How to mentally prepare for a breakup before medical school?

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Girlygirl2020

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I've been with my S/O for the past 7 years, and I'll be starting medical school in August. I've asked him on several occasions if he will be moving to the city where I'll be starting medical school and he's always telling me "I don't know" or avoiding the question. Lately, he's been more evasive about answering that question, so I've figured out his lack of response is his response: he's not moving with me. Unfortunately, I don't believe in LDRs and neither does he. I refuse to be in one while in medical school. It's just too painful and not worth the heart break.

So right now I'm in this awkward phase of my life where I know that we're going to break up before I start medical school, and him refusing to talk about it. I can understand why he refuses to acknowledge the situation: it sucks and doesn't want to believe our relationship is over.

I'm just not good at break ups. I don't handle them very well, and I'm not a great person to be around when it does. I don't want to enter into medical school with this bad energy from the break up. How can I mentally prepare for all of this and still be okay once I'm in medical school? I have a history of depression and I don't want to go down that path again, and I tend to be very needy person ( I hate being alone). Most of my classmates are in relationships/married, so I'm hoping I can find people in medical school.

Any one have similar experiences with breakups?
 
kind of hard to answer what to do since we have no idea of your significant others situation. Would moving to your city mean giving up his career, friends, and family?

If you’re gonna breakup though you can’t really prepare for it too much unless you’re living together and will have to make arrangements. Otherwise best not to dawdle and just get it over with.
 
You've been together for 7 years, and he isn't able to openly discuss life-altering decisions with you? It's been 7 years, and you have sit around and speculate about the true meaning of his "I don't know"s? I hope you know that that's ridiculous.

Tell him that you'd rather have an open conversation with him than to live in denial. You're both grown-ups, so "I don't know" games aren't going to cut it.
 
As @akuko2 said, the bottom line is you need to have this talk and figure it out now. Not in right before med school or in 2 months, now. At least that way you'll have 4 months to recover and get your head in the right place before starting med school if things don't work out. At the very least you need to find out why he's not giving you a straight answer.

7 years is a long time to just cut out and run, but if there's a decent chance this relationship isn't going to make it, you need to get it over with, as it will NOT be manageable if it happens right when med school starts and you're the one getting dumped.
 
Like the other posters said, you definitely need to sit down and have a real conversation with him. After 7 years together, you should be able to have serious conversations such as these.

Why don't you believe in LDRs? I am in a LDR and while it is definitely not the ideal situation, I would rather be in a LDR with my partner than not be with my partner at all. I think that LDRs can be successful as long as you have a good foundation for the relationship and you can communicate well with one another. A good amount of my classmates are in LDRs as well.
 
Girlygirl2020 said:
Any one have similar experiences with breakups?
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One of the odd things about life is how often we convince ourselves that what is transient is effectively permanent.

You have two attractive options to deal with this situation:

(1) Get all your friends around you, buy a case of wine and eight gallons of Ben and Jerry's, and end things quickly and firmly.
(2) Go off to medical school, find new friends, and then end it via phone/Skype/Twitter.

Either way, you won't give a damn about the whole thing in a couple of years.
 
As a dude who had this same exact thing happen to him...

Dump him baby girl.

He's dead weight at this point.

Your fine butt is gonna become a doctor.

You'll meet (hopefully) somebody else in medical school/rotations/residency.

If not...

Well...

You still a doctor at the end of the day and don't need no damn man (or woman.. if you're into that 😉 ) to tell you that you are smart, beautiful, and bae af.

Like I've always said...

Friends and significant others are temporary.... board scores are forever!

Go do ya thang now shorty!
 
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Make it official and either move on (as you move away) or put a ring on it. The choice is yours to make. I would probably avoid advice from random SDNers but that’s just me.


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The guy obviously doesn't want to keep this relationship. He knows that if he moves with you it's basically upping the level of commitment (whether or not you talked about engagement) which he doesn't want, and after 7 years that's time to either make a little more commitment or get out. Definitely would not start a LDR with this person. It would be different if he was talking to you about why he can't move with you, how/if you two can make it work, etc.
 
You should honestly learn to care more about you. Seven years is too long unless both parties agree that permanent commitment is not in the books. From your post this is clearly not the case. Just go up to him and say exactly what you think and what you want in life. If he doesn’t want the same thing, move on immediately so it doesn’t affect med school and your future. Do NOT wait until you move as you will be stressed enough.
 
