how to deal with roommates

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neuro nephrons

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hey yall,

How do you deal with horrendous roommates? I'm stuck in a crappy living situation because two of my friends went abroad this semester. So essentially all three of my roommates right now are do nothings. Literally. They do nothing. One of my roommates complained last semester because every monday he had a 2 page paper due for one of his core classes. This kid also sits around all day and plays video games.

It has become particularly tough for me because I value a clean appartment. I don't think it is too big of a deal to have a rotation of who empties the trash etc. and everyone should clean their dishes! Right, how hard is it? I have become very frustrated because I continually have to play babysitter (turning off the stove for them, cleaning up their messes, getting on everyone to clean) but it isn't working and I am fed up. I am at the library all day every day and coming back to a mess really irritates me.


How can I get them to start cleaning? (in turn they have started to say that I am always mad about something and its my fault) but in reality I just want a livable appartment. I'm not a clean freak by no means.


yuuuuup
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i think thats just part of having roommates you gotta learn how to deal with it.
 
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Get off your high horse and deal with it. Some people don't value the same things you do.
 
sliceofbread136 said:
Get off your high horse and deal with it. Some people don't value the same things you do.
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Maybe not, but it shows a lack of common courtesy and respect to not clean up common areas that you have to share with other people.
 
cmwhite11 said:
Maybe not, but it shows a lack of common courtesy and respect to not clean up common areas that you have to share with other people.
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Meh, if my roommate was as condescending as the OP I'd probably make a mess too.
 
sliceofbread136 said:
Get off your high horse and deal with it. Some people don't value the same things you do.
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Lmao... seriously?

I don't think that there is much you can do.... they sound like people who don't really care about cleanliness.
 
sliceofbread136 said:
Meh, if my roommate was as condescending as the OP I'd probably make a mess too.
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Condescending? If you leave a mess in a public area and others have to deal with it, its a problem.

I guess people who protest against littering should get off of their high horse too, huh?
 
Double Trouble said:
Condescending? If you leave a mess in a public area and others have to deal with it, its a problem.

I guess people who protest against littering should get off of their high horse too, huh?
Click to expand...

I go to the library all day, I'm so great. All they do is play videogames! Theyre such losers.

And OP if you're at the library all day as a premed you're doing it wrong.
 
If you want your apartment to be clean, clean it. It sucks, but it's better than living with people who hate you because you try to make them do chores...
 
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Serious advice: Try a roommate agreement (like Sheldon Cooper). Nobody said you need to boss them around and tell them to do chores-- so try compromising with them (for example, keeping common areas clean, etc.).

If all else fails, you could just wait it out 'till your old roommates get back, or switch rooms/apartments.
 
Stumpyman said:
Try a roommate agreement.
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This. Do you have university housing or is it an off-campus apartment with lease? I think you could try out a couple options:

1. If university housing, talk to your RA/RD or whoever is in charge. They might be able to help you with a roommate agreement or help you switch rooms if possible. If you have a lease, usually you lose your security deposit if the apartment is really dirty. Use that as leverage to get them to clean up.

2. Make up a cleaning schedule (might not work, but worth a shot) and post it where everyone can see it. Make your roommates accountable for cleaning during their week/turn.

In the end, you might just have to stick it out for a few more months. Freshman year, my roommate and I shared a bathroom with the girls next door, and it was disgusting. After a few weeks of me being the only one cleaning it, I left them to their filth and used the small communal bathroom down the hall for the rest of the year. Everyone has their share of bad roommates, unfortunately.
 
I was in a similar situation as you OP with regards to the living situation. Tried asking everyone nicely to clean up after themselves but they never really did listen. I just stopped cleaning the common areas as well and moved out as soon as my lease was over. Assuming you signed a one year lease at the beginning of school, you only need to bear with your current roommates for a few more months, just tough it out if they aren't willing to be reasonable. Good luck.. Finally having an apartment to myself is a wonderful feeling 😛
 
As long as they aren't trying to kill you in your sleep, you'll make it. For the dishes part, what you can do is keep a set of clean dishes in your room for yourself, and then you can use those to eat/cook/etc, wash them, dry them, and then bring them back up to your room. I did this when my roommate last year kept plowing through all my Ramen, and it worked.
 
thlaxer said:
I was in a similar situation as you OP with regards to the living situation. Tried asking everyone nicely to clean up after themselves but they never really did listen. I just stopped cleaning the common areas as well and moved out as soon as my lease was over. Assuming you signed a one year lease at the beginning of school, you only need to bear with your current roommates for a few more months, just tough it out if they aren't willing to be reasonable. Good luck.. Finally having an apartment to myself is a wonderful feeling 😛
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Same for me, I've been living alone/with gf for past 3 years and I love it. Before that I had 3 years of bad roommates, the last one especially qualified for the OP's situation. I used to come back to a messy apartment and it just use to piss me off - on top of school it just adds a huge amount of stress.

