it won't be any easier, so that will probably be my course of action

 

[dopaminesurge]

Double post, baby. My specialty.

 

[dopaminesurge]

I don't have a boyfriend, but I do have an ipod.

We've been together for three years and he'll be relocating wherever I go, if I get into med school and if he doesn't die.

 

[Steiner]

As a parent, I can tell you that no matter what, you're not going to be prepared for the changes your life goes through after having kids. Whether you have them now or later, it'll be stressful and a huge adjustment. The benefits are great though. If you know you want kids, then have them. If once you're in medical school someone has a negative attitude for you wanting to become a mother, that's what lawyers are for.

 

[Doctor Bagel]

Maybe medical school was just a perfect excuse to end a relationship you wanted out of, but this way you get to blame something else.

My thoughts, too, and there's nothing wrong with that. If you're relationship isn't strong enough to survive something like medical school, then you should move on. Medical school in and of itself, though, should not be a relationship killer.

 

[mvenus929]

I know this is a little off topic, but not really. How about kids? I'm getting married in June and my fiancee will be 30 by then. We've been together 5.5 years and I've known since the beginning that he really, really wants kids. I want them too, but am not sure when. Since I'll be starting med school in August, I don't have a clue how I can do this. I've contemplated this for a while and still have no conclusion. One thing I keep hearing, especially from doctors, is not to wait until my mid-30s, b/c of the higher risk of birth defects. They say I should have kids while in medical school and work around it. I know that in residency it won't be any easier, so that will probably be my course of action

I'm personally probably going to hold off on kids til I get out of residency, but I'm not going to be 30 yet when I get out of residency. I'm not holding off my life while I get my career started, I just don't think I'll be able to deal with kids until my late 20's. However, since you know you want kids now, I think if you try hard enough at it, you can manage kids and med school/residency, especially if you have someone else there for support. You could probably find people in your class that have kids as well, and make friends with them and talk to them when things get tough. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[tch001]

I know this is a little off topic, but not really. How about kids? I'm getting married in June and my fiancee will be 30 by then. We've been together 5.5 years and I've known since the beginning that he really, really wants kids. I want them too, but am not sure when. Since I'll be starting med school in August, I don't have a clue how I can do this. I've contemplated this for a while and still have no conclusion. One thing I keep hearing, especially from doctors, is not to wait until my mid-30s, b/c of the higher risk of birth defects. They say I should have kids while in medical school and work around it. I know that in residency it won't be any easier, so that will probably be my course of action

The book "A Not Entirely Benign Procedure" is about a student who has a child during medical shcool. Also, one of the interns in "The Intern Blues" has a young child during residency. Both of these books are non-ficiton, so you might want to check them out for insight on what it would be like to have kids during your medical training.

 

[kmpedro]

Congrats on your upcoming marriage.

I've considered this, because it would make me feel a little more secure about my homelife and would have less worries. But I have heard so many things about the first couple of years in marriage being so hard that I'm too scared to try to do it at the same time as med school - I think late med school or residency would be good.

It is true that the first few years of marriage are hard, but you can make it if you are willing to work at your marriage as hard as you work in school. I got married the summer after graduating high school to my wonderful wife, and we celebrated our third year anniversary this past Aug. I am currently in the application process this year, and while we would love to get into my local state school, my wife has been awesome and agreed to move wherever is necessary.

Having my wife to come home to at the end of each day has really motivated me in school and in life. Because I realize that I am not only working to accomplish my life long desire, but for my wife as well.

Just my 2 cents.... 😎

 

[alwaysaangel]

I know this is a little off topic, but not really. How about kids? I'm getting married in June and my fiancee will be 30 by then. We've been together 5.5 years and I've known since the beginning that he really, really wants kids. I want them too, but am not sure when. Since I'll be starting med school in August, I don't have a clue how I can do this. I've contemplated this for a while and still have no conclusion. One thing I keep hearing, especially from doctors, is not to wait until my mid-30s, b/c of the higher risk of birth defects. They say I should have kids while in medical school and work around it. I know that in residency it won't be any easier, so that will probably be my course of action

If you actually look at the numbers of birth defects for people having children in their 30s its not significant. Yeah - its higher than someone in their twenties - but its not like you have a 1:10 chance of having a birth defect. Its really not that much of a risk to wait.

