Aug 13, 2015
2
0
Status
Medical Student
I just started M1, and I really do enjoy where I am. The environment at my school is very positive and cooperative, my roommates are turning out to be great friends, and I find the material so far to be really interesting (albeit overwhelming at times). But whenever I hear about my friends or my girlfriend back home going out, being social, and generally having a good time, I get kinda down in the dumps. Like, I feel as if I'm wasting my prime years. Even worse, the knowledge that my friends will be making great memories without me kills me inside. I wanna just get out of the room and do something but all of my classmates are studying (as I was for the past couple hours) and it's too late for me to just go for a walk around the streets. Other than study there isn't much to do in my apartment. I feel trapped and depressed and I just have no idea how to deal with it. I know medicine is the career for me; I really can't see myself doing anything else. I just hate that I have to miss out on so much to attain that goal. Call me a baby, fine; I know it's part of growing up, but it's just how I feel. How do I deal with this? As of right now all I do is study, work out, dick around on the internet, and go out with my roommates maybe once a week.
 

karayaa

5+ Year Member
Dec 5, 2012
722
307
Status
Medical Student
Part of it is recognizing and feeling the sacrifices you're making and will make to do medicine. It's normal and expected to feel bad when you see what you're missing. Hopefully medicine is worth it to you. Maybe you can adjust your schedule to give yourself more time to "be social", or find other ways to lessen the impact of your education on your relationships. Maybe you'll choose a lifestyle specialty like PMR or psych if it's that important.
But part of what you're saying should be taken to a counselor to make sure you maintain your mental health.
Maybe wait 6 months and then re-assess your feelings.

Did you just finish college? Did you explore alternative careers, like NP/PA? Did you talk to doctors about their social lives and relationships when you shadowed? Remember that every doctor has felt the same way you do, and most of them go on to have healthy relationships with friends/SOs/family.
 
  • Like
Reactions: marauderette

DrBodacious

15+ Year Member
Oct 13, 2003
837
92
37
Are you realistically spending more than 50 hrs attending classes and studying every week? I don't think I did in med school. Free time actually gets more scarce later on. Many other careers are just as time consuming. Sounds like you'll benefit from making some new friends. Not bad to keep in touch, but you've got to move on. Dump the girlfriend, IMO.
 

Entadus

Happy on 5-HT
10+ Year Member
Aug 13, 2008
1,726
1,002
California
Status
Resident [Any Field]
OP, I wonder what you mean when you say your girlfriend goes out to socialize. There aren't enough details here... why is your relationship long distance? What is she doing/what are her plans for career, life, joining you, etc?

As for feeling trapped with a pile of books while other people in your life (on FACEBOOK) are showing off their relaxation, that is something relatively normal for med students and you will adjust with patience. Obviously you won't get to hang out with the buds as much now that you're in medicine. It's important to remember to get out (especially for exercise!) at least once and awhile, even when the effort seems too large. You have the opportunity to fill your time with some meaningful activities (think about volunteering at a local clinic, shadowing some different specialties, go to a club or research conference, or just go out to eat and walk around some times, which is refreshing.

Also, how can you incorporate any spiritual practices you need in your life for that side of things. It can be hugely beneficial to gain some perspective, whether that's through prayer, reflection, meditation/yoga, reading scriptures or about saintly people.

If your problem seems serious, feel open about seeing a counselor/school therapist. Get help!
 

Nymphicus

kane o ke kai
Moderator Emeritus
Lifetime Donor
7+ Year Member
May 17, 2010
3,429
132
Status
Resident [Any Field]
I was able to continue athletics and hobbies in medical school, which greatly improved how much I enjoyed my time. Also went out and socialized quite a bit first year. I'm not sure what school you go to but I'm sure there's something going on either through student organizations or informally with people going out on the weekends.
 

tyrsa

2+ Year Member
Mar 5, 2015
88
78
Status
Medical Student
Perhaps I can't relate, but I studied engineering in undergrad. I also rarely had the time to go out. Having a few close friends to spend quality time with is important. Dive to a nearby national park on a Saturday or Sunday. There's nothing like an exerting hike in the mountains when you're feeling down.
 