I ended a 5 year relationship the spring before before starting med school for similar reasons. Ending such a long relationship isn't easy, but I can promise you that there will be time to make friends and meet people- including new S/O- in medical school. In retrospect, I think breaking up once I knew the relationship wouldn't work out was the right move. It gave me time to recover and become comfortable with myself again before starting medical school.
 
themoonman2 said:
I ended a 5 year relationship the spring before before starting med school for similar reasons. Ending such a long relationship isn't easy, but I can promise you that there will be time to make friends and meet people- including new S/O- in medical school. In retrospect, I think breaking up once I knew the relationship wouldn't work out was the right move. It gave me time to recover and become comfortable with myself again before starting medical school.
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So do I slide in them DMs now....


or later?


😉
 
QueenJames said:
So do I slide in them DMs now....


or later?


😉
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for a guy to be happy in life he has to have his own personal mission. it sounds like you dont truly love this guy, otherwise you wouldnt be moving so far distance from him, regardless of if its for school or not...you would do anything to stay with him. you decided on a career that will consume you emotionally and physically...your best bet is to end on a good note and maybe cross paths later in life (but highly unlikely bc youll meet new people throughout school or youll get a cat). just remember to be incredibly straight forward and blunt with him, do not hide anything or keep anything back
 
I experienced a breakup during the premed years that derailed my life completely. Did horrible in all my classes, and ended up re-taking that entire year just to squeeze my way into a DO spot the last year they did grade replacement.

I recommend to do it now, that way you have much more time to push through and get your head clear before the rigors of school start.
 
akuko2 said:
Sorry abt your plight, but I'd suggest making a decision sooner rather than later. You don't want this to explode in your face close to M1 and jeopardize your career.
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Half of Med school breaks up with their SOs first year, and half of Med school is sleeping together by the end of first year, and those two groups don’t completely overlap.

Relationships end. You’ll be okay. M1 year is as good a year to move on as any.
 
studentdoct4281 said:
for a guy to be happy in life he has to have his own personal mission. it sounds like you dont truly love this guy, otherwise you wouldnt be moving so far distance from him, regardless of if its for school or not...you would do anything to stay with him. you decided on a career that will consume you emotionally and physically...your best bet is to end on a good note and maybe cross paths later in life (but highly unlikely bc youll meet new people throughout school or youll get a cat). just remember to be incredibly straight forward and blunt with him, do not hide anything or keep anything back
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Miss me with that bs. So much callousness in this thread and terrible memage. Who screws up alien guy?

Anyway, at least there was truth in some of these reaponses. The person I quoted is just an example of a lot of the armchair psychology you see on the internet. Saying you don't love this guy that much bc you moved far away? Is someone forgetting how tough it is to get into medical school and the lack of options people have?

7 years is 7 years. You haven't given us that much information on what you guys have discussed. Is he shying away from the topic because he's scared or noncommittal? I'll echo what others have said and you have to sit down and talk. Not necessarily about a breakup but just talk. You have to lay it down and say you want this this and this in the next so and so years. Whether that's being engaged, together, ldr, kids or etc. Only you can read his non verbal language along with his words to know if he's being genuine with his answers.

If you sense hesitancy that's when youll have to make the tough call of moving on. It's true, life goes on and you may or may not find someone else, but 7 years is a terribly long time to just get over over the timespam of a week, month or even a year. If it comes down to the worst option, you'll want to make sure you have enough recovery time so it doesn't effect your grades. Pick up the courage and have the talk now. Definitely do it in person not this Skype stuff. If anything you owe each other that much.

Additionally, if you were on meds that worked for depression think about restarting them since they take a while to kick in. Also, it may not be a bad idea to look into therapists in the new city you'll be moving into so you can talk to them. You can also maybe look into therapists in your own area if you have the talk and it ends up in a break up and you have those few months being alone before medical school.
 