As far as having it in medical school, make sure you have a husband who has health insurance to put the baby on. Your medical school health insurance will not cover a dependent, nor can you take maternity leave during your medical school. All that changes once you are in residency - which is a form of employment. So consider those things when deciding when to have a baby.

I personally think it would break my heart to miss so much time of my childrens first years of life. So I want to wait until I finish my residency to have kids. Even if I will be 30.

 

[asunshine]

If once you're in medical school someone has a negative attitude for you wanting to become a mother, that's what lawyers are for.

but good point

How about kids?

I'm worried about the same thing. I'm 25 and would be 35 when fellowship(?!) is over. One of the attendings I work with had 2 kids in med school and said it was great because you can take time if you need it. Check out mommd.com for TONS of discussions about this topic.

It is true that the first few years of marriage are hard.

^not the case for me--i loved it, but we had been together 5 yrs before that. it's different for everyone.

I personally think it would break my heart to miss so much time of my childrens first years of life. So I want to wait until I finish my residency to have kids.

Life won't be any less busy as an attending. So....unless we take a year off after residency or find a sweet part-time gig, we'll still be missing a lot of our kids' lives. Which scares me. A lot. 🙁

 

[alwaysaangel]

So....unless we take a year off after residency or find a sweet part-time gig, we'll still be missing a lot of our kids' lives. Which scares me. A lot. 🙁

You'd be surprised. If you're willing to work in small private practices or clinics and your specialty is 'family friendly' there are actually quite a few places that are becoming more open to women doctors working part-time because of kids.

 

[DrJen]

I've heard a gazillion times that no matter who you are, there is never a perfect time to have kids. That said, I'm not opposed to having a baby during med school. Having a family is very important to me, and I just can't see myself waiting until my 30's to start having children. Besides, I have this huge fear of waiting so long just to find out that we're going to have a hard time conceiving. It happens all the time. If it's going to happen to me, I want to know early on.

 

[DrJen]

Check out mommd.com for TONS of discussions about this topic.

I've been to this site before, and it really is a good place to go if you're worried about this. Good suggestion! 👍

 

[MiesVanDerMom]

I agree the birth defect rate increase is not significant as one travels through their thirties. modern medicine makes this fairly arbitrary cutoff at 35 and says from that point on your age is a medical condition. there's no real scientific support for choosing this number though. I myself am planning on having two more kids (have 2 now) in my mid to late thirties once I finish residency (I'm waiting for financial reasons).

My mentor is a pathology resident and had a baby in year 2 of her residency. it's hard, but do-able. you also have to be willing to make sacrifices/compromises. if you want mroe time with the kids, you have to go into a less competitive more family friednly specialty. if you want the glory, you've got to accept spending less time with the munchkins. Although please note men rarely think about such things, not to the extent women do. It ticks me off.

it also helps a lot if you havea supportive husband (whose job isnt as demanding as yours) and family around. I feel like leaving my kids with family is as good as me being there to a large extent. It limits me geographically, but that's family life: compromise.

Oh, as for this thread's orgincal topic: I have a husband and if we could survive last spring (newborn+toddler+physics+applications+MCAT) we can survive anything!

 

[DrJen]

Although please note men rarely think about such things, not to the extent women do. It ticks me off.

Agreed 110%! You rarely hear men debating whether they should go for a fulfilling career or focus more on their families. I'm by no means a feminist, but it really sucks how the brunt of these issues falls on us. As much as he really cares about us having a family, my fiance has never exactly questioned whether he should change his mind about law school so he can spend more time and energy on our future kids. I've spent many sleepless nights wondering about all of this.

 

[dopaminesurge]

Agreed 110%! You rarely hear men debating whether they should go for a fulfilling career or focus more on their families. I'm by no means a feminist, but it really sucks how the brunt of these issues falls on us. As much as he really cares about us having a family, my fiance has never exactly questioned whether he should change his mind about law school so he can spend more time and energy on our future kids. I've spent many sleepless nights wondering about all of this.

Yeah, well, perhaps that's because it's positively expected if not demanded that a man develop a succesful career for the sake of funding his family. He doesn't exactly get that choice from a normative perspective. This is sort of one area where I'm actually glad I have options in society's view. Things have changed, but not to the extent where I feel a career is mandatory for me, or optional for my future husband. I suspect many people think similarly.