Talk to your roommates informally and tell them how it's important to you for the place to be clean. If they don't listen then don't pursue it with them, most likely if you become "that guy" who is the mom of the group, you will feel even more stressed. Either clean it yourself or learn to deal with it until you can get a new place. Put things into perspective because it isn't worth it getting stressed out over it. These are things in life we just have to suck it up and deal with it
 
neuro nephrons said:
hey yall,

How do you deal with horrendous roommates? I'm stuck in a crappy living situation because two of my friends went abroad this semester. So essentially all three of my roommates right now are do nothings. Literally. They do nothing. One of my roommates complained last semester because every monday he had a 2 page paper due for one of his core classes. This kid also sits around all day and plays video games.

It has become particularly tough for me because I value a clean appartment. I don't think it is too big of a deal to have a rotation of who empties the trash etc. and everyone should clean their dishes! Right, how hard is it? I have become very frustrated because I continually have to play babysitter (turning off the stove for them, cleaning up their messes, getting on everyone to clean) but it isn't working and I am fed up. I am at the library all day every day and coming back to a mess really irritates me.


How can I get them to start cleaning? (in turn they have started to say that I am always mad about something and its my fault) but in reality I just want a livable appartment. I'm not a clean freak by no means.


yuuuuup
Click to expand...

I can only imagine the things your roomates say about you.

You sound like bundles of fun

bigloley said:
Same for me, I've been living alone/with gf for past 3 years and I love it. Before that I had 3 years of bad roommates, the last one especially qualified for the OP's situation. I used to come back to a messy apartment and it just use to piss me off - on top of school it just adds a huge amount of stress.

Talk to your roommates informally and tell them how it's important to you for the place to be clean. If they don't listen then don't pursue it with them, most likely if you become "that guy" who is the mom of the group, you will feel even more stressed. Either clean it yourself or learn to deal with it until you can get a new place. Put things into perspective because it isn't worth it getting stressed out over it. These are things in life we just have to suck it up and deal with it
Click to expand...

Ever think that if after 3 years of multiple roomates, the problem isn't them. Maybe its YOU.
 
I had a situation like yours the past two years.

I've elected this year to get a single - they arent too bad if you don't mind driving a little further to campus. It gets lonely though...
 
Holy FranZ said:
I had a situation like yours the past two years.

I've elected this year to get a single - they arent too bad if you don't mind driving a little further to campus. It gets lonely though...
Click to expand...

And (if you live in my area) expensive.
 
gators21 said:
I can only imagine the things your roomates say about you.

You sound like bundles of fun



Ever think that if after 3 years of multiple roomates, the problem isn't them. Maybe its YOU.
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lol thanks for the anonymous call out. I'm sticking to my story though, they were the horrible roommates 🙂
 
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I had a completely opposite situation as you. One and a half years of crappy roommates but both are now abroad. Got two random guys (both international) and things are great.
 
If all negotiations fail..take action. Tell them if they leave a dirty plate out for longer than 12 hours..it goes under their pillow.
 
gmcguitar4 said:
If all negotiations fail..take action. Tell them if they leave a dirty plate out for longer than 12 hours..it goes under their pillow.
Click to expand...

I have a feeling if the OP actually did this he'd find something a lot stinkier under HIS pillow the next day. Just saying. :laugh:
 
I feel sorry for you OP. Some people don't understand the need for cleanliness at home. I would either keep asking them nicely to clean their sh-- up or just clean it yourself and live with it for the rest of the semester. Don't worry, once you're not in their lives, they'll realize.
 
Double Trouble said:
Condescending? If you leave a mess in a public area and others have to deal with it, its a problem.

I guess people who protest against littering should get off of their high horse too, huh?
Click to expand...

Nah, taxes pay for street cleaning... Hey there's an idea, just steal money out of their wallets (sounds like they'll leave them sitting out) and then hire a cleaning crew. Problem solved.
 
I also get irritated when people don't keep shared areas clean. There are two things to do; adapt and do as much work around the house as they do. Or, be that guy (or girl). Everyone hates the guy that tells them to clean up. I personally do not care if I'm that person. Keep your room however you want, keep shared areas decently clean. It's common courtesy.
 
hey guys, didn't mean to come off as condescending yesterday. I just ended up posting that thread when I was really stressed out. For those of you who think I am arrogant or whatever, you should really be a fly on the wall in my apt. Ever run into a 20 year old who doesn't know how to toast a bagel or make a protein shake? Or wash a dish? Imagine how good he must be at cleaning up his messes.