the op decided to go to medical school and become a friggin doctor. yeah....i understand the difficulty in that lol. op is probably doing the #1 thing that would drive any guy away in her life...(move across country, emotionally and physically dedicate her 20s and 30s to mediicine and be absent in his life for a good amount of time). obviously if she loves medicine then that's the choice she should make. dont make it unfair for the BF, he has a whole life as well. just end on good terms and don't go rebound right away in school just feel it out
 
studentdoct4281 said:
the op decided to go to medical school and become a friggin doctor. yeah....i understand the difficulty in that lol. op is probably doing the #1 thing that would drive any guy away in her life...(move across country, emotionally and physically dedicate her 20s and 30s to mediicine and be absent in his life for a good amount of time). obviously if she loves medicine then that's the choice she should make. dont make it unfair for the BF, he has a whole life as well. just end on good terms and don't go rebound right away in school just feel it out
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I dunno, I can think of a lot of other things that would drive a guy away instead of me becoming a physician. My guy is still with me despite the fact that I'm 20 hours away. The OP's boyfriend isn't an innocent victim here, if he is unhappy or doesn't want to commit, he needs to speak to the OP about his wants and needs and if those wants and needs can't be met - he can break up with her. Not keep stringing her along by refusing to talk about the situation.

I've broached the same topic with my BF several times that if he literally cannot handle the LDR anymore then we need to either end things or he can pack up and come be with me. He's said each time that he's happy with the way things are and can't wait till I can return home.
 
I’m coming back to this thread because I need help. Fast forward to today: he’s not moving because his job pays a lot. Okay fair enough. No proposal insight because he said that he doesn’t know if marriage is for him but wants me to give him six more months to think about it. He said that IF he were to marry, he’d marry me, but isn’t sure if marriage is for him.

At this point, I don’t know if I should give him six more months. What will 6 more month do that the past seven years haven’t already?
I can’t decide whether to end it before medical school or several months down the line.
I’m really torn because on one hand, I’m scared to move to medical school and would really appreciate his support the first few months. But on the other hand it would be nice to have a clean breakup before I start school.
What do you guys think?
 
Girlygirl2020 said:
I’m coming back to this thread because I need help. Fast forward to today: he’s not moving because his job pays a lot. Okay fair enough. No proposal insight because he said that he doesn’t know if marriage is for him but wants me to give him six more months to think about it. He said that IF he were to marry, he’d marry me, but isn’t sure if marriage is for him.

At this point, I don’t know if I should give him six more months. What will 6 more month do that the past seven years haven’t already?
I can’t decide whether to end it before medical school or several months down the line.
I’m really torn because on one hand, I’m scared to move to medical school and would really appreciate his support the first few months. But on the other hand it would be nice to have a clean breakup before I start school.
What do you guys think?
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Writings on the wall here, it’s time to cut him loose and move on. Even if you didn’t move, this relationship was doomed, he doesn’t have any plans to marry you, which seems like what you want.
 
Girlygirl2020 said:
I’m coming back to this thread because I need help. Fast forward to today: he’s not moving because his job pays a lot. Okay fair enough. No proposal insight because he said that he doesn’t know if marriage is for him but wants me to give him six more months to think about it. He said that IF he were to marry, he’d marry me, but isn’t sure if marriage is for him.

At this point, I don’t know if I should give him six more months. What will 6 more month do that the past seven years haven’t already?
I can’t decide whether to end it before medical school or several months down the line.
I’m really torn because on one hand, I’m scared to move to medical school and would really appreciate his support the first few months. But on the other hand it would be nice to have a clean breakup before I start school.
What do you guys think?
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Using him for a few months for the first couple of months is kinda messed up. I get that you say you are needy and have issues with depression but....... Med school is tough, residency is tougher, and fellowship (At least mine) is even tougher. I am not a counselor but Ill be honest with you. You need to dig deep and toughen yourself up not just for this potential relationship but because if this is how you are handling adversity you may/will struggle through med school and so on. You need to be happy on your own even before you can be happy with someone else. You need to be able to realize its another day above ground and realize your self worth. Figure out what your priority is and focus on that. If its meant to be you will figure out a way to make it work...plus doesn't distance make the heart grow founder? Who knows, your relationship might get stronger in some ways or it may naturally fall apart and you both will move on. There are pros and cons to both situations but believe me you will be fine if you want to be. best of luck.
 