 

[searun]

Kind of OT question - just curious how many of us neurotic premeds have significant others? And what is your plan when you get into medical school (assuming you're not lucky enough to get into a med school by your home).

I've heard of all sorts of ways of dealing: some friends of mine just ended it when one moved to school, one guy at my work is 40 and his wife is currently living in MI going to medical school while their kids stayed with him, some try the long distance thing, some SOs pick-up and move with them.

I personally am hoping to stay somewhere in Cali to keep costs down on visiting my boyfriend (who will be in Phoenix, AZ). If that fails (likely) we are planning on doing the LD thing for 2 years and then he'll come to where I am to get his MBA.

So what is everyone else's plan?

I graduated from college in 2005. I had a very intense relationship with a girl that I had dated since my freshman year. We now live in different states and it is just not working long distance. So it is over. If I am admitted to medical school, I start with a clean slate. We will see what happens.

Searun

 

[MicroBugs]

Yup, 7 months into marriage and still doing great, of course he's spent four+ of it overseas on deployment... hmmm.... No really, we're doing well. I think the whole military thing will help us deal with the hectic life in medicine. Having the same baby questions too. I totally, men really don't have to think about this. I see plenty of guys say yeah, go for it, I've got kids and things are great. Of course, it's probably quite different from the mom perspective. I come from a big family and can't wait to add to that, but I guess it's all about timing. Should it be planned? You know, time it over the first summer or something? Questions questions....

 

[hp540]

I graduated from college in 2005. I had a very intense relationship with a girl that I had dated since my freshman year. We now live in different states and it is just not working long distance. So it is over. If I am admitted to medical school, I start with a clean slate. We will see what happens.

Searun

Yea, forget this significant other talk. Medical school is going to be a clean slate for me. No strings, no attachments, nothing.

 

[asunshine]

You'd be surprised. If you're willing to work in small private practices or clinics and your specialty is 'family friendly' there are actually quite a few places that are becoming more open to women doctors working part-time because of kids.

I guess I haven't really seen that (although I've *heard* of it), and trust me, I've been looking and asking around. 🙁 Maybe it's a geographical thing.

 

[DrJen]

Yeah, well, perhaps that's because it's positively expected if not demanded that a man develop a succesful career for the sake of funding his family. He doesn't exactly get that choice from a normative perspective. This is sort of one area where I'm actually glad I have options in society's view. Things have changed, but not to the extent where I feel a career is mandatory for me, or optional for my future husband. I suspect many people think similarly.

Good point. I didn't mean to imply that men get off easy. We just have different roles society tries to lock us into. As much as things have changed, there's still further to go, for the sake of both men and women.

 

[psipsina]

Hey y'all . . . I'm by no means thru this proccess but I had to let y'all know that my hubby is keeping me sane during my first year. He makes me sleep when I need to but am too tired to realize it, reasures me when my self confidence is crushed, calms me down when I am panicking, makes my laugh when I am crying (yes, it has made me cry already . .. twice), gives me backrubs on my study breaks and cooks for me when he's not working, cleans the house and the kitty litter box which wouldn't have been done since august without him, and reminds me when I need it of why I'm doing this in the first place. I can't imagine this process without him. Of course this only works if you and your SO have a strong relationships and a deep friendship, but if you do it will only help you thru this arduous process.

 

[DrJen]

Hey y'all . . . I'm by no means thru this proccess but I had to let y'all know that my hubby is keeping me sane during my first year. He makes me sleep when I need to but am too tired to realize it, reasures me when my self confidence is crushed, calms me down when I am panicking, makes my laugh when I am crying (yes, it has made me cry already . .. twice), gives me backrubs on my study breaks and cooks for me when he's not working, cleans the house and the kitty litter box which wouldn't have been done since august without him, and reminds me when I need it of why I'm doing this in the first place. I can't imagine this process without him. Of course this only works if you and your SO have a strong relationships and a deep friendship, but if you do it will only help you thru this arduous process.

It's stories like this that make me sure that sticking with my sweetie is the right thing to do. 😍 Congrats on having such a wonderful relationship!

