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Husband Thinking About Surgery
- Thread starter MathisGreen
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Hi there. I know this may be unusual... but I am the wife of a MS3 and my dh is considering going into surgery. He is not sure if he is going to go General or Specialties (he is think Plastic if he does), but can anyone give me some insight into what residency will be like for me? I am a stay at home wife and we have a dog (CKCS), but other than that, we are hopefully going to be moving out west once med school is done.
Just curious... you can ignore me if this post isn't in the right place. Thanks!
General surgery is typically more time intensive than the subspecialties. Even though some programs are compliant with the 80 hr work week, they do so by pressuring residents to "comply on paper". What's in store for you? It depends on where he goes. Generally, though, expect a lot of time alone and when he's off he may be pretty tired. You may want to cultivate some hobbies or get a part time job or something to keep yourself occupied. Make sure you make protected time to spend with one another where you both are present and connecting.
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What's in store for you? Probably more than I have time to write about here! 😉
Of course, I am writing from the vantage point of the graduated surgical resident, who was in a relationship with another surgical resident all that time. So our perspectives, needs and partner expectations are world's apart.
Before I get into my specific thoughts, I might direct you to the partners/spouses forum because I think you'll find some good thoughts from "the other side" there as well as doing a search in this forum for something like "marriage", as we've discussed this issue before.
Divorce rates are high in all medical specialties, especially surgery. Now many of those statistics represent the pre-80 hour workweek, but as noted above, many programs are not compliant - but it does remain to be seen whether or not the "kinder and gentler" residency programs are better on relationships.
Therefore, you and your spouse must be honest about how strong your relationship is and how hard to want to work to make it survive. Suggestions often made are that:
the surgical resident must make sure that the SO is first priority outside of the hospital - so this may mean giving up other activities (so that studying time at home is at a minimum) or doing activities together
the surgical resident should call the spouse often when in house on call and keep them up to date when in the hospital about when they are coming home; the spouse at home needs to realize that plans made are often broken and the time coming home may be variable.
it is important for the spouse or SO to have outside interests and friends; this can be hard when you move to a new city, and the resident has a built in new social group and you do not. Get a job, find new friends, etc. Many hospitals have a "partners in medicine" group for the spouses of residents but I've heard that, in effect, its a licensed griping session about how much their spouse works. Sounds like a downer to me, but perhaps the support is nice to have.
just as the resident needs to make sure they keep in phone, email, etc. contact with their spouse/SO, the SO needs to understand that surgery is not shift work. That there is always more work to be done and that while the culture rewards people who stay 24/7 at the hospital, the ACMGE frowns on it. But the big problem is that the culture also says that you don't sign out big tasks to the overnight crew. So even though your resident may sign out at 6 pm, he may still have a central line or chest tube to put in, dictations to do or patients to discharge.
coming to the hospital when your resident is on- call (with his permission of course), perhaps bringing dinner or to see the dog (if you have a suburban campus with some grass outside) is nice and allows you to see a piece of his life.
At any rate, I could go on and on...but there are lots of threads and others in the same position which can offer you more information.
Of course, I am writing from the vantage point of the graduated surgical resident, who was in a relationship with another surgical resident all that time. So our perspectives, needs and partner expectations are world's apart.
Before I get into my specific thoughts, I might direct you to the partners/spouses forum because I think you'll find some good thoughts from "the other side" there as well as doing a search in this forum for something like "marriage", as we've discussed this issue before.
Divorce rates are high in all medical specialties, especially surgery. Now many of those statistics represent the pre-80 hour workweek, but as noted above, many programs are not compliant - but it does remain to be seen whether or not the "kinder and gentler" residency programs are better on relationships.
Therefore, you and your spouse must be honest about how strong your relationship is and how hard to want to work to make it survive. Suggestions often made are that:
the surgical resident must make sure that the SO is first priority outside of the hospital - so this may mean giving up other activities (so that studying time at home is at a minimum) or doing activities together
the surgical resident should call the spouse often when in house on call and keep them up to date when in the hospital about when they are coming home; the spouse at home needs to realize that plans made are often broken and the time coming home may be variable.
it is important for the spouse or SO to have outside interests and friends; this can be hard when you move to a new city, and the resident has a built in new social group and you do not. Get a job, find new friends, etc. Many hospitals have a "partners in medicine" group for the spouses of residents but I've heard that, in effect, its a licensed griping session about how much their spouse works. Sounds like a downer to me, but perhaps the support is nice to have.
just as the resident needs to make sure they keep in phone, email, etc. contact with their spouse/SO, the SO needs to understand that surgery is not shift work. That there is always more work to be done and that while the culture rewards people who stay 24/7 at the hospital, the ACMGE frowns on it. But the big problem is that the culture also says that you don't sign out big tasks to the overnight crew. So even though your resident may sign out at 6 pm, he may still have a central line or chest tube to put in, dictations to do or patients to discharge.
coming to the hospital when your resident is on- call (with his permission of course), perhaps bringing dinner or to see the dog (if you have a suburban campus with some grass outside) is nice and allows you to see a piece of his life.
At any rate, I could go on and on...but there are lots of threads and others in the same position which can offer you more information.