Soccer171983 said:
Using him for a few months for the first couple of months is kinda messed up. I get that you say you are needy and have issues with depression but....... Med school is tough, residency is tougher, and fellowship (At least mine) is even tougher. I am not a counselor but Ill be honest with you. You need to dig deep and toughen yourself up not just for this potential relationship but because if this is how you are handling adversity you may/will struggle through med school and so on. You need to be happy on your own even before you can be happy with someone else. You need to be able to realize its another day above ground and realize your self worth. Figure out what your priority is and focus on that. If its meant to be you will figure out a way to make it work...plus doesn't distance make the heart grow founder? Who knows, your relationship might get stronger in some ways or it may naturally fall apart and you both will move on. There are pros and cons to both situations but believe me you will be fine if you want to be. best of luck.
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Did you read the post? The guy needs a couple months to think about the situation; she said nothing about using him. A 7 year relationship, especially early in life, is a big deal to most people. Just because it's going to be difficult for her to end it does not say anything about how she will handle education and a career in medicine.
 
Girlygirl2020 said:
I've been with my S/O for the past 7 years, and I'll be starting medical school in August. I've asked him on several occasions if he will be moving to the city where I'll be starting medical school and he's always telling me "I don't know" or avoiding the question. Lately, he's been more evasive about answering that question, so I've figured out his lack of response is his response: he's not moving with me. Unfortunately, I don't believe in LDRs and neither does he. I refuse to be in one while in medical school. It's just too painful and not worth the heart break.

So right now I'm in this awkward phase of my life where I know that we're going to break up before I start medical school, and him refusing to talk about it. I can understand why he refuses to acknowledge the situation: it sucks and doesn't want to believe our relationship is over.

I'm just not good at break ups. I don't handle them very well, and I'm not a great person to be around when it does. I don't want to enter into medical school with this bad energy from the break up. How can I mentally prepare for all of this and still be okay once I'm in medical school? I have a history of depression and I don't want to go down that path again, and I tend to be very needy person ( I hate being alone). Most of my classmates are in relationships/married, so I'm hoping I can find people in medical school.

Any one have similar experiences with breakups?
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Given that you've been with them 7 years, how do you know you're bad at breakups? You're like, many years out from your last breakup, and clearly you are pretty well grounded so far as expectations etc. It's entirely possible that you're mature enough to handle this well, so try and face it with a positive attitude and view it as opening up new opportunities. Hell, medical school is a great place to meet people, you might be able to score a serious upgrade.
 
Girlygirl2020 said:
I’m coming back to this thread because I need help. Fast forward to today: he’s not moving because his job pays a lot. Okay fair enough. No proposal insight because he said that he doesn’t know if marriage is for him but wants me to give him six more months to think about it. He said that IF he were to marry, he’d marry me, but isn’t sure if marriage is for him.

At this point, I don’t know if I should give him six more months. What will 6 more month do that the past seven years haven’t already?
I can’t decide whether to end it before medical school or several months down the line.
I’m really torn because on one hand, I’m scared to move to medical school and would really appreciate his support the first few months. But on the other hand it would be nice to have a clean breakup before I start school.
What do you guys think?
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Sounds like he's imagining greener pastures. If he doesn't know after 7 years and feels like you're backing him into a corner, chances are he's going to cheat down the line, because he clearly doesn't view relationships as a forever thing.
 
Part of me feels like I’m being strung along with his indecisiveness, because his indecisiveness is a decision, but he’s too afraid of giving it to me. But a small part of me is whispering *what if* he just needs time and this is it?
But I also don’t want to continue with this relationship like a sitting duck, waiting for him to make a decision. It’s lowering my self esteem and biting away at my impatience.
And then another part of me is saying “oh well”. You have medical school to look forward. Even though it’s going to be a scary and crazy ride, it’ll still be exciting.
 
Then break up. He’s pretty confident that you won’t break up so do it. Go to school, do well, make friends and if the relationship is meant to be , he’ll be back. Over seven years is a long time. If he doesn’t know now it’s because he doesn’t want to know. You deserve to have peace and stability and happiness. Good luck!
 
Girlygirl2020 said:
Part of me feels like I’m being strung along with his indecisiveness, because his indecisiveness is a decision, but he’s too afraid of giving it to me. But a small part of me is whispering *what if* he just needs time and this is it?
But I also don’t want to continue with this relationship like a sitting duck, waiting for him to make a decision. It’s lowering my self esteem and biting away at my impatience.
And then another part of me is saying “oh well”. You have medical school to look forward. Even though it’s going to be a scary and crazy ride, it’ll still be exciting.
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The above bolded is the most significant thing that you've said so far, IMO. Read that sentence over and over and ask yourself what your self-esteem is worth and how that will influence the next chapter of your life.