For those of you who were serious, thank you. I live in university housing so I can't do anything with a lease.....and making people sign a roommate agreement would probably not work out too well. I think I will try to just make it through. I already have most of my stuff and I think I will end up grabbing a plate and some silverware and keeping it in my room. that sounds like a good idea. Then I know things are clean. It is just frustrating because I 'm not a clean freak at all. Wish I had time to take pictures of our appt and show all of you..
 
I had friend with a similar problem. She kept getting frustrated because she was always the one doing the dishes since her roommate never did them. I said that as long as she kept doing them her roommate wasn't going to have any incentive to start. So she kept a few clean dishes for herself hidden away and let the rest pile up in the sink (drove my friend nuts to let it go too, was kinda funny). Took over a week, but the roommate finally did the dishes when she ran out of things to eat off of. I think they fell into a better balance after that.

Personally, after getting the psycho drunken roommate who seemed to be attempting to hit every college phase out there and take weekly trips to detox, I decided to just fly solo on housing. The extra expense was sooooo worth the peace of mind.
 
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neuro nephrons said:
hey guys, didn't mean to come off as condescending yesterday. I just ended up posting that thread when I was really stressed out. For those of you who think I am arrogant or whatever, you should really be a fly on the wall in my apt. Ever run into a 20 year old who doesn't know how to toast a bagel or make a protein shake? Or wash a dish? Imagine how good he must be at cleaning up his messes.



For those of you who were serious, thank you. I live in university housing so I can't do anything with a lease.....and making people sign a roommate agreement would probably not work out too well. I think I will try to just make it through. I already have most of my stuff and I think I will end up grabbing a plate and some silverware and keeping it in my room. that sounds like a good idea. Then I know things are clean. It is just frustrating because I 'm not a clean freak at all. Wish I had time to take pictures of our appt and show all of you..
Click to expand...

I have no idea how to make a protein shake.
 
Someone said to put dirty them on the first page... Do it.

I had two roommates one year and they were horribly messy in the common areas. I would bitch and moan like you are (and while I didn't gunk I was at the time, I look back and wow I was). Anyway, I tried the cleaning schedule to which they agreed.... Nothing. We tried talking it through... Nothing. I even started stacking one guy's dishes outside his room... Nothing.

However, when I started leaving my stuff everywhere and not cleaning up after them, I came home a couple weeks later and everything was spotless. One of the two then said to me "wow, I always hight you were a little crazy about cleaning but since you've let it get really dirty I now understand where you're coming from."
 
I came back after a semester abroad, and since my school started putting the normal party houses on probation first semester, my new house turned into a party house. As in, there was no furniture other than two beruit tables. My place was so gross that I showered and cooked at my neighbor's house. It was like living in an abandoned solo cup factory. When you agree to live with roommates, you give up a certain amount of control over your living situation. You can either grin and bear it or be assertive and take charge of cleaning. I know how much it sucks to have a less than ideal living situation, but quietly fuming and getting yourself worked up about it enough to post your frustrations on the internet is a waste of energy. In my situation it turned out to be a good thing- I actually went to the library when I needed to study and had the only 4.0 semester of my college career.
 
tantacles said:
I have no idea how to make a protein shake.
Click to expand...

same. I have never drank one in my life...but it's not a necessity to have for everyone 😱

Like others have said, there's nothing that can be done if telling them repeatedly doesn't help. If this has been happening for months, I don't think telling them again would elicit a change of heart.

But yeah, if they are using YOUR stuff and keeping it dirty, definitely keep it in your place to show that you don't like your stuff to be dirty.
 
I used to have this problem. I just started moving the crap that was left out into the persons bedroom. Dirty dishes, pots, trash, etc, piled it right up onto his bed. We almost got into a fight but he got the message and things changed.
 
I used to have a similar situation but they were also hardcore potheads and drunks. It was pretty horrible but I just had to deal with it until the year was over.
 
plumhill said:
As long as they aren't trying to kill you in your sleep, you'll make it. For the dishes part, what you can do is keep a set of clean dishes in your room for yourself, and then you can use those to eat/cook/etc, wash them, dry them, and then bring them back up to your room. I did this when my roommate last year kept plowing through all my Ramen, and it worked.
Click to expand...

+1. Keep your things to yourself as much as you can, and put blinders on concerning the mess in the common area. Make your priorities - the things you absolutely can't stand to not have done. For me, it's having the trash taken out when it's full and the floor clean enough to not be sticky (especially reasonable considering our building occasionally has bug problems). I've given up trying to get my roommates to contribute to these goals, and I just suck it up and do it myself. To keep myself from being overwhelmed, I've let go of most other chores.
 
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