 

[MiesVanDerMom]

Yeah, well, perhaps that's because it's positively expected if not demanded that a man develop a succesful career for the sake of funding his family. He doesn't exactly get that choice from a normative perspective. This is sort of one area where I'm actually glad I have options in society's view. Things have changed, but not to the extent where I feel a career is mandatory for me, or optional for my future husband. I suspect many people think similarly.

few men today make enough for the wifey to stay home but neither do they take an equal share of housework and childcare (nor worrying). statistically speaking, women today are less happy in family life because the majority are working outside the home but still doing just as much work in the home.

it's nice you feel you have options, but the majority of american women don't. most women today have to work outside the home to support their families just like men. and then come home and work a second shift.

 

[jackieMD2007]

Team. You can do whatever you want, with or without a man.

Believe it. Believe in yourselves.

I hate to get all "I'm every woman" on your sweet, smart, sexy little selves, but having to do something ALONE, sans man, all by your little lonesome, can make you stronger than hell.

With or without that man, long hours, short hours, ten or no babies, if you have your own personal strength (which you have to develop on your own!) you will manage.

It is easy for us to even sometimes (dare I say it) have a significant other as a crutch.

 

[Falco2525]

I have a SO that I want to go with me when I go to medical school...based on this I have a question I applied to a specific school because they have a specific program that she wants to apply to...is it okay for me to use this as one of the reasons i want to go to the school....also the school seems like they are trying very hard to get me to go there when I am asked what would make me go there is it a bad idea to say make sure my SO gets into her program?? Is it bad to try and "bargain" with a medical school like this expecially after an acceptance??

 

[WhiteHatDoc]

Hey Falco, why not? One of the reasons why I'm applying to Wake Forest is because my gf (of 3 years, 3 months and running... actually it's more like crawling thanks to apps) has family in Winston-Salem. Of course I'm not going to make that a focus, i'll just mention it as a one-liner for the last sentence.

 

[WhiteHatDoc]

Even if we're LD, I want to remain dedicated to my girl. She was very patient throught this whole process and frankly I'm impressed by how much she's willing to put off so that I can become a doctor. Who knows what the future holds though.... I try not to worry about tomorrow. Who can add an hour to his/her life by worrying anyways?

 

[searun]

Yea, forget this significant other talk. Medical school is going to be a clean slate for me. No strings, no attachments, nothing.

are first year - and if it does not look so good, I will make a beeline to the nursing school. It is too hard to study without a regular study break and besides, I will need the exercise. Ah, to be 24 and single with a clear road ahead!

Searun

 

[Falco2525]

Hey Falco, why not? One of the reasons why I'm applying to Wake Forest is because my gf (of 3 years, 3 months and running... actually it's more like crawling thanks to apps) has family in Winston-Salem. Of course I'm not going to make that a focus, i'll just mention it as a one-liner for the last sentence.

Hey thanks for the response...it is what I was thinking...best of luck with Wake Forest!!!

 

[DrJen]

Team. You can do whatever you want, with or without a man.

Believe it. Believe in yourselves.

I hate to get all "I'm every woman" on your sweet, smart, sexy little selves, but having to do something ALONE, sans man, all by your little lonesome, can make you stronger than hell.

With or without that man, long hours, short hours, ten or no babies, if you have your own personal strength (which you have to develop on your own!) you will manage.

It is easy for us to even sometimes (dare I say it) have a significant other as a crutch.

I'm glad you made it clear that you can develop/maintain that personal strength with or without a man. (Ever seen Mona Lisa Smile? Good movie about this...)

We all know our fair share of women who are completely dependent and, quite frankly, really stupid when it comes to relationships. They think love is just some warm, tingly feeling, and they use it as an excuse to stop using their brains. I hate being grouped in with those women. I am in a solid relationship based on respect, support, and friendship. I know full well that I could go on with my life without him, but why would I want to? He's family. We want the same things in life. After 5 years of being together, I am still blown away by what an amazing person he is. I wouldn't go to all of this trouble to stay in a relationship. I'm doing it to stay in a relationship with him. There's a difference, and I don't think you can really understand it until you've been there. I know that I've had a hard time understanding it in the past.

I don't think staying in a relationship is exactly the easy way to go. Sure, you have someone to support you, but it's not like that comes free. I'm sure my professional life would be much easier if I ditched the relationship and gave up hopes of having kids anytime soon. Balancing medical school, a marriage/relationship, and kids is one hell of a circus, and I think it's admirable. Some of the wives and moms here have way more to say about personal strength than I would ever pretend to have.