In regards to the *what if* factor...he will get his six months without you regardless of breaking up. If you break up, you always have the option of coming back together...or moving on. I think you have your answers, but are wishing for an outcome which is unrealistic based on what you've described.

You need to do what is best for your future. People will suggest this is selfish or wrong for various reasons, but you didn't work HARD to get to this point to be stuck in a situation preventing you from performing your absolute best. Just my $0.02USD.
 
Girlygirl2020 said:
I’m coming back to this thread because I need help. Fast forward to today: he’s not moving because his job pays a lot. Okay fair enough. No proposal insight because he said that he doesn’t know if marriage is for him but wants me to give him six more months to think about it. He said that IF he were to marry, he’d marry me, but isn’t sure if marriage is for him.

At this point, I don’t know if I should give him six more months. What will 6 more month do that the past seven years haven’t already?
I can’t decide whether to end it before medical school or several months down the line.
I’m really torn because on one hand, I’m scared to move to medical school and would really appreciate his support the first few months. But on the other hand it would be nice to have a clean breakup before I start school.
What do you guys think?
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He’s not gonna propose after 6 months. Are you thinking about getting married in the future? If you are, then you know what to do
 
Break up on your timeline. You need the time to adjust, and he needs time to truly s*it or get off the pot. Those six months are for his benefit, not yours.
 
Girlygirl2020 said:
I’m coming back to this thread because I need help. Fast forward to today: he’s not moving because his job pays a lot. Okay fair enough. No proposal insight because he said that he doesn’t know if marriage is for him but wants me to give him six more months to think about it. He said that IF he were to marry, he’d marry me, but isn’t sure if marriage is for him.

At this point, I don’t know if I should give him six more months. What will 6 more month do that the past seven years haven’t already?
I can’t decide whether to end it before medical school or several months down the line.
I’m really torn because on one hand, I’m scared to move to medical school and would really appreciate his support the first few months. But on the other hand it would be nice to have a clean breakup before I start school.
What do you guys think?
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You're going to get biased advice on this website. Most people here are more career oriented than they are family oriented. An important fact that you haven't told us is your age. I am assuming you are 22-23 and that you have been together since you were 15 (children). People don't really start getting their s*** together in life until around age 30, and for the most part I think it's a bad idea to marry before your late 20s. You have made a number of statements that suggest you are young with a lot of growing up to do (things like "I don't believe in LDRs"). If it's the right person, you WILL believe in an LDR. I have been in one for 4 years (6 total), throughout all of residency. It's not ideal, but I don't want anybody else. Before I went to med school, I had an absolutely awful girlfriend. Long story short, I had to defer a year because she refused to go with me the first time, then demanded a ring the second time, which I gave in to (luckily never actually went through with getting married). She resented living with me, made my life miserable, was cheating on me within a few months, drained my bank account of about $30k, and a whole bunch of way worse s*** happened. Luckily I was able to survive the breakup and still do well enough in school and find someone else a million times better. I am kind of in your shoes now because my SO wants to continue with her current career, but she can't work where my job offers are, which means that the LDR will continue indefinitely until we can finally move together and get married.

To answer your question, no I would not give him 6 more months. You will be in the exact same scenario in 6 months. After 7 years you should know if he would be ok to spend the rest of your life with. If you're still not sure, just completely end it. But if you can see yourself marrying him eventually, then tell him you want to do a trial separation. If you live with him, pack all your s*** and get out, and go on dates with some other people. He will either realize he's made a huge mistake and ask you to marry him and commit to moving with you, or else you will both realize it was for the better. It is never a good idea to pressure a guy who is not ready for marriage to get married. Despite being together for 7 years, your early 20s is still too early to get married. For people who are 40, yeah dating for 7 years without proposing is odd. For teenagers, it's normal.

