If an online degree is offered by a good brick and mortar school and the degree doesn't indicate it was done online, would completing this degree be detrimental?
I'd still try to avoid the online degree. Some schools don't take kindly to online courses, even less so than community college courses.
Take time to breathe. Dragging yourself through this process without taking time to step outside your own mind and reflect can be damaging to your mental state. For your sake (and others that are going through the same or similar situations) I'll share my story.
I entered college fully committed to becoming a doctor and on paper I was creating a great application. Stellar grades, balanced EC's and a considerable drive and motivation. But throughout my freshman year, there was always a pervasive sense of emptiness that I felt. To me, I felt alone. I didn't have many friends in college at the start, and I had immense pressure from my parents to do well. At times, I doubted whether I would make it through and if this was really my choice. As my first year progressed, these thoughts would crop up, along with thoughts of suicide. At the time, it seemed like the only reasonable way to solve the problems I thought I had. But I never had attempted to do so.
In my sophomore year, I met one of my now closest friends. She was responsible for helping me change my life. She helped me to talk through my mind, slowly unraveling the defensive walls I had built up. Eventually, I found the courage to speak with the school's therapists about these issues.
All of that pain that I carried with me through the years began to slowly slough off with these sessions, and I found myself no longer blaming myself for things I perceived to be my faults and mistakes. From there, I dragged my entire family to family counseling sessions with another therapist to resolve the issues in how the power structure and interactions in my family were carried out. In the same time span (now towards my junior year) I rediscovered my own sense of purpose. Between that and the therapy sessions, I was able to reset my mindset. While I was not officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety, the symptoms were evident. I never thought that anything I had achieved was ever good enough throughout my start in college, and that I was not truly a good person. But now, I'm sitting on a balcony, smoking a good cigar and reflecting on the true triumphs and blessings that I have neglected to acknowledge over the course of my life.
Every day that we live is an opportunity to make our lives our own. Depression and anxiety can cloud that, but we have to find the strength to make ourselves better. For myself and for many others on the other side of depression, it all started with a small crack. A guiding light in the darkness. That's why I swear by therapy and counseling. It helped bring me out of the echo chamber in my own head and realize that I am the only person who dictates my own success, and my happiness. We can choose to live by others' standards, words, and messages, or we can make everything we do and every endeavor we are a part of our own. To quote The Alchemist, we have the power to fulfill our own Personal Legend, but to do so we must take the initiative on it and shape our own way forward.
Seek out therapy if you feel that it will help you. As
@NotASerialKiller stated, focus on your mental health first. Your medical school aspirations will become far more possible by doing so, and you'll find yourself loving the person that you have become. PM me if you'd like to talk more.
Well, there goes my allotted time for being serious in one day lol
