How the heck do you guys do it?

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deschutes

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This might come on the tail end of a particularly bad day for me, but how the heck do people manage being married/with partners and/or kids? :eek: :confused:

And none of that "we post here less" **** - I know professors who are active contributors to mailing lists who have all their hair, not all of it white.

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deschutes - I am sorry that you had a bad day. :( Hope things get better soon.

But I often wonder your question myself. I have been so grateful lately to just get to come home and be selfish. I can't imagine having to feed, bathe, etc. kids at night. And have them getting up at night, and then getting them around in the morning. I actually can't even imagine being married now either - a husband may expect more of a dinner than Easy Mac or canned soup!
 
deschutes said:
This might come on the tail end of a particularly bad day for me, but how the heck do people manage being married/with partners and/or kids? :eek: :confused:

And none of that "we post here less" **** - I know professors who are active contributors to mailing lists who have all their hair, not all of it white.

Nothing fancy. I just neglect them.

You're married with children Deschutes?
 
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fedor said:
Nothing fancy. I just neglect them.
Indeed. ;) I however am blessed and cursed with the second X chromosome.

fedor said:
You're married with children Deschutes?
No, and no. Some forms of insanity like changing countries every 3 or 4 years leaving friends or family behind, I can do.

Having to feed, dress and get a dependent to school before getting myself to work every morning, I can't do.
 
For those of us interviewing the year, Now that you guys have been residents for a few months, has anyone found discrepencies in their program? For example, changed the curriculum, requirements or benefits (no free or parking or insurances), etc. Are you working the average hours listed on frieda?

:oops:
 
deschutes said:
Indeed. ;) I however am blessed and cursed with the second X chromosome.

No, and no. Some forms of insanity like changing countries every 3 or 4 years leaving friends or family behind, I can do.

Having to feed, dress and get a dependent to school before getting myself to work every morning, I can't do.

What countries? Aren't you Quebecois?
 
deschutes said:
This might come on the tail end of a particularly bad day for me, but how the heck do people manage being married/with partners and/or kids? :eek: :confused:.

Some things are common to motherhood in general, so I'll post an answer here. And as a Mom (and future pathologist ;) ) the answer is that you "just do it". Trust me, when you have kids you'll be asking yourself why you complained so much about having too much to do BEFORE they arrived.

But the MAJOR key to successful balance are the prepared dmeals at Whole Foods! :thumbup:
 
I am an MS4 - so I can't speak about residency, but from my pathology elective I can tell that keeping my family together will be a lot easier during residency than it has been so far in med school.

My daughter will be turning 4 in November. So I've never been a med student without also being a mom, in fact, I interviewed 8 1/2 months pregnant. Before that, I was much more type "A" (although some of my friends would insist that I still am). Its hard. Really, really hard at times. Parenting is the biggest challenge I have ever known, and I haven't exactly led a coddled life. It takes a long time to find your feet again after all of your basic assumptions about life are turned upside-down (for example: believing that you can plan on when you can sleep and when you can't, that you can go to the bathroom undisturbed, and of course the most important assumption that somehow you will get through all of this without ever once losing your ****, blowing up at your husband or sticking your kid in front of the tv for an unreasonable amount of time.) But I need to calm down already, it has been a crappy day (for reasons thankfully unrelated to my immediate family.)

If you are still reading this post than you are still optimistic enough to think I have something good to say about it all, something encouraging. Well, I do. Plainly put, raising my child has brought out the best in me, it has humbled me and she gives me more joy than I could have every imagined. There is no right time to have kids, and your time will from then on be governed by a kind of day-to-day mentality, but you learn the tricks (routine, routine, morning childrens show while you get ready and white lies where necessary: ie, yes, you have to stop picking at that bleeding hangnail because once there was a little girl who picked at her feet until one morning when she woke up and they had both fallen off altogether.) In other words, you get through it, you give up a little of yourself and find you are richer for it.

Sorry I have rambled. Like I said, CRAPPY day, but I hope I can at least change the karma here a bit and help someone else..

S.
 
Two words: Trophy Husband

That's all you need to survive as a mom/pathologist. And trust me, pathology is probably one of the few fields where you still have time to remember who your children are. My friends in IM and anesthesia work 80 hours a week. I work 50-55 and have weekends off. But if I have a bad day, or have call, or am too tired to move from couch when I get home, I have some backup there to take care of my cyborgs.