Aug 7, 2015
1
0
India
Status
Medical Student
U shud try thinking abt the gifts around u focuing on dat rather than things which u lack..do u wanna be one among those non medicos engaged in so called enjoyments or do u wanna be a hard working determined doctor with unrelenting passion ready to sacrifice anythng else? Ur choice..i knw its hard to think all those when invaded by depressive pangs ..then stop studyng for a while, hear a music or watch a short movie or write a journal abt ur dream nd refresh urself nd get back nd fight ! Afterall we r dedicating ourselves to save lives nd relieve sufferrings so we ourselves shud learn to survive all these situations with much respect to our profession thanking god for choosing us among many to study this noble course..Love ur profession more than ur girlfriend .yes! U have to literally do it !! Im not telling to ditch her but bother abt it less nd give priority to ur studies..always remember not to sacrifice what u want ultimately for wht u want for the moment.Gud luck for u :)
 

doapplicant2015

2+ Year Member
Oct 17, 2014
196
241
U shud try thinking abt the gifts around u focuing on dat rather than things which u lack..do u wanna be one among those non medicos engaged in so called enjoyments or do u wanna be a hard working determined doctor with unrelenting passion ready to sacrifice anythng else? Ur choice..i knw its hard to think all those when invaded by depressive pangs ..then stop studyng for a while, hear a music or watch a short movie or write a journal abt ur dream nd refresh urself nd get back nd fight ! Afterall we r dedicating ourselves to save lives nd relieve sufferrings so we ourselves shud learn to survive all these situations with much respect to our profession thanking god for choosing us among many to study this noble course..Love ur profession more than ur girlfriend .yes! U have to literally do it !! Im not telling to ditch her but bother abt it less nd give priority to ur studies..always remember not to sacrifice what u want ultimately for wht u want for the moment.Gud luck for u :)
QFT
 
May 16, 2015
45
53
Status
Medical Student
I just started M1, and I really do enjoy where I am. The environment at my school is very positive and cooperative, my roommates are turning out to be great friends, and I find the material so far to be really interesting (albeit overwhelming at times). But whenever I hear about my friends or my girlfriend back home going out, being social, and generally having a good time, I get kinda down in the dumps. Like, I feel as if I'm wasting my prime years. Even worse, the knowledge that my friends will be making great memories without me kills me inside. I wanna just get out of the room and do something but all of my classmates are studying (as I was for the past couple hours) and it's too late for me to just go for a walk around the streets. Other than study there isn't much to do in my apartment. I feel trapped and depressed and I just have no idea how to deal with it. I know medicine is the career for me; I really can't see myself doing anything else. I just hate that I have to miss out on so much to attain that goal. Call me a baby, fine; I know it's part of growing up, but it's just how I feel. How do I deal with this? As of right now all I do is study, work out, dick around on the internet, and go out with my roommates maybe once a week.
I'm with you. I'm trying to figure this out myself. I want to do well in school, but need to be doing things socially in order to keep me going. I initially thought I would try to find a group of people to study with, but have been finding they either talk too much (not enough studying) or unknowingly (or perhaps knowingly) make the people around them feel dumber. I think I'm going to just focus on studying for the first set of exams, and then I'll have a better idea of what I need to balance studying and having a life.
 

sloop

2+ Year Member
May 12, 2015
1,056
1,698
Status
Resident [Any Field]
I'm with you. I'm trying to figure this out myself. I want to do well in school, but need to be doing things socially in order to keep me going. I initially thought I would try to find a group of people to study with, but have been finding they either talk too much (not enough studying) or unknowingly (or perhaps knowingly) make the people around them feel dumber. I think I'm going to just focus on studying for the first set of exams, and then I'll have a better idea of what I need to balance studying and having a life.
I'm a third year and I did very well the first two years, academically. I personally could not study with people. They would always slow me down. There were some classes where I could meet with people to do specific activities like charting out micro organisms with their related details, but the majority of studying had to be alone.