I'm not saying that you were disrespectful in your post, because you weren't at all. (Some people really need to hear what you had to say... I just don't think I've seen any of them here.) There are people, however, who really are disrespectful, and they seem to look down on people who have decided to make family a priority. I've had my share of negative comments about my decision, all from people who know absolutely nothing about me.

Medicine is changing, and it no longer requires that women give up their dreams of having successful families. I'm proud that I have decided on my priorities, and I'm sticking with them. If someone wants to consider me weak for it, so be it.

 

[bubabugster]

I don't have a boyfriend, but I do have an ipod.

We've been together for three years and he'll be relocating wherever I go, if I get into med school and if he doesn't die.

You're adorable!! 😀

Well, I don't have a boyfriend either, but am more old-fashioned than you. I have a CD player and he'll be relocating wherever I go.

 

[jackieMD2007]

Dr. Jen, I was just making a point that was sorely lacking on this thread, not directing criticism at anyone.

Also, any relationship worth being in doesn't require any outside justification or approval. You choose it and that is good enough. If people don't think it is a good idea, forget them. You think it is a good idea. That is 100% legit.

 

[DrJen]

Dr. Jen, I was just making a point that was sorely lacking on this thread, not directing criticism at anyone.

Also, any relationship worth being in doesn't require any outside justification or approval. You choose it and that is good enough. If people don't think it is a good idea, forget them. You think it is a good idea. That is 100% legit.

Sorry if it seemed like I was being defensive. I wasn't offended. I realize that your post was intended to be supportive, and I'm all about that. Just a little touchy from some of the rude comments I've received lately, both online and in "real life." All of that rambling that had been going on in my head was bound to come out sometime. 🙂

 

[jackieMD2007]

Sorry if it seemed like I was being defensive. I wasn't offended. I realize that your post was intended to be supportive, and I'm all about that. Just a little touchy from some of the rude comments I've received lately, both online and in "real life." All of that rambling that had been going on in my head was bound to come out sometime. 🙂

It is all good, darlin. I was just putting out a general reminder to the lovely ladies of SDN that if you have a loser boyfriend/husband/partner, losing him may be the best (and fastest) 200 pounds you've ever lost!
Keep laughing, everyone.

 

[DrJen]

It is all good, darlin. I was just putting out a general reminder to the lovely ladies of SDN that if you have a loser boyfriend/husband/partner, losing him may be the best (and fastest) 200 pounds you've ever lost!
Keep laughing, everyone.

Amen! No one needs a bad relationship putting a drain on them going into medical school. I would honestly say that if you have any question at all whether you want to stay with someone or not, that's probably a good sign that you shouldn't. If your relationship is strong enough to survive, you'd know it.

 

[psipsina]

You're adorable!! 😀

Well, I don't have a boyfriend either, but am more old-fashioned than you. I have a CD player and he'll be relocating wherever I go.

Hey bugabuster, instead of investing in all those books we talked about in the allo thread, I strongly suggest investing in an ipod. It makes medschool so much better. I pop on my ipod during 4 hour gross dissections and I'm the only cheerful person in the room by the end of it, I'm so busy enjoin the music I forget that I'm spending 4 hours tweezing globules of fat out of the posterior triangle of the neck. Also great for studying in school, I have a classical music mix I listen to to block out distractions.

Sorry, I know this is off subject, but i consider this to be a necessity for medschool.

 

[alwaysaangel]

I guess I haven't really seen that (although I've *heard* of it), and trust me, I've been looking and asking around. 🙁 Maybe it's a geographical thing.

Maybe. I've heard a lot about it on mommd and I've also talked to several female doctors in my area (northern California) who have part-time gigs.

 

[tthorst]

I've really enjoyed reading this post because the topics are applicable to me. I'm just celebrated my 2nd wedding anniversary on Monday and currently in the application process. My husband could not be any more supportive of this life changing process and I love him more for that. I'm thankful that he is willing to move to be with me where ever I end up.

I was thrilled to read about others having to think about when to factor in kids. This is where I'm having a hard time with my husband. We are both 27 and he wants kids now but I don't think it is the right time because I'm applying to medical school. I feel bad for not being able to meet this need for him, especially since he's been so supportive and willing to up root his life and follow me where ever I get it. I've been contemplating starting our family while in medical school, but of course I find reasons for not wanting to do that. This is such a tough situation to be in as a female...oh it would be so much easier if he was applying to medical school and not me. Oh well, one way or another we'll make it work. I have the utmost faith in that!