For those of us interviewing the year, Now that you guys have been residents for a few months, has anyone found discrepencies in their program? For example, changed the curriculum, requirements or benefits (no free or parking or insurances), etc. Are you working the average hours listed on frieda?

My programs been great...good paycheck, good insurance (blue cross/blue shield), nice parking to where I don't have to walk outside if I don't want to, and sweet hours. Also good people to work with (no crazies besides myself) I have no clue what our average hours posted is though...but I usually get there between 7 and 7:30 and leave at 5. So that's 50 hours a week. I ain't complaining.
 
beary said:
How do I find one of these? :idea:

I can hook you up with my 8 year old nephew, Jake. He has plenty of trophies (from little league baseball)
 
fedor said:
I can hook you up with my 8 year old nephew, Jake. He has plenty of trophies (from little league baseball)

Sounds great. :)

A family friend of mine has a four year old son who wants to marry me when he grows up. :love: Guess I just have to wait 20 years or so.
 
beary said:
Sounds great. :)

A family friend of mine has a four year old son who wants to marry me when he grows up. :love: Guess I just have to wait 20 years or so.

Depends on the jurisdiction. In some states you would only have to wait 9 years or so.

Arkansas here you come!
 
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beary said:
How do I find one of these? :idea:
An attractive looking jobless young man? I recommend snagging one right out of high school so that he has not yet had the opportunity to turn into a couch potato. You need him to keep the house tidy and cook for you, right? If you go for one your own age, I think you'll have to pay a housekeeper, too.
 
fedor said:
Depends on the jurisdiction. In some states you would only have to wait 9 years or so.

Arkansas here you come!

NOT SO! As an Arkansan, I can tell you that that rule only applies to 40 year old men who are marrying 14 year old girls! And, FYI, women Pathologists ARE NOT allowed here! How could any woman even think about cooking, cleaning, birthing babies, and still find time for Pathology?

:laugh: Next thing you know, she'll be bragging that all her teeth are "real". :laugh:
 
dadat said:
For those of us interviewing the year, Now that you guys have been residents for a few months, has anyone found discrepencies in their program? For example, changed the curriculum, requirements or benefits (no free or parking or insurances), etc. Are you working the average hours listed on frieda?

:oops:
Yes. My program has approved a plan to extend the AP core training from 2 years to 2.5 years. This has implications for people like me who want to return to the lab as soon as possible. There is no final word on the matter yet...but we'll see. For aspiring scientists (aka physician-SCIENTISTS) with similar goals, I encourage people to ask about this when they interview here.
 
mosche said:
:laugh: Next thing you know, she'll be bragging that all her teeth are "real". :laugh:

Real gold you mean.

:laugh:
 
dadat said:
For those of us interviewing the year, Now that you guys have been residents for a few months, has anyone found discrepencies in their program? For example, changed the curriculum, requirements or benefits (no free or parking or insurances), etc. Are you working the average hours listed on frieda?

:oops:

I think we often work longer hours than Frieda says, but at the same time I basically expected that, so it isn't a surprise. As for the rest, no real complaints. We don't have free parking but I was never told we did. We do get a 7% of our salary bonus every year in november, which I cannot believe no one ever told me about.
 
Pingu said:
Two words: Trophy Husband.
That's all you need to survive as a mom/pathologist. And trust me, pathology is probably one of the few fields where you still have time to remember who your children are.

As much as I hate to admit it, this is a GOOD point. All the Moms/Pathologists I know have husbands that are "paid" and I can easily see how having a husband in a similar financial situation, makes things go a LOT smoother. They also have maids and NEVER cook.

So I think if you believe you may be one of those Moms that has to see EVER "first" with your child, wants to prepare EVERY meal, and use handmade diapers, it may be a bit of a problem to balance ANY career let alone that of a doctor, with your personal life.
 
1Path said:
As much as I hate to admit it, this is a GOOD point. All the Moms/Pathologists I know have husbands that are "paid" and I can easily see how having a husband in a similar financial situation, makes things go a LOT smoother. They also have maids and NEVER cook.

So I think if you believe you may be one of those Moms that has to see EVER "first" with your child, wants to prepare EVERY meal, and use handmade diapers, it may be a bit of a problem to balance ANY career let alone that of a doctor, with your personal life.