LDRs aren't always bad. But in your case you are right. If you start an LDR with this individual, most likely there will be cheating on one or both sides and there will be a nuclear meltdown at a very critical time in med school.
 
atomi said:
You're going to get biased advice on this website. Most people here are more career oriented than they are family oriented. An important fact that you haven't told us is your age. I am assuming you are 22-23 and that you have been together since you were 15 (children). People don't really start getting their s*** together in life until around age 30, and for the most part I think it's a bad idea to marry before your late 20s. You have made a number of statements that suggest you are young with a lot of growing up to do (things like "I don't believe in LDRs"). If it's the right person, you WILL believe in an LDR. I have been in one for 4 years (6 total), throughout all of residency. It's not ideal, but I don't want anybody else. Before I went to med school, I had an absolutely awful girlfriend. Long story short, I had to defer a year because she refused to go with me the first time, then demanded a ring the second time, which I gave in to (luckily never actually went through with getting married). She resented living with me, made my life miserable, was cheating on me within a few months, drained my bank account of about $30k, and a whole bunch of way worse s*** happened. Luckily I was able to survive the breakup and still do well enough in school and find someone else a million times better. I am kind of in your shoes now because my SO wants to continue with her current career, but she can't work where my job offers are, which means that the LDR will continue indefinitely until we can finally move together and get married.

To answer your question, no I would not give him 6 more months. You will be in the exact same scenario in 6 months. After 7 years you should know if he would be ok to spend the rest of your life with. If you're still not sure, just completely end it. But if you can see yourself marrying him eventually, then tell him you want to do a trial separation. If you live with him, pack all your s*** and get out, and go on dates with some other people. He will either realize he's made a huge mistake and ask you to marry him and commit to moving with you, or else you will both realize it was for the better. It is never a good idea to pressure a guy who is not ready for marriage to get married. Despite being together for 7 years, your early 20s is still too early to get married. For people who are 40, yeah dating for 7 years without proposing is odd. For teenagers, it's normal.

LDRs aren't always bad. But in your case you are right. If you start an LDR with this individual, most likely there will be cheating on one or both sides and there will be a nuclear meltdown at a very critical time in med school.
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I'm 35, happily married with kids, and I don't believe in LDRs either. I've done them, they suck, and don't often end well. They're OK if you're young, but the older you get the less well they work in my experience.

Your second paragraph is spot on.
 
VA Hopeful Dr said:
I'm 35, happily married with kids, and I don't believe in LDRs either. I've done them, they suck, and don't often end well. They're OK if you're young, but the older you get the less well they work in my experience.

Your second paragraph is spot on.
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Depends on what your goals are. I'm a few years younger than you but with no plans to ever have children. I am very independent, and we've got by on seeing each other once a month for 4 years with a few month long stretches of living together. It can be done, but they are not for everybody. If it is the right person and you have been together for at least a few years, then you should be able to make a temporary LDR work, like a year. If you can't make it a year without feeling the desire to go after someone else, then it wasn't the right person.
 
Girlygirl2020 said:
I’m pushing thirty and he’s older than me
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Changes everything. Dump him, move on NOW. It will be exponentially harder for you to find a quality partner in your late 30s and 40s. If there is even a thought in your head about wanting kids, then this x1000.
 
VA Hopeful Dr said:
I'm 35, happily married with kids, and I don't believe in LDRs either. I've done them, they suck, and don't often end well. They're OK if you're young, but the older you get the less well they work in my experience.

Your second paragraph is spot on.
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Funny, my parents had a perpetual LDR due to my father working on the road for months at a time due to the nature of his career and they claimed it worked better as they got older. Young people are needy and impulsive, traits that tend to not lend themselves to LDRs. So too goes for the couples I know that get deployed in the military- young ones have trouble, but older ones are much more mature about the whole endeavor.

Still, this LDR does not seem the type worth investing in, as he's 7 plus years in and not willing to marry. Why? Sounds like a manchild to me.
 
candbgirl said:
Then break up. He’s pretty confident that you won’t break up so do it. Go to school, do well, make friends and if the relationship is meant to be , he’ll be back. Over seven years is a long time. If he doesn’t know now it’s because he doesn’t want to know. You deserve to have peace and stability and happiness. Good luck!
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This.
 
Thank you guys for all of your inputs <3 I think it's time to break up with him before I move to medical school. It's just going to suck doing it, and not having him there to support me is also going to be tough...but it'll be worse continuing this relationship in limbo.
 
Hey girl, I was wondering if you could post an update? Did you go through with breaking it off early? And do you think it was better in the longrun?

I recently went through a breakup (like 2 days ago) and while it sucks I'm glad it happened now rather than during MS1. It happened for similar reasons (his indecisiveness).
 
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