 

[astrife]

Apparently alot of people in this thread haven't seen the divorce statistics for people who marry in their 20's.

 

[jackieMD2007]

Apparently alot of people in this thread haven't seen the divorce statistics for people who marry in their 20's.

Nobody thinks about the divorce statistics when they get married, friend. Everyone wants marriage to be this guarantee, this amazing journey, which...?

It can be and it may not be.

All I know is that I am not staying with some man I can't stand because I walked down the aisle afloat in lace and taffeta and some people gave us Waterford vases. That's all.

 

[astrife]

I'm glad you made it clear that you can develop/maintain that personal strength with or without a man. (Ever seen Mona Lisa Smile? Good movie about this...)

We all know our fair share of women who are completely dependent and, quite frankly, really stupid when it comes to relationships. They think love is just some warm, tingly feeling, and they use it as an excuse to stop using their brains. I hate being grouped in with those women. I am in a solid relationship based on respect, support, and friendship. I know full well that I could go on with my life without him, but why would I want to? He's family. We want the same things in life. After 5 years of being together, I am still blown away by what an amazing person he is. I wouldn't go to all of this trouble to stay in a relationship. I'm doing it to stay in a relationship with him. There's a difference, and I don't think you can really understand it until you've been there. I know that I've had a hard time understanding it in the past.

I don't think staying in a relationship is exactly the easy way to go. Sure, you have someone to support you, but it's not like that comes free. I'm sure my professional life would be much easier if I ditched the relationship and gave up hopes of having kids anytime soon. Balancing medical school, a marriage/relationship, and kids is one hell of a circus, and I think it's admirable. Some of the wives and moms here have way more to say about personal strength than I would ever pretend to have.

I'm not saying that you were disrespectful in your post, because you weren't at all. (Some people really need to hear what you had to say... I just don't think I've seen any of them here.) There are people, however, who really are disrespectful, and they seem to look down on people who have decided to make family a priority. I've had my share of negative comments about my decision, all from people who know absolutely nothing about me.

Medicine is changing, and it no longer requires that women give up their dreams of having successful families. I'm proud that I have decided on my priorities, and I'm sticking with them. If someone wants to consider me weak for it, so be it.

Sorry, just had to comment on the stuff I bolded. You are no different than the girls who think "love" is just a tingly feeling. No different at all, you are just justifying that same sensation with more "mature" concepts that are nothing but hot air. If you really think your "love" is anything more than a physiological response to wanting to pair bond for mating purposes, you are sorely misguided.

This is just one of my pet peeves. You need to get off your high horse because you think you are in a mature relationship. Sex is sex, whether those involved justify their exclusivity with cultural indications of companionship or they just well up inside with that "tingly" feeling.

 

[DrJen]

Sorry, just had to comment on the stuff I bolded. You are no different than the girls who think "love" is just a tingly feeling. No different at all, you are just justifying that same sensation with more "mature" concepts that are nothing but hot air. If you really think your "love" is anything more than a physiological response to wanting to pair bond for mating purposes, you are sorely misguided.

This is just one of my pet peeves. You need to get off your high horse because you think you are in a mature relationship. Sex is sex, whether those involved justify their exclusivity with cultural indications of companionship or they just well up inside with that "tingly" feeling.

Oh my God, you're right. How could I have been so stupid?

Give me a break. 🙄

 

[asunshine]

No different at all, you are just justifying that same sensation with more "mature" concepts that are nothing but hot air.

You need to get off your high horse because you think you are in a mature relationship.

*adds astrife to "ignore buddy" list*

You're being unnecessarily rude. I hope you were kidding.

 

[astrife]

screw worrying about being rude... if I knock down your self-righteousness a notch then my comment has served its purpose whether or not it was offensive...

it only seems to be females who are concerned with social etiquette on an anymous forum

 

[DrJen]

There's one in every crowd, eh?

 

[dopaminesurge]

Astrife, you're being kind of silly. Like, I think we can pretty unambiguously draw a difference between the sorts of relationships people have at 16 and at 25, right? It is a change in maturity, perspective and expectations. She didn't say anything that's surprising at the slightest. If anything, she's verbalizing what we all know is true: there are different levels of maturity within different relationships. Some relationships are built practically, and some not. I'm not really sure what you're objecting to.