There seems to be a lot of MD/Teacher teams in my class (including me). It's a good combo- the teacher will have almost the same vacation schedule as the kids, if the kids have a snow day, chances are your spouse does too. Plus, they get kick-ass health insurance (at least here they do). Plus, they get out of school around the same time as the kids, and are usually home b4 u. My fiancee-teacher does all the laundry ('cause I hate laundry) and about 1/2 of the cooking. Oh, yeah- teachers also to be kind-hearted and patient.

Bottom line: teachers make good partners :thumbup:
 
Buttercupp said:
There seems to be a lot of MD/Teacher teams in my class (including me). It's a good combo- the teacher will have almost the same vacation schedule as the kids, if the kids have a snow day, chances are your spouse does too.

I don't know of ANY successful doctor/teacher relationships where the woman is the doctor and the man is the teacher. I know of PLENTY the other way around. From my perspective looking at things from the outside, the male teacher still expects the female doctor to work 80 hours/week, cook all the meals, tend to the children, ect, ect. :mad:

In the end I guess it depends on the field of medicine you're in. An FP may have a difficult financial time being married to a teacher. I can't imagine 120K (doc) and 40K (teacher) going very far with mortages, childcare, student loans, and all the other things a family needs to survive. And living in the state of California or New York seems out of the question.

If you have a man that cooks and does laundry, then consider yourself VERY lucky. His behavior goes against 1 million years of evolution! :laugh:
 
1Path said:
From my perspective looking at things from the outside, the male teacher still expects the female doctor to work 80 hours/week, cook all the meals, tend to the children, ect, ect. :mad:
Yeah, my ex was like that. :thumbdown:

Why anyone in their right mind would think that someone having an exam the next morning is going to cook them dinner when she arrives home at 8pm is beyond me.
 
My husband is also a path resident (in the same program), and we have a 2-year-old son. We don't have a nanny or housekeeper, but we're strongly considering getting another loan so we can afford one or both. So far, we're managing to get by (sort of) with regular daycare, which is expensive as hell but not as expensive as a nanny. Thank god we have most weekends off to catch up on household stuff.

I can understand worrying about taking care of kids, but a husband? If your man expects you to cook/clean/launder clothes for him, he needs a serious reality check. There are plenty of more enlightened guys around these days. My husband grew up with a stay-at-home mom who did everything for him, and even he recognizes that household chores have to be divided equally, or according to work schedules.

Hang in there-only four more years to go!
 
Pingu said:
...trust me, pathology is probably one of the few fields where you still have time to remember who your children are. My friends in IM and anesthesia work 80 hours a week.
I can see that. My friends on Surgery work - well, you know. Me, I'm tired by Friday.

I don't need my yet-non-existent kids to be doctors - I just want them to grow up fairly sensible and not be too traumatized by me being their mum. ;)

~
In essence, my question is this - men can do academics and be married with kids. Can women do the same without totally losing it?

Part of the reason I chose AP/CP and chose the program I am at was because of the flexibility and balance. CP rotations are going to be time to write exams, write up manuscripts - that sort of thing.

I don't need big-league basic science-heavy research institutions. I'm interested in 50:50 academic/clinical, which I am persuaded can be done.
 
bananaface said:
Yeah, my ex was like that. :thumbdown:

Why anyone in their right mind would think that someone having an exam the next morning is going to cook them dinner when she arrives home at 8pm is beyond me.

A man has to eat!
 
kinda reminds me of two jokes:

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: Cross the road? WTF is she doing outside of the kitchen?

Q: Why don't women wear watches?
A: There's a clock on the oven.
 
AndyMilonakis said:
kinda reminds me of two jokes:

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: Cross the road? WTF is she doing outside of the kitchen?

Q: Why don't women wear watches?
A: There's a clock on the oven.


Here's another one (obviously in complete jest, with no offense intended to any of the female posters.):

Q: Why does the bride wear white?
A: Because you want your dishwasher to match your refrigerator.
 
CameronFrye said:
Here's another one (obviously in complete jest, with no offense intended to any of the female posters.):

Q: Why does the bride wear white?
A: Because you want your dishwasher to match your refrigerator.
yeah, i do this to jest too...in that spirit:

Q: Why did God invent wimmen?
A: Sheep can't cook.
 