I worked, and still work, to maintain a few friends outside of medicine as well as to maintain my relationship (also with someone outside of medicine). Both of these have been tremendous assets in keeping me sane. Not only are non-medical people often more pleasant to be around, they're usually less busy so you can call them when you have some off time and they'll usually be down to do something. The exception to this is my girlfriend who is very busy but she's my girlfriend and we make time to spend with each other.
 
OP
Y
Aug 13, 2015
2
0
Status
Medical Student
OP, I wonder what you mean when you say your girlfriend goes out to socialize. There aren't enough details here... why is your relationship long distance? What is she doing/what are her plans for career, life, joining you, etc?

As for feeling trapped with a pile of books while other people in your life (on FACEBOOK) are showing off their relaxation, that is something relatively normal for med students and you will adjust with patience. Obviously you won't get to hang out with the buds as much now that you're in medicine. It's important to remember to get out (especially for exercise!) at least once and awhile, even when the effort seems too large. You have the opportunity to fill your time with some meaningful activities (think about volunteering at a local clinic, shadowing some different specialties, go to a club or research conference, or just go out to eat and walk around some times, which is refreshing.

Also, how can you incorporate any spiritual practices you need in your life for that side of things. It can be hugely beneficial to gain some perspective, whether that's through prayer, reflection, meditation/yoga, reading scriptures or about saintly people.

If your problem seems serious, feel open about seeing a counselor/school therapist. Get help!
The girlfriend and I started dating late last year. I didn't expect to get into medical school even though I was applying, but bam, three days into us dating I got into a school. I probably should've ended it right there for both of our sake, but we hit it off so well from the beginning that I don't think either of us had the cojones to do it. (Though I'm sure we were both thinking about it.) She is currently in college and has told me that when her life permits it, she'd love to join me wherever I am. There's a college near my med school that has a very good program for one of the career paths that she's seriously considering, so she may wind up there in a year or so.

My roommate and I lift four days a week, and I find it very therapeutic. I definitely get the post-workout endorphin rush good, and it eases the negative feelings very well if I'm having them. I actually just signed up to volunteer at a clinic next week and do plan on joining at least one specialty interest group. I'm hoping branching out like that will not only help me make new friends, but also occupy my time in a way that feels more meaningful.

I'm not very religious, but I've always wanted to get into meditation. I guess now's as good a time as any.

U shud try thinking abt the gifts around u focuing on dat rather than things which u lack..do u wanna be one among those non medicos engaged in so called enjoyments or do u wanna be a hard working determined doctor with unrelenting passion ready to sacrifice anythng else? Ur choice..i knw its hard to think all those when invaded by depressive pangs ..then stop studyng for a while, hear a music or watch a short movie or write a journal abt ur dream nd refresh urself nd get back nd fight ! Afterall we r dedicating ourselves to save lives nd relieve sufferrings so we ourselves shud learn to survive all these situations with much respect to our profession thanking god for choosing us among many to study this noble course..Love ur profession more than ur girlfriend .yes! U have to literally do it !! Im not telling to ditch her but bother abt it less nd give priority to ur studies..always remember not to sacrifice what u want ultimately for wht u want for the moment.Gud luck for u :)
You're definitely right. I needed to read something like this, thanks.
 

tyrsa

2+ Year Member
Mar 5, 2015
88
78
Status
Medical Student
I always try to find a cafe that's good for studying (no music, or quiet background music) and study there. You can get your work done, and at the same time be around people, strike up conversations with girls.
The cafe that I frequent has tons of med students.
 
  • Like
Reactions: alpinism

alpinism

Give Em' the Jet Fuel
7+ Year Member
Nov 6, 2011
3,105
2,768
Port Au Prince
I always try to find a cafe that's good for studying (no music, or quiet background music) and study there. You can get your work done, and at the same time be around people, strike up conversations with girls.
The cafe that I frequent has tons of med students.
The best thing you can do is get out of the apartment or library.

Coffee shops, bakeries, cafes etc...

or even just a nice park outside.

Hell you could even review flashcards some nights while enjoying a beer watching the game.
 
  • Like
Reactions: tyrsa