You guys talk brave and all, but behind closed doors: "Yes, honey, I will be more than happy to pick up tampons for you at the grocery store tomorrow"
 
fedor said:
You guys talk brave and all, but behind closed doors: "Yes, honey, I will be more than happy to pick up tampons for you at the grocery store tomorrow"

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 
bananaface said:
Is that what you have?

Trophy husbands are NOT all they're cracked up to be. Sure you don't have money problems but they're EXTREMELY high maintaintence!!! :mad: For one, they require massive amounts of ego stroking!!! :laugh:
 
1Path said:
Trophy husbands are NOT all they're cracked up to be. Sure you don't have money problems but they're EXTREMELY high maintaintence!!! :mad: For one, they require massive amounts of ego stroking!!! :laugh:
That goes for any type of husband. ;) :laugh:

They seem to like the dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets just for the shape too. Curious creatures they are.
 
Trophy husbands are NOT all they're cracked up to be. Sure you don't have money problems but they're EXTREMELY high maintaintence!!! For one, they require massive amounts of ego stroking!!!

but they are worth it for breeding. I mean, if you are a doctor then you've got the brains, so throw in some good looks and give your child the best of both worlds. :D

All men are needy and high maintenance. My husband can't even adjust the settings on the tv to get his xbox to work without my help.
 
Pingu said:
My husband can't even adjust the settings on the tv to get his xbox to work without my help.

Maybe because he isn't as intimately familiar with the TV as most of the couch-potato females out there.
 
Pingu said:
but they are worth it for breeding. I mean, if you are a doctor then you've got the brains, so throw in some good looks and give your child the best of both worlds. :D

My "trophy" SO is in Mensa so I think what I'm referring to is a high maintanence "Sugar Daddy". :laugh:
My problem in the past has been in being smarter than the men I've dated. Why can't most men stand a little academic competition??? I think the MAIN reason I'm in such good shape now is because I'm "dumber" than he is! :laugh:

Oh and you guys are SOOOO right about ALL men!!! :laugh: :laugh:
 
bananaface said:
ex-husband: "Why didn't you get dinos? You know I like dinos. I guess the cars are ok." *pouts, then picks up nugget and moves it around his plate like a car*

Did he move the dinos around on his plate like a dino? Like, attacking and eating a French fry or something?
 
beary said:
Did he move the dinos around on his plate like a dino? Like, attacking and eating a French fry or something?
Occasionally. BTW, did you know that dinos taste better than cars, because they taste like dinos? It's apparently something that I was supposed to know.
 
i'm 18 years old, it's 1:30 am, and I'm on spring break. WHY THE **** AM I ON THIS THREAD RIGHT NOW AND WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT MARRIAGE AT THIS MOMENT?!?!?!?!?!?!? heh heh.
 
1Path said:
My "trophy" SO is in Mensa so I think what I'm referring to is a high maintanence "Sugar Daddy". :laugh:
My problem in the past has been in being smarter than the men I've dated. Why can't most men stand a little academic competition??? I think the MAIN reason I'm in such good shape now is because I'm "dumber" than he is! :laugh:

Oh and you guys are SOOOO right about ALL men!!! :laugh: :laugh:


This question is coming from someone who's trying to do everything to improve his application for the match...so besides all the publications, recommendations, etc., do you think mensa is a plus on an application? I was thinking about it and came to the conclusion that most of the people reading messages posted here are probable eligible to be in it. Also, maybe some people might not consider it a plus because the stereotype that a lot people have of mensans is that they're sort of weird, right?
 
wersclubby said:
This question is coming from someone who's trying to do everything to improve his application for the match...so besides all the publications, recommendations, etc., do you think mensa is a plus on an application? I was thinking about it and came to the conclusion that most of the people reading messages posted here are probable eligible to be in it. Also, maybe some people might not consider it a plus because the stereotype that a lot people have of mensans is that they're sort of weird, right?

:laugh: Yeah, sure. Put MENSA on your application. That will open doors for you. :laugh:
 
yaah said:
:laugh: Yeah, sure. Put MENSA on your application. That will open doors for you. :laugh:

yeah seriously, big help.

Nothing personal but, I have never been impressed with Mensa.
It is usally a group of people who haven't actually done anything with their intellegence so they are in aclub to show how smart they are...

That and with a min SAT score of 1250, pretty much anyone who went to medical school could be in Mensa. :smuggrin:

again nothing personal.